Is anyone else going to find things going back to normal difficult?

[Makinganewthinghappen]

I know that most people are hating lockdown and have struggled and I don’t want this thread to come across as being insensitive to that - so I apologise if it does.

I have 2 children who are autistic. My children have been home educated for years so that’s not been an issue for us. Over the last year demands on us as a family have disappeared. There has been no pressure to take the children to groups and activities to help the socialize, nobody has randomly popped in disrupting the routine, appointments that can over the phone have been. We have been going out places but very limited places - the beach or the park for example.

The anxiety level in my house has plummeted.
I KNOW we can’t hide away forever, the children have to go places, we have to see people. I realised when reading threads on here that when people are talking joyfully about a return to normality and wave of dread sweeps over me.

I am starting to come up with a plan to gradually get them used to things again. Short meet ups in familiar places, and little trips to more crowded places.

I was just wondering if anyone else was going to have to do this sort of thing? I actually feeling quite worried about it.

I have enjoyed WFH which previously my employers thought was impossible. I have more time in my day with no commute and it's less stressful rather than constantly rushing from A to B and clock watching. As a result I am less stressed, less frazzled. have time to cook properly and try new things, we have time to eat dinner together as a family rather than rushing from one activity to another and wolfing a quick bowl of pasta pesto or shoving something in the oven. I am enjoying quality time with my teenage DCs but realise that it's so very important for them to get back to school and friends and living life again. So hopefully we can hang on to a better work life balance but return to the good parts of normal really soon.

I love WFH and can do it effectively so I hope that this changes. TBH I think some companies will change and then others will have to if they want the same flexibility to recruit talent.

I find the idea of being in a crowd really anxiety-provoking now. I dare say I'd get over it but I hate the idea.

And I don't think I can ever again cope with being around someone who is coughing and sneezing. I can't believe the kind of levels of disgusting germy-ness we used to accept being around.

@CloseSchoolsProtecttheNHS

I love WFH and can do it effectively so I hope that this changes. TBH I think some companies will change and then others will have to if they want the same flexibility to recruit talent.

I find the idea of being in a crowd really anxiety-provoking now. I dare say I'd get over it but I hate the idea.

And I don't think I can ever again cope with being around someone who is coughing and sneezing. I can't believe the kind of levels of disgusting germy-ness we used to accept being around.

Oh god I also have to accept I was a right minger as well. I used to buy a croissant in Lidl on my way to work 1 or 2 days a week, go into work after touching the keypad/bannister and just sit at my desk and eat it! No washing hands or anything! Grim. I feel horrified now when I think about it. I always washed my hands before other meals but somehow not that and it was probably the most minging of all! No wonder I was always coming down with stuff.

@Makinganewthinghappen

Iced - I suppose it is to a certain extent. I suppose it’s just the realisation that some things are not totally necessary is alien to me!

Like the kids doing scouts/Cubs etc I was told so many times by people that they needed to get used to being in groups that I dragged them there even though they clearly hated it and it put a huge amount of stress on me.

I suppose it’s the worry that by NOT forcing them to do things it will somehow make their social
Issues worse.

I'm going to find it really hard. We hone educate too. I'm generally not one who socialised a lot, but as home educators it's up to us to facilitate socialisation for our kids. I have one who would have gone to things every day of the week, and one who finds any groups difficult. We used to balance that, but I'm not sure we had the balance right.

I'm going to start with small 1-1 things when this is all over. Start with people I was friends with before all this, who have children who are a similar age and have similar interests. Start at once a week and build up to a level we are comfortable with.

Can you do the same? Start slowly and 1-1. Building up tolerance to smaller numbers should be less stressful than jumping straight in the deep end, but I think there won't be pressure for the big group things for a while. There are ways to word it in the report to the LA, that should make that ok.

Yes OP! wfh as brought immeasurable benefits to our relationship and had increased the time we have for our children, and given us more time for hobbies. Not commuting means we are less tired. That in itself is huge.

I won’t enjoy ferrying the kids to clubs every afternoon again but I think they might be a bit more selective too. Plus - they really miss them so happy to suck that one up.

Cannot wait to go back to meeting people for a coffee or glass of something, eating out.

I will miss not having to pretend to be happy on the school run when we’ve had a shitty morning!

I cannot wait to be able to work in peace during school hours!

However - I don’t think I’ll ever feel completely safe in a crowd again :(

[quote trulydelicious]@LindaEllen

So I phoned the GP, finally, years too late, and I'm now on medication

I find it so unfair that people have to go on medication because of the expectations of others (even from people who mean well e.g. family).

Meds may be very helpful in a lot of instances, obviously. But it seems somewhat wrong that someone may be absolutely fine, anxiety-free and cracking on with life because there is no imperative to socialise and, the moment this external requirement reappears, MH issues resurface.

It shouldn't be like this, people should not feel the need to mask all the time[/quote]
I'm not on medication because of my family. I'm on medication because for the last 12 years I've had constant anxiety which gets worse every time I need to do something that everyone else would see as normal. Why shouldn't my family invite me for a meal? It's what people do. But my anxiety builds up and makes me dread it and therefore not enjoy it.

I'm not well. It's got nothing to do with my family.

@LindaEllen

Apologies, I didn't mean to upset you with my comment

I am chomping at the bit to get back into the office and back to all my social activities.

I want to be in a pub, singing drunkenly along to the live band. I want to go to a concert where you're shoulder to shoulder with strangers but bonded by a love of the same band so you feel a connection, I want to go christmas shopping when you're surrounded by hundreds of other shoppers, I want to go to restaurants that are so busy you have to book ahead, I want crazy school runs and busy commutes.

I want it ALL back. I didnt realise how much I missed this until it was gone.

Luckily I'm not the kind if person, who even now sees every other human as (to quote my 9 year old) a walking bag of covid so once life does start up again I'll find it quite easy to reintegrate.

Social distancing can kiss my ass!

Absolutely not. As soon as it is safe to do so I'll be running out of the house hugging my friends and family, booking holidays, weekends away with friends and family days out. Plus shopping and restaurants. I can't bloody wait.

I'm planning on us all being incredibly busy for many months. I cannot wait for my children to be able to return to their sports and clubs and see all their friends.

@SpnBaby1967

I am chomping at the bit to get back into the office and back to all my social activities.

I want to be in a pub, singing drunkenly along to the live band. I want to go to a concert where you're shoulder to shoulder with strangers but bonded by a love of the same band so you feel a connection, I want to go christmas shopping when you're surrounded by hundreds of other shoppers, I want to go to restaurants that are so busy you have to book ahead, I want crazy school runs and busy commutes.

I want it ALL back. I didnt realise how much I missed this until it was gone.

Luckily I'm not the kind if person, who even now sees every other human as (to quote my 9 year old) a walking bag of covid so once life does start up again I'll find it quite easy to reintegrate.

Social distancing can kiss my ass!

Same here! I want all of it back. Even all of the crap, tedious and annoying bits. And I'm not even a very sociable person.

This has been a miserable 10 months.

My world hasn't changed tbh . I have no friends so didnt do hobbies, pubs, clubs, cinema, gigs, dinners etc and dh and I haven't been out in years. The dc are missing seeing their friends but are zooming and ot really is only the oldest teen who has said he misses meeting up in person. They arent interested in clubs either. In fact, I am now working in retail so out every day whereas before I worked alone in an office. (Yes, aware I have a sad and lonely life and yes I have tried to change it!)

That said, I did see a pic on the local facebook page of a town event and the crowds made me shudder and think i would not be attending the next one, whenever that will be.

@SpnBaby1967

I am chomping at the bit to get back into the office and back to all my social activities.

I want to be in a pub, singing drunkenly along to the live band. I want to go to a concert where you're shoulder to shoulder with strangers but bonded by a love of the same band so you feel a connection, I want to go christmas shopping when you're surrounded by hundreds of other shoppers, I want to go to restaurants that are so busy you have to book ahead, I want crazy school runs and busy commutes.

I want it ALL back. I didnt realise how much I missed this until it was gone.

Luckily I'm not the kind if person, who even now sees every other human as (to quote my 9 year old) a walking bag of covid so once life does start up again I'll find it quite easy to reintegrate.

Social distancing can kiss my ass!

Just reading this post made me giddy and happy!

YES! I want it all back too and I'm an introvert!

This is LIFE- its out there and its other people and its fun and its social interaction etc. Life isnt being cooped up indoors 24/7 on your own.

Interestingly- studies have shown that the one main factor that prolongs people's lives and indicates longevity is actually daily interactions with different people. It topped diet, exercise, everything as being the one top factor that prolongs human life.

I think thats fascinating:

www.ted.com/talks/susan_pinker_the_secret_to_living_longer_may_be_your_social_life?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_content=talk&utm_term=science&fbclid=IwAR2U0thaU7Sctbkqu6WK2duof1rBxKlkm8wWOzqaQRFLFzm6ywPCkj_bxi8

Yes - specifically work.

I've loved not having to work in an office. The thought of going back to the usual 9-5 physical presence makes me anxious. I like the quiet calm of my home, sat in my own chair, with a temperature that suits ME and the fact that when I'm finished for the day, I close my laptop and I'm home. No frustrating daily commute. No small talk with people I don't really like. No packing lunches for the next day. Its been a delight! I'm really hoping there is a huge cultural shift towards home working now that employees and companies have seen it's benefits. Surely it's got to benefit our environment as well!?

I sound petty. I know there are bigger problems going on in the world and I know I am so so fortunate to still have my job.

I long for normality. Sociable normality. Routines. Being able to look people in the face, hear them and lip read. But I am concerned that it might take an adjustment to pick back up and adapt back after 10+ months of vacuously existing.

I'm not fantastic with crowds and background noise so that public social distancing is OK for me, and after so long being at home, trying to avoid busy places for queues and the awkward social distancing shuffle, I think it will be a shock to my system. Pubs/ cafes turning down the music is great, there never was a point in it drowning the conversation.
Places need to get back to their normal capacity to survive and thrive though, and I hope that I adjust back OK as normality phases back in.

I need both time alone and mixed company to thrive, and lockdown gives me neither, just a closed, repetitive bubble of continous company and other people's background noise. Today, DH managed to get the DCs out for a couple of hours and it gave me the chance to blast some heavy metal, sing and find the energy to clean. I can't do that with an autistic child constantly around.

Looking forwards to more hugs, going to indoor places and spontenaity.

If society keeps a bit more digital flexibility as a halfway measure, that's a good thing. As much as I loathe lockdown, we may as well learn some positives from the ordeal. It just shouldn't be seen as the only way to do certain things.

For me the struggle will be that my work/life balance shifts back to more work... Although I am working from home I am able to make lunches, snacks, actually see my children even when working, take a lunch hour away and pop youngest to the park, for a walk etc and generally 'be there'... We will also be back to a full on routine as oldest will resume hobby too. At the moment things generally are more relaxed and less stressful, however DS will enjoy being back at school etc.

Mixed emotions tbh. Miss having the freedom to go places ie out for dinner, meet a friend for coffee etc but don't miss all the running from work to school, then to after school clubs etc. Enjoying the slower pace of life in that regard but cabin fever starting to kick in at the same time. Need something now to look forward to tbh. A night away with the hubby or a long weekend break away would be perfect... ah i can only dream 😩

On the introvert/extrovert wars thing: the thing that has surprised me most of all about this past year is the amount of people who have come out of the woodwork who appear to really struggle with and dislike social interaction. Maybe I've really naïve but its genuinely shocked me how much people seem to feel relief at the prospect of not having to interact with others.

As a general extrovert but with some introvert tendencies I have missed social interaction a lot but not to the point where its made me feel mentally unwell. But I had no idea that so many people would actively enjoy the prospect of being separated from their networks.

But I've been on thread after thread where people are relishing the enforced "freedom" from having to come into contact with others. I find it very bizarre and, if I'm totally honest, slightly upsetting: I'm not stupid enough to think that everyone I meet likes me but I do find the idea that people would cringe at having to go to social events and would go out of their way to avoid others genuinely quite worrying at a social level. It makes me do a mental inventory and think "how many of the people I have mixed with over the years have actually been desperate to get away and not have to be with other people?". It's not a judgement, but I'm just very nonplussed and surprised that people feel like this and I guess I find confronting it quite difficult.

There are plenty of more pressing things to worry about as a society as we emerge from COVID. But I do think we need to think we need to examine what it is as a society we have done that has made so many people feel actively frightened and upset at the prospect of having to socialise with other people. Is this simply because extroverts tend to dictate the way society is run (as the prevailing narrative seems to run)? Is it because the pace of life has made extroverts particularly aggressive in the way they demand social activity from others? Or is it something much more fundamental: are introverts instinctively discontented from the rest of society and why do they feel so strongly that society is something to be afraid of and to be run away from?

It may be that there's always been a bit of a disconnect here but something about COVID seems to have created a real sense of animosity and suspicion between introverts and extroverts and I find it quite disturbing.

Or is it something much more fundamental: are introverts instinctively discontented from the rest of society and why do they feel so strongly that society is something to be afraid of and to be run away from?

What you are describing is social anxiety, not introversion. The terms are often confused but they are not the same. Plenty of introverts enjoy social interaction and have excellent social skills. They just need plenty of quiet time alone to recharge.

It may be that there's always been a bit of a disconnect here but something about COVID seems to have created a real sense of animosity and suspicion between introverts and extroverts and I find it quite disturbing.

In the real world, people don't go around labelling themselves as 'introverts' or 'extroverts' and being suspicious of one another. It's just that it's become a bit of a 'thing' on MN in the last few years. Have you ever thought to yourself 'Wow Sarah in Accounts is such an introvert (or extrovert). Best keep away from her!" I doubt it.

I'm really hoping there is a huge cultural shift towards home working now that employees and companies have seen it's benefits. Surely it's got to benefit our environment as well!?

I'm pretty sure that has happened already for many companies. The lease on the offices where I work ended in the summer and weren't renewed. We have other offices in another town, but all of our contracts have been changed to WFH. Going forward, we will probably meet for meetings every now and again, but we will never go back to the daily commute.

I think for a lot of people 2020 will be a big 're-set' in that they've been given the opportunity to re-evaluate lives and take stock of what works for them and what doesn't. I think people will be unwilling to go back to things that don't work for them - social groups, jobs, certain kids activities, awkward friendships that have lapsed and you don't want to restart, etc, etc. I think very few will return to exactly the way it used to be - the good bits will continue, the must dos too, but I think a lot of people will make changes in their lives for the positive. It will be a very interesting time ...

IcedPurple

You’re right to pull me up on the distinction between introversion and social anxiety.

And you’re right about the real life thing too: but you have to admit it’s become a very polarising thing and there is clearly some resentment and a sense that people have become rather judgemental of others’ approaches to this. It may have always been there but COVID has definitely made it into a bit of a flashpoint.

I won't live my life as I did before.

I'll be content spending time at home, rather than planning every spare second with unnecessary activities and socialising. I don't think my kids had ever had two days just in the house & garden before this.

I won't feel pressured to mingle amongst other people if I don't feel well (why did we go to work not feeling too well if we could have worked from home). And I won't send my DC in to school if not 100%, I used to feel so pressured by the schools attendance achievement spiel.

And I have learnt who I enjoy spending time with - who I have missed. And who it's been a relief not to have to see!

@thepeopleversuswork

On the introvert/extrovert wars thing: the thing that has surprised me most of all about this past year is the amount of people who have come out of the woodwork who appear to really struggle with and dislike social interaction. Maybe I've really naïve but its genuinely shocked me how much people seem to feel relief at the prospect of not having to interact with others.

As a general extrovert but with some introvert tendencies I have missed social interaction a lot but not to the point where its made me feel mentally unwell. But I had no idea that so many people would actively enjoy the prospect of being separated from their networks.

But I've been on thread after thread where people are relishing the enforced "freedom" from having to come into contact with others. I find it very bizarre and, if I'm totally honest, slightly upsetting: I'm not stupid enough to think that everyone I meet likes me but I do find the idea that people would cringe at having to go to social events and would go out of their way to avoid others genuinely quite worrying at a social level. It makes me do a mental inventory and think "how many of the people I have mixed with over the years have actually been desperate to get away and not have to be with other people?". It's not a judgement, but I'm just very nonplussed and surprised that people feel like this and I guess I find confronting it quite difficult.

There are plenty of more pressing things to worry about as a society as we emerge from COVID. But I do think we need to think we need to examine what it is as a society we have done that has made so many people feel actively frightened and upset at the prospect of having to socialise with other people. Is this simply because extroverts tend to dictate the way society is run (as the prevailing narrative seems to run)? Is it because the pace of life has made extroverts particularly aggressive in the way they demand social activity from others? Or is it something much more fundamental: are introverts instinctively discontented from the rest of society and why do they feel so strongly that society is something to be afraid of and to be run away from?

It may be that there's always been a bit of a disconnect here but something about COVID seems to have created a real sense of animosity and suspicion between introverts and extroverts and I find it quite disturbing.

This is a brilliant post @thepeopleversuswork. I agree with many of your points. I do feel that MN has a disproportionate number of posters who are introverts, plus a small minority of posters who just seem to hate people.

Like you I would say that I like mixing with people, but also like time on my own. Apart from the commute I enjoyed working at the office, but it helped that I work with some lovely people. We have really good managers who have done a lot to encourage team spirit, and we do all have the "we are all in this together" view which helps.

I know that when we can all meet up again there will be a lot of hugging.

I'm going to live my life to the fullest I possibly can just in case it gets snatched away again. Every day counts.

I did think to myself it’s been ages since I have had that creeping unease about an upcoming social event that I really didn’t want to go to, how to get out of it without it being obvious and feeling guilty or go along a just be clock watching the whole time. It’s quite refreshing not to have that in my life. There are many things about going into the office that I don’t miss. And not having to shake hands or hug everyone as a greeting has been a relief. But I do really miss gigs, festivals, family parties, dancing and shopping in shops.