6 year old won't stay in his designated area of pg, ht threatened to take away place

[Hallomi]

I can't seem to drum it into my 6 year old to stay in his area of the playground, he keeps running over to hug and play with his brother. He always played with his big brother and friends before this happened. Picked them up today, and headteacher said if he keeps this up he will have his place taken away and won't be allowed back to school, said it was v tough on teachers just now and children must be extra good. Are anyone else's children struggling with this? I just keep calming explaining that he must stay away and stay within his side of the playground.

I would hand the headteacher his arse on a platter.

1. it’s the school’s responsibility to support the child

2. there are already some massive indicators of SEN in addition to some unsettled influences out of school

3. a child absolutely cannot be excluded on this basis

4. it’s ridiculous to even threaten such a thing.

How (the very fuck) do schools handle other children who don’t have the self regulation to follow brand new rules? How are the EHCP kids there managing? Honestly I’m furious for you.

And another thing - a child that has been almost expelled from nursery almost always has something else going on that’s making conforming more difficult. I’d go and speak to the Senco and then follow up with an email about how your child needs more support.

School should have their behaviour policy on their website.

Can't imagine many parents would be impressed if he causes 2 bubbles to be burst if there was a positive case in one of the bubbles.

Like others have said, ask if he can help with a visual barrier to stop him crossing the other side of the playground

I thought most schools had a set of Covid rules that the children need to adhere to to be able to be at school, or there would be consequences. I don’t think saying the child needs to stay at home is an exclusion and is very extreme for people to be saying you should be looking up the rules of unlawful expulsion - it a suspension due to being unable to keep the other children safe. They are already not letting 50% of children go to school and that isn’t described as exclusion!!! I think the school need to ensure they are doing everything to support your son to follow the expected rules (which it doesn’t sound like they are doing).... and if they still can’t follow the rules then a suspension would seem fair enough.

What a hideous thing to say. Teachers are volunteering to be there as a favour? Last time I checked we were doing our job and being paid for it. Ridiculous man.

Why isn't the school assisting in him develop friendships within his bubble? Assuming his behaviour is much better now then this would be a reasonable expectation on the school to help him foster new and improved relationships with his own peers.

@faerin

This just seems inhumane tbh. How can small children social distance or be expected to understand what is happening? Small children are meant to mix and do exactly as your boy is doing. To punish for this just seems.. what is even the point if they're being expected to not play with their own siblings?? I'm so sorry, I know this is of no help. It's just exasperating reading stories like this of what is actually happening with children rn.

Can you just stop for a minute and imagine how it would work if we decided that children could cross bubbles to play with their siblings? How can we possibly police them ONLY being in contact with their sibling? How do we explain that to other children? Can you imagine the backlash from parents of only children?

Please feel free to totally ignore this if lots of people have responded similarly (haven’t refreshed the tab on my phone) but come on! I totally empathise that it is shit for children but we need to think about the actual implications of allowing this before we start calling it “inhumane”.

How do schools manage their children who have limited impulse control? Keep them at home????

I had a look at gov website, did read about measures brought in in light of covid and lack of additional support. Read that targeted support encompasses children struggling with emotions and behaviour.

I have no social Work involvement, I phoned social services when then 4yo was threatened to be excluded from nursery, they came to a meeting I arranged along with hv, and came to our house and said there is no way I need ss involvement.

I also took ds2 to GP to ask about ASD as the nursery seemed to hint at it, GP said no way.

As I said, when schools reopened, ds2 was doing amazingly, greens on chart all the time. I think he's not developed to the extent that he is able to process emotion or communicate unmet needs.

Nursery always said he should ideally go to Montessori schools.

OP go and say all this to the Senco and follow up with an email. You need to start a paper record.

To OP:
Your DC needs to follow the rules as much as he can because the whole system working relies on there kind of being set rules that everyone follows. If you start making loads of exceptions then it’s really tricky. Maybe different at some schools but at ours if you set any kind of precedent that’s it.

However the school threatening to take his place away (presumably his kw/vulnerable place, not his actual school place) is really wrong. They should never be doing that for something like this and they absolutely need to explore adjustments they can make. Marking off the areas of the playground for one. Does he need something like a social story to help him understand? To be fair his logic (if there is any) is probably pretty sound, he lives with his brother and it’s not increasing the risk. He can’t really grasp that we all need to be doing the same thing or people will find plenty of excuses to mix bubbles. It’s not really his fault especially if there are some additional behaviour needs and the school needs to be supportive rather than threatening.

Oh and also totally unreasonable to frame it as “teachers are stressed so children need to be extra good” - Um, small children should not be threatened with losing their place because it’s “stressing” out some ADULTS who literally applied for a job to work with children.

Cannot find behavioural policy on school website.

Maybe I need to explore further needs more..ds1 has no issues like this, very conforming. I have sought help, but I'm dismissed.

I'm going to ask the school about the great ideas posters have suggested with chalk lines, and having a buddy to draw the line, and making his own stop sign. It may just be a few creative ideas that allow him to settle in and feel more in control.

@beckypv

I thought most schools had a set of Covid rules that the children need to adhere to to be able to be at school, or there would be consequences. I don’t think saying the child needs to stay at home is an exclusion and is very extreme for people to be saying you should be looking up the rules of unlawful expulsion - it a suspension due to being unable to keep the other children safe. They are already not letting 50% of children go to school and that isn’t described as exclusion!!! I think the school need to ensure they are doing everything to support your son to follow the expected rules (which it doesn’t sound like they are doing).... and if they still can’t follow the rules then a suspension would seem fair enough.

If you are referring to me I did say it would be a illegal exclusion in normal times. OP said that she was worried that he could be excluded for behavioral in few posts in. In normal times, it would be illegal. In realityschopls do illegally exclude for behaviour because it's too hasle to meet needs. If you re read that is what I said.

I also said that law has gone out of the window right now. The protection has gone. Hopefully not for good

A six year old is old enough to follow the rules and to be honest I don't think teachers or other families should be put at risk because of any problems at home. He either follows the rules or he doesn't go into school. These are not normal times I am afraid and any excuse is not longer good enough. One of our school mums is 43 and in a coma with no underlying conditions - another kid shouldn't lose a parent because yours can't follow instructions. Sorry but if he can't do what he's told that's your problem not everyone else's

@gottakeeponmivin what do you suggest for the children who cannot control their impulses? You know, through no fault of their own/disability/SEN/immaturity?

“He’s only 6” is not a good reason to excuse his behaviour. Most 6 year olds could follow a simple instruction.

“He has challenging behaviour” is also not a good reason to excuse him.

However, from what you are saying there appears to be some kind of issue which means he has additional needs. In that case the school have a responsibility to make a reasonable adjustment (yes, even during Covid) Whether this is having an ASNA with him during breaks, or allowing his brother to join him, or working out some other way to help him not break the rules. Taking away his place is unacceptable, especially as vulnerable children are supposed to be given places in schools also.

Has he been through the process of assessment for and EHCP?

Can't the school put a temporary fence or some cones between the two areas? Silly to expect young children always to be able to keep to rules like this.

He was meant to see educational psychologist before everyone's world crashed. This was agreed for him in primary 1, perhaps 6 months before lockdown.

I'm going to politely say that I felt the way this was handled yesterday was wrong, ask headteacher what he suggests could be put into place to support ds2, then make marvelous suggestions above. Also ask if he feels ds2 requires additional support and ask how we go about this.
Ds2 is there as KW child now.

@Hallomi I think that sounds like a great way of handling it. I really hope they find a way of supporting your child through this.

Volunteering to come into school?! Erm, he means doing the job they applied and are paid for, surely.
How dare the HT put this on to a 6 year old! Of course the HT needs to protect everyone but what about understanding that a young child may also be finding this difficult. FFS I’ve almost walked into shops a couple of times without my mask and suddenly remembered at the last second I need to put it on. I’m 41 not 6. Kids aren’t going to get it right all the time and your DS is obviously struggling. I imagine he is looking to your other child for comfort.

I would be very cross and would want things in writing. I would email the HT to set out your understanding of what was said to your child, asking them to confirm what steps they have taken to support your child, your suggestions of what may help (visual markers and different break time to sibling)

I can’t believe they haven’t put markers in place already. What sort of fool thinks, ‘don’t go past here’ is the most effective way of getting children to stay in their area.

Are they still having proper classes? Some schools bubble siblings together as they are just doing laptop work anyway

Op my dc especially dc1 were very difficult. In fact i thought dc1 might be excluded from.reception.
But i do agree with your school.in this situation. He is yr1 or 2?
He knows how to follow rules and he needs to do.it. Imagine if the rule apwas to stay in the school playground and he kept leaving?

But i do think.the issue is his brother is there and that he seem to have no friends in his group. So.that is something the school need to help.with.

Dc1 also had that issue that other kids didnt want to play due to.behaviour and honestly it has rather stuck.that way. (Even though it was at 4 and 5yo).

It sounds more adhd that asd. Due to.the impulsivity. Dc1 is 8 now and school behaviour gradually got better but every year does get in trouble for some silly stuff. You as a parent end up feelibg the blame. But my dc is just very strong willed. And quite pda (demand avoidant). So in fact the biggrer deal you make of somethi g the more likely dc was to do it.. I do.think dc has adhd but i think it's unlikely they would be diagnosed. (They are bright and school always framed it as if behaviour charts would help and we werent being strict enough)