There is nothing in my children’s lives

[Howdydooo]

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

This. I think people constantly parrot that children are resilient because it’s convenient for it to be true, rather than because it actually is.

God yes.

I've just realised why lockdown makes me uncharacteristically despondant; it hammers home the impact of ASD on DS1. The diagnosis was at the end of 2019 so I was still processing it in March.
Between ASD, dyspraxia and dyslexia
He does not do crafts
He does not bake
He's terrified of riding a bike even though he can
He is extremely reluctant to do ball sports
Home learning is a relentless battle with little outcome
Getting out of the house is a battle, especially at this time of the year with his sensory issues with clothes
He has limited attention for reading because its exhausting
Won't touch cold, wet play equipment in playgrounds at this time of year
Does not do remote communication (phones/ video)

If he's not in school, he wants to watch documentaries about WW2, youtube, play computer games. He's very happy to stay at home on the sofa, but that doesn't mean it's good for him.

Add in the parks now being a swamp
The small garden unusable until it dries out if we want any grass left in the spring.
We are so, so, so very bored of walking. Lovely in the spring-autumn, but the mud this year is the worst its ever been from footfall and it's draining to wade through.

He recently said that he can't remember what normal is anymore. He's 10. It's about 9% of his life.

Add in DS2 (7) who displayed depressed behaviour through June/ July and regularly cried that he needs new friends because he couldn't understand why he hadn't seen friends for 3-4 months. He's struggled to settle back into friendship groups at school since September. He tends to follow DS1's lead.

I could count the number of family interractions they've had in a year on one hand and have spare fingers (distance, health)

I snooze the enthusiastic, wholesome parents on fb, not because they do anything wrong but because it hurts me to see it and that's my problem. Painting rainbows does not work for all children.

We need family, friends, swimming, parkrun, sport, interesting places to visit, eating in at McDonalds as bribery. Things in their proper place with the right company. Can't fake it with ASD.

(And he is resilient, it takes huge resilience to go and mask his way through a day at school)

I have been somewhat overwhelmed by this tonight. It is heartbreaking what we are doing to them.

What's the alternative then given the current situation?

BogRoll - my DD has CP.

This is compounding all the difficulties we have with that.

She said she could understand why people jump in front of trains tonight - in this Covid pandemic. I'm really worried for her - but know that so many kids will be feeling it this time. Not just ours.

I don't think some parents realise how fragile sanity and mental health can be.

What's the alternative then given the current situation?

Shielding the vulnerable and scaling up the nhs, giving up on non critical care, pivoting all resources towards this.

Before anyone says that’s not possible, the U.K. has spent 280 billion on measures thus far. If all that resource had been directed to the above objectives, think what could have been achieved without torpedoing our children’s lives for a virus that’s barely affects them.

They can go out, play in the park, go for a walk, do things with you, games in the house with you, read books, maybe some craft.

You do realize that a very high percentage of parents here are both expected to work? They are desperately trying to do their jobs well enough that they can avoid being made redundant in the unemployment tsunami that's coming along. I'm sure all of us try to engage our kids and take them out whenever we can, but screens as babysitters become hard to avoid when you are WFH full time and can't spend all day doing crafts and baking. My 9yo is pretty good at keeping herself occupied with reading and drawing but even she begs for a film or YouTube eventually (thankfully schools go back next week where I am). Also, in case you haven't noticed, human interaction outside the family mostly has to be on screens during a lockdown and most schools are going to be doing a large amount of screen-based education. It is all really adding up for a lot of kids.

Mine are 15 and 21. My 15 year old is like the cat that got the cream at the moment because school makes her anxious and she can study in her own time and seems to have thrived in both lockdowns! She has a big group of friends and they are coordinating when they meet one to one for exercise. They are organising virtual quizzes, virtual sleepovers you name it. She's coping better than me.

The eldest. That's a different story. She's in her last year at uni. It's been ruined. She's lost her work, her social life. Awful for her and her mental health is suffering. She's really tried and tried but I really worry about the impact this is having on her.

I've worked with people who spent their childhoods fleeing violence, missing years of education, in war zones, working in sweatshops and they all have a better attitude than OP.

Your children are home, safe, and there is an end in sight to the current challenge. They are not being abused, they are not in danger.

It is privileged nonsense to say your children don't have a childhood anymore or they have 'nothing'.

Yes peers and formal learning are important, but it is not everything. In terms of their development it is far less important than the impact you can have as their primary caregiver. You're harming them if you are creating an atmosphere of this being the end of the world.

I hope you're just venting online and that you're presenting a stronger front for your children.

@BogRollBOGOF
Couldn’t agree with your post more, our asd son is 14 next month and I can totally relate to your struggles.
He has definitely improved as he has got older.if this had happened in primary years it would have been so much harder. Their base anxiety level is so much higher than nt kids and they rely on routine to get by.
We are lucky as ds has a plan so he reluctantly is going in part time at moment, he would much rather stay in bed and play fort nite all day.

Feministicon

“Hear me out but I watched Contagion on Netflix and it made me feel better 😝“

Completely get that. Watching Unbroken really helped our Yr 13, who’s been cooped up with mum and dad since February.

@Elephant4

BogRoll - my DD has CP.

This is compounding all the difficulties we have with that.

She said she could understand why people jump in front of trains tonight - in this Covid pandemic. I'm really worried for her - but know that so many kids will be feeling it this time. Not just ours.

I don't think some parents realise how fragile sanity and mental health can be.

Thank you and thank you for the posters that have non neurotypical children where the stress is overwhelming at the best of times, add covid and it's increased. NOT ALL CHILDREN are the same.

Shielding the vulnerable and scaling up the nhs, giving up on non critical care, pivoting all resources towards this
So how do you suddenly find trained Medical Professionals to cover the increased demand?
How do you actually shied the vulnerable when they need to be seen by medical professionals for their existing condition when the virus is rife or rely on carers.
Or since NHS will only be providing Critical Care do you screw them along with elderly COVID patients feho even now only get palliative care.
Hospital are already a main source of transmission so the plan is completely unworkable.
How do you shield those who have kids under 16 who must attend school when not in National Lockdown or do we just lock these children up until the vulnerable are vaccinated? Because shielding is very different and far more restrictive to National Lockdown.
Believe me my kids are losing out on many things. Suppirt for dd Mental health issues is non existing again We have virtually no extended family left.
But they do have their wrong side of 50 ECV df and CV dm. Let the virus rip through and infect their parents and potentially they really will have nothing in life!

So how do you suddenly find trained Medical Professionals to cover the increased demand?

You redeploy all those not in critical care and up skill in Covid related medicine.

How do you actually shied the vulnerable when they need to be seen by medical professionals for their existing condition when the virus is rife or rely on carers.

You pour money into daily testing for carers/medical professionals who have contact with the vulnerable.

TheKestingFive

“You pour money into daily testing for carers/medical professionals who have contact with the vulnerable.”

Many carers and medical professionals (particularly senior leads) fall into vulnerable categories.

Should they be shielding too?

Should they be shielding too?

We have much more data available to us now (that we are not using) that gives us more nuanced insight into the most vulnerable to Covid.

We should be utilising that and determining who needs to shield. These people should be financially supported to do so.

A recruitment drive among the young and healthy would be no harm either.

TheKeatingFive

“A recruitment drive among the young and healthy would be no harm either.”

Recruiting for what, the medical profession? Pandemic will be well under control before they’re trained.

Repeat, many of the “vulnerable” play crucial, specialist roles in society that require years of training. These people can’t be magically replaced overnight.

The idea that they are all over 80 and sitting on wipe clean chairs in a circle in care homes is just a nonsense.

Yes so much has been taken and so many happy with that. Chirping on about resilience. Children can cope with it seemingly well and it still be possible to take the hit as a parent as you can see what they miss out on.

It’s more like the parent wants the lockdowns or whatever and it’s useful to them.

I’m most annoyed about exams the last motivating, normal element for a teen. I know others will be different but I have one that performs better.

And now it’s all screen based socialising and education. And yes some adults will think that’s great but it’s not rounded enough.

And this is all dc that have stuff before you get to the ones that don’t.

Recruiting for what, the medical profession? Pandemic will be well under control before they’re trained.

I was thinking carers primarily. As already stated, I think medics with non critical care specialities should be up skilled in Covid practices.

Repeat, many of the “vulnerable” play crucial, specialist roles in society that require years of training. These people can’t be magically replaced overnight.

Sure. However much more thought and analysis should have gone into a) who is most genuinely vulnerable, based on extensive data we have b) how those people could support and use their skills while shiel.

My point is fairly straightforward. We have spend hundreds of billions of pounds shutting down society. I don’t buy that we couldn’t have used this money in a much more targeted fashion to deal directly with the issues (nhs capacity / the needs of the vulnerable).

The decision not to do this was political not practical
IMO.

"It's heartbreaking what we are doing to them."

I'm not sure that this is a helpful way to look at things to be honest. It implies that if we did something different, children, adolescents and young adults wouldn't have been so severely affected by the pandemic.

It's the virus (and its mutations) that have diminished their worlds etc . There were and are political (in)decisions that have no doubt protracted and worsened the situation in the UK, but that isn't what we as a society have done to them. Most adults in whatever role have done what they can to support and protect children from the effects of a devastating pandemic as much as they can.

Whatever we had or hadn't done in response to the virus, it would have had a profound and detrimental effect on the lives of many people, the under 30s being a major risk group (along with hcps). We knew this on an international level from the research carried out on the psychological effects of lock downs due to to SARS, MERs and Ebola. And these short, sharp localised lock downs were a walk in the park compared to what most of the world is going through now.

I think what I'm trying to say is that it's not helpful or possible to construct an alternative reality of living in the pandemic where children and young people aren't adversely affected because it's such a formative and important part of their life.

TheKeatingFive I believe that SAGE did the modelling for what you're suggesting and it wasn't possible, for the reasons that DenisetheMenace gives.

I do agree that funds should have been channelled into public services and infrastructure like the NHS, education and childcare though. The the PPE and T&T have been utterly scandalous.

I believe that SAGE did the modelling for what you're suggesting and it wasn't possible, for the reasons that DenisetheMenace gives

Was this published?

Also that the political and personal focus should have been on suppressing transmission as much as possible.

So not only individuals 'sticking to the rules' but more routine testing, tighter isolation policies (utterly ridiculous that if one person in the household has been a 'close contact' they are advised not to get tested unless they have symptoms and the rest of their household doesn't have to isolate unless they develop symptoms), testing of people entering the country etc.

Yes it was TheKeatingFive.

I've got to go into a meeting now, but I'll try and find it later and post it.

It might have been Imperial, I'll check, but it was modelling the 'shield the vulnerable and everyone else carry on' idea.

I feel dreadful about this too. My 4 year old has pretty much been isolated from other children since February. She isn't at school, was due to begin preschool in march but that closed, all of her activity groups ended/ and went on zoom which is no good for her. We've been to the park, but very little children mixing there, even in the summer. She's so isolated and I'm struggling to find a way for her to see other children. She lights up just to see a child in the que at Sainsbury's, but she hasn't spoken to another child since February.

@TheKeatingFive

What's the alternative then given the current situation?

Shielding the vulnerable and scaling up the nhs, giving up on non critical care, pivoting all resources towards this.

Before anyone says that’s not possible, the U.K. has spent 280 billion on measures thus far. If all that resource had been directed to the above objectives, think what could have been achieved without torpedoing our children’s lives for a virus that’s barely affects them.

Give up on non critical care? Bit extreme. Then people complain about not having health services available for patients with MH, and diagnosing new cancers. Also how do you scale up the nhs? Even money can’t buy us enough nhs staff. We might have new hospitals built all ready to take on extra patients, but where is the staff going to come from. Money can’t train people to become frontline nhs in days/weeks/months. Neither can we shield the vulnerable, as not all the vulnerable are old people. Also not all the vulnerable live alone, they live with families, do we shield their families too? It’s an awful situation but the reality is other than lockdown we have no other solution.

You mean the lateral flow tests with their shocking rate of false negatives.

What exactly are the children of the ECV supposed to do or their WOM spouses?

Critical Care seems to be where the shortage of staff is and it takes time to train critical care staff

Hospitals are already having issues with Oxygen supply and infrastructure. The virus still needs to be controlled.