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Original poster

So I've had to lie to the school

503 replies

WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:06

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

OP posts:
imperialqueen · 03/01/2021 19:26

Schools can't insist on proof of test. I am in Scotland and work as a childminder and the care inspectorate have told us that we can't ask for proof of a negative or positive test from a child who we care for!

VetiverAndLavender · 03/01/2021 19:26

It's not a long-term solution, but at that age, missing a bit more won't matter. Anything she'd be learning at age 6 you can teach her at home. Besides, most likely the school will be closing soon, anyway!

Danu2021 · 03/01/2021 19:27

Blimey, i wouldnt flame you, this sounds so tough 😥

itsgettingweird · 03/01/2021 19:27

Your dads situation is exactly why the government introduced support bubbles and also the mixing of households in emergency situations to provide care.

Your dad is lucky to have you and DH.

dappledsunshine · 03/01/2021 19:27

Some harsh responses on here!

Don't beat yourself up op, you acted out of concern for your dad. I understand the reacting sometimes too quickly to situations, I sometimes have to force myself to wait and take a step back. However it's done now and it really doesn't matter, I'm sure they'll be parents up and down the country tomorrow lying about their child's absences.

I hope your df is ok Thanks

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 19:28

There’s no suggestion of any child protection issues here or anything near the level of needing social care or family court involvement.

We have never had any involvement in 18 years of parenting. The school would have no concerns.

OP posts:
LegoAndLolDolls · 03/01/2021 19:29

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
Eh? How did you come that conclusion? Genuinely interested in your logic here?
GypsyLee · 03/01/2021 19:29

@PotteringAlong

Well you’re under scrutiny because you’re lying and, from a safeguarding point of view, that looks really fishy. If you were honest you wouldn’t have been fined and all would have been ok. Now it looks like you’re trying to hide her.

Ring school. Tell them the truth.

a safeguarding issue, from their parent? Get real. OP, they have no right to ask for proof, tell them to fuck off. Keep your child at home, many are anyway.
user1497787065 · 03/01/2021 19:29

You have done the right thing. Your father's wellbeing has to take precedence.

crankysaurus · 03/01/2021 19:33

Hope your dad feels better soon, I think I'd have done the same.

AIMD · 03/01/2021 19:33

@WankPuffins

There’s no suggestion of any child protection issues here or anything near the level of needing social care or family court involvement.

We have never had any involvement in 18 years of parenting. The school would have no concerns.

Exactly so the comments about safeguarding or records being accessed by social care was ridiculous. Wouldn’t come near social care radar and it annoys me when people fling ‘social care’ about to scare people when there is no suggestion at all there would be any need for their involvement.
Viviennemary · 03/01/2021 19:33

Under the circumstances I think you would be right not to send her to school. I'd do the same.

Beachybeach · 03/01/2021 19:34

Kids are the biggest blabber mouths.

Make sure your 6 year old knows that grandad has to stay as it’s not well but he’s getting better. Last thing you need is your DD ‘I couldn’t come to school as grandad came to stay and it was dangerous for him if we left the house’.

isadorapolly · 03/01/2021 19:34

I dont know why anyone needs to lie? I emailed my kids school today and said I would t be sending them in as I don’t think it’s safe and she said she understood and that they would use a special code for the absence.

WestSideBoom · 03/01/2021 19:35

I think you have absolutely done the right thing.

I'd ignore the 'provide evidence' email and if they pursue it I'd tell them that you aren't willing or able to share family members test results with them. I wouldn't go into it any more than that.

Tal45 · 03/01/2021 19:35

Your dad has to be your priority right now. I would have just told them the truth as I don't think it's unreasonable at all and hopefully they would be understanding, although as they're asking for proof maybe not....

Imagine if you child went to school and gave it to your dad, nothing school could/can throw at you would be worse than that. xxx

Daisysflowers · 03/01/2021 19:37

By the sounds of the last email you have received from the school they have accepted the absence and said she will be allowed back on the 12th. Leave it as that don’t engage any further unless they contact you again, then go from there.

Don’t panic, calm down have a cuppa. I’m sure everyone on here has done something in haste because they have panicked!I certainly have!
We are all trying to get through these hard times and do what we think is for the best. Don’t be hard on your self @WankPuffins. Flowers

DianaT1969 · 03/01/2021 19:37

Ignore the crazy comments on here OP. You did the right thing getting your father. When did human life become of less value than a 6 year old's schooling? FFS!
Gavin and Boris will be doing U-turns all Spring. Don't get sucked into the madness.
Your daughter has 10 years of full-time education ahead of her.

52andblue · 03/01/2021 19:37

School CAN ask for details of a test.
Back in Sept my kids Father told me he 'felt he had covid symptoms' on the Sunday afternoon as he dropped them back at my house. I told him to arrange a test and called School the next morning. Kids had to isolate for 2 weeks. After a week I called him to check he'd had the test but he hadn't as a. he'd been told he had to drive for 2.5 hours to 'possibly have test availabiity' and b. he 'felt better by then'. So, he'd not had a test. School were very very difficult about the kids returning without a test result even after 14 days. Nightmare.

Sproutgrower · 03/01/2021 19:39

Don’t lie, tell them the truth your vulnerable dad has come to live with you. Kids can work from home. No drama x I lost my dad after a long illness it’s not nice seeing any decline. You’ve done the correct thing x

Magissa · 03/01/2021 19:39

I lost my dad of 86 during first lockdown. I keep wondering if things would have been different if I had taken him out of his care home and brought him here. He had a month of no visits and he deteriorated rapidly in that time - Stopped eating... he was used to daily visits I think he felt abandoned and lost. SadYou have done the right thing. Your dad at this moment is more important than school. School will always be there and I am sure your dc won't suffer.

Livelifetotheful · 03/01/2021 19:39

You did the right thing IMO to get your dad . Doubt if schools will fine . If you can tell them truth it’s better but you’re being loving to your Dad . Sending Hugs

52andblue · 03/01/2021 19:40

that wasn't meant to make you feel any worse @WankPuffins sorry
just saying that Schools CAN insist on a test.

In your shoes I'd just keep my head down and try not to worry.
I don't think you've done anything wrong.
It's a horrible situation to try to make the 'right' decision in. #You can only do what you feel best at the time xxx

RickOShay · 03/01/2021 19:40

@WankPuffins
I think you are doing the right and indeed only humane thing.
Poor chap. Hope you and your family are all ok.

Chanandlerbong01 · 03/01/2021 19:40

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?

But potentially saved her Dads life so the best move possible. Say he is unwilling to send evidence and then on Friday claim a family member has symptoms and a test booked for Monday, results would come Wednesday and that then adds another 10 days.

I’m a teacher, it will be much easier to teach a child remotely than a child who is distraught at the thought they’ve killed a grandparent. School can’t expect to see private medical details of a relative of a child.