So I've had to lie to the school

[WankPuffins]

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Hexadelica the child isnt going to school for 10 days so it really doesnt matter to the school whether someone in her support bubble has symptoms. They would only need to be concerned about that person's actual status if the OP wanted to send her daughter in.[/quote]
I think @Hexadelica is trying to say that the reason school are asking to see proof is so they can confirm the date her daughter is safe to return. She was saying OP 'needs to look at the bigger picker' and see that they aren't watching her personally, just making standard checks.

@DrJump schools have procedures in place. Let's not make it a home schooling agenda.

@LowestEbb

Can someone explain something to me - surely anyone can choose to remove their child to homeschool at any time, pandemic or no pandemic? So regardless, OP would be well within her rights to take her DC out of school in this situation, they're not skipping off to Disney world ffs.

They can, but they might not have a place to go back to. I don’t think the op wants to permanently removed her child from school, only remove her for a few weeks.

@Magissa

I lost my dad of 86 during first lockdown. I keep wondering if things would have been different if I had taken him out of his care home and brought him here. He had a month of no visits and he deteriorated rapidly in that time - Stopped eating... he was used to daily visits I think he felt abandoned and lost. You have done the right thing. Your dad at this moment is more important than school. School will always be there and I am sure your dc won't suffer.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through that @Magissa what an awful thought to have to live with. I can't imagine how you must feel I hope you have plenty of family support ❤️

Lowest I assume the school can then take the child off their school list? The OP may not wish to home educate her DD forever.

I have no problem with the choices you have made, they seem sensible and humane.

I do have a problem with the language you use. You were not " made to lie" you chose to. That choice is fine, but own it. You chose it

@LowestEbb

Can someone explain something to me - surely anyone can choose to remove their child to homeschool at any time, pandemic or no pandemic? So regardless, OP would be well within her rights to take her DC out of school in this situation, they're not skipping off to Disney world ffs.

You're muddying two different procedures but yes.

I homeschooled my eldest for 9 years, so it's not something I'm adverse to. But Dd is different to her brother. She loves school and loves the new school she's been at since September.

I'm just exhausted now to be fair.

Yes, I was a dick.
I jumped the gun and lied.
I have a tendency to do that sort of thing in a flap.

I'm a little shaken by the he's 86 how long does he have left comment to be fair. More than I thought I would be. I'll admit that I'm in bed with the baby now and I've shed a tear or two over that. It's a fucking harsh thing to say.

My Dd is 6. She will be okay with 10 days at home. She won't miss out on education. We'll do the schools work and she's she sort of strange child who does work books for fun. She's been doing then every day of the holiday.

Yes, I'm a twat. I shouldn't have lied. It was a spur of the moment panic. As was this thread (although, I've been on MN since my 18 year old was 5, under different names and email registrations, it's saved me many times over the years).

I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other here.

@WankPuffins

I homeschooled my eldest for 9 years, so it's not something I'm adverse to. But Dd is different to her brother. She loves school and loves the new school she's been at since September.

I'm just exhausted now to be fair.

Yes, I was a dick.
I jumped the gun and lied.
I have a tendency to do that sort of thing in a flap.

I'm a little shaken by the he's 86 how long does he have left comment to be fair. More than I thought I would be. I'll admit that I'm in bed with the baby now and I've shed a tear or two over that. It's a fucking harsh thing to say.

My Dd is 6. She will be okay with 10 days at home. She won't miss out on education. We'll do the schools work and she's she sort of strange child who does work books for fun. She's been doing then every day of the holiday.

Yes, I'm a twat. I shouldn't have lied. It was a spur of the moment panic. As was this thread (although, I've been on MN since my 18 year old was 5, under different names and email registrations, it's saved me many times over the years).

I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other here.

so sorry . That Pp should be ashamed.

And she will be back at school next week. If open. I'll sort my dad out one way or another this week.

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?

Did you read the bit about how bad her father is feeling ? Should she leave him to starve and potentially die ?

Yes, I was a dick.
I jumped the gun and lied.
I have a tendency to do that sort of thing in a flap.

Given how shocked you must be about your dads health, I’m not surprised. I’m guessing your first thought was how to quickly make it possible for him to be with you with minimal risk. Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t worry about school it’ll be there and will do just fine. Focus on your family and putting one foot in front of the other.

Years from now you will not regret your decision. Sounds like you are literally saving your dad’s life. I really would but stress about what you have told school.
Under data protection law they can now ask to see your dads results.

I suspect in days schools will be closed anyway so the issue will be resolved.

• would NOT stress

Bloody hell typos galore

«Can NOT ask to see his results»

Don't worry OP all schools will be shut n the next fortnight anyway. Also schools are not going to be chasing attendance or fining in the current situation so just do what's best for you & your family.

You have absolutely made the right decision for your family. Do not listen to others in here that say differently. We are all just trying to get through each day as best we can. Your child will not spontaneously combust with out 10 days of schooling or even more if necessary. Do what needs to be done and tell the school what you need to tell them to get through.

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?

Huh?

You are neither a dick nor a prick. You made a decision based on a certain set of circumstances

The only thing I criticised you for was not is not owning that perfectly reasonable decision. I possibly would have lied too. But I wouldn't have said that someone/something "made" me do it

you decided, quite reasonably in my view, to lie. That's fine. Just own the lie. No one made you do it, you chose to do it, because you thought it was the right thing to do.

Look after your Dad and forget about school. She’s 6 FFS.

What’s going on is none of the school’s business. I’d lie too.

Your DF may not have covid but he is a victim of this ludicrous situation anyway. Sod Boris and sod any nosy school to be perfectly honest. Your family and time with your DF is the most important thing here, go and get the poor man!

We’ve had similar in our family. My DGM left alone for months on end only to end up in hospital with a blocked bowel and no visitors allowed even though we were told she would only last 3 days. She told hospital staff not to even bother trying to solve the issue because what was the point in her staying around . Thankfully my DF wasn’t having any of it and when the hospital said they weren’t going to do anything but issue pain relief and still nobody was allowed to see her, he went to get her and take her home so at least he and his DSis could be with her. To everyone’s amazement and disbelief she survived and seems to have cleared the blockage herself and now is much happier having decided to continue seeing my Aunt who lives close by and is no longer only standing at her back door!

I’m sorry but some of these restrictions are utterly cruel and are actually hurting the very people all of us are living this half life to protect. When this becomes the case, sod everything else and feel no shame about being with your own bloody family!

Hey hey, you are not a twat or a dick! How hard hearted would you have to be to not go and scoop up that loved one. Try to block out the noise, the school can’t demand to see a test and you’ve done what’s best.

It's so shit our government backing people into corners over decisions like this...all I will say is make the decision that feels right to you

Op, as pp said you will never regret this descion, I was with df for weeks whilst he died.

But you are aware of the schools action today, every large union has linked up to say its not safe for school to work on.

I'm sure heads and councils will have far more too worry about op.
Sometimes I wonder what's happened to us, willing to leave our beloved parents to die alone! Don't think of it again it's chaos out there, your email will be forgotten already. I hope your dad is OK.