There is nothing in my children’s lives

[Howdydooo]

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

@treedragon

When restrictions were lighter I went round my Neice and Nephews house on a Saturday and they were bored. So we did something different.....

Origami and tried to make different things.....

They didn't want me to go home and stay "10 minutes more".

Try thinking out of the XBox.

Oh @treedragon 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️😂

@wildraisins

Your comment shows me you don't understand how people build resilience. They don't build it by watching Netflix and going for a walk.

How about by banding together in a period of national emergency?

This is the greatest challenge we have faced as a nation - and our children as well. How can you say that this will not develop resilience? If they are supported in the right way by the adults in their lives, it is an opportunity for great personal growth.

I am sorry, but it just isn't the case that children will develop personal resilience out of this. I am more minded to say that parents may indeed do that and that is why you are adamant that they will (projecting)

Children will not get stronger by having no challenge in their lives, it is just a fact.

A young child is not interested in the 'greater good national emergency', that is not an awful thing to say, it's just where their brains are at. They build their resilience through the everyday activities that posters are talking about - free playing with friends, negotiating their relationships, sharing their resources.

[quote formerbabe]@Feministicon

Thank you x[/quote]
No worries @formerbabe

I feel for you, my kids are young and won’t remember this.
But it is temporary and your kids will pick up on your attitude so a brace face is warranted . Is there anything you can do to facilitate time with their friends? They are allowed out for exercise with one other person once a day. Could they go for a bike ride with a different friend each day? A walk? A mope round a park?
There are options.
It is tough but every time I think like that I think about genuine childhood suffering, like growing up in a war zone/the middle of Syria/with domestic violence and abuse.
This is shit but we can cope with it

If you think about this for more than a second, you might be able to have some understanding about the concerns that are being raised on this thread about the situation our children are in

If you thought about it for more than a second, you might realise that you are talking about children that are in the care of loving familes, and are in NO WAY cut off from human contact.

Torture, ffs. The only torture here is listening to people like you talk such offensive shit.

Children will not get stronger by having no challenge in their lives, it is just a fact

Then you should be delighted they are living through a great challenge. Make your fucking mind up.

There is literally no point on dwelling on the lost stuff as it will make everyone miserable.
Yes it's not fun, yes it's not what we would choose, yes it's difficult and some will struggle more than others - we can acknowledge it but there is literally no point in dwelling on it as we are where we are.
Focus on what you can do, what you can control (yes this is difficult) focus in the positives no matter how tiny and it will help in the long run.
If you as a parent can lead somewhat by example even if you really just feel like hiding in a cupboard it will help your kids.
Don't beat yourself up if you are struggling just try your best. At some point we will look back at this time and tell stories of what we survived/did/lost but at the moment just focus on each day and getting to the end of it hopefully with at least some smiles.

My kids are fine, not missing out on too much or at least understand why it’s necessary. Just like us as parents, we can’t do all the things we want to but have adapted. There is plenty in my children’s lives.

I cant understand how kids can get bored! how does that happen!

I think it's important to keep a sense of perspective wherever possible.

I have a three year old, she was two when this kicked off. I noticed her behaviour deteriorating quite quickly - she missed (and boy did I miss) regular playdates, going to the pool or library or softplay or a cafe. I'm beyond fed up with our local park which is muddy, waterlogged and a bit shit. She misses her friends. I miss my friends. There are days when it's fine, there are days when it's difficult. Sometimes we meet up with friends in whatever way is allowed and it's easier for a bit, at other times I want to shake my fist at the sky. Some people have it harder, some have it easier. This will eventually pass. I don't think it's helpful to compare ourselves to others.

You can exercise with one other person- socially distanced. Are your DCs old enough to meet one friend in the park and have a walk and chat with them? Or walk the local streets? As long as they are exercising,

Maybe by putting our negative thoughts here it is an outlet for them which enables us to be positive when in front of our children rather than letting ours worries fester?
I think that if it was for that reason then it could be much better constructed. Rather than short catastrophising statements, the OP could have said her DC are struggling and people would have empathy and perhaps come up with ideas to help. The OP has said they are okay and that it is just their children's response that is upsetting them. Unless you have MH issues and perhaps haven't as much insight as you could have, don't we all have some responsibility to not drown others in negativity?

We all aborb energy from others and can be brought down or uplifted by them. That is a gift the PM actually has - he appears to be positive in the face of adversity. He manages to smile or have a joke which is good for him and others.

I was relentlessly positive for my DC last night but in reality I was scared to open his bedroom door in case I found him hanging, that's how upset he was last night. He's never had mental health difficulties but last night really threw him.
Has your son suggested taking his own life? If so, you need to seek help immediately as MN first aid courses teach never to ignore it as an idle threat.

I don't mean this unkindly, so please forgive my wording if it comes across as that but, unless he has actually told you he is suicidal, could this be you putting that action to the thoughts you have about how upset he is?

I’m straddling both camps, my kids are 8, 11 & 13 and at the moment the smallest will have to go to school as I work at a school, I’m hoping they put us on a rota so I can free up some space and I certainly don’t want my elder two being alone for months. I really feel for them as their world is very different from ours and the thing that gets a lot of them through school is their friends. Mine seem ok at the moment but I know I’m massively lucky in the fact that if I get to be at home I don’t have to juggle work so can force jollity on to them 😝 Is it Syria, no, Is it like Flowers in the attic? Hell no what are you thinking?? But you can’t tell people just to stop moaning, they are worried about the sanity of their children and news flash all kids are different and all situations are different so you can’t apply a blanket ‘Well do this’ As for Aunty fucking origami! Seriously dude 😂😂😂

I have a teenager who was fine with the first lockdown because the school pressures and sports pressures meant that they really needed a break anyway. Plus online learning wasn't done by the school so teenager watched netflix all day and we did nice long walks.

This time, they have just started a new school, made friends but these friends aren't good enough yet to be on social media with. So DC will now at home doing full timetable online school all day, then it will be dark. DC has no friends to contact, even on social media. It was bad enough when it was going to be for 2 weeks. DC very upset to be told it was at least until half term, maybe longer.

I can see that lockdown is needed, but this will now be a year out of a teenager's life and they are facing 2 months of total isolation now.

Maybe by putting our negative thoughts here it is an outlet for them which enables us to be positive when in front of our children rather than letting ours worries fester?

Yes this is definitely the case for me.

My dc have no idea how fucked off I am with everything.

Children will not get stronger by having no challenge in their lives, it is just a fact
This situation and everything connected with it is challenging for them.

Then you should be delighted they are living through a great challenge. Make your fucking mind up.
This.

I'm looking at this time as an opportunity to bond with my daughter. We are hoping to sell unwanted items online. Photos, writing descriptions etc, packing and looking up postage etc. It's a work in progress but I think it's a good activity for them.

We are doing family stuff, watching films together, discussing current events, being creative, cooking together, planning online shopping etc.

Today my daughter has helped a friend online with accessing the school resources with her tablet. We met grandparents whilst they were walking their dog yesterday and had a brief SD chat/yell at each other. Over Christmas my daughter has been reading lots of books. We tried to do a jigsaw but that was a failure.

She has been watching YouTube videos and following various youtubers about weird and wonderful subjects. She's been practising with her musical instrument and messing with her music.

In contrast, her cousins have been sleeping in till afternoon, gaming until late at night and nothing much else. They refused to do schoolwork online previously and have missed this mornings online classes as they are still asleep. They are not coping.

😏

Gosh lots of overdramatic posts earlier in this thread.

A single year of not being able to socialise freely or go to man made attractions is not the end of the world for children.
Children have their immediate families, and have had school for part of the year.

life is not all rosy all the time, it is a time to get a grip, teach them to think of others ( as we know there are many worse off)
do the best they can with the freedoms they do have, and stop whining.

My SIL had retired last Feb after 30 years as a senior A and E nurse, she was so looking forward to not working long night shifts, and missing Christmases.(She was rarely at family Christmasses or sleeping)

She returned in March, as all ex NHS staff were asked too, she has not complained once, is bright and breezy, as she always is.

An example to us all.

We should talk to our children about that sort of hero, the type who would never wish to be considered a hero. Educate them and explain how clever and motivated our scientists are, how they have been working around the clock seven days a week to create a vaccine to get us all safe.

I agree with the PP who said attitude is everything.

Its definitely sub-optimal for kids, certainly. But really it is one year. Along with the difficulties they are also having an experience that we never had as children - that stuff you can't control really can happen to US, even in a comfortable first world.

It will probably make them into a generation of people who have the right mindset to truly tackle climate change, for example, instead of the "well somehow magically it won't really happen to us" mentality that often prevails at the moment.

Once the pandemic is over many people predict a world much more appreciative of the things in life that truly matter (relationships/connection) and a moving away from materialism. Plus several years like the roaring 20s when we all have a great time to make up for this year.

Our kids will benefit greatly from that if it happens.

@Onadifferentuniverse

‘ I don't know why people think screens are an adequate substitute for people/friends. I know we temporarily have to use them at the moment but they aren't the same as human contact and face to face friendship’

Lots of people have purely online relationships. Even relationships through letters.
Some people prefer to be like this? And for people that are deaf/ disabled this type of interaction is better than face to face. It doesn’t exclude anyone.

You’re saying this on mumsnet, of all places.

I'm saying it on mumsnet "of all places" because mumsnet is a temporary substitute for talking to my friends or work colleagues (but nowhere near as enjoyable as work banter, or chatting with a friend)

I am glad we have this option and if this had been 20 or 30 years ago it would have been much lonelier, but its not the same as face to face and real life friends, for me or my children (who are obviously not on mumsnet)

@nonono1 I am sorry if my comment offended you. I am fully aware that many people are living in different types of accommodation and not in huge three bedroomed houses. But even parents who live in the most are able to create small amounts of joy for their children using whatever they have. It's what peope do.

I grew up in extreme adversity - really proper poverty poor - my score on the childhood adversity scale is 9/10. What made it bearable was the small things. A book given to me by a family friend, playing monopoly with my mother in one of her more lucid moments wearing hats and gloves and coats on the bed because it was so bloody cold (and having to keep taking them off to actually move the pieces), listening to the radio 4 afternoon play after my step father had fiddled the electricity meter. Sitting on a pile of crates at the fish Quay with a knife digging the cheeks out of the newly filleted cod heads.

All of these things I remember as good in a sea of shit. And it certainly helped me to be a more postive and resilient adult today.

I cant understand how kids can get bored! how does that happen!

Can't quite work out if this is a piss take or not?

If yes - ha ha ha!
If not - you've never been a bored kid yourself? really? well surely then someone with your inner resources can stretch themselves to understand how someone else could be.

In the UK we have produced and rolled out a vaccine in ONE YEAR.

By Feb all things going well most of our vulnerable people will have had it, less than a year from the first lockdown which began on 23 March 2020.

That is bloody brilliant.

It really does boil down to a change in attitude as many PP have said.

Our children are not in solitary confinement - that's a ridiculous term to use. Everyone can go out for exercise, even a walk up the high street is exercise if you can't go to a park. Have a look at the shop windows, choose your favourite, have a chat about why whilst you walk. Have an 'if I won the lottery I'd buy that house' type walk around the 'posher' parts of your town or village. See who can spot the most birds/cars/drain covers (it doesn't matter what it is). If you have younger kids look at the signs in shops - I taught DS his colours and the days of the week by looking at shop windows and the opening times in the shops on his way to nursery when he was little. Nothing is boring at that age!

Teach them to cook like we did last time - that skill is never wasted. Put them in charge of cooking the dinner or making lunch once a week if they enjoy that. Bake a cake or biscuits together and decide on a film or a TV programme you want to sit and watch then enjoy the cake! That's a couple of hours sorted! Have a film afternoon a couple of times a week. The main channels have loads of films or box sets on them so you can do a TV series spread over many days if a film doesn't work for your kids attention span. DS loves West Wing (All4) at the moment. None of us understand a darn thing that's going on most of the time but he loves the pace and drama and comparing the President to Trump! But if those type of things don't work what about DIY or travel - loads on All 4 or BBC/ITV play again.

We're also doing quiz shows like Only Connect, Richard Osman House of Games, The Chase. Just keeps the mind ticking over and you'll be amazed how much your kids actually learn from them and what they know. Same with QI (if you're OK with the swearing). Have a quiz hour when you put a couple of those on every few days.

My DS is an only child. He's currently finishing his class work (young teenager), then he's helping me take down the Christmas decs after lunch. After that he has two hours on the PS4 with his headphones playing with 6 friends on line. They have been doing that since the last lock down started. Every day. They enjoy it and they look forward to it. I don't worry about the time spent on line - I'm on here so I can't talk! It keeps him sane, touches base with friends every day and he enjoys it. I'm happy.

Why not find some pod casts on the BBC (go to BBC.co.uk/sounds) - depending on their ages there are things like News Quiz and You're Dead to Me (which is a history pod cast that looks at a specific thing - like pirates or Boudicca but done in a fun way). There is a kids version but I can't remember it - the presenter of You're Dead to Me does mention it in the opening minutes each time. That's how we stumbled on it. We download these for car journeys - DS loves them. There's a load on there. Plus there are programmes under drama, comedy etc. Have a half an hour 'unwind' session each day or so where you put on a podcast, sit back and just listen. Or do a bit of crafting/art whilst you listen.

Then there's YouTube - DS and DH find things like Michael McIntyre 15 minute funnies or things like riddles - there are amazing numbers of riddle YouTubes out there. You know the sort - a man is in a cave with no windows but he knows he's facing south or whatever. There are even YouTube things on 'add up your score to find out your spiritual animal' which DS used to love when he was a bit younger.

The point is you can see this as a thing to despair about and wish away (whilst not being able to do anything about it) or something that can give you the opportunity to do baking, quizzes, box set blitzes, walks that you normally don't do, drawing/crafting or just lazing on the sofa reading a book or having a nap!

The key is routine. A walk after lunch or a film on a Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, download a quiz show on a Wednesday evening. Apart from grounding you a bit so you're not mind racing all over the place, a routine also helps us as parents. If the kids know it Tuesday film afternoon they have something to look forward to if the on line work is done and you have an aim to get everything done by 2pm or whatever. If you're working from home that's fine. Give them some cake/fruit/biscuits or whatever and stick the film on. Routine, routine, routine and something to look forward to (even if it's a chocolate hob nob at 3pm).