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Original poster

There is nothing in my children’s lives

708 replies

Howdydooo · 05/01/2021 01:01

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

OP posts:
pucelleauxblanchesmains · 05/01/2021 14:11

If I read the word "resilience" one more time I will spontaneously combust. No, it's not as bad as being in the war but older teens especially aren't going to have their mental health problems solved with a family film night.

Porcupineintherough · 05/01/2021 14:15

Nobody's suggesting they will @pucelleauxblanchesmains, it wont cure diabetes or cystic fibrosis either. HmmBut not all young people have those issues, some are just a bit glum, scared, lonely or bored.

MargeryMcLatchie · 05/01/2021 14:18

@Howdydooo

Thank you for replies

Mine are older than that and are well aware of everything unfortunately

They are unfortunately voicing how bitterly they feel it and referring back to the last big lockdown

If they're older than eleven then they are old enough to go for a walk with a friend.... I think this is a lifeline for DD who can still see one friend or another in the park for an hour after "school" or on weekends.
rejectsubs · 05/01/2021 14:21

I think some of you forget that an only child with a single parent has not really got bustling household. That child may also have a single parent working in ICU. Their school may think running a full-timetable online education is the best option (it is educationaly), but add on homework, then the dark evenings. New friendships at new school not yet cemented. And it is really is very isolating, even with a once daily walk (with your Mum).
I do actually agree with the lockdown and am grateful for the education my DC will hopefully receive under difficult circumstances, but socially/emotionally/developmentally for this particular teenager it is probably damaging, with not much time before they are an adult to catch up on normal teenager/childhood growth/activities.

Comefromaway · 05/01/2021 14:22

To go for a walk with a friend I would have to drive my son 10 miles. That's not supposed to be allowed. I could be stopped and questioned. I will break the rules and do it though.

IceIceBebe · 05/01/2021 14:23

I think some of you forget that an only child with a single parent has not really got bustling household. That child may also have a single parent working in ICU

That;s not most kids though, is it? And even so, saying they have nothing in their lives is still over dramatic.

(If they have a single parent working in ICU, they must be going to some form of childcare so theres interaction there, isn't there?)

Cet73 · 05/01/2021 14:23

My daughter (now 16) spent a year in hospital aged 10-11, and then another 6 months in hospital aged 12. Of course she will always remember those really really hard times in her life (and golly as a parent I feel such guilt and grief that she this inflicted on her at some a precious age) but these experiences won't define her ; yes they cause her great sadness when she reflects, but they have more so made her the amazing resilient, considerate and strong young lady that she is today.
There are so many kids for heath reasons have had or having their lives affected day to day in ways which are similar/overlap with how lockdown affects kids now. I am in no way saying that it isn't just awful, the impact of lockdown on kids (mine are now 13 & 16yrs) but I have to feel hope for them and that in the bigger picture...in their life time, this is a small part.
It is sad. Very. But my daughter still battles with her health problems, which have been worse because of covid and increased the isolation even when not in lockdown - but they WILL be ok.
I rarely post on MN but just felt I needed to comment on this.

Shedbuilder · 05/01/2021 14:32

I so hope you're not allowing your child to know that you're thinking that they are going to be socially/ emotionally/ developmentally stunted as a result of this.

My friend's son drove her half-mad with worry. He spent every minute outside school in his bedroom, alone, on his computer. When she switched off the wifi he hacked into next door's. He was so pale he was almost translucent: she gave him Vitamin D tablets because he saw so little natural daylight. She worried about having him living with her, friendless, partnerless, unemployable for the rest of her life — but never, ever in front of him.

He's now living and working in California in the IT industry and apparently has an equally tech-focussed girlfriend. He still doesn't seem keen on daylight.

rejectsubs · 05/01/2021 14:38

@IceIceBebe

I think some of you forget that an only child with a single parent has not really got bustling household. That child may also have a single parent working in ICU

That;s not most kids though, is it? And even so, saying they have nothing in their lives is still over dramatic.

(If they have a single parent working in ICU, they must be going to some form of childcare so theres interaction there, isn't there?)

Sixth former - so technically allowed to go to school as key worker child but realistically how many sixth formers are going to be in school? I would be interested if any one knows any that are.
rejectsubs · 05/01/2021 14:39

MN supportive and kind as ever. OP you have my sympathy at least.

rejectsubs · 05/01/2021 14:41

@pucelleauxblanchesmains

If I read the word "resilience" one more time I will spontaneously combust. No, it's not as bad as being in the war but older teens especially aren't going to have their mental health problems solved with a family film night.
I agree. Have one DC with mental health problems. Even my DM says they need to be resilient. Mental illness is no more about resilience than physical illness. 'Sorry about your breast cancer, maybe you should be more physically resilient' is what you saying by mentioning resilience to someone with mental illness.
alfieum · 05/01/2021 14:49

I wish childless people and pensioners would stop commentating on these threads. I think the empathy and support for parents, you know, actually parenting, might improve.

Yes yes your old mum had no shoes so please don't give your SEND child or your depressed teenager a second thought. Model resilience in your lunch hour while you are chucking a worksheet at them and stopping them having a little cry. Which tbh is what most people will be doing, not wailing on the kitchen floor beating their boden clad breasts.

ZippedyDooDa · 05/01/2021 14:56

@annevonkleve
Take a wartime mentality
no don't.

Please try to understand the concept of metaphor

irregularegular · 05/01/2021 14:58

Maybe it isn't "most kids" that have a single parent working in ICU. But there are plenty who have two parents trying to work full time jobs, either in or out of the home. With the best will in the world, there is limited capacity left for the sort of Mary Poppins-esque parenting being touted here. Or even "good enough" parenting in some cases. And that's not what the older teens want anyway. They want to hang out with their mates and have some freedom.

No it is not the worst thing in the world, but denying it is an issue isn't helping either.

Comefromaway · 05/01/2021 15:04

@emptydreamer

Are you actually all baking, or is it just a catch-all metaphor for wholesome activities? Not a goady question, I just cannot imagine finding spare 2+ hours in a day for it (including cleaning, washing up etc). I am not a bad cook, but baking just feels so much effort for so little reward.
I havn't had an oven since last February (lockdown affected my house move and kitchen refurb. So I'm not baking.
saraclara · 05/01/2021 15:09

I feel for anyone with children at home at the moment. But I think this (from back on the first page) is a really valuable way to look at it.

This is your greatest moment to shine as a parent to teach your kid about resiliency in the face of adversity.

Resilience is probably up there in the top three things that help us out through our lives. With young children especially, being able to take hard knocks and find something in there to pick out and make positive, is a really important lesson for the future. I'm not saying it's easy, but the more they hear their adults moan and despair, the harder it will be for them to learn resilience.

I've only skimmed pages 2 to the end, but there seem to be some really valuable ideas for ways to do that.
Looking ahead rather than dwelling, and having fun any way you can is going to help them more than any of the school work they're sent.

Oh, and don't have the news/covid related content on the TV more than is absolutely necessary while they're around.

saraclara · 05/01/2021 15:11

If I read the word "resilience" one more time I will spontaneously combust

Ooops. Maybe I should have done more than skim read. Blush

Northernsoulgirl45 · 05/01/2021 15:15

It's like Flowers in the Attic isn't it
Not in my opinion

IceIceBebe · 05/01/2021 15:17

Sixth former - so technically allowed to go to school as key worker child but realistically how many sixth formers are going to be in school? I would be interested if any one knows any that are

So when you were talking about a child, you meant an almost adult? Disingenuous.

Gottaloveacardie · 05/01/2021 15:22

@pucelleauxblanchesmains don't forget those other cure-alls, the family board games and the 'fun' kitchen disco.

CornedBeef451 · 05/01/2021 15:32

I think you need to work on your own mental health as this seems like quite an overreaction.

Our children are not being tortured. Obviously this is not ideal but most children will be fine with adequate support as they are generally quite robust but will pick up on your attitude to it all.

Mine are 9 and 12, the 9 year old plays on the Xbox or laptop and Skypes friends so they can play together, 12 year old does the same or just chats with hers.

We occasionally do quick visits to grandparents where we shout across the lawn at each other, not ideal but at least we can keep in touch as DM won't Skype.

It is a horrible situation but you're overdramatising it and that won't help your DCs.

CornedBeef451 · 05/01/2021 15:36

We've started a few things that have worked for us such as family game night every Saturday afternoon followed by tea on the sofa and a movie. It was a hard sell to start with but even the 12yo joins in with minimal complaint now.

Luckily DH has started cooking more now he doesn't have to commute as he's a more interesting cook than me so he relaxes by cooking and we all get to eat a wider range of dishes even if the results are a bit erratic.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 05/01/2021 15:43

@CornedBeef451

I think you need to work on your own mental health as this seems like quite an overreaction.

Our children are not being tortured. Obviously this is not ideal but most children will be fine with adequate support as they are generally quite robust but will pick up on your attitude to it all.

Mine are 9 and 12, the 9 year old plays on the Xbox or laptop and Skypes friends so they can play together, 12 year old does the same or just chats with hers.

We occasionally do quick visits to grandparents where we shout across the lawn at each other, not ideal but at least we can keep in touch as DM won't Skype.

It is a horrible situation but you're overdramatising it and that won't help your DCs.

I agree with this- you are overreacting OP. I am a parent of two and a teacher so I have seen the impact on many children of various ages.

Some absolutely are struggling with their mental health, learning needs etc. Most honestly are fine. So you have to just get on with it and try to enthuse them as best you can. Wars go on far longer than this has so far. Most of us in the U.K. are privileged that we have the lifestyles we have. Even an interruption in our comfort for a year or two is nothing compared with others in the world now or our own ancestors.

If your child does particularly struggle for any reason then reach out for support. But don't assume a priori that this is the end of the world.

Feministicon · 05/01/2021 15:45

The kids in Flowers in the attic certainly kept themselves entertained 😱😂

SilverGlitterBaubles · 05/01/2021 16:09

I agree it's really tough OP but there is nothing we can do other than look after one another and make the best of things. What I find with my DC is that they follow my lead in response to things, so if I'm philosophical and upbeat (even if not feeling it in the inside) they are more likely to be too. Yesterdays news made me want to burst into tears but could see DC2 looking a bit forlorn so I held it in and we started making plans of things to bake, books to read, ordered a giant puzzle and little plans just so there's a bit of positivity and not a big empty void of lockdown ahead.