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My 5 year olds future

204 replies

JuneMoonstone · 22/01/2021 21:15

I'm really worried about what the future might be for my 5 Yr old daughter due to coronavirus. Is she ever going to be able to go to dance classes with more than 6 pupils allowed per class, each standing on a circle that they can't move from? Will she ever be able to go swimming without me having to book weeks on advance and without strict, complex rules? Will she be able to complete a whole year of school without school closures? Will she ever be able to go on a school trip? Will she ever be able to go to the theatre or to see a pantomime at Christmas? I'm seriously worried about what her future will be like. Life has changed beyond recognition. Is life going to be this shit from now on, or maybe not this bad but nowhere near like it was pre covid?

OP posts:
BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 24/01/2021 11:00

Children are resilient, and while there is no doubt that the current situation is utterly rubbish, this is an excellent opportunity to teach your kids some positive coping skills that will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. Focus on the few good points of lockdown (whatever they might be for you). More time to spend with the family, more time to go for walks, more time on the couch snuggled up watching a film. Teach them to remember things that they are grateful for, health, family, food, pets, their garden, playing Minecraft with their mates, whatever. Point out how exciting it will be to do normal things again when this ends. When things are really tough, help them to find solutions. None of us can change what is happening, but we can change how we respond to it, and it really makes a difference. There are many people who have been bereaved or seriously financially damaged by this pandemic - I count myself extremely lucky not to be one of those and I'm helping my children to find silver linings where they can.

EvilPea · 24/01/2021 11:39

[quote PastMyBestBeforeDate]@EvilPea that was Dr Hannah Fry. She's a mathematician rather than a historian Smile[/quote]
I missed the beginning of her bit with the introduction, so had assumed historian. She’s brilliant.

Mittens030869 · 24/01/2021 11:44

Op, YANBU for how you feel but you do need to be rational about it too.

^This with bells on. I understand the feelings of helplessness. It's shit right now and I feel for my DDs (11 and 8), who are adopted and had had more than enough disruption in their lives before this.

But children do cope. My DM and MIL were both young children during World War II, as did millions of other children. But the war came to an end and life moved on into a new normality.

If anything, we're finding this hard to cope with at least partly because we've been protected from most serious illnesses, including more frequent epidemics suffered by previous generations. Before Covid, we hadn't had an epidemic like this since the Spanish Flu.

I'm not trying to downplay his hard it is for children during this pandemic. But some perspective is also necessary. There will be an end to this.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 24/01/2021 11:46

She is good isn't she? She's given the Christmas Lectures and does programmes on Radio 4 as well as all her academic work.

partyatthepalace · 24/01/2021 11:56

It’ll pass - might be with us more mildly for a couple years but it’ll pass.

Not wanting to minimise what I’m sure is a shitty situation, but I think it’s a lot more damaging for teens than little kids, assuming things are ok at home, the under 7s have a lot of time to bounce back.

JuneMoonstone · 24/01/2021 21:18

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
Tiquismiquis · 25/01/2021 07:37

I think it is really unhelpful to just say kids are resilient so crack on. There was a lot of psychological damage after the wars, lots of evidence on adverse life events in early years etc.

There will be different needs at different ages and support will need to be in place to address that. I worry about the longer-term impacts on a cohort of young children who have missed normal social development and I worry about older teens who had had their exams and normal milestone events disrupted. Lots of children and young people will have or will be affected by parental unemployment. Some of the reports from lockdown 1 are quite worrying re regression, social difficulties etc.

If the attitude of ‘kids are resilient’ becomes dominant then the resources and support for them won’t be there.

DenisetheMenace · 25/01/2021 10:09

“Our children overall will be the ones who suffer the most in all this, long term, its an issue no one seems to want to address”

My mum was born into a working class south London family in October, 1939 and spent most of her first six years sleeping in the underground waiting for the raids to end, their houses were bombed out twice, male relatives away for years on end, poor temporary housing, no schooling and little decent food.

She passed her 11 plus, went on to Grammar school and studied engineering. First difficult marriage aside, she went on to live a fulfilling, successful life. Now 81, she and my stepdad haven’t seen anyone for a year but she’s still the happiest person I know, up with the lark, out feeding the squirrels, usually singing while she does it.

Our beginnings really don’t define our futures. This will hit some very hard, yes, but the majority of children will move on and this will become a dim and distant memory.

majesticallyawkward · 25/01/2021 10:23

I feel that the immediate effects will be far worse for teens, those in exam years will have a knock on effect for a long time. I was discussing this with a secondary school teacher the other day and he said he couldn't see a way that the kids in exam years could recover from missed education realistically- what they've missed in GCSE or A-level years will have to be caught up which means time in further education will be taken up covering the missed topics.

That's not to say it will be any easier for younger kids. My own DD is also 5 and her social skills have regressed so badly I just don't know how to help her. I can see many MH issues surfacing in the future, having this a part of formative years with the piss poor support available.
Long term the economic fallout is likely to have effects for years to come, generations not even born yet will be paying for it all, and not just got Covid. Climate change hasn't gone anywhere.

Yes the wars were bleak and humanity survived. But I look at where we are now and despair, the recent news of lockdown extensions and mutations potentially being resistant to the vaccines is just the latest in a long line of shifty news that is making me feel more and more hopeless.

CountessFrog · 25/01/2021 11:42

I’m currently writing a report about a child. All their life is being written in the past tense.

‘Used to play football’
‘Used to attend school’

I find this very stark.

Justthebeerlighttoguide · 25/01/2021 11:44

Time is very different when you are a child, we need to keep childrens spirits up - and put things into perspective for them.

OverTheRainbow88 · 25/01/2021 11:45

I think the key thing is trying to get through this as best as possible, trying to stay physically and mentally healthy. There’s a lot to look forward to, we’ve got to push through this shit.

There’s still lots of fun to be had with a 5 year old, she will be ok. It’s a bloody hard slog though and every day is a struggle at the moment.

alreadytaken · 25/01/2021 11:55

Everyone is having a hard time at the moment but your children learn how to live their lives from you. You can look for the bad in everything or look for the good. You can teach them to whine or how to look for things they can make better.

When I was young I knew very few children who had swimming lessons and ballet lessons or ever went to a theatre. It didnt stop most children having a decent life that they missed out on such things. Your children have been very privileged and no doubt will be again.

SillyOldMummy · 25/01/2021 11:57

@DenisetheMenace I hear ya! My mum was born in 1936, she remembers sitting under the stairs waiting for the bombs to drop and wondering who it had landed on. She was an only child as her parents didn't want to try for more kids when war broke out and dad was killed a few years later. Her paternal grandparents lost all their boys, and were so grief-stricken they cut themselves off from everyone, and maternal grandparents were far away up North. So my had an impoverished, tragic, lonely, disrupted childhood that ended when she was 14 and obliged to leave school to earn a living.

Now in her 80s, my mum is a model of optimism and stoicism. But, she is desperately sorry for my kids, she points out that at least she could play with friends. She wishes they had vaccinated teachers and similar before old people.

IloveJKRowling · 25/01/2021 12:56

The thing is that there is possibility and hope for the future and the choice adults have in the current situation is - being unrelentingly miserable, or doing the best with what you've got and finding joy where you can.

So whilst I have dark moments about all of this - as does everyone - I'm constantly looking for positives in front of my children.

I think there's been work done on this - people who are optimistic do better in life in general. It's a good mindset to try and cultivate and faking it until you make it is also good.

Most kids were in school Sept-December to some degree (those who had to isolate 6 times do have my sympathy as that's even worse than lockdown and I blame the government squarely for not making schools safer). So for the most part they haven't been cut off from socialisation or school for years and years.

I hope they get all kids back in on rotas as soon as rates make it practicable rather than the current uneven provision. That would be better than no school at all.

TempsPerdu · 25/01/2021 13:02

My mum was born into a working class south London family in October, 1939 and spent most of her first six years sleeping in the underground waiting for the raids to end, their houses were bombed out twice, male relatives away for years on end, poor temporary housing, no schooling and little decent food

This story sounds very similar to my Dad’s - also born in 1939, working class council estate childhood in East London, passed the 11+ (though left school at 15 as university wasn’t on the radar), a year’s National Service in Kenya (which he admits was pretty much a jolly spent on safari), then walked into a white-collar job in the City and stayed there until retirement. Ended up financially quite comfortable. Most of my parents’ friends tell similar stories; lots of them have now retired comfortably out in Herts and Essex. From disrupted and quite poverty-stricken beginnings they’ve all done pretty well for themselves.

The thing is, though, this cohort benefitted from the prevailing social, political and economic conditions of their time. Wartime babies though they were, by the time my Dad was starting school there was a new post-war social contract. The wartime hardships and sacrifices were recognised. The NHS and a generous welfare state was just being brought in. There was a grammar school system (whatever the rights and wrongs of this, grammars were great at the time for lifting a certain kind of bright working class kid out of poverty). My parents were entering work just as the optimism and economic boom of the 1960s was on the horizon.

As it stands, the current cohort of young people will have none of this. They will be faced with a massive - almost unimaginably large - bill from lockdown. There will be a mental health crisis, but very little mental health support available. There will be a cohort of inadequately socialised children starting school, but no additional resources on the horizon to support them. There will be many, many families where the parents are newly out of work, but without the generous safety net of the post-war welfare state. Of course, it doesn’t have to be like this, but I have little faith that our current leaders (or, to be fair, most of the current opposition) have any great vision or will to make things better in the long term for our young people. And, of course, they also have Brexit and climate change to contend with.

If the attitude of ‘kids are resilient’ becomes dominant then the resources and support for them won’t be there.

I completely agree with this. We can’t help our kids and young people unless we’re prepared to admit there’s a problem coming down the line, but at the moment many people are refusing to see it. As soon as someone tentatively suggests that we need a plan to reopen schools safely, they’re shouted down with cries of BUT THE VIRUS!; DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO DIE?; BUT IT’S THE KIDS WHO ARE SPREADING IT! (Just read the replies to Devi Sridhar’s tweet from earlier today.) I’ve seen many mental health professionals, charity workers and child psychologists tweeting about what they’re seeing and trying to spark discussions in the wider media, but what they’re saying is either falling on deaf ears, or met with ‘Shame about the kids but people are dying/we need to protect the NHS’. Many of our kids are indeed resilient, but this isn’t just about them individually; it’s about the kind of world they’re going to be facing once this is all over. Essentially everyone’s in Covid panic mode right now, but we urgently need to switch to planning mode if we’re going to avert a further generational crisis once the pandemic itself is over.

PocketsGalore · 25/01/2021 13:11

Best post I've read in a long time on Mumsnet Thanks @TempsPerdu

YoutubeZoom · 25/01/2021 13:33

@TempsPerdu Thank you for your post.

HappyWinter · 25/01/2021 13:42

I wish people would be kinder, it is hard for children for all ages. The little ones are missing their friends and social interaction (rather than activities) and the teens are missing out on school/exams and mixing with their friends. It is hard for them. That doesn't mean it isn't hard for other people, and that isn't what the OP is saying. For young children, it isn't the activities that they are missing, it is the mixing with others that isn't possible in a pandemic.

This year looks like it might be a bit crap in the first half but next year should be better. I know it's only January!

TheKeatingFive · 25/01/2021 13:43

Brilliant post @TempsPerdu

Our children deserve so much better

Soontobe60 · 25/01/2021 13:48

Whilst I totally see where you’re coming from, for millions of children in this country, the things you’ve listed that your ds misses out on currently are things they have never, nor ever will, had the opportunity to experience.
Your DD will be fine, she knows no different. It’s us parents and grandparents who worry about them missing our.

HappyWinter · 25/01/2021 13:58

Thanks @TempsPerdu

alreadytaken · 25/01/2021 14:28

Did the OP worry about the children missing out on such things when her children had them - I doubt it.

Yes this generation of children face challengers - but what the development of vaccines has shown us is that where there is the political will massive changes can happen in a short timeframe. So the question becomes how to make the political will turn to a better future.

PocketsGalore · 25/01/2021 14:29

@Soontobe60

Whilst I totally see where you’re coming from, for millions of children in this country, the things you’ve listed that your ds misses out on currently are things they have never, nor ever will, had the opportunity to experience. Your DD will be fine, she knows no different. It’s us parents and grandparents who worry about them missing our.
Most school children in the UK have access to extra affordable or free curricular clubs ime.
PocketsGalore · 25/01/2021 14:29

Affordable or free extra curricular that is