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Original poster

6 year old won't stay in his designated area of pg, ht threatened to take away place

135 replies

Hallomi · 26/01/2021 15:58

I can't seem to drum it into my 6 year old to stay in his area of the playground, he keeps running over to hug and play with his brother. He always played with his big brother and friends before this happened. Picked them up today, and headteacher said if he keeps this up he will have his place taken away and won't be allowed back to school, said it was v tough on teachers just now and children must be extra good. Are anyone else's children struggling with this? I just keep calming explaining that he must stay away and stay within his side of the playground.

OP posts:
Scottishgirl85 · 26/01/2021 20:16

No advice, but what the hell are we doing to our children, this is inhumane. Poor boy x

SmileEachDay · 26/01/2021 20:19

I’m wondering if a social story would help?

Ideally with a photo of each stage:

Something like this:

It is playtime at X school

DS name is going out to play

Because of covid (or whatever he would understand) DS name has to play in the year 2 area.

DS really wants to go see in the Y whatever area.

Because of covid, this can’t happen.

DS name has to play in the Y2 area.

The teachers will remind DS name where to play

When DS name plays in the Y2 area, mummy and the teachers will be really proud and happy.

They can be very powerful tools in helping move behaviour to where it needs to be - read often and with a variety of adults.

itsgettingweird · 26/01/2021 20:28

I don't think running to hug your big brother comes under the umbrella of bad behaviour.

It's really sad that affection for family members has been reduced to this.

But it's clearly something that needs addressing because of the current situation. I would ask school to come up with a compromise. Can he and his brother have 5 minutes somewhere just the 2 of them at the beginning of break time and then go outside.

But I'd also ask school what risk they think 2 children who live together will bring to teachers if they hug outside at playtime. Is it he also is going to close to people outside of his class bubble? Because if they are worried about the risk of transmission between the 2 of them because they are sellers the bubbles it's actually going to make no difference. As household contacts if one has it the other is more likely to anyway.

That's not to say o don't think he needs to stick to it but rather some 6yo are still very impulsive and they need to find a way to support him without being kicked out for being an affectionate impulsive 6yo.

BlankTimes · 26/01/2021 20:29

I also took ds2 to GP to ask about ASD as the nursery seemed to hint at it, GP said no way

The GP is not qualified to diagnose neurodiversity, so their opinion does not count. Unprofessional doesn't even start to cover what s/he did by dismissing your concerns.

He was meant to see educational psychologist before everyone's world crashed. This was agreed for him in primary 1, perhaps 6 months before lockdown

See SENCO and discuss all of your dc's difficulties, ask SENCO to write a report of all difficulties noticed at school.

Then find out what is happening in your area with Ed Psych referrals at the minute and be That Parent until you have an appointment, likely to be via Zoom or similar, but better than nothing at the moment.

It's fine for people on here to say the school need to put support in place for him, in normal circumstances, yes, they should, but right now many schools don't have the resources to do that.

Original poster
Hallomi · 26/01/2021 20:29

I've checked in with him 3 times; remember to stay In your area, its to help keep teachers safe, do you know why you have to do this...but @SmileEachDay I'm going to phrase it like this now, just about to read to them (they are having a 'sleepover' in ds2 room)

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 26/01/2021 20:35

Lots of info on social stories online - easy to make - best with photos (I used to get kids who needed them to goof around whilst I took the photos, so they were involved in making them) - perhaps the school would help you get some photos?

Might prompt a conversation about some more positive behaviour management strategies also.

Nonamesavail · 26/01/2021 20:38

@Scottishgirl85

No advice, but what the hell are we doing to our children, this is inhumane. Poor boy x
I agree:(
Liamandlee · 26/01/2021 21:53

@Scottishgirl85

No advice, but what the hell are we doing to our children, this is inhumane. Poor boy x
Absolutely agree it's shocking. My son has SEN he is 12 now but at 6 He would of struggled with these type of rules, he has poor short term memory and is impulsive. This type of attitude horrifies and saddens me.
Wartigen · 26/01/2021 21:54

What’s interesting is how many people think that all behaviour is a choice.

yearnewwhatever · 26/01/2021 22:09

This is horrific. And a subtle disabilist tone to both the headteacher and some posts on here.

My lovely boy had an awful KS1 and was nearly expelled. He was later found to be autistic and had a whole raft of issues which meant everything that school said was 'bad behaviour' and punished was not a 'choice' for him. He too was alone every break time, everything he did was wrong and was very very sad for a long time. My heart breaks for your lovely boy as it doesn't have to be like that.

I wonder what school would do if he had a diagnosed SEN or was there on a vulnerable place - wouldn't be so easy to 'do you a favour and we can take it away' then. Despicable.

Tickledtrout · 26/01/2021 22:13

The most obvious and child centred solution would be to move him into his brother's bubble. Why not, given that it's not really proper school anyway.

Seasaltyhair · 26/01/2021 22:29

He is not setting fires in the cloakroom is here? He is hugging his brother because he is lonely.

Tbh OP I wouldn’t have took that on the chin. Any teacher worth their salt would already know this is about to happen and actively get him doing stuff whilst they watch the play ground. I’ve run school holiday clubs before with 30 odd kids in - it really isn’t that hard to keep a bored child occupied for 10/15 mins whist you keep an eye on other kids! It’s pathetic!

OP what kind of play ground is he in? I’d write a list tomorrow of things he could find or see, give it to him and tell him to ask his friends if they would like to join in. I’d also draw two pictures one of him and his brother waving at each other as a reminder that’s what he has to do - for now.

It’s pissing me off that people are forgetting how much this is effecting children and the importance of touch to a child. That quick hug would have meant the world to him he won’t realise the issue behind it. The teachers who are looking after him should at least be able to fucking grasp that! Deary me!

gottakeeponmovin · 26/01/2021 23:28

@@warrigen the child has no diagnosed SEN if he had he would have provision presumably which would stop the behaviour. So frankly I don't think families should be put at risk in case a child 'might have SEN' when there is no evidence he has. And as he has not been diagnosed he needs to follow the rules and if he doesn't he will not be able to go to school. Should every child be able to behave as they want in case they might have SEN when they have not been diagnosed as such?

Porcupineintherough · 26/01/2021 23:36

@Tickledtrout maybe it would be more child centred to help him build friendships with his classmates and leave his brother to play with his friends. Even if brothers are close they may prefer to choose their playmates.

Wartigen · 26/01/2021 23:46

@gottakeeponmovin ok I can tell from your post that you have absolutely no insight into SEN, the diagnostic path, or provision in schools. Sadly it’s nothing like as clear cut, and just because he doesn’t have a diagnosis doesn’t make him any less affected.

This child isn’t choosing to behave that way, he can’t choose a different behaviour, because if he could, then he would.

gottakeeponmovin · 26/01/2021 23:47

And it's not inhumane to tell a child he has to stick to his playground. At least he is getting social interaction unlike millions of kids who are cooped up at home and haven't seen any other children for weeks. That's inhumane. We need to follow the rules so that society can return to normal and if individuals are unable to follow the procedures thereby putting others at risk then they can't be in that environment. The HT has to think about her staff and the other children.

gottakeeponmovin · 26/01/2021 23:50

@Wartigen that isn't true actually I have a SEN child. My point is this child does not have a SEN diagnosis therefore there is no provison for him. 100,000 people have died the country has ground to a halt. If he is in an environment with rules that need to be followed and he is unable to follow them, as he has no SEN diagnosis with additional provison the teacher has no choice but to send him home.

screamingchild · 26/01/2021 23:58

The school need to put cones in place or at least paint a line on the ground. If a child is too young to follow the rules then it is up to the school to support the child, not kick him out!!

Wartigen · 27/01/2021 00:03

@gottakeeponmovin I’m trying to understand your position; is it that because this child has not gone through the diagnostic pathway (although it’s clear that there are already issues/signs) then he should not be accommodated, or have provision or adjustment made for him?

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 27/01/2021 00:28

This isn't my area at all, but I'm Shock that school would threaten to exclude on the basis of something like this.

I thought there were rules on illegal exclusions?!

gottakeeponmovin · 27/01/2021 00:39

@Wartigen as the child has not been through a diagnostic pathway and as such there is no evidence that he has SEN I don't know how the school is expected to make provision for him. And as they can not make provision for him he needs to follow the rules for reasons that are obvious. And if he can not he can't be in the environment

Wartigen · 27/01/2021 00:42

There’s PLENTY of evidence that he has SEN - nearly expelled from nursery, requests to see the EP, trips to the doctor, what else do you want? Having a diagnosis won’t change his behaviour, will it?

Nat6999 · 27/01/2021 00:48

Could school move the bubbles around so both ds are in the same bubble? Bubbles will have more than one class in them & probably mixed years. School should be exploring things like that before excluding children. Your ds is only 6, most likely has SEN. I would fight this all the way.

AbstractDot · 27/01/2021 01:05

What @Marcipex said is everything the school should be doing with a Year 1 SIX year old!!! It doesn't show a particularly creative, empathetic or caring nature for them to choose withdrawal rather than a plan like this! I have huge respect for good teachers and for a good teacher/leader, this approach should have been instinctive. Reconsider if this is the best school for him, it may be right for his brother but he may thrive elsewhere.

^Could he ‘help’ the teachers by drawing a thick chalk line across the playground, be the one to put out cones etc , so it’s worded as he is helping the other children remember?
(They must have plastic cones used for pe etc.)
That would put a more positive spin on it from his point of view, fill in some empty playtime (I know it’s sad) and also begin to impress on his peers that he’s good now not naughty.^

faerin · 27/01/2021 01:07

@WombOfOnesOwn

Child acts like human being, adults rush to make sure they all express how horrified they are.

If someone had asked you all in 2019 what the fatality rate of a disease would have to be to make it reasonable to stop children from hugging siblings and kept in tiny areas of playground to never touch another child, I wonder what you'd have said.

^ THIS!
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