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Original poster

So I've had to lie to the school

503 replies

WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:06

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

OP posts:
KeysDontBelongInTheFridge · 03/01/2021 19:17

I would just explain that you don't want to send your daughter in as it's too much of a risk. Due to the other Year 2 classes also being off she can just follow their online work being set so she won't miss out on anything. You will probably come up against an irate headteacher, but your family is your priority not the HT's attendance record. In a couple of years time this will hopefully all be forgotten, so just be kind to yourself - you can't please everyone.

KeysDontBelongInTheFridge · 03/01/2021 19:17

Also, hope your Dad is ok xx

InsanityRocks · 03/01/2021 19:17

What a terrible situation you are in, I'm so sorry. I hope your dad settles well with you all. I would do as PP says and use your father as your excuse.
It is a poor world indeed if we've lost our humanity

RosesAndHellebores · 03/01/2021 19:18

You are a wonderful daughter and mother Flowers. Fuck the rest of them and do what's morally right.

With love x

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 19:18

How do you work that one out?

OP ('s DH) has collected a single person, who by the sound of it has been isolating, and OP wants to keep her dc at home? I'm not following your logic?

If it helps, my dad self isolated for ten days before coming to us for Xmas. We self isolated from
End of term (term ended early). None of us have gone out since, only Dh to get click and collects and to pick up and take my dad home.
My dad hasn't been out since he got home.
He told us a friend was dropping off shopping. But she has an illness and is unpredictable. She couldn't shop for him and he didn't want to tell me
and make me worry. So he's been to scared too go out and has no food.

It's a big fucking mess.

OP posts:
RaffertyBear · 03/01/2021 19:18

@JhsLs Actually schools can if there is a concern, via social services - hence why the lying needs to stop before it becomes a bigger issue. Plenty of times when schools safeguarding teams know of parental medical information, particularly where a parent has a disability or mental health condition - those things are shared at times.

The school are requesting evidence so they don't fine them - courts can also request medical records.

CuppaZa · 03/01/2021 19:18

You’re doing the right thing OP. No judgement here Flowers

that1970shouse · 03/01/2021 19:18

Normally I have little sympathy for posts along the lines of "I know the rules say xyz but is it ok if I do abc?"

However in your case I think you are doing absolutely the right thing. Perhaps your Dad can help the children with their home learning to give him a purpose.

rainywindows · 03/01/2021 19:19

All you can do as a mother and as a daughter is what you think is best. You've thought carefully about this and are doing what you believe is the right thing. Stick with it. You're the only person that can make these decisions for you and your family. Hope your dad picks up soon.

RaffertyBear · 03/01/2021 19:19

OP you are doing the right thing collecting your Dad by the way - just the lying the bit is not the right thing (in my opinion).

itsgettingweird · 03/01/2021 19:20

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
How do you figure that?
KeysDontBelongInTheFridge · 03/01/2021 19:20

@InsanityRocks That is such a true statement. It really seems the pandemic has held up a magnifying glass to how we all treat each other. It seems some schools are now far more worried about their attendance record / keeping their place on the school tables than the actual people who attend their schools.

Porcupineintherough · 03/01/2021 19:21

Lying causes massive problems for other people

How so in this instance? As I see it, telling the truth would cause just as many problems.

OP tell the school you have no right to pass on private health information from a third party. They can jog on.

BrassicaRabbit · 03/01/2021 19:22

I live with an elderly relative who is waiting for the vaccine. Until then my youngest is off nursery and I was ready to pull the eldest from school but in London so it's shut anyway. I don't want to do this but bollocks is the school safe now. Huge outbreak in school before Xmas and cases rocketing in my borough. It simply isn't possible to be covid secure with 34 people in a small room for hours.

Policies are there to keep hospitals from getting overcrowded. They aren't an individual risk assessment. Only you can do that in your own home. I don't live somewhere big enough to isolate an infected person. I've also seen (anecdata from people I know) that the new variant seems to infect more people in the same household than the previous strain.

Good luck op. If I was you I'd come clean to the school though. Admit you lied due to mounting stress. They'll be more inclined to help you, I think.

AbstractDot · 03/01/2021 19:22

OP, relax! You've done Nothing wrong and I stand with you. You panicked, that's fine! No need for further discussion from the email you've received. Bookmark this thread there are a lot of great bits to throw at school

AIMD · 03/01/2021 19:22

[quote RaffertyBear]@JhsLs Actually schools can if there is a concern, via social services - hence why the lying needs to stop before it becomes a bigger issue. Plenty of times when schools safeguarding teams know of parental medical information, particularly where a parent has a disability or mental health condition - those things are shared at times.

The school are requesting evidence so they don't fine them - courts can also request medical records.[/quote]
There’s no suggestion of any child protection issues here or anything near the level of needing social care or family court involvement.

Frazzled2207 · 03/01/2021 19:23

I have a CEV dad, he's doing ok (though bored stiff) but in your situation I would have done exactly the same.
Don't sweat, school can't insist on proof of test. They are being massively unreasonable. I suspect all schools will be closed indefinitely by the end of the week anyway.

cansu · 03/01/2021 19:24

WankPuffins
I am a teacher and I would advise you to tell them with no apology exactly what you have said here. In my school no one would blame you for the decision you have taken and I know that our pastoral team would be sympathetic.

AIMD · 03/01/2021 19:24

[quote KeysDontBelongInTheFridge]@InsanityRocks That is such a true statement. It really seems the pandemic has held up a magnifying glass to how we all treat each other. It seems some schools are now far more worried about their attendance record / keeping their place on the school tables than the actual people who attend their schools.[/quote]
Attendance stats have been an issue for a long time. I see it more as an Ofsted/monitoring issue than a school issue though.

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 19:24

@GabsAlot

yes go gt your dad but unless you deregisteryour dd this could go on for a while if you want himt o stay with you-she cant isolate permanently
No, she will be back at school if they are open in ten days.

I will sort something else out for my dad. One option is my Dh nans house. She has moved in with his parents.

I actually had a conversation with my MIL who offered her house if my dad needed to stay closer to us so I could at least be close to him and shop, get him medical treatment up here.

He wasn't keen at all. But I think I will be able to sway him now. I think. He's very stubborn and proud.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 03/01/2021 19:24

@WankPuffins

Thank you.

I do feel shit.

I should have waited rather than panicking and firing off an email.

Frustratingly, I've just received another email which look a like it's an automated one (the other one was for the dedicated covid address the school has) which says:

It has been identified that your child, or a member of their household/support bubble has COVID-19 symptoms. Please follow the attached guidance of what to do next.

The return date for your child will be: 12/1/21 as the last day of contact was 1/1/20

or unless you can provide us with a negative test result and the child is not displaying symptoms.

The attached guidance was for what to do if the child displays symptoms

That's good. So you have until the 12th.

Shame you'll be showing symptoms that day and DH then does on 22nd Wink

specialcase · 03/01/2021 19:25

I think this is so ridiculous!!! I can't believe a school wouldn't be grateful for your approach.

Just tell them what others have said, it's not your test to share the results of and so you cannot share that with the school...

Also whats to stop you from suddenly developing symptoms and every time you've looked for a test its fully booked...?

Mumtwoboys90 · 03/01/2021 19:25

I dont think you have done anything wrong id have done the same.

Chewbecca · 03/01/2021 19:26

With hindsight, the truth would’ve been better but never mind, it’s done now.

With a bit of ‘luck’ your school will be closed within the fortnight anyway so you may escape the problem altogether.

If it doesn’t, when she is due to return, I would say then that you now have someone CEV at home and that she won’t be returning until the risk has lowered. In other words, just amend the timeline a little.

Hope your Dad feels better soon with you all.

Joeblack066 · 03/01/2021 19:26

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
Is she supposed to just leave her elderly father? How has she? She’s not going to send her child in.
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