Stress of WFH and home schooling

[Randommother]

I'm really worried for my mental health at the moment. I'm working from home in a high stress job, and have 2 primary aged children. I cannot work with them at home, it simply doesn't work. My eldest is set up to work in the living room, doing the minimum amount he can get away with, whilst my youngest works at the dining table with either myself or my husband supervising whilst trying to work.

School have been brilliant, and responded to this lockdown well, and the kids both have 2 or 3 online face to face sessions a day, with other work set for then to complete. The problem is my youngest needs supervision during the contact sessions, and help with the set work (we never complete this, it's just not possible). When they aren't doing school work they either play (very loudly) or bicker and fight with each other, and constantly interrupt us to ask for snacks / help / cuddles / etc..

My boss is trying to be understanding, but there's no reduction in workload or pressure, and there's no option to take time out. Most of my colleagues are male with older children, and the few with young children generaly have wives who don't work or are furloughed. The advice we've been given from work is to try to work in a room away from family to avoid disruption!

I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage for the next few weeks. I cannot do this. I ended up shouting at the kids today, which isn't fair as it's not their fault, and throwing a complete full on crying pity party. If I already feel like I'm failing at this when we are barely a week in, how the hello am I going to feel come March?!

How are other people in this situation coping? I really don't think I can sustain this without putting myself at risk of a full on breakdown.

Sorry if it’s been mentioned but do we legally have to attend all of the live lessons? How much do we have to do?
I’m all for keeping calm and keeping my job and am happy for ds to do the work but can attend all live lessons and do the work within 9-3pm. We can do worksheets at 5pm for example when finished work.
I have emailed this and stated this is what we are doing and so far this is accepted but I just wondered if others could do the same and do we are allowed to quite frankly say no to school. (As long as you are ok with that which I am as ds is not behind and we are still completing the work - just in our own time)
Takes the stress out a bit

I've had a slightly better day today - I've been working in the upstairs office while DH was in the midst of the chaos downstairs so I've managed a fairly productive day. That said I had one call with a crying child in my knee.. Tomorrow DH is out, so I'm back in the fray downstairs.

I did have a look at our parental leave policy, and we need to give 21 days notice to take it. I'm going to try to get a call with my boss later this week to see what we can work out, as this really isn't sustainable.

Hope everyone else survived the day!

I'm really torn on this discussion tbh - while I posted earlier to say how much I feel all your pain on this (2 primary aged children, both parents working full time and trying to juggle homeschooling), how do people really expect petitions and requests to mandate furlough/parental leave etc to actually work out for us? My company would be unable to operate if more than a certain number of staff were furloughed/on leave, so then where does that leave it - unstable future, possible job losses etc. They aren't a charity - how can they function effectively without a load of their staff present? It's a totally shit situation, and seems impossible but if anything if I get to the point I can't cope, I would have to just give up on the home schooling aspects to ensure I still have a job and financial security at the end of all this

I am in a similar position and spoke to my employer who were brilliant. We have agreed that I will minimise work commitments, meetings and calls in the morning and I will homeschool them I will work 12.00 onwards into the evening until everything is done.
It is not good for my mental health but it is a way of doing everything temporarily and still paying the mortgage.

Can anyone tell me how I provide adequate care (as in making sure he's safe and fed, not even educated!) for a 6 year old with attention and attachment issues, while doing a key worker government job from home which involves being on the phone to clients every day for a full diary of 8 hours. Literally tied to my desk. Anyone?! 😢

Not sure if this has already been discussed but those of you who are supporting a right to furlough for all parents, how do you see this working out for keyworkers? How do you see hospitals/emergency services/supermarkets operating safely, particularly when they are busier than ever if they had to furlough parents on request and lose a significant of their workforce?

I appreciate these staff can access school places (although that is not guaranteed) but do you think they would prefer to be at home with their children on 80% pay if it was an option for them?

Would the right to furlough only be available to private sector employees whilst public sector employees continue to work themselves into the ground having already done so for 9 months?

Last lockdown we coped just fine. We had 2-3 hours of schoolwork a day. The rest of the time DS amused himself by learning his instruments, punctuated with some TV and reading. This time we are expected to supervise a full timetable. It's too much for all of us.

The DfE has a lot to answer for. Their insistence on a minimum of 4 hours teaching and learning for KS2 children and the requirement for teachers to monitor and measure improvement is causing unnecessary stress all around.

It's unbelievably hard and we have all but given up with homeschooling. Kids are too young to sit and work through worksheets by themselves. We don't have time so get grumpy with.the kids when they ask for help. We've got no engagement from school other than the teacher occasionally marking the odd thing we return. There are no live lessons. Both WFH FT. It's impossible. Constant guilt, not managing to help kids or complete work. Feel for all those that are trying to do this without any support. Appreciate we are lucky to have jobs and to be able to WFH, but it just doesn't let up.

@Reachersloveinterest

Can anyone tell me how I provide adequate care (as in making sure he's safe and fed, not even educated!) for a 6 year old with attention and attachment issues, while doing a key worker government job from home which involves being on the phone to clients every day for a full diary of 8 hours. Literally tied to my desk. Anyone?! 😢

Not very helpful but

Any chance you and dh can take annual leave 0.5 day a week each and get some work done on the weekends?

I mean school work on WE.

I'm lucky (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) that I was made redundant end of last year that I can sit with my youngest and do the school work with him because he definitely couldn't do it alone without supervision. My older dc would have been able to cope just fine if I was still working (10 and 14) but the 5yo its all or nothing. I have noticed that not all children are online every day presumably to fit in with parents work schedules, but lessons are recorded to view later if needed

By recognising that you can’t do it all. Concentrate on getting the most important lessons at school done.

I have two under seven at primary. We are concentrating on phonics, English and Math. If anything else gets done it’s a bonus.

Please be kind to yourself

I am bone tired and feel like I'm failing everyone.

DH is working 12 hour days in a frontline key worker industry and cannot work from home. I wfh in the same industry that is very, very busy.

I'm first up and last to bed every weekday and we alternate lay ins at weekends.

DS is ASD and isn't getting enough exercise or stimulation to get him to sleep at a decent hour. I can't run him in to the ground like school does, and get 8 hours of work done a day.

Homeschooling is almost non-existent. I'm lucky if I can get him to do one worksheet a day, which takes him 30 minutes so he is then on fortnite for the rest of the day to allow me to work. His education is failing. DS is a total daddy's boy but as I'm home with him all the time, DS now rejects DH's attempts to read to him, put him to bed, anything that would help me basically.

DD16 is practically surviving without no input from me, bless her, and I feel so guilty for that. She says she understands but it sucks. I'm grateful that she has a young carer support group that are having zoom meetings, which gives her time out and support. I shudder to think what the group must think of me / us.

DH comes home, cooks, cleans and does the admin, but is equally as exhausted as me. It's pointless trying to get DH to do bedtime as DS will have a meltdown and makes things worse. DH is feeling very pushed out and it's causing tension between us. He's a good man, the last year has almost broken him and his industry is unforgiving and largely unrecognised. He is still recovering from the effects of Covid that he brought home from work at Christmas. Thanks DH, I'd have preferred tea towels.

I'm typing this while sitting on DS's bed watching him fidget and listening to DH and DD (and Dcat) snore across the house. It'll be at least 1am before DS goes off and I'll be up at about 5am to get a head start on work before doing the day all over again. I'm grateful we have jobs and are ok financially, but mentally and physically we are ruined.

OP, there is no answer to this shit show, but you're not alone. We are all just surviving one day at a time.

That was way longer than I planned.

Well,I've just finished work for the day. I am lucky to have a flexible job - the downside is I don't seem to have any time to do it during the day around the 4DC so late nights it is. Up at 6 tomorrow.

It is a nightmare - you can neither work nor parent effectively.

And feel utterly stuck as am self-employed - even if I wanted to drop clients, I have to give 6 weeks notice. No financial help available and there is work to be done.

No idea what the answer is but I sympathise and empathise with you all.

I leave my work till my two (also primary) have finished. Husband works with sensitive info so it’s just me supporting them and one needs a lot of contact too (and the other needs me on hand for help). I can’t do my work too so I do it 3-5pm and 7-12 or 1pm. I’m shattered but way less stressed.

Ps appreciate not everyone can have that flexibility just sharing.

It's shit and it doesn't work.

Hopefully the government will soon realise?

Ok. Ready for the backlash but consider this scenario:
You have 3 kids . Wife made redundant due covid. You have 3 kids one special needs . You and wife get covid despite following all rules and not going anywhere except for food/walk for months . Both very unwell for couple of weeks . Husband then takes turn for worse and is hospitalised despite being under 40 and told will prob get worse before felling better and be left with long covid . Employer doesn’t pay sick pay. Wife at home too unwell to do schooling and worried how mortgage will be paid .
You have 2 wages coming in , you’re safe WFH your children are safe .
Get a life . Get up before kids and do some work . Work whilst they are in bed. Have a rota with partner.
Can you tell I’m fed up ?

Working until 11pm last night. Back on the computer now, and that is mainly due to the disruption of having more people around, so basic parenting. If I actually tried to get my youngest to do set school work I dread to think when I would sleep.

I think all of us, especially the government, need to give each other some slack, decide our own priorities (beyond doing whatever is required to limit virus spead) and support each other in doing that. For me my priorities are firstly mental wellbeing of my family, making sure there is food available, making sure essential work happens, including my dd in 'exam' year, making sure everyone has opportunities to exercise and I am afraid that if I tried to throw in getting ds to do school work which is too basic, he finds too easy and he won't do without excessive prompting then something which actually matters will drop. He is top of his class, I don't mind and he doesn't mind if his levels were to drop. We have a rule that between 9 and 3.30 he must be doing something educational and he must account for his time. He is happy, we are happy, school not quite so happy. Something has to give.

@Lamby225 if that's your situation, than I'm sorry that really does sound shit. But this isn't a "my life is worse than yours" thread. I stared this because I am really worried about how to cope, and honestly worried about the affect it is having on my mental health. If you read the posts there are too many of us who feel the same way - being told to get a life, or be thankful for what we have isn't helpful, but I think you know that. Sorry you're having such a hard time, but please don't use it to minimise the struggles others are facing.

Can you hire a nanny in the short term?