Is anyone else going to find things going back to normal difficult?

[Makinganewthinghappen]

I know that most people are hating lockdown and have struggled and I don’t want this thread to come across as being insensitive to that - so I apologise if it does.

I have 2 children who are autistic. My children have been home educated for years so that’s not been an issue for us. Over the last year demands on us as a family have disappeared. There has been no pressure to take the children to groups and activities to help the socialize, nobody has randomly popped in disrupting the routine, appointments that can over the phone have been. We have been going out places but very limited places - the beach or the park for example.

The anxiety level in my house has plummeted.
I KNOW we can’t hide away forever, the children have to go places, we have to see people. I realised when reading threads on here that when people are talking joyfully about a return to normality and wave of dread sweeps over me.

I am starting to come up with a plan to gradually get them used to things again. Short meet ups in familiar places, and little trips to more crowded places.

I was just wondering if anyone else was going to have to do this sort of thing? I actually feeling quite worried about it.

In my case this way of life works for me but not for the rest of my family and as I want them to be happy and us all to spend time together then I will have to go back to brings more socialable, organising things for us to do. I do enjoy it to a certain extent too but have been surprised how little I need going on to keep me personally happy 😀

I would nt say dreading going back to normal as such however I have loved the chance to step back this last year.
As a workaholic I have worked 12 hr days for three yrs and barely seen anyone outside of work anyway. Also as a bit of an introvert who doesn't socialise the constant explaining why parties and eating out is not fun for me.People don't understand then I almost get a fear of missing out even though I hate gatherings!!
I used to love my job so much but recently it is a way of getting money not much satisfaction.My anxiety is considerably better my skin too.As a menopausal woman I had time to sort out my meds and eat healthily.
I understand how you feel O P.

Goodname I agree I need little to be happy.

My asd dcs are also home ed and enjoying not having socialisation opportunities forced upon them. Their behaviour and anxieties are much improved, despite them being pubescent.

I’ve wfh since last March and applied for flexible working (ie a couple of days a week wfh) when everything gets back to normal. It was refused on the grounds of the cost of extra software and governance concerns over WFH - er, what about the last 9 months then???
The letter also concluded that they were happy for my line manager to authorise wfh days according to work demands .... doh ...
Really don’t want to go back but I am aware how lucky I am to have the job.

To be honest I think there'll be an adjustment period for anyone whose daily life has been dramatically different to normal during lockdown, and even the people who hate the current situation will find it difficult at first. That seems to be the nature of long term stress - you spend ages looking forward to the day it ends, and then when it does nothing feels quite how you imagined it would and you end up struggling to come to terms with that instead.

That said, I agree with everyone saying that if you don't like socialising, working long hours etc then it's on you to adjust your lifestyle to suit. The option for a quieter/slower life was always there, you just chose not to take it (appreciate it's not always that straightforward if you have kids though).

Yes I will struggle returning to the office. Relationships, noise, crowds and bright lights are problems for me. My office is large, open plan, hot desking, overheated, no windows with an excess of loud people. It took all I had to manage my behaviour, smother my fears, anxiety and discomfort and go to work there. My actual job was also really difficult and didn't receive proper training or an induction.

I'm looking forward to pubs and shops reopening and to seeing my family. My child needs to return to school..... But she actually loves home learning as she seems to suffer the same sensory issues as I do, poor girl.

I like lots of physical space and no touching, plus the screens and table service in pubs is brilliant to me.

I know how you feel, in fact it's what prompted me to finally see the GP after struggling with anxiety for 12 years. I've struggled for a long time with general anxiety, and over time it's limited what I do. However, lots of things I had to do, because I've always done them.

Lockdown has made me so chilled, as all pressures and anxiety disappeared. The thought of suddenly having all that again scares me. My dad phoned me saying he's planning a big family meal for when all this is over - and I just thought I cannot do that. And when I put the phone down I realised how mad it was that I felt that way. So I phoned the GP, finally, years too late, and I'm now on medication.

I know it's nothing like your situation at all, but I just wanted to let you know that you're at least not alone in how you're feeling.

@iced you’d be surprised. I’m naturally an introvert, but have masked this for my entire life. Lots of people were brought up to do so. Given some of the really nasty and snarling responses people get on MN alone for posting threads like this... it’s not hard to see how it plays out in the real world.

Most of us are brought up to do things we don’t want to do/don’t enjoy/ make us incredibly uncomfortable because it’s considered polite or ‘normal’. We are taught it is weird and anti social and rude to turn them down and carry this obligation round like a lead weight all of our lives.

People get VERY upset when I don’t attend social gatherings by way of some obscure excuse about an illness or work commitment. People hassle me and guilt trip me and make it very difficult for me to hide away. I spend these events masking over my discomfort and producing a fake personality that is much more bubbly and funny and extroverted than my real one.

I am constantly referred to in terms such as the ‘life and soul’ of parties. I’m not. Deep down. It’s all fake. But people actually DO believe they enjoy my company tremendously.

Then when it’s over I am exhausted and depressed because it takes so much energy and falseness. It’s easy to say people don’t ‘have’ to do this. But it’s socialised into a lot of people. It’s deep rooted in their character to fake it and please other people.

I can assure you there will be people like me that you know and have no idea are masking over to suit what you consider to be ‘normal’ and ‘fun’. They just can’t be themselves around you because you look down your nose at their type and society pressures them to be part of something they don’t actually value or enjoy.

I could say so many things about extrovert personalities and how I feel about them and what makes me glad to not REALLY be that way. But have you noticed it’s always the other way round? Always the extroverted people who need to be surrounded by others who are throwing nasty jibes and dismissive catty comments.

I’m sure you will continue to look down on people that might be different to you. It’s just such a shame that you think it’s as easy as
‘well go lock yourselves away then , it’s not like anyone will miss you boring bastards...’

You crack on though. I’m sure YOU are a DELIGHT to be around.

I also have the same worry. My 3 kids have always been home ed, but it's never been so quiet. My asd middle child is having the calmest time of her life. Her anxiety levels have dropped more than I could have imagined. But the rest of the family aren't finding being at home easy, I don't know how I'm going to balance everyone's needs.

No, I can’t wait and I will never again moan about having to ferry my kids all over the place

I’m also an introvert but I’m not a hermit. I’ve still got friends and like going out and miss it.

@Waxonwaxoff0

Absolutely not. I can't wait to be at a festival or crowded pub again. I'd be happy to do it now.

Yep, me too. Cannot wait.

All I've done for a fucking year is go to work (whilst being told by people on here to STFAH) and come home to do fuck all. It's terrifying how many people are quite happy for this to carry on.

I want to do a few things I did before but don’t want to get back to normal until the virus has pretty much gone so it’s safe or all adults have the choice of the vaccine

Until the virus has gone where? You want to continue like this until a virus is eradicated?

I home educated DD for a while (some years ago admittedly) due to illness and finding School Life difficult.However I wasnt aware that anyone can be "forced back to School" .I would imagine this would be a rare event .My own DD attended Saturday Art School though so maybe this was what they were happy with.

@User158340

I think realisation for a lot of people will come that normality is rubbish as well (for a lot of people). Busy, stressful lives and long commutes, poor work/life balance etc.

Not everyone was happy in in 2019.

I think a lot of people are forgetting how hard life was before and will be very disappointed. I think there are emotional problems for some when that happens.

I would have thought that many workplaces where working from home has been very successful won't insist on everyone going back to the office.

In some ways, yes. It's great to travel on near empty buses and no traffic. But dear lord DH needs to be back in his office !

No.

So many people are suffering at the moment- losing jobs/homes, stuck in domestic violence situations, i know of 3 people who took their own lives due to lockdown so no, I cannot wait for normal life to return.

Also, I say that as someone who is an introvert, but i'm not that selfish to not realise how this is destroying people's lives...

@Makinganewthinghappen

Life- I do have to take them to some groups. When you home educated the local authority ask for a report of what you do once a year and one of the big ones is socialisation. This year we could say everything’s shut! But most years they expect you to attend a few “social” things a week. If they don’t see that they can force you to send your children back to school.

No "they" can't force your children back to school. You don't even have to engage if you don't want to. If it is felt you aren't providing an education the state can step in, but as education can be anything, it hardly ever happens. HTH

For me there's pros and cons to both. I'm loving wfh and being able to do the school run (when it's open!). I'm enjoying not driving dc to after school activities and sitting about waiting. All done at Zoom at the moment. I seem to have more time due to no commute and generally less demand on our family to be so. It's definitely made me think about how I want my life to be when we do return to normality. I'm usually such a people pleaser and hardly get a minute to myself. I like that I can lounge about on a Sunday with messy hair and no make up and there is no chance of anyone popping in. I do however miss my family so much, and doing nice things together like going for a meal, or a day out. We've gone out a handful of times as a family a handful of times to the local park, but just find it so stressful to be out. I look forward to to the time we can just go somewhere without worrying about have we brought our masks, enough hand gel and whether the toilets will be open!

I don't have to get up so early at the moment, and I definitely don't miss the traffic jams on Tinsley viaduct.

Another working single parent who has found life so much more manageable with home working.

I keep reminding myself that during maternity leave I dreaded going back to the office, but once I did, it was fine and had some benefits. No doubt this will be the same whenever things resume.

I could say so many things about extrovert personalities and how I feel about them and what makes me glad to not REALLY be that way. But have you noticed it’s always the other way round? Always the extroverted people who need to be surrounded by others who are throwing nasty jibes and dismissive catty comments.

I really hate these introvert versus extrovert 'wars' that have become so common on MN of late. People don't come in little boxes labelled 'introvert' and 'extrovert', with everyone assigning themselves to either category having the same personality.

As I said in my first response, I consider myself an introvert. I can happily spend weeks alone, as I have done over the past year. Which isn't to say I don't like socialising in the right circumstances, but if I get an invitation I'm not interested in, I turn it down. You could do so too. If people get 'upset' by missing out on my sparkling with, then that's their problem, isn't it? It's up to you to allow obnoxious people to 'guilt trip' you for depriving them of your company. That's on you.