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Original poster

If you have an only child -

188 replies

Workyticket · 23/01/2021 17:47

have they played with anyone else since Christmas?

DS is 8. We play, chat, cook together etc and he chats with pals on the xbox but he's not played with another child since before Christmas and I'm struggling with the thought of him not having the opportunity for god knows how long

It's his birthday next week too which I think is making me feel more emotional about it.

OP posts:
needadvice54321 · 24/01/2021 13:37

@Chaotic45

My DS is 14.

Prior to March he was happy, sunny, extremely sociable, lots of different friends, often at each other's houses, the park etc..

Gradually, he has become sad and withdrawn.

He's beyond the age where I can arrange things with friends. I've tried but it hasn't worked.

He plays online with friends but they aren't up for meeting up for a walk etc..

We are in Leicester so this has gone on non stop pretty much since March.

He broke down last week and has said he feels sad all the time, hopeless and has been self harming. I've made a GP appt.

This has broken me as well as him. There is no end in sight. It's so hard on young people, and at an age where it's completely natural to pull away from parents it's brutal to only have me for company Sad.

Before Covid this listening to children withdrawing themselves from their friends, sitting in their bedrooms etc would have been very alarming. Now it feels like it's just normality and who knows how long children are going to have to deal with this. So devastating.
Mamabear12 · 24/01/2021 13:38

Do you see people in the park? Every time we go to the park my kids bump into friends. They kick the ball around with their friends.

Chaotic45 · 24/01/2021 13:40

@needadvice54321 thank you for understanding.

Mamabear12 · 24/01/2021 13:41

I would also try and arrange a couple zoom calls with friends if possible.

I have three kids, so I don’t make a big effort for zoom calls. But my kids have had at least one zoom call w friends a week. They also go to the park daily and most of the time run into at least one friend there. They will kick the ball around or bike w the friend (keeping a distance or course). I think it’s important to make sure to keep some social contact. Especially those w only children. If you don’t bump into friends. Arrange a park walk (they can wear masks and keep two meets apart). But at least the can see a friend and have a chat or kick the ball around. You are allowed to meet w one person for exercise.

needadvice54321 · 24/01/2021 13:44

[quote Chaotic45]@needadvice54321 thank you for understanding. [/quote]
Totally understand. My 17 year old is usually a social butterfly - his friends are his world ( as you'd expect!). He's become a shell of himself, no friends locally, so spends most of his days sat in his room Sad. He should be out there learning to drive, attending college, getting a job etc, instead he's fed up and wondering what's going to happen about going to Uni next year. I'm sure he'll bounce back, but some children won't so easily and that's a very sad thought. I'm not saying they should be prioritised above anyone else - before anyone jumps on me- but it just isn't natural for teenagers to be stuck with just their parents/siblings for company

Fizzybottle · 24/01/2021 14:19

I've got two little ones and although they fight like little sods, my eldest is much happier when her sister isn't at nursery (and they can merrily batter each other). I'm sorry your son hasn't seen anyone it must be so tough. Id suggest zooming his friends or online gaming but it's not the same and I would imagine not the answer you're looking for.

OverTheRainbow88 · 24/01/2021 14:56

This thread has really blown my mind that some kids haven’t seen or played with another child in months. Every time we go to the park it’s full of kids playing together.

I personally think it’s more harmful to children to keep them home isolated, unless CEV.

LadyCatStark · 24/01/2021 15:18

@DianaT1969

Why aren't these children meeting a friend outside? As someone said, if they were going to school, they'd be mixing with 30 people inside. Sort out a playdate outside people!
Of course this is logical but technically not within the rules, unless your child is under school age. You can meet outside with one other person, so one adult and their child plus one other adult and their child makes 4 people and technically not allowed. So if your child is school age but not old enough to meet up with their friend on their own, it’s not “allowed”. The government haven’t given children a second thought.
christmasathomeagain · 24/01/2021 15:24

No they haven't. We are in a lockdown so this is against the rules and really silly thing to do. My children are coping with talking to friends on the phone etc.

Chaotic45 · 24/01/2021 15:28

@needadvice54321 my heart goes out to you and your DS.

It's incredibly hard. I know it's hard for all ages and it's not fair to compare but I wish I could scoop DS up like I did when he was younger, and throw our energies into some craft, Lego, stories anything.....

I'd do absolutely anything to help him. But he's mostly out of my reach as he's naturally pulled away as any normal teen should.

TheOtherMaryBerry · 24/01/2021 15:29

and really silly thing to do. My children are coping with talking to friends on the phone etc.

That's good that they're coping with that. Not much use for younger children though, is it?

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 24/01/2021 15:31

@TheOtherMaryBerry

and really silly thing to do. My children are coping with talking to friends on the phone etc.

That's good that they're coping with that. Not much use for younger children though, is it?

I am having a good chuckle at the idea of my 4yo being satisfied with a phone call. I have tried calls with friends, they just don't work for his age group.
CarlottaValdez · 24/01/2021 15:44

I personally think it’s more harmful to children to keep them home isolated, unless CEV.

Well yes absolutely agree but I’m not accustomed to having to break the law in order to prevent this harm.

Paddingtonthebear · 24/01/2021 20:12

I’m a bit surprised that anyone is surprised about this. People aren’t supposed to be meeting up anywhere. Husband works from home, I’m furloughed, our only child is at home all day. She hasn’t seen any children in person since before Christmas, as a family we haven’t seen anyone we know in person since Xmas day. It’s depressing as fuck but this is currently “the rules”. We go out for a walk every day but we never see anyone we know. None of her friends are going to the park. Most of them are attending school though. I assumed this was life for most people.

Original poster
Workyticket · 24/01/2021 20:16

Would it be really bad form to ask ds' best friend's Mam if her son wants to come to the park for a kick about tomorrow?

Pre covid we'd take her son, they'd take ours. They were regularly in each others houses etc so not like his parent would need to come too.

It's my day off so the only day I'd get chance this week at a decent time

Would you allow your 8 year old?

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 24/01/2021 20:18

@Workyticket. In your shoes, I would absolutely do that. At 8, they're old enough to exercise at a distance from you both so I'm not sure that would be against the one other person rule.

BejeweledCrocs · 24/01/2021 20:50

No I wouldnt accept. I'm following the rules. Like a mug it seems.

Original poster
Workyticket · 24/01/2021 21:21

@BejeweledCrocs would you really see it as a rule break?

Me and dp are both teachers so could send ds to school to play with his pals.

We can teach from home so we've chosen not to take a place. 1 of us goes to the supermarket once a week. Not seen other people since we broke up in Mid December

It would be me standing at the side of a massive field while two 8 year olds kick a ball about

OP posts:
BejeweledCrocs · 24/01/2021 21:30

Yeah but I accept I'm on the cautious end of things!

Original poster
Workyticket · 24/01/2021 21:41

@BejeweledCrocs fair enough, we all have our limits and I'm still debating texting his mam.

Do you have an only child?

OP posts:
BejeweledCrocs · 24/01/2021 21:49

Yes just one aged 6. Honestly do what you've got to do. Mine seems pretty happy to be home. I worry about what he is missing out on, but he is oblivious.

I've had invites and turned them down. Which then makes me question if I'm being ridiculous. But I'm pretty scared of getting covid and then being one of the unlucky few who suffer or worse. Im a single parent and determined to stay healthy if I can x

delilahbucket · 24/01/2021 21:54

Yes he has kicked a football around with a couple of kids on our street. They were all sensible and stayed away from each other. He's also been for a walk with his Grandad and Grandma is doing PE with him next week. His school isn't nearby so in line with staying local he's not been to see anyone for a walk or bike ride. We're both still working full time so ferrying him around all the time would be impossible. He's nearly 13 so he's at home on his own as he has to log on for every school lesson and then I go home for lunch as I work a couple of minutes walk from home, we go for a walk and then dp is home early. I'm worried about his mental health and he's not been sleeping very well recently. He's normally out doing things and taking part in sports. He's very sociable and all he can do is video calls and online chat on the playstation.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 24/01/2021 22:13

My DD5 is an only, we're ok this time as she has a KW place at school. Last time her nursery was closed and she struggled. If we were in the same position where she wasn't attending school I would break the rules and meet a friend and their child. It is cruel to stop young children having any contact with other children.

KeyboardWorriers · 24/01/2021 22:38

It's not ok to make people feel bad for not breaking the law to allow their children contact with friends.

Due to my job I simply cannot risk breaking the law. Due to my abusive ex looking for any opportunity to berate me, I also cannot risk breaking the law.

So my children will only have each other until the law allows us to meet others.

KeyboardWorriers · 24/01/2021 22:39

(that's not me judging others who do bend the rules, but please remember some of us don't have that option)