If you have an only child -

[Workyticket]

have they played with anyone else since Christmas?

DS is 8. We play, chat, cook together etc and he chats with pals on the xbox but he's not played with another child since before Christmas and I'm struggling with the thought of him not having the opportunity for god knows how long

It's his birthday next week too which I think is making me feel more emotional about it.

DD is 4 and attends nursery school so she gets to socialise for a few hours each week. I am extremely thankful that nursery has stayed open and she has been able to attend regularly and play with other children. In 'return' we keep ourselves as isolated as possible, if it's not nursery we're at home.

She's lost so much this past year, barely any contact with grandparents, no cousins or soft play or going out on day trips. I feel so sorry for kids in all this.

We allowed my only child the last big lockdown to play with another only child on the street, from about May onwards.

The only child knocked on door with some other neighbour kid for my dd last week. But with it making a 4 I said she couldn't play out just yet! Lots of tears from my dd. We live on a cul de sac but just didn't feel right them all playing out. The other 3 children are also in school as KW/vulnerable at different schools.

Reading this thread I feel a bit mean now and I probably would let her play out with one friend. We did "accidentally bump" into another only friend and mum whilst going to the playing field.

0gfhty Bumblebee1980a

Thank you, that's really interesting. Will have a look and see what I can do!

Inspired by this thread I’ve arranged to meet another family for a walk. It’s ridiculous that poor DS hasn’t played with a child since before Christmas and I’m prepared to risk the fine.

My daughter is 8 and goes to her childminder once a week. I use this as my childcare bubble. It has worked well and means one day a week I can fully concentrate on work too.

This thread is so sad.
My only goes to school still. During the first school closures she pretty much had a breakdown (aged 6 ) and the school have had her in therapy since reopening. She’s in this time as vulnerable.
One of her closest friends is also an only, but not in school. They are constantly asking if the two can meet up. We’ve done a few socially distanced walks where I will walk with the mum/dad and the girls will trail about 8 m behind. I’d do more if Dd wasn’t in school but I’m worried about creating too many interactions (even though we both had covid over Xmas). Knowing how much Dd suffered last time I’d feel guilty for not reaching out to this family though.
I wish children under 12 (or something) were exempt and allowed to meet in pairs with an adult supervising.

I know I'm going to get flack for this so I'll step back from the thread after I've posted. Reading all these posts makes me really sad. Parents need to work harder socialising an only child I think. The posters that say they don't know many parents at their DC's school-why not? You really need to put yourself out there as a parent of an only child. I have a 10 year old DS and over the years there's been lots of times I'd rather not see anyone but I've asked mums of my DS's friends at school for their number so I can text and arrange a play with their kids while they were too young to go out on their own. I've spent many hours making small talk with other mums while our kids played in each other's houses. I've asked to take their kids to the park to play with DS and they've been more than happy! I can now happily wave him off to play on his own but I've spent years ensuring he has friends to play with.
It's really shit under 11s are counted towards numbers that can meet up in England. What's to stop parents arranging a friend to come and play in your garden and you can watch from the house?
Anyway what I'm trying to say is try harder for the sake of your DC.

What's to stop parents arranging a friend to come and play in your garden and you can watch from the house?

The law?! That said, arranging a walk in an open space with a friend and online games like among us would be a priority to ensure they keep in touch. I think young children struggle with zoom calls but we set up some games they could play over zoom to keep the conversation going.

Ds (14) doesn’t miss school currently. He absolutely hated the restricted bubbles and classes they were in. There were three lots of isolation before schools closed, he really wasn’t enjoying school at all and it was affecting him mentally. Therefore Ds seems to be taking it all in his stride at home, to a point.

He’s lucky that he is old enough to engage with friends online, this time round there are lots more live lessons, where he can interact, albeit briefly with some of his classmates. He doesn’t seem overly bothered that he can’t go out and enjoy freedom with his friends. He has been out with a ndn older Ds, they enjoyed going out in the snow a few weeks ago.

I do feel sad Ds current situation and part of me does worry about long term effects. Ds does tend to flit around different groups at school, doesn’t have a real close friend he would call his ‘best friend’ he tends to be friends with a few different children but no one really close. This past year could have been the time when he found ‘his people’ but then again, with the bubbles restricting social interaction, it’s just not the same.

I think once the good weather arrives this might spur him on to meet another friend outside but for now, he seems happy to be cooped up in his room which tbh, when I was his age, is exactly what I preferred, even with other siblings in the house.

In the meantime he’s expanding his music choices, this seems to have happened overnight and comes down to discuss He’s looking at changing his room around, think we’ll need a bigger bed for him soon as he’s growing at a rapid rate. I can hear him laughing online, discussing tactics on games, he’s on Snapchat with some friends. So he’s not entirely isolated from the world.

Just hoping that they can return to school soon but have much more freedom.

Yes, I will not sacrifice DC mental health when the data on children being unwell shows it is unlikely. Socially distanced outside play only though

Anyway what I'm trying to say is try harder for the sake of your DC.

I know that your post isn't exactly directed at me and those in my specific situation but you must understand there are lots of reasons. In my case it's because DS hasn't even been able to start. But lots of reception age children haven't been in school for very long yet and parents may not have had a chance to make connections, it's not exactly been a year in which people have been encouraged to chat at the school gates is it! Some parents work long hours. Some children spend a lot of time visiting family and socialising there but now aren't able to. Lots of other parents are cautious and don't want to meet up at the moment, or may live a bit too far away to visit. This is unprecedented and it's not like we could have planned for it really.

We've formed a childcare bubble for this reason. So DD (9), does her online learning with friend 3 days a week, which has thre advantage of them both engaging better with it, and us parents get to actually focus on our own work for a day or two as well.

We also do the supervised meet ups in local fields/ parks etc where we as parents keep our distance and the kids run around for a bit, or ride bikes or whatever. I think this is technically illegal but I think that it's immoral that only children between the ages of 5 and 11ish (age they can go out independently) are ther only people banned from ever seeing another child at all.

She also does lots of online gaming with live calls with a couple of friends at the same time.

So we're doing ok. But I'm not prepared to stop the occasional supervised outdoor meet up. Not when the law provides for everyone else to be able to do this.

Hello @trumpisaflump I can't speak for other parents only our own situation. We have tried. We were previously at a school where the parents were uninterested in play dates or making new friends. They had all had several older children and were too busy (their words). It was very sad.

We moved schools for many reasons including lack of community last September - to a more inclusive school. Since then I have tried to have play dates and was told their kids played sports on weekends, they had family time or parents felt uncomfortable due to the virus and were hunkering down. The friends we had from nursery are in different bubbles and inorder to protect the bubble we haven't been able to see them.

My DH who has other children and experience of this says it's all down to year groups - you're either lucky to come across like minded parents or you don't.

@TheOtherMaryBerry we are having a similar experience.

I posted on a thread about this a couple of weeks ago. Based on a suggestion someone made on there, DS and I have been going out with a friend of his and his mum. The boys walk or scoot ahead as a two and I walk behind with the mum. We sometimes go to a park where they kick a ball to each other too.

I also wrote to my MP pointing out the problem and saying that with schools closed, they need to review the rule about children counting towards the total in England. Unsurprisingly, no reply yet...

My 6 year old was at the park with her dad when a school friend happened to turn up with her mum. So they played together in the park that day, but other than that she's not seen or had contact with any other dc since school broke up for Christmas. I was one of three and rarely played with my siblings though. Had there been a lockdown situation, I'd have most likely found a spot to hole myself up in and sat reading and doing school work all the time. (I was like that as a child). So though I think interacting with other dc would be good for her, I'm not overly worried about it. I know it won't be like this forever.

Work harder at socialising? My only was incredibly social and had lots of play dates pre Covid. It’s not allowed now though is it?

@Alfaix

Work harder at socialising? My only was incredibly social and had lots of play dates pre Covid. It’s not allowed now though is it?

To me her post sounded so close minded. She didn't take into consideration a persons individual circumstances and a pandemic. She hasn't a clue what we do for our children each day hence why I didn't bother replying to her post.

My child sees his best friend and other friends three times a week at nursery. He doesn't see his best friend other than when he's in nursery because circumstances dictate we can't. During the weekend we go to our local
National trust for outdoor play/climbing, park, hone activities.

As for meeting mums in the playground I'll admit I'm a bit shy but I do give eye contact and smile and say hello. I'm sure after the pandemic things will change for the better.

I got to know two mums from going to school parties but both children left! One to go to another school (she felt the school was too posh for her) and the other moved quite far away.

I know I do the absolute best for my DS given the circumstances and I'm sure most other parents do too.

My DS is 14.

Prior to March he was happy, sunny, extremely sociable, lots of different friends, often at each other's houses, the park etc..

Gradually, he has become sad and withdrawn.

He's beyond the age where I can arrange things with friends. I've tried but it hasn't worked.

He plays online with friends but they aren't up for meeting up for a walk etc..

We are in Leicester so this has gone on non stop pretty much since March.

He broke down last week and has said he feels sad all the time, hopeless and has been self harming. I've made a GP appt.

This has broken me as well as him. There is no end in sight. It's so hard on young people, and at an age where it's completely natural to pull away from parents it's brutal to only have me for company .

@Bumblebee1980a. I'm not shy and don't mind being brushed off, but even I would draw the line at swapping numbers with another mum in the playground at the moment and agreeing to arrange future playdates. It's sad because at least three of DS's little "friends" (insofar as 3 year olds have friends) who we see quite regularly are children we met at the playground. Maybe when things get better...

No. Local infection rates too high. Has live lessons at school and zoom extra curricular lessons and usual rules on FaceTime have been suspended. Is missing seeing "real humans"

The posters that say they don't know many parents at their DC's school-why not?

Well I would have been one of those parents when my DD was at primary school, because I went back to work when she was 18 weeks old (out of necessity and by the time she was at school I worked 5 days a week around her school hours, so milling about in the playground making small talk and organising coffee morning wasn't really on my radar.

The government actually amended the rules in November that preschool children in England don’t count when meeting outside with another person. But it looks like that rule doesn’t apply in this lockdown when I just googled. At least nurseries have stayed open, that is one thing to be grateful for

@AlfieandAnnieRose

The government actually amended the rules in November that preschool children in England don’t count when meeting outside with another person. But it looks like that rule doesn’t apply in this lockdown when I just googled. At least nurseries have stayed open, that is one thing to be grateful for

The exemption for under 5s still applies for exercising outdoors. From this link www.gov.uk/guidance/national-lockdown-stay-at-home in the section about exercising:

"Children under 5, and up to 2 carers for a person with a disability who needs continuous care, are not counted towards the gatherings limits for exercising outside."

The problem currently is that primary aged children aren't able to go out alone either, so the rules really need to be updated now schools have closed.

It is so important, especially if you work full-time, to have the contact details for the parents of your children's classmates. Then at least you can send a text on your child's behalf suggesting a playdate even if you don't know the parents.

Children up to older primary school level rely on their parents to organise their social lives. And they get a lot from out-of-school contact with their friends, even when attending school as normal. It adds depth to friendships.