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Original poster

There is nothing in my children’s lives

708 replies

Howdydooo · 05/01/2021 01:01

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 05/01/2021 19:09

@Silenceisgolden20 where did I say they weren’t? My point was that the OP should be helping her children how to find their own happiness whatever life brings, not saying they have nothing in their lives when that is a) not true and b) an extremely detrimental attitude. If you are convinced that the next few months will be miserable [because you need xyz to be happy], then they will be.

Elephant4 · 05/01/2021 19:11

“Johnson, who throughout much of the pandemic has been the government’s main voice of optimism, was notably wary. He refused to guarantee that children would be fully back at school before the summer, instead calling this a “fundamental hope”.

This was said at today’s press conference. From the Guardian.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 05/01/2021 19:14

But why is there nothing but screens?

They can go out, play in the park, go for a walk, do things with you, games in the house with you, read books, maybe some craft.

Why is there nothing but screens?

PattyPan · 05/01/2021 19:15

I don’t blame him for refusing to guarantee anything given the amount of flack he’s getting when he has to do a U turn. I don’t like the guy but in the absence of a crystal ball I wouldn’t guarantee anything either.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 05/01/2021 19:17

I am really struggling with this aspect.

This virus doesn’t affect them but has ruined their lives.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 05/01/2021 19:18

My issue is there is literally no end. I feel vaccines aren’t the promised way out. This is it. Long term.

I honestly wish I hadn’t brought my kids into this world

Silenceisgolden20 · 05/01/2021 19:20

[quote PattyPan]@Silenceisgolden20 where did I say they weren’t? My point was that the OP should be helping her children how to find their own happiness whatever life brings, not saying they have nothing in their lives when that is a) not true and b) an extremely detrimental attitude. If you are convinced that the next few months will be miserable [because you need xyz to be happy], then they will be.[/quote]
Yes but sometimes it's ok to be sad for a bit. It's ok for them to miss their friends and then move on. Acknowledge it.
Saying well there's worse people if than you doesn't help at all. There will always be someone else worse than you.
They cant find happiness inside all the time. Life doesn't work like that. There are sad times too.

Silenceisgolden20 · 05/01/2021 19:22

@ChardonnaysPetDragon

But why is there nothing but screens?

They can go out, play in the park, go for a walk, do things with you, games in the house with you, read books, maybe some craft.

Why is there nothing but screens?

Not for all children. Not all. Not all children. And it's even harder for teenagers. Esp teenagers with additional needs.
Silenceisgolden20 · 05/01/2021 19:24

I think mumsnet is an ok place for someone to vent without being jumped on. Mumsnet isn't real, it's a safe place to say hey, parenting is hard. And it's hard right now.
I very much doubt people on here are actually being this full on down with their kids. If they are , then there are other issues going on too.

MadameBlobby · 05/01/2021 19:30

It’s ridiculous. I hope the kids of today remember in future how adults failed them

PattyPan · 05/01/2021 19:34

@Silenceisgolden20 there’s a huge difference between feeling sad and recognising things are hard and aren’t going the way you wanted, and catastrophising and saying there is nothing in life. The latter isn’t useful or healthy.

Silenceisgolden20 · 05/01/2021 19:36

Yes but maybe they are only being hysterical online, to vent, so their kids don't hear it. A way of coping

SaltyAF · 05/01/2021 19:39

I'm not sure what you mean by adults failing them. Which adults?

twistedsistersocks · 05/01/2021 19:52

If their hobby club has closed, then can they practice at home or read up about it - I used to practice fencing moved on my own at home so this should be possible for any hobby with some imagination!

How do you practice tennis in an inner city flat with no garden?

eeeyulesmiles · 05/01/2021 20:09

There's nothing wrong with complaining and venting - catastrophising is the thing to avoid, and that's what the OP seems to be doing. Anyone with any experience of anxiety, depression, CBT etc. knows that actually how you think about things does matter, and that there are some thoughts you need to try to catch and divert. It takes practice and it helps if you've seen your own parents do it. Not everyone posting here will have had that experience so some may only see it as something futile that seems to minimise the original problem.

It's not about being an annoying Pollyanna, and attitude doesn't magically fix the original problem, it's about being pragmatic and finding a way to manage the situation. The skill of finding a faint thread of something to be positive about in a cloud of misery, of finding bits of slightly more solid ground in a swamp of despair, is something that will benefit kids their whole lives. It doesn't come out of nowhere. It can feel completely, miserably impossible at first. It does get a bit easier with practice though, and most importantly, it helps. It really really helps.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 05/01/2021 20:14

How do you practice tennis in an inner city flat with no garden?

Surely there are parks in the inner city? Tennis courts will be closed but they can still practice in the park.

PattyPan · 05/01/2021 21:26

@twistedsistersocks

If their hobby club has closed, then can they practice at home or read up about it - I used to practice fencing moved on my own at home so this should be possible for any hobby with some imagination!

How do you practice tennis in an inner city flat with no garden?

This is where the imagination comes in. I wasn’t more specific because I wanted to be generic to non-sport hobbies. Tennis players benefit from being quick and agile, so they can do exercises that will help develop those skills. Most sports benefit from drills that are developed off the court/pitch etc which can be done in the living room, park or street. The fencing practice I mentioned involved dropping a tennis ball and doing a certain move to catch it - again to develop agility - I didn’t have space to wave a sword around inside the house!
Feministicon · 05/01/2021 22:22

@Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow

My issue is there is literally no end. I feel vaccines aren’t the promised way out. This is it. Long term.

I honestly wish I hadn’t brought my kids into this world

Why do you feel that?
DenisetheMenace · 05/01/2021 23:01

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow

“My issue is there is literally no end. I feel vaccines aren’t the promised way out. This is it. Long term.”

No, it really isn’t. Another 6 months.

formerbabe · 05/01/2021 23:07

I can think of endless activities...however, I cannot conjure up extra people and friends.

It's incredibly tough to parent effectively when you are also having to take on the role of their mates too.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 05/01/2021 23:10

Because it seems to be that this virus will mutate and evade vaccines and we aren’t prepared to let herd immunity occur.

I can’t see a way through this. Even next winter there will be restrictions. The mundane things that give young people joy - it could be more than a year - it could be 2 years. This is their childhood.

It’s no life for many kids right now

PerfectPearl · 05/01/2021 23:19

No wonder all is bleak with all these comments, this whole, their lives are ruined, is totally ridiculous, take back control and start positivity, for your poor children's sake

Cheerios444 · 05/01/2021 23:34

@eeeyulesmiles

There's nothing wrong with complaining and venting - catastrophising is the thing to avoid, and that's what the OP seems to be doing. Anyone with any experience of anxiety, depression, CBT etc. knows that actually how you think about things does matter, and that there are some thoughts you need to try to catch and divert. It takes practice and it helps if you've seen your own parents do it. Not everyone posting here will have had that experience so some may only see it as something futile that seems to minimise the original problem.

It's not about being an annoying Pollyanna, and attitude doesn't magically fix the original problem, it's about being pragmatic and finding a way to manage the situation. The skill of finding a faint thread of something to be positive about in a cloud of misery, of finding bits of slightly more solid ground in a swamp of despair, is something that will benefit kids their whole lives. It doesn't come out of nowhere. It can feel completely, miserably impossible at first. It does get a bit easier with practice though, and most importantly, it helps. It really really helps.

Such a beautifully written post.

I agree, having had anxiety over covid, what you’ve said really rings true

YouKnowItsTrue · 05/01/2021 23:38

It’s because it’s the beginning again and you know what’s coming this time.

Give it a week and you’ll be back in the swing of it and you’ll find things to occupy yourselves.

TheKeatingFive · 05/01/2021 23:42

I am really struggling with this aspect.

This virus doesn’t affect them but has ruined their lives.

I have been somewhat overwhelmed by this tonight. It is heartbreaking what we are doing to them.

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