Page 10 | There is nothing in my children’s lives

Onadifferentuniverse · 05/01/2021 10:47

@treedragon same 😅

Always some drama going on in the classroom too , I’d have excelled learning at home online with all the resources available on YouTube now.

TammyTwoSwanson · 05/01/2021 10:47

@Apollo3

Yes, someone in the world will always be suffering more than you in some form, but that doesn't negate the validity of your own suffering

Actually, sometimes it does. When you are dramatically wailing that your children have nothing at all in their lives and their childhoods are being stolen from them, you do need a boot up the arse to remember that children around the world actually DO have nothing in their lives and their childhood stolen, while your relatively pampered little darlings actually have more than you can count and you need to count your blessings.

Yes, its hard to juggle working etc with homeschooling but for fucks sake get a hold of yourselves and stop with the catastrophising.

100% this.

treedragon · 05/01/2021 10:47

How much “support” and emotional and mental health help did children get during the war? My mum says none.

What up with kids of today? If they lose their play station or can’t go to the pony club they need mass counselling and therapy and are mentally destroyed for life??!!!??

Notnamechangeday · 05/01/2021 10:47

@Shedbuilder we are we’ve been lucky to access what has been needed. This is my forum to rant (and probably open up to much) My daughter just sees me being supportive and i dont sit there telling her how awful it all is - I tell her it will be ok.

I will make her drive me to the supermarket later as an essential journey and keep a hand in driving. We will update her CV and apply for a few part time jobs - today will have purpose. But I’m not naive to the fact my daughter masks and behind today will be a very unhappy daughter. My job is to keep it all going with a smile and sometimes that’s the hardest job.

corythatwas · 05/01/2021 10:49

"Notnamechangeday", all good vibes and wishes for your daughter.

I agree that the WW2, cake-baking stuff stinks. Just wanted to point out that having you there does make a difference, that your determination and fight for her makes a difference. She sounds amazing too, from your latest post. Hard times, but the two of you will keep fighting!

doodleygirl · 05/01/2021 10:49

@formerbabe, surely that is down to general parenting rather than a pandemic? We choose how we parent our children and if that means allowing them the freedom of sitting on their arses and staring at screens we as parents should take responsibility for that.

However it seems that most people on here are saying the opposite and that children and young adults will miss the community of school and friends which is true.

corythatwas · 05/01/2021 10:49

Another update- and the two of you being amazing again!

treedragon · 05/01/2021 10:50

If children sit inside playing on screens then that can be solved by removing the equipment and sending them outside.

When I was a a kid, kids walked to school in groups. Sometimes as far as a mile! Now they get taken 200 metres in a Chelsea tractor.

Gottaloveacardie · 05/01/2021 10:51

@Packingsoapandwater

I'm sorry, but this refrain about other people having it worse just reduces to the point of absurdity.

It ends up where you can argue that someone cowering in a cellar while bombs rain overhead should stop complaining because the person down the road is also cowering in their cellar but their elderly grandmother is with them too. It's ludicrous.

Yes, someone in the world will always be suffering more than you in some form, but that doesn't negate the validity of your own suffering.

And it's an attitude that stinks of postwar working class culture where it was essentially used to police people's complaints about their lot in life, and it's a programmed perspective that I've been trying my hardest to eradicate in my mother for the last twenty years, where it had done extraordinary damage to her sense of self protection and self worth.

It is a response that says more about the responder than the complainer in my view. The op has a right to feel desperate for her children and to want to talk about it.

Thank you! You are so right. My DM is exactly the same and it has taken me years to realise how much it has cost her.

Apollo3 · 05/01/2021 10:53

However, they have less freedom, independence and less of a sense of community. Children don't play out anymore. Even in the best of times, many sit inside on screens instead of socialising and playing

Speak for yourself. My kids have all of those things, and they have always played out. Don't blame society for your poor parenting.

ZippedyDooDa · 05/01/2021 10:54

OP I know it's difficult, and we all feel down and depressed about it. But after tears and sadness, we need to force ourselves to stay positive for our kids. Take a wartime mentality - this is a necessary short(ish)-term measure for the greater good, and for the good of you and your kids. They may not adhere to the structure, but you need to set up structure nonetheless and adhere to it yourself; study time, fitness time; help them arrange ways to keep in touch with their friends. This is difficult for everyone. Stay strong OP.

formerbabe · 05/01/2021 10:55

@Apollo3

However, they have less freedom, independence and less of a sense of community. Children don't play out anymore. Even in the best of times, many sit inside on screens instead of socialising and playing

Speak for yourself. My kids have all of those things, and they have always played out. Don't blame society for your poor parenting.

Odfod with your passive aggressive comment about my parenting.

I was making a general comment about children nowadays.

Although mine don't play out alone but not because I'm a shit mum, but because I live on a normal street in London and there's no kids out there to play with

LittleTiger007 · 05/01/2021 10:56

@Apollo3

However, they have less freedom, independence and less of a sense of community. Children don't play out anymore. Even in the best of times, many sit inside on screens instead of socialising and playing

Speak for yourself. My kids have all of those things, and they have always played out. Don't blame society for your poor parenting.

Bravo @Apollo3

Too many Parents abstaining their role.

Apollo3 · 05/01/2021 10:57

I was making a general comment about children nowadays

If you weren't talking about your own then you were judging others, so make your mind up what you are mad about. And stop generalising when you clearly only mean your own little London bubble.

annevonkleve · 05/01/2021 11:00

What up with kids of today? If they lose their play station or can’t go to the pony club they need mass counselling and therapy and are mentally destroyed for life

Limited contact with others for a year IS quite a serious thing. So is limited access to education and hobbies.

Not loving all the sanctimony on here at all. I am not really bothered about lockdown as long as I can get out for a run with someone, but I think the impact on our youngsters has been much more serious than some people on this thread are prepared to admit. Of course, I know by now that MNers are perfect parents and have perfect children, but in the the real world...

annevonkleve · 05/01/2021 11:01

Take a wartime mentality

no don't. We might not be in (as much of) this mess if we didn't go on about the war all the time. No Brexit, a potentially better government and better policies.

cjpark · 05/01/2021 11:01

It is shit, Its particularly hit my yr11 DC hard, but you can only change yourself. Take the kids out for a walk once a day, make a list of 5 post-lockdown activities to do, play board game night, facilitate friend zoom evenings. I've hired a musical instrument for £10 a month on line for the kids. Its bloody awful but they blow their lungs out and we have a laugh at the terrible sounds!
It will be okay x

annevonkleve · 05/01/2021 11:02

@unmarkedbythat

I imagine if your kid was actually in a bloody refugee camp what he valued and what he preferred would change somewhat

Oh bog off. Some kids in the UK are living in conditions not much better than a refugee camp and education is the one way out. Not much good if they can't access it.

LittleTiger007 · 05/01/2021 11:04

@formerbabe the point isn’t that the choice is playing in the street or behind a screen. Those are two extremes. No child should be playing in the street currently. But in a garden maybe or where there is no garden then playing in the house rather than behind a screen. TVs and screens shouldn’t be the ones raising our kids.
If they are bigger kids then they can find things to fill the hours. My teenage nephew loves his screen time but it’s limited. His parents know they are his parents and they make the rules. He plays an instrument, builds Lego, draws, paints, reads, runs for exercise, kicks a ball in the garden for hours developing his skills, writes stories, writes to family, plays chess online (screen time that’s educational is a darn site better than tiktok or YouTube ... and at the end of the day he still gets his YouTube.

treedragon · 05/01/2021 11:05

I quite like lockdown and limited company for a year. But I value and enjoy my own company. Maybe that’s a lesson children need to be taught. How to enjoy and value your own company and make your own entertainment.

LittleTiger007 · 05/01/2021 11:05

The choice ISN’T that should say... typos.

Packingsoapandwater · 05/01/2021 11:06

@Apollo3

Yes, someone in the world will always be suffering more than you in some form, but that doesn't negate the validity of your own suffering

Actually, sometimes it does. When you are dramatically wailing that your children have nothing at all in their lives and their childhoods are being stolen from them, you do need a boot up the arse to remember that children around the world actually DO have nothing in their lives and their childhood stolen, while your relatively pampered little darlings actually have more than you can count and you need to count your blessings.

Yes, its hard to juggle working etc with homeschooling but for fucks sake get a hold of yourselves and stop with the catastrophising.

So let me get this right.

You have the right to "boot someone else up the arse", someone you don't know personally, because you don't like their feelings about their situation, and you also feel it appropriate to refer to their children as "pampered little darlings"?

Crikey, that really is some whopping desire to defend your judgementalism and criticism.

What's the psychological payoff here for you? Because you must be getting one. Why do you want to tell the op to shut up? Why do you want to give her a "boot up the arse"? Why are you so invested in doing that and defending it?

I know why I'm defending the op, and I've said so. Do you know why you so desperately want to criticise her?

formerbabe · 05/01/2021 11:06

@Apollo3

I was making a general comment about children nowadays

If you weren't talking about your own then you were judging others, so make your mind up what you are mad about. And stop generalising when you clearly only mean your own little London bubble.

Its not judging. Its a fact. We all know it's not the 1960s where mother's kicked their kids out the house in the morning and expected them home for tea and the streets were filled with kids playing.

Apollo3 · 05/01/2021 11:06

No child should be playing in the street currently

Clearly not true. My children are playing in the street right now.

Calmandmeasured1 · 05/01/2021 11:06

There is nothing in my children's lives.

It’s all been taken away again.

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time

They have nothing to do.

It will no longer be possible to motivate them to exercise or study.

What an utterly negative post. We are all living through challenging times but you need to try and be more positive so that your children will feel more positive. Children are like sponges and will soak up that negativity and it won't help them to develop into resilient individuals.

Your children have you, they have friends they can see on zoom/video calls, they have a home, food and drink and can go out to walk and exercise. Do they have books and games and toys? They have on-line schooling, I assume?
They actually have everything except, temporarily, they cannot mix in person with friends and other family.

This sounds as if it is about you and your inability to motivate them to do their on-line schooling. What are their schools doing?

I would instil a routine very similar to going to school as usual. Same hours. Stop for breaks at the same time as at school.