Stress of WFH and home schooling

[Randommother]

I'm really worried for my mental health at the moment. I'm working from home in a high stress job, and have 2 primary aged children. I cannot work with them at home, it simply doesn't work. My eldest is set up to work in the living room, doing the minimum amount he can get away with, whilst my youngest works at the dining table with either myself or my husband supervising whilst trying to work.

School have been brilliant, and responded to this lockdown well, and the kids both have 2 or 3 online face to face sessions a day, with other work set for then to complete. The problem is my youngest needs supervision during the contact sessions, and help with the set work (we never complete this, it's just not possible). When they aren't doing school work they either play (very loudly) or bicker and fight with each other, and constantly interrupt us to ask for snacks / help / cuddles / etc..

My boss is trying to be understanding, but there's no reduction in workload or pressure, and there's no option to take time out. Most of my colleagues are male with older children, and the few with young children generaly have wives who don't work or are furloughed. The advice we've been given from work is to try to work in a room away from family to avoid disruption!

I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage for the next few weeks. I cannot do this. I ended up shouting at the kids today, which isn't fair as it's not their fault, and throwing a complete full on crying pity party. If I already feel like I'm failing at this when we are barely a week in, how the hello am I going to feel come March?!

How are other people in this situation coping? I really don't think I can sustain this without putting myself at risk of a full on breakdown.

I have read that you can be furloughed con this exact reason. Could you ask?

employer has to agree. furlough is not a 'right'. many employers won't put struggling parents in furlough because they need the workforce. I work for a blue chip company and my department has about 40 people (cust service type of roles) - many with young children. not a single colleague is on furlough despite some of us being quite desperate and asked. apparently, we are needed and it's not fair on the childless.

Oh and I can’t be furloughed (or even have any paid annual leave - we’re too busy). I’m basically working every hour in the day either at home schooling or work - the prospect that this could be for months is agonising

My sympathy is with all of you with younger children. I have one older primary who needs help and one in secondary who's lonely and sad and I've just handed in my notice. Last time was so miserable for all of us, plus I spent all of the Autumn finding massive holes in my work I've had to put right or make up for. I'm lucky to be able to afford it but do think this might be the final nail in the coffin of my career that's been limping about for the last few years! Not the worst problem to have, I know.

Home schooling will WFH is a special kind of Hell.

We have a Year 3 with loads of work, struggling to get through it and a Year 5 who had so little yesterday, she finished by lunch. Then the fights begin. Constant supervision is needed and work doesn’t allow for that. I’m so glad we aren’t pulled into calls at certain times as I have meetings that don’t enable me to join a parent child Teams session.

Just going to keep muddling through and hoping for the best.

I can fully empathise OP. We only have one DD7 but DH has a very full on job. My job is more 9-5 but still last lockdown nearly broke me doing work/home school 6am-11pm - caused a recurrence of severe mental illness.

I’ve reduced my hours at work (as so many women seem to have to...) and decided mental health for the family is the priority. We’ve had the three line whip from school about engagement but I know if realistically we couldn’t do it they would just have to suck it up! Luckily there is only one live lessons and the others are video and work sheets.

This time I’m much more chilled about DD working next to me and if she interrupts or I get less done so be it. Last time work refused unpaid parental leave and I realised that if I don’t prioritise my health no other fucker will, so I am!

If you can take PL I definitely would. It’s the mental space more than anything and just a breather from the relentless demands!!

It was awful last time and is awful again . Only just getting over the anxiety caused by last time and here we are again. Online provision is woeful and assumes a parent is able to support. I don't need school for childcare, I need school to provide appropriate education targeted at DD's age. I can support her with accessing it, but not delivering it. They don't get the difference. So she will miss out, i will fail at doing both jobs, and we'll all be upset.

I just sympathise so much. Wfh full time as a police sergeant while dh is out of the house for NHS. Trying to home school a very reluctant 7 year old, and entertain a very bored 3 year old. My kids can't overhear my conversations, as highly sensitive, and I have a tiny house, so I have to lock myself in the kitchen for calls, with 7 year old on teams in the living room with 3 year old bouncing around him. I can't put 7 year old in his bedroom as 1. He would do no work at all 2. Last time he managed to get in trouble for posting a gif of a bottom in bikini pants. Everyone shouting and stressed and at breaking point already. My work are flexible on the surface, but all of my meetings are obviously during the day so can't change hours around them.

YANBU; it is shit and unsustainable. And if one more person tells working parents to ‘suck it up’ or ‘just get on with it’, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.

I hear you OP. It feels like we are forgotten casualties. The situation here is both adults working full time, while trying to support and educate one child in KS1 and one child in KS2.

One moment work say they "understand things are difficult" and "they will provide flexibility to working parents", and in the very next message it's "attend this 2 hour meeting right now, about an important task that needs finishing today without fail".

Then you get messages from school that say "we understand some families are struggling", followed by "all children must do at least 3 hours of school work per day, please send pictures evidencing their work".

Asking for furlough gets a polite "sorry but no". We're key enough that our companies can't spare us, but not key enough to be key workers.

We're not heroes, we're just working parents.

As working parents, we need to organise ourselves into a cohesive group and fight for ourselves here. The only reason we’re being shat upon like this is that we have no voice, arent screaming for attention and are easy to ignore.

It seems obvious now that no matter what provision is provided by schools , it's pretty much impossible to wfh successfully with primary age, unless there are two of you and you're able to split shifts.

One of the many reasons I'm glad that DS is older is I'm not sure DH would have stepped up to the plate and changed his hours in order to facilitate DSs learning and me not having a breakdown. But then luckily we could have afforded unpaid leave if needed.

It's a no win situation for so many and government is expecting businesses just to take the hit, so they of course pass it on to parents.

What do you want to fight for?

Schools to reopen? I can't support that with the daily situation in my hospital despite how shit home schooling is
Employers to have to grant childcare furlough or at least flexibility/ part time work/ parental leave- that seems a good idea although doesn't help us as frontline NHS abs self employed so can't furlough himself
Schools not to teach curriculum and go back to mainly childcare? A lot of people would oppose that (not me). Lots of people want more live lessons and work set etc. I personally think an attitude of its here if you want to/ can do it is best but schools have been slated for that last time

What do you want to fight for?

If schools can’t be open, childcare available for working parents. This situation is not sustainable.

Yes I want schools to reopen. Education should be on an equal footing with health,

Last year was easier for me in many ways - though still awful - this time its a nightmare. I support the closing of schools, but my workload has massively increased compared to March (partly because of things that didn't get done then) and I just have deadlines now that absolutely cannot be missed.

One big difference is that DH was furloughed last year, now he has a new job and is WFH.

But I don't think at the minute it's realistic to ask schools to be open or for childcare to be available as that just replicates the issue elsewhere.

I think government needs to oblige companies to offer/agree
furlough/reduced hours/parental leave ( without the usual 21 days waiting period) wherever it is possible to do so.

There also needs to be a clear plan to reopen schools. What does the rolling 7 day infection rate need to be to make that happen? Some money needs to be spent on PPE for teachers and move them into one of the priority groups so they feel safer teaching.

It's not just people working from home. I still have to go out to work and my disabled dd college won't give her a place. So I have to do work then come home to help her. I'm shattered now.

Yes, I want to school to reopen. People keep pointing to high infections rate, but the virus is no more deadly now than last year, and there is no evidence that children contribute to the spread. It is ridiculous that we sacrifice children's wellbeing for something so unfounded. The damage is devastating for families, because we are not talking about being out of school for weeks, but months and months. On top of that, children have their clubs and activities suspended, told not to socialise with friends. And the mental toll on parents, because people like me now live with the fear that the government can just close school again at any sign of rising infections (even though it really has no benefit), and lockdown zealots make you feel like you have committed a crime if you are not a NHS doctor and choose to send your child to school under the key worker criteria.

I just the society to care more about the forgotten children and I want to schools to reopen.

@CovoidOfAllHumanity

What do you want to fight for?

Schools to reopen? I can't support that with the daily situation in my hospital despite how shit home schooling is
Employers to have to grant childcare furlough or at least flexibility/ part time work/ parental leave- that seems a good idea although doesn't help us as frontline NHS abs self employed so can't furlough himself
Schools not to teach curriculum and go back to mainly childcare? A lot of people would oppose that (not me). Lots of people want more live lessons and work set etc. I personally think an attitude of its here if you want to/ can do it is best but schools have been slated for that last time

Schools open for the children of critical keyworkers only. Narrow the definition properly.

Proper legal protections for parents to take childcare furlough up to age 11, and no recourse possible from employers (basically making it a protected characteristic)

Other countries manage it. Boris mumbles “we expect employers to be understanding”.

Excellent.

I would happily sign a petition to Gov on the lack of support for working parents as its utterly shit. All employers take a different approach. I am not allowed to be furloughed and I am single and going insane with worry and anxiety with 2 primary kids at home. I was sobbing into my son's arms last night fgs.

Yes, yes, yes. This is all fucking shit.

I’ve a 5 year old just started school in august.

Last lockdown both of us wfh while looking after him. No homeschooling thankfully, but I had professional exams and a stressful job. Then in sept we had to self isolate and keep him off school a few days. I have MH issues which are triggered by stress. By mid September I was off work with MH issues.

I’m a lot better now, but actually cried when It was announced the schools were shutting in Scotland.

This time I don’t think my work are as understanding. But, I’m prioritizing my MH and only doing my contracted hours and taking breaks throughout the day to look after my son. I’ll do my best to do a good job and meet deadlines. But, not at the cost to my health.

I agree that the government need to help with parents. Either allow furlough for one parent for non key workers where the child is under 10 (or older for kids with special needs) or put it legislation making it illegal for people to be fired due to childcare reasons during lockdown

Hi all, please consider signing this petition

I’ve made a petition – will you sign it?

Click this link to sign the petition:
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/569802/sponsors/new?token=VT-ZgcMbp2qQ73p6Xpnh

My petition:

Provide more help to working parents during lockdown

Consider opening up furlough to one parent per family with kids under 10 (or 16 with special needs) where school/ nursery is closed. This should be at parents discretion: not employers. Legislation put in place to protect parents from losing jobs due to childcare issues caused by COVID

During the pandemic, many families are trying to juggle working (either from home or otherwise ) and homeschooling with no childcare. This is having a severe impact on mental health of families, and particularly impacts women who in general take on the larger load of childcare responsibilities

Click this link to sign the petition:
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/569802/sponsors/new?token=VT-ZgcMbp2qQ73p6Xpnh

It’s hell and we’re the lucky ones; I have a flexibilish job, we have a big house to spread out, DS has his own computer, great lessons from school, we’re comfortably off, only have one 11 year old to worry about etc etc but it’s still hell! I don’t have enough headspace for this.

I could have written this post except throw in a very active toddler - I am already at breaking point. Job is pressurized and stressful. I am in third trimester and not well. Will be watching this thread closely as I'm honestly on my knees :(. Sending hugs OP

I totally sympathise OP. That was me exactly in the last lockdown. I took all the annual leave I could as did DH but it wasn't enough. I ended up leaving that job in July even though I could have stayed for a while longer. I was on the verge of burn out and just about managed to step back from the brink. DS had developed an eating disorder during lockdown.

I took two months off and then started a new job in September with slightly reduced hours and an employer who was very clear about their support for flexibility. They have lived up to their promise and have now full time furloughed me on my request when schools closed last week. I could not have coped with juggling job and homeschooling a second time round.

I agree with the call that parents should have the right to be furloughed when schools are closed. For most of us it's simply not possible to do two jobs in these difficult circumstances. Our health and that of our children is likely to suffer. Sadly most employers are not as enlightened as mine. I thank my lucky stars for my one every single day.