There is nothing in my children’s lives

[Howdydooo]

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

I’m surprised at the insouciance of some posters. Of course we need to stay as positive as possible for the children’s sake, but I do think children’s mental health is being affected and ignoring that doesn’t help.

I can see that this is very difficult for older teens and young people in their early 20s. Their brains are still developing and we don’t know what affect this will have. It’s a time when they are forming identities and learning about relationships and belonging separate from their immediate families.

The BBC recently reported that reported eating disorders in teens is up four fold. I think that is probably representative of a range of mental health issues. I would expect self harm, depression, anxiety, etc. to also be up. I also assume that this rate reflects under-reporting due to COVID.

I think if OP had titled this thread ‘I’m concerned for my child’s mental health’ (or something similar) then people wouldn’t need to point out that others are far worse off. OP claiming that there is nothing in her children’s lives screams for a comparison of where children ACTUALLY have nothing!

Suggest to them to choose something that they'd like to achieve. Last time we spent ages trying to motivate my teenager to do anything other than watch Tiktok and YouTube videos. In the autumn she started learning a language and said in November " I wish I'd started doing this in lockdown when I had all that time, I'd have learnt so much more by now!" We tried to point out to her that that's what we had been trying to tell her. She's still learning the language and now decided this time to try and learn the guitar. I know it's not always practical to try something new but just one little spark can make all the difference. My son has decided to learn coding and the ukelele. It doesn't have to be complicated or expensive, even something like learning some basic cooking and having a online bake off with their friends can help them feel in touch with each other. I don't think it's necessarily worse for secondary school kids, mine seem quite happy to chat to their friends online and play online games together between lessons. At least secondary aged children don't need the constant input to entertain them that younger children do.

It’s hard and tough and yes, kids will miss out on some things but come on, 1000 people died today. Staying home is necessary. Make the best of it that you can. It’s not forever. Kids are not sacrificing their childhood. It’s up to us to get them through it.
Anyone that is really struggling with it please reach out to someone you trust and tell them you are not ok,

I am just after finding this thread and am looking forward to reading it tomorrow. My daughter is 5 so I know is not as hard as teens and I times I do feel sad for her but overall I think she will be ok. Yes she is watching way too much Disney etc and on tablet too much but it will just hopefully be for another few months. After that I look forward to plenty of fun things and think I will use the excuse of this shitty year to have as many holidays fun days out etc.

I’d rather keep my children at home in exchange for saving a few peoples lives.
I know it’s hard, OP. But our elderly and vulnerable really do deserve to live.
We have to make the best of it.

@formerbabe

I haven't been able to enjoy my parents company since it all started, I see them from a distance outside their house once every 2weeks. Pre-covid I used to stay over once a week with my 2 kids and I am counting the days when I can smother them with my hugs and kisses

You seem to enjoy competitive misery so I'll join in and say I don't think it's in the least bit sad a grown adult hasn't seen mummy and daddy for a few months...thank your lucky stars you still have them.

I like your work formerbabe

@MusicMan65

Tell them to direct their anger at the Chinese government!

Don’t you think the UK govt are at least partly responsible for how things have turned out?

My daughter is 13, and understands why we have gone into lockdown. She sees the news and watches the government updates when they are on. She knows that to keep her grandma safe, she has to do as she is told, and is ok by that. Perhaps try thinking of being in lockdown a different way and your children will follow suit.

My DS was born not long before lock down started and has never played or socialised with another child or baby because of it :(
I know at this age it doesn’t matter so much and I know he won’t remember it so it’s not the same as your situation OP but it saddens me so much. I know it’s temporary although it gets harder to believe that the longer it goes on for but it’s still not a natural way to live.

@PinkyU

Honestly I think you’re massively catastrophising. Your kids aren’t in danger, they’re not being shot at, smuggled for labour or paedophile gangs. They’re not suffering from a terminal illness or watching their sibling or parent die.

They’re in an uncomfortable and difficult situation that’s different to what they’re used to. They can safely access emotional or mental health support should they require it.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but surely some proportion is required here.

Having worked in a children’s hospice and seen actual childhoods be damaged.

This. Yes, its boring but you can still do things with them. Plenty of art and craft ideas. You can still go out for exercise and great if you have got a garden. You can bake and do other things. Children can make their lunch. Take responsibility for things [ Depending upon how old they are] It will come to an end. All pandemics do. Chin up!

We are sacrificing the young for the sake of the elderly and vulnerable. Because thanks to medical advancement and improved quality of life people are living much longer, the younger generation are already squeezed. Wages stagnating, if you can even get a job, impossible to buy a house. Now they will be burdened for years to come to pay back all this debt, on top of all that. While young people can catch and even die from COVID, it's unusual... and yet they are the generation who will suffer the most from it. I don't want to hear older people saying young people are being selfish for wanting to go out and socialise. Even for kids turning 16 - 18 it's been awful, and there just seems no end in sight. I really feel for all parents right now. But we can't let the kids know how we're feeling, we have to get them through it somehow.

Mental health is so important for everyone, and the responses on here echo that as we all struggle through this. You can have empathy but also acknowledge that we are fortunate also.
Resilience as others have said really is key. Nothing is ever certain and kids will face as adults heartbreak, illness, rejection and other suffering which we cant protect them from.
Get them involved in life skills that will get them through life like money skills, relationship skills, writing letters to causes close to their heart etc. Rephrase this time as something different that they will remember. My parents both worked long hours so I had to spend six weeks in Summer holidays with my nan. No tv (only 3 channels anyway!) No friends nearby but I remember that time so fondly. She taught me loads of card games, the piano, how to grow veg as well as different bird noises. It was simple but happy times out of a challenging situation. Its hard on your kids though so encourage them to talk about it. Maybe a video diary that they can look back on.

@busymomtoone

I agree with most of the posts on here - of course it’s horrendously difficult and unprecedented; but equally people have weathered far worse. However , your children absolutely do not “ have nothing” - they have at the very least, a concerned and loving parent ; they have food, clothing, a roof over their head; they have tv, gadgets, music, books and board games ; they have fresh air and are able to exercise. They can create and have fun. Many, many children ( refugees, prisoners of war, suddenly sick or severely disabled or impoverished) would give anything for this to be their “ nothing”. Your children have a future. Yes they will miss friendships, school, holidays and all the activities they perhaps normally do - but they will take their lead from you, and now is the time to attempt to model being appreciative of small things and developing resilience - these times WILL end and how they remember them is very much in your hands. Saying they have “ nothing” will surely not help.

My children do not have all these things and nor will many many others. I don't know why that would be assumed

Maybe tin should do some historical research with your kids into her kids used to live a mere 100 years ago. That should give all of you some perspective into how good you have it.

Ffs will everyone stop comparing this to 100 years ago or the war?
Did people say during the war, hey it's not so bad this war cos least it's not 100 years ago when kids were sent up chimneys etc, look how good we've got it???
Course they bloody didn't.
You live and deal with the times you are in now.

My mum grew up during WW2 and all the adults said exactly that to her and her seven siblings and their five cousins from Liverpool who spent the war all together in a tiny Irish cottage with no electricity and lots of work for everyone who wanted to eat.

Hi
I have 3 daughters and 11 Grandchildren and 2 Great Grandchildren.....amongst other things in my life I was a Teaching Assistant in a Primary School, I have ran Youth Clubs over the years...One thing I can tell you is that Children are far more resilient than we Grown-ups......Just look at the upheaval so many children suffered during the Last War and survived........the trick is to stay Very Positive and Not show Your Worries.....Take them out on adventures and play games.....Sending you Best Wishes

The talk of resilience and WWII, doesn’t quite land for me.

In both scenarios, we were asking people to be actively brave. To take risks, to try things, to engage in the world. In this situation, we are asking them to be passive, to disengage, to go within themselves. For quite a long period of time. Yes, learning to be still with yourself and self sustaining is good, but I think this is too much for the developing brains of herd animals. The skills they are most likely to need in their adult lives are connection and cooperation, not disengaging and hiding under the duvet.

My children do not have all these things and nor will many many others. I don't know why that would be assumed

If they don't have food, clothing, a roof over their heads and some games....then the pandemic is not the cause of their issues.

The skills they are most likely to need in their adult lives are connection and cooperation, not disengaging and hiding under the duvet.

They will find al sorts of opportunities to develop their ability to communicate and connect if their own parents in their own homes make the effort to teach them.

@mathanxiety

The skills they are most likely to need in their adult lives are connection and cooperation, not disengaging and hiding under the duvet.

They will find al sorts of opportunities to develop their ability to communicate and connect if their own parents in their own homes make the effort to teach them.

Of course people are making the effort.

Posters in here are ridiculous, with their stupid world war, olden days, resilience arguments.

All of those things have been shown to have a negative impact on developing brains as well as adults.

Human beings need contact with other human beings. Not isolation. Parents can’t provide all of this: it’s not normal. Otherwise, what would be the point of schools and nurseries and baby groups and so on.

Just because things were shite in the olden days doesn’t mean they’re fine now. And people are allowed to be sad, no matter what these ignorant posters say.

Otherwise, what would be the point of schools and nurseries and baby groups and so on.

Good question.

School for all is a relatively recent development, as are nurseries, baby groups...

@0gfhty

It's completely wrong. I find the callings for online learning worse since it can create such an unhealthy relationship between parent and child. Not to mention the societal inequality it creates. It feels like it would be more honest to say the schools and children activities are closed and we are not providing an education for now.

I couldn't agree more, it's the issues of differences in home learning being offered between schools which will cause massive inequalities at least if no education is offered then everyone is on an equal footing, and it would allow parents to work without the added stresses of educating too.