Stress of WFH and home schooling

[Randommother]

I'm really worried for my mental health at the moment. I'm working from home in a high stress job, and have 2 primary aged children. I cannot work with them at home, it simply doesn't work. My eldest is set up to work in the living room, doing the minimum amount he can get away with, whilst my youngest works at the dining table with either myself or my husband supervising whilst trying to work.

School have been brilliant, and responded to this lockdown well, and the kids both have 2 or 3 online face to face sessions a day, with other work set for then to complete. The problem is my youngest needs supervision during the contact sessions, and help with the set work (we never complete this, it's just not possible). When they aren't doing school work they either play (very loudly) or bicker and fight with each other, and constantly interrupt us to ask for snacks / help / cuddles / etc..

My boss is trying to be understanding, but there's no reduction in workload or pressure, and there's no option to take time out. Most of my colleagues are male with older children, and the few with young children generaly have wives who don't work or are furloughed. The advice we've been given from work is to try to work in a room away from family to avoid disruption!

I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage for the next few weeks. I cannot do this. I ended up shouting at the kids today, which isn't fair as it's not their fault, and throwing a complete full on crying pity party. If I already feel like I'm failing at this when we are barely a week in, how the hello am I going to feel come March?!

How are other people in this situation coping? I really don't think I can sustain this without putting myself at risk of a full on breakdown.

And the ‘childcare furlough’ or extra leave or reduced hours are not options if like me you do a job that is really niche and no one else in your organisation has the skills to do it, and there are statutory deadlines with big penalties. You just have to get on with it. Our kids are too young to leave alone so my husband and I work ridiculous shifts and never spend any time with each other. I’m in Scotland so the nursery is shut too and the home learning provision is rubbish. I also don’t trust Nicola not to close schools until the summer. She seems totally clueless about how stressful home learning is, and loves a good lockdown. Just taking it day by day and hoping we survive.

Yep, it's totally hideous. DH is a keyworker out of the house 6am - 6pm, I have DC 7 & 9 at home and a full time job involving being the organiser of an international online 2 day conference for over 200 people next week. I have to be there to 'moderate' permanently for 2 days, and homeschool.

Our school is pushing a very strong line on if somebody is at home then the DC should be too, so I will manage, somehow! 😳

I'm live teaching my pupils. My primary aged kid is trying to get on with her work the best she can and has been told to knock at my office door if there is an emergency . It's shit for everyone.

Reception child. Year 3 child. No live lessons but 50 odd sheets of worksheets to accompany the teacher videos which my children won’t watch.

Oh and both me and DH work full time in quite intense, full on jobs. It’s not just the children in tears. By 10am!

Hopefully it won’t be for long. I did consider handing in my notice today though!

I hear you, we are actually categorised as key workers but we both wfh most days, we are trying to do the right thing, keeping our 3 children at home. I almost cry this morning because I feel I was failing to support my children while trying to hold down my job, stay strong everyone.

I would leave the school work to be honest for the weekends. Perhaps practice reading and basic work sheets after your work OP.

It’s a comfort to read that I’m not alone, but sorry for others who are struggling.

I have a healthcare job that is WFH but I just can’t make calls with the kids around - I’m like a red rag to a bull and every time they hear me on a call they come flocking in and start fighting. Cue me trying to stay professional whilst silently wildly flapping at the kids to stop fighting each other and keep quiet.

DS1 (11) has ASD and can’t manage the homeschooling by himself, so needs a lot of input to get going and keep going. DS2 (9) is more self sufficient, or so I thought until I checked some of his work and realised he has got most of it wrong (it wasn’t being marked by the teacher so if I hadn’t noticed he would have assumed he had done it correctly). DS1 has already had a meltdown over his English work and said he wants to die. I can’t leave him when he’s in that state.

I’ve reduced my hours at work as a trial, but if it came to it I would have to choose the kids’ well being over the job. I know I’m in an incredibly fortunate position where I can afford to do that, and I don’t want to, but seeing my son crumpled on the floor just needing some help and love was heartbreaking, and I want to be there for him if (when) that happens again.

It’s so utterly shit, and as a PP said, something’s got to give. It’s impossible to do both things well, IMO.

I’m with you op. Same here. But I have just settled for the fact that my children ‘do not get homeschooled’ because we can’t homeschool then whilst working! Like yours, they do what they can (as little as they can get away with!) And then the rest of the day they play and watch tv (and yes bicker and fight).
It’s not forever. They are primary and they can and will catch up.
Keep your chin up. Keep going. And get some gin in for Friday night x

The mental health impact of WFH and Home Schooling on both parents and children must be vast. Children seeing their parents breaking down in tears trying to teach them and juggle their jobs to ensure they can keep paying the bills. It's awful and not sustainable. Any chance that children had of catching up after the lockdown last year has vanished and they will just slip further behind in the curriculum and the gap widening between those that are able to home-school without distractions and those that can't. DD (age 8) was in tears today because teams crashed and she couldn't log on to access her work. It's so sad :( and who knows when kids will go back to school? I am sure Nicola Sturgeon will have them back at Easter otherwise there how can she allow them to move up an academic year without serious consequences. Sorry am rambling now but the whole situation is so bloody stressful and bad for everyone's mental and physical health - both kids and parents. Hugs to all dealing with this. I just wish they would pause the curriculum (am aware I am possibly in a minority here! but they start school too early anyway IMHO). Tomorrow is a new day and I have to believe that every evening otherwise I'd never sleep!

Does anyone know what the school can actually, legally do if they don't complete any work? I know that at least in primary parents don't have to make their child do homework. Just wondering what the situation is now.

We have a very uneasy truce with school at the moment but they keep pushing the participation angle, even though they say that they cannot and will not differentiate the work. Even ds is asking about deregistration, but it would be a shame with just months to go, many of which they can posture all they like but they can't force him to participate because he isn't there. Also wondering why the school need to know if we are key/critical workers even if we don't take up a placein school.

WinstonmissesXmas there aren't any icu doctors in the year group. A couple of GPs but they have au pairs. It's teachers kids that stay mostly.

It is not even about the learning anymore. I just feel sad that children can't go to school and socialise with friends. This is what they should be doing and it is shameful that we are depriving them of what is natural to children, telling them they must stay home, can't kick a ball with a friend, can't meet up with friends in the park... Two weeks, one month, maybe I can live with it, but we were out of school for an entire f*ing six months when they had the first lockdown in March last year. What makes it even worse is that the all these pain and stress on children and parents are completely unnecessary. I see no evidence that children spread the virus. The number of children who have caught the virus in our my children's schools (Tier 4, London) is actually very small, and other kids in the same year/school have not caught it.

I'm actually envious of people whose schools push for work to be done. My child's school year does one Zoom call per day and sends out a list of things that parents have to do with children, that's all we get.

I feel like I'm living in a world I no longer understand. I hope more parents will come together to make our voice heard to get the kids back in school, and we can say at least we have tried.

@cherryblosm

I'm not doing it. We had a key worker place at school but they're kicking us all out. Was nice for the 4 days while it lasted.

Last year I worked weekends (ironically making sure the covid support line was up and running, not even classed as a key worker) so we could manage it, and for what? Kids learned nothing, I was stressed, my husband was stressed.

This time we're both working from home. We enjoy our jobs, we believe them to be important public sector functions. My predecessor was off from April - June last year and we are still paying for the problems now. It's a job that needs doing. Usually we don't even have time for lunch breaks so how we can absorb the needs of our kids, let alone the education side.

So I've told the school we're not doing home ed their way. Our house, our rules. I'm not getting my kids into their clothes for a 10 min 9am zoom if no-one is physically going to see them for months. It's a headf Nor am I wasting time wading through the deluge of 50 items on the portal. The time all that bs will take I am going to do something fun with the kids. Maybe I can make it educational and fun, maybe I'll just watch Ninjago.

My kids are useless with technology - maybe that's what happens when you have techie parents. They like workbooks so going to try a few of them. At least nothing to download or print.

Good luck!

I love your style. Food for thought.

The whole key worker debacle, another unnecessary shit show, who needs the added stress?

@WinstonmissesXmas

I’m not doing it. We had a key worker place at school but they're kicking us all out. Was nice for the 4 days while it lasted.

Maybe that’s because the stupidly wide definition of critical worker has been slimmed down so that the only children in school are those whose parents cannot possibly work from home, like intensive care doctors, as opposed those who just can’t be arsed!

After reading the posts on this thread, you really thinks it's because parents can't be arsed? Do you enjoy kicking people when they're down or is this an accidental empathy fail @WinstonmissesXmas

I am getting so tired of nasty, belittling and offensive posts attacking families who are between a rock and a hard place like this.

I feel for you OP similar situation here both wfh with a primary age child. Home schooling falling to me at the moment due to various reasons and I'm working until midnight before starting prep for the next day.

It nearly broke us last year but we're focusing on the better times that will come and trying to carve out time for ourselves without devices at weekends to try and switch off (hard to do I know). Hang in there and take it one day at a time x

What an utter mess, I really feel for everyone on here, I have teens a'level and GCSE and even though they are self sufficient they still just stroll in when I'm on calls, they still don't understand "I'm working" and they still come to me and not DH when they want something.

I think if I rewind and was trying to run my business with primary aged children I'd be rocking in a corner crying with the sheer stress.

So to all of you please look after yourselves reduce hours, grab the parental leave, get DH to step up more whatever it takes, look after yourselves.

Saying the kids will be ok in the end is so insulting. Maybe they will, may be they won’t. We’ve never tried experimenting with mass social isolation before, spending our days bullying miserable children into doing some substandard school work and trying to juggle in our own work. Whether they’re going to be ok or not, they aren’t right now and that should matter.

I am appalled the schools have closed indefinitely again. The roads are busy probably with the same people screaming for more and more misery to be heaped on everyone else while the children are voiceless. The evidence is clear that community transmission drives up the r number and whilst their is some risk, certainly in primary the risk of harm to children far outweighs the benefits of school but no one seems to care. We have decided that children are filthy germ spreaders so they must suffer regardless of the facts.

After dd sobbed today I decided that enough was enough and told the school that she was going to do projects based around her interests at home instead. We simply can’t do it all and I think if she’s enjoying learning she’ll do it more independently and learn more. She’s 9 so it’s no use for little ones. For them I’d do a bit of reading and leave it at that.

Say no to the schools. Don’t break yourselves or your children. Let’s get them back as healthy as we can and ready to learn. It’s absolutely grim.

I have ds13. He gets on with it, as the threat of his gaming pc being taken away sorts that out. However, he doesn’t do a second more than required. Minimal all round.
Ds2 (10) with ADHD and EHCP in place is home this week as someone tested positive in his school bubble. It was a complete shambles at home. I’ve emailed the teacher to say we will be reading together. Please send some simple maths. We will also do some history.
I can’t do what they want and I know they will understand. End of. I’m not going to make their life more difficult.
My husband doesn’t know how fucking lucky he is, to have me at home.

random unpaid parental leave needs to be requested 21 days before you take it and authorised just like AL. Employer can turn it down and request you take it at a different point in time.

other than that - I don't home school. DC parked in front of screens (lone parent, one with SN). you just do what you can do and sometimes something gotta give. Education for us in that instance.

Hi op. You're not alone! 3 primary dcs and both me and dh wfh full time. It's certainly a challenge. I'm lucky my boss is flexible and as long as I'm getting my work done he doesn't care what hours of the day i do them in. I keep my expectations of the kids learning low. They only have one lesson to upload for marking every day and i make sure that's done. The stuff that doesn't need to be marked takes second place. Reading happens at bed time. Dh and i do shifts. I wake early to get a couple of hours in before the dcs wake. I'm an early bird by nature though so it suits me.

I'm actually finding the evenings the hardest. Everyone is at each other's throats from stress in the day time. We're all exhausted, agitated and claustrophobic. Our school is very understanding thankfully.

Similar boat here. DS2 is at nursery (for now - who knows how long that will last) and DD5 learning at home. DH has reduced his hours but i feel I really can’t as work have been talking seriously about redundancies - it seems madness to reduce my capacity or voluntarily furlough at the moment. My boss tries to be supportive but I still get messages early/late asking for progress updates and from her sticking her oar in.

We made the decision to start up a childcare bubble with a classmate of DD’s. Our younger children are in the same childcare setting, neither family has a support bubble and it means we can share childcare 4 ways in 2 households and at least get 2 clear quiet days to work. Sure it’s an added risk, but for us it’s one we are prepared to take. I worry hugely about DD missing out on socialisation too.

The whole situation is a bloody mess, all we can do in muddle through the best we can.

I cried at my youngest dds teacher yesterday. My dh works out of the house from 6-5:30 and I have no one that can help. My job needs about 8 hours a day from me and at least some of that has to be in school hours. Plus I need to feed everyone (not even thinking about the tip of a house)

How I’m meant to homeschool a 4 year old (or even just not neglect her) on top of that I don’t know. Especially when school are expecting and demanding her attend live lessons and upload work every day - she won’t sit for more than a couple of minutes listening before wandering off if I’m not right there with her - screens aren't her thing.

I’m literally at breaking point.

I have read that you can be furloughed con this exact reason. Could you ask?
Alternatively, could you work weekends and only 3 days during the week starting in the afternoons and working into the evenings?

@Randommother

I've just looked on the government website and it looks like the uk parental leave policy is up to 4 weeks per child per year, with a max of 18 weeks per child before their 18th birthday. I don't think financially I could take 8 weeks unpaid, but I could manage 4. I'll look into it properly tomorrow.

i thought that you could be furloughed for this reason. Do look into it.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/uk-news/martin-lewis-parents-furlough-childcare-19584763.amp