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Original poster

So I've had to lie to the school

503 replies

WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:06

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

OP posts:
CuteBear · 03/01/2021 19:41

Sounds like your DF needs to speak to someone about his mental health. His depression and paranoia is worrying, especially as it’s having a physical effect on him. Get him away from the hyperbolic news too. I hope you find a way to help him soon Smile

Crocatigga · 03/01/2021 19:41

I cannot believe some of the posters on here. Putting other children's education at risk? This is people's lives at stake, actual lives, not a questionable couple of weeks worth of supposed 'education' at school? What the hell has become of the human race?

bluebeck · 03/01/2021 19:42

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when DD returns to school.

Well they can do one. They cannot force a member of your family to hand them a test result. Does your HT have form for this level of cheeky fuckery? Grin

Listen Wank you are just another parent trying to do what is best for her whole family. In your shoes I would be doing exactly the same. Can you put your dad to work helping with the home ed? Even if it's not mainline curriculum, all learning is good, and nice for them to share if he has an interest or hobby?

sortmylifeoutplease · 03/01/2021 19:42

I completely see why you lied. You're caught between a rock and a hard place with a heavy handed school and a feckless government. Of course you've done the right thing. What you've done affects nobody else but your family and you sound like you have their best interests at heart. Good luck OP.

HyperHippo · 03/01/2021 19:44

I just wouldn't reply and then email the day before your DD returns and say your DD has finished isolating so will be back tomorrow. Schools are busy and at the moment attendance is not top priority as so many are in and out with Covid related reasons. If they call, just say you are isolating until X day and be firm.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 03/01/2021 19:45

I’m all for following the rules but you’ve done the right thing to go and get your dad as his life could be in danger.
I’d probably just tell another lie to the school. 😬 Tell them your dad is 86 and got confused, you thought he meant he’d tested positive but he was just in a muddle and very stressed about symptoms, your children, being lonely etc after spending Xmas with you. Then tell them the truth that your dad is staying with you and your daughter won’t be attending school as he’s vulnerable. You’ll be in touch when you’ve worked out a plan. I think schools will all be shut soon anyway so I wouldn’t stress too much about it.

Then work on your problem where you get carried away to make excuses and things spiralling. 🤣 Bless you, it’ll all be ok with the school. I hope you manage to get your dad some support. It’s very frightening for elderly people, especially those on their own.

Denny53 · 03/01/2021 19:46

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
Are you serious?? Can you explain how you’ve come to that conclusion ?
DumplingsAndStew · 03/01/2021 19:46

OP you are doing the right thing. Maybe not the lie, but the sentiment behind it.

I'm really just here to see if @StatisticalSense comes back 😆

gg12346 · 03/01/2021 19:46

if I was you , I will talk to the headteacher and tell them the truth .You will not be able to make excuses for long , it wont work in the long run .You can tell the head teacher in detail about your situation .
Anyways you can also wait , schools will go for remote learning soon .

Notnownotneverever · 03/01/2021 19:47

You are still in charge of your own family. The school is not so don't be bullied.
I would say that the person is not willing to have a test so you are all isolating for 14 days and then stop communicating with them for 14 days.

Fizzydrinks123 · 03/01/2021 19:48

I'd hang fire responding - looks more like schools will be remote for a bit, the school have no place to be asking for evidence of a test and certainly not from a relative.

Cliff1975 · 03/01/2021 19:49

You have to put your family first and that is what you are doing. Remember to be kind to yourself xxx

sarah419 · 03/01/2021 19:49

[quote AldiAisleofCrap]@WankPuffins just tell the school you cannot give a third parties medical info.[/quote]
I dont think others will be affected, given schools were closed for the Christmas break and she intends to "isolate" before returning. Her father's life is literally at risk (read again). Maybe show some kindness...

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 19:52

@sarah419 and we will be isolating. None of us will leave the house. Ds isn't due back at college until 18th (he's been online since nov, only in face
To face once every two weeks anyway).

We're all very sensible.

Well usually, unless it's me it seems.

OP posts:
TramaDollface · 03/01/2021 19:52

Gosh.

@StatisticalSense ... your username makes your outrage even funnier!

GrinGrinGrin

RandomUser18282 · 03/01/2021 19:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AnneElliott · 03/01/2021 19:54

I don't think you've done anything wrong. And if the school ask again for the result just tell them the person doesn't agree to their data being shared.

Really annoying when public bodies think it's fine to ask for all sorts of data that are not their business, and which they would themselves be unable to share with any Tom, Dick or Harry!

FrazzledChip · 03/01/2021 19:54

Good on you for going to get your Dad. It's the right thing to do. We are in a similar situation with Dad being in our support bubble. He's been vaccinated but has only had one dose and I can't seem to get a straight answer as to how effective it is after one does - anything between 50 and 90% from what I'm reading.

I've just emailed said the kids are staying off for a week because of the emergence of the new variant and vulnerable family members (I'm asthmatic). In your position I'd probably say the test came back negative but obviously you can't share another family members personal info and then go on to explain why you feel the kids should stay home. At the end of the day, it would be a fairly awful school to fine you and realistically you can't put a price on the support for your Dad.

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 19:56

@Handsoffstrikesagain

What a mess OP. Your Dad is being incredibly selfish tbh affecting your children’s education in this way. Yes I know he’s 86 but let’s be honest, it’s unfair of him to threaten to take all of his sleeping pills as a way to get you to do what he wants. Has he always been emotionally manipulative? I apologise in advance if I’m barking up the wrong tree and this is a new thing for him, either way what a stressful situation for you and your family. If he really cannot cope alone (or claims he can’t), how long is he going to end up staying at yours and thus preventing you all from living a normal life?
No, you aren't barking up the wrong tree. I've posted many a thread about him. But he's my dad. We are each other's only living family (apart from Dh and kids).

I can't just say get on with it and do it then. I FaceTimed him after he called on the phone. I've worked in mental health long enough to recognise when someone is threatening suicide and when they are a real risk.

OP posts:
Marmunia1975 · 03/01/2021 19:57

Good on you for supporting your dad. Just be honest with the school and say she will not be attending.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 03/01/2021 19:57

@WankPuffins

(((( HUG))))

Take a few deep breaths lovely.

Please do your best to ignore the stupid & nasty posts, they aren't worth your time & energy.

You have absolutely done the right thing & you haven't even broken the rules to do it! (I wouldn't care if you had either!!!). You've potentially saved your Dad's life, you've definitely saved his sanity & health.

I'm guessing that by the time DD is now due back, the school will be closed. If not lie to them again, the world will keep turning. People lie for FAR less good reason.

Personally I would keep her home & keep your Dad with you! She's 6, you can easily keep up with what she needs educationally & this time with her Grandad will do you all the world of good, it's time you can't get back again.

Keep ALL your family safe & healthy xx

mrshoho · 03/01/2021 19:58

You've done the right thing @WankPuffins. Your poor Dad. Flowers

I think @StatisticalSense was possibly in for a bit of teacher bashing and assumed you were a teacher who would have to isolate next week and therefore ruin hundreds of children's education.

Littlewhitedove2 · 03/01/2021 19:58

As previous posters have said, you either say your elderly relative is refusing a test so everyone is isolating for 10 days
Or
You come clean and tell them about your dad. The whole thing. You may get a fine but you may not.
To me I would prefer to tell the truth, but I could afford the fine so might be in a different position

ClaireP20 · 03/01/2021 20:00

What nasty people would have a go at you for having your dad in your support bubble. Ignore them OP, who cares what those horrible gits say?! It's not against the law and only someone really horrible would have an issue with it! I'm also in tier 4, our schools are all closed. Yours will be too shortly. Tell the school that you'll send them a copy of the test result if your relative gives you a copy. Then leave it at that. Your relative doesn't have to give you a copy of the email. Just ignore them. And ignore anyone on here who gets all judgy too - I got called selfish on here recently for having my last baby at 40 - honestly you couldn't make it up on here sometimes! X

ClaireP20 · 03/01/2021 20:01

@AnneElliott

I don't think you've done anything wrong. And if the school ask again for the result just tell them the person doesn't agree to their data being shared.

Really annoying when public bodies think it's fine to ask for all sorts of data that are not their business, and which they would themselves be unable to share with any Tom, Dick or Harry!

I agree!