Is anyone else going to find things going back to normal difficult?

[Makinganewthinghappen]

I know that most people are hating lockdown and have struggled and I don’t want this thread to come across as being insensitive to that - so I apologise if it does.

I have 2 children who are autistic. My children have been home educated for years so that’s not been an issue for us. Over the last year demands on us as a family have disappeared. There has been no pressure to take the children to groups and activities to help the socialize, nobody has randomly popped in disrupting the routine, appointments that can over the phone have been. We have been going out places but very limited places - the beach or the park for example.

The anxiety level in my house has plummeted.
I KNOW we can’t hide away forever, the children have to go places, we have to see people. I realised when reading threads on here that when people are talking joyfully about a return to normality and wave of dread sweeps over me.

I am starting to come up with a plan to gradually get them used to things again. Short meet ups in familiar places, and little trips to more crowded places.

I was just wondering if anyone else was going to have to do this sort of thing? I actually feeling quite worried about it.

I don’t have children, but I am not missing my horror commute or having to interact with real people. My stress levels have never been lower, well, for as long as I have a job anyway. I have spent years working in an industry where face time culture is very much a thing and working from home has always been considered impossible so I am dreading going back to that.

I really hate these introvert versus extrovert 'wars' that have become so common on MN of late. People don't come in little boxes labelled 'introvert' and 'extrovert', with everyone assigning themselves to either category having the same personality

I agree. I'm an introvert. I need time alone every single day to recharge or else I feel jittery, on edge and anxious. A few hours alone relieves that.

Lockdown has meant I havent had that because everyone is at home all the time so actually, lockdown has been horrible for many introverts.

I personally dont think that being able to avoid some social functions/invitations is a legit reason to want the lockdown to continue, not in the context of the damage it has wreaked on so many people's mental health. If you want to continue lockdown life after it ends you are perfectly able to. You can legally home school your kids and you can simply say NO to social invitations you dont wish to go to. Thats not enough reason to wish it to last longer and I say that as an introvert.

I’m an introvert who can’t wait for lockdown to end.
I’ve always been choosy about the events I attend. If I don’t want to go then I don’t go. If people are arsey about that, well then that’s their issue isn’t it?
I want lockdown to end so I can continue to choose to do things that I will enjoy, and not do the things that I won’t.
I find it odd that some people would rather no one had the choice to do anything (lockdown) than just assess their own lives and decide what it is that does or doesn’t make them happy.

And yes, as an introvert lockdown is pretty shit for me because I never get time alone, and I need that time to recharge.

I find it odd that some people would rather no one had the choice to do anything (lockdown) than just assess their own lives and decide what it is that does or doesn’t make them happy

Yes exactly this- you put it better than I did.

People can choose not to attend social things if they so wish, it doesnt have to be a government enforced lockdown to enable that FFS!

Sure, it might be awkward saying no but then, since when have any of us been able to please everyone all of the time anyway? People can always find something to moan and whine about.

The very worst that can happen is they'll be pissed off- so what? let them be pissed off then, the world isnt going to end simply because they choose to throw a tantrum is it?

100% agree OP. I'm autistic and working from home this year has been incredible for my physical and mental health. I've changed my diet, started exercising, lost weight, been recognised as an expert at work and promoted.

Its hard to describe, but it's like my brain and body are nestled in a sort of gentle soft cloud or bubble bath all the time. There's just no daily exhaustion and physical pain from being in an office - it's a revelation that this is possibly how most people physically feel most of the time.

(And if me acknowledging this temporary comfort irritates anyone reading, you can perhaps comfort yourself that for the other 40+ years of my life, I have suffered that deep exhaustion and physical pain every single day. You perhaps win that round instead.)

@zzizzer

100% agree OP. I'm autistic and working from home this year has been incredible for my physical and mental health. I've changed my diet, started exercising, lost weight, been recognised as an expert at work and promoted.

Its hard to describe, but it's like my brain and body are nestled in a sort of gentle soft cloud or bubble bath all the time. There's just no daily exhaustion and physical pain from being in an office - it's a revelation that this is possibly how most people physically feel most of the time.

(And if me acknowledging this temporary comfort irritates anyone reading, you can perhaps comfort yourself that for the other 40+ years of my life, I have suffered that deep exhaustion and physical pain every single day. You perhaps win that round instead.)

It's an extrovert/NT world ordinarily. It's difficult for those who aren't.

Hi from Sheffield

Nope. I will go STRAIGHT back to normal, as soon as Saint Boris pulls his finger out of his arse. And then I will get involved in any pressure groups I can to stave off the danger of lockdown ever happening again.

And if me acknowledging this temporary comfort irritates anyone reading, you can perhaps comfort yourself that for the other 40+ years of my life, I have suffered that deep exhaustion and physical pain every single day. You perhaps win that round instead

I'm sure people losing their homes, livelihoods, those in domestic violence situations and abused kids will really appreciate this.

Also, you dont need a lockdown to change your diet and exercise FGS

I would have said no, but I popped into a co op today to pick up some bits that my morrisons order failed to bring (which completely negates the benefits of an online order, annoyingly) and a guy strolled in, no mask on, walked past me, and then coughed. I suddenly felt a panic rising. I think it may be a while before I feel comfortable doing normal things, which makes me very sad, as I have travelled continents alone and am very confident.

@wanderings

Nope. I will go STRAIGHT back to normal, as soon as Saint Boris pulls his finger out of his arse. And then I will get involved in any pressure groups I can to stave off the danger of lockdown ever happening again.

Well the latter part absolutely, greater care for the environment, planet, food supplies , greater hygiene , stronger health services. Removal of insanitary practises and helping people live better lives

I’m happy to go back to normal - looking forward to it. I love football matches and gigs and plays and meals out and holidays etc
I was supposed to be going to the Emin exhibition today .
I’ll also be very glad when my industry (film and telly) can start operating in a more relaxed manner.
Although I hope - as a sector - that we’ve broken the habit of so many meetings. So much face to face time that could easily be done by email.

I do think that a lot of things are not going to ever go back to normal as we have realised now that we can do so many things without being “present” so I wouldn’t worry about getting ready to go back to normal as we are more likely to end up living in a new normal, not in terms of being cautious about infection but on the way we work and relate.

We had so many issues with office space and now we know we can work from home (particularly if the schools are open), we have learned how to teach online and how to keep in touch with people constantly without the need to see them in person, doctors are able to provide advice on the phone, most stores had got better at distributing their products directly to homes.

It seems that new normal may end up being a nice middle ground where your children (and us introverted people) can function better without having to conform to the expectations that do not quite match our likes and needs.

Best part of the new normal would be, I expect that there will be more flexibility and options for people to do what works best for them be it being gregarious or keep a distance.

DS2 (autism and ADHD) has an EHCP and attends internet school because brick school was a disaster academically and socially for him as an individual.

But socialisation (being in social environments) is put forward (and accepted) as the reason for LA preference of large secondary despite the negative impact on his individual academic and social progress. Even if being in the social group is negative - no friendship groups, isolation bullying etc.

Hence we have to jump through hoops to evidence attendance of social clubs even if it is counterproductive and despite the stress it causes to the family. It is a relief to have a 'valid' excuse.

It is normal to dread being forced back into a negative situation. For some people state mandated expanding of their comfort zone insisting on increased socialisation is just as much a threat to freedom of choice and well being as state mandated restrictions to reduce socialisation. And it's not a temporary pandemic response.

Ah tellme, perhaps I didn't express that well, and I'm genuinely sorry that I managed to rub you the wrong way. Of course some (many?) people are worse off right now. Some will have had both lifelong disabilities AND horrible recent experiences.

But I'm just saying that before anyone gets too jealous because a tiny, tiny, miniscule number of us have flourished in some way this year, maybe try to understand that the "regular normal" world is torment for us - that's why this is a small temporary break. Personally if I had any way of flipping it around so that I found regular life wonderful and this year awful, I bloody would.

And of course people can reinvent themselves at any time, but for me personally it took having the mental energy and physical break from office life and all it entailed to be able to do it.

I LOVE not having unexpected visitors dropping in and will really miss it when it's gone.
I also quite like the social distancing in supermarkets.
Supermarket shopping has been a dream during covid.
No long queues at the checkouts
It's been great being able to go in, do the shopping and back out again without hoards of crowds breathing down your neck.
Shops in general have been more organised and civilised since covid.
I hope it stays that way when restrictions are lifted.

[quote trulydelicious]@IcedPurple

If you prefer your own company, then that's your choice

I think it's more about other people's expectations. As currently there's no expectations regarding social 'chores', it's a relief for some.[/quote]
I agree.
There are some social chores that are unavoidable and people do them for the sake of the peace.
Sometimes you're expected to attend something.

@KarmaNoMore

I do think that a lot of things are not going to ever go back to normal as we have realised now that we can do so many things without being “present” so I wouldn’t worry about getting ready to go back to normal as we are more likely to end up living in a new normal, not in terms of being cautious about infection but on the way we work and relate.

We had so many issues with office space and now we know we can work from home (particularly if the schools are open), we have learned how to teach online and how to keep in touch with people constantly without the need to see them in person, doctors are able to provide advice on the phone, most stores had got better at distributing their products directly to homes.

It seems that new normal may end up being a nice middle ground where your children (and us introverted people) can function better without having to conform to the expectations that do not quite match our likes and needs.

Best part of the new normal would be, I expect that there will be more flexibility and options for people to do what works best for them be it being gregarious or keep a distance.

I agree with this we will be able to work from home part time which I wanted to do for a few years !

@LindaEllen

So I phoned the GP, finally, years too late, and I'm now on medication

I find it so unfair that people have to go on medication because of the expectations of others (even from people who mean well e.g. family).

Meds may be very helpful in a lot of instances, obviously. But it seems somewhat wrong that someone may be absolutely fine, anxiety-free and cracking on with life because there is no imperative to socialise and, the moment this external requirement reappears, MH issues resurface.

It shouldn't be like this, people should not feel the need to mask all the time

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

I personally dont think that being able to avoid some social functions/invitations is a legit reason to want the lockdown to continue

I don't think that anyone truly wants the lockdown to continue. I think it's more that people are surprised by anxiety completely vanishing overnight because of the lockdown (it's like an unexpected consequence of the lockdown that few would have forseen IMO)

Reading the comments on here the extroverts don't realise how much pressure is put on most of us to socialise.Just because someone loves it doesn't mean we all do.
I say this as someone who is quite chatty and friendly over the years I am more than happy not to go to parties or works dos.
No one is suggesting lockdown isn't hard on the economy and our financial situations it has had some benefits on our MH.

@zzizzer

Its hard to describe, but it's like my brain and body are nestled in a sort of gentle soft cloud or bubble bath all the time

Yes, it's difficult to explain, but, because the problem (artificially and temporarily) disappeared, one can almost prove exactly what the problem is IYSWIM

I'm worried about the element of surveying the damage and coming to terms with what has been lost.

Its one thing bracing yourself to get through this difficult time, but to come to terms with what's happened afterwards will be very difficult for some people. I'm one of them. By the summer I'll be 36, still single and regrettably childless, having lost the close relationships I had with others' children who have now grown a lot, and even the fun stuff one can have the freedom to do when childless is unlikely to be happening (travel, gigs, festivals etc.)

For now I'm surviving, but I don't know how I'll cope after surviving.

I can't wait. And to be honest I'd be happy to now too.
Admittedly I never liked the pressure of trying see everybody regularly. Always felt like everyday was packed with meet ups with the 2 smallest. However lot sof these people I've come to realise during this past year are very self centred and selfish. And havent missed them. So I know that will be easier to eliminate them when we can socialise again