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Original poster

So I've had to lie to the school

503 replies

WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:06

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

OP posts:
Hexadelica · 03/01/2021 20:54

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Hexadelica what nonsense are you talking? The child hasn't been in school for weeks, the OP has not said she has COVID. There is no implication for the school or other pupils at all.[/quote]
No, not nonsense at all.
They have told the school somebody in their support bubble has symptoms.
So the school request verification that the child does not have Covid.
This is happening in schools up and down the country.
The fact you think it is a nonsense is also symptomatic of not seeing the bigger picture.
How do you suggest a school respond if a parent tells them their child cannot come in as they are isolating?
"Ah, ok then. Send them in when you fancy."?

TicTacTwo · 03/01/2021 20:54

You have willfully flagged up your child as a Covid risk to an entire school community. What did you expect to happen?

For contact tracing purposes, dd saw her grandad on 1st Jan so nobody else from school is affected.

PeanutButterFalcon · 03/01/2021 20:55

@WankPuffins sorry if this has already been suggested - I’ve read your posts but not the full thread. If other classes of the same year are being taught online can you ask if you can join in with these classes - explain you have to isolate due to symptoms (I know this wasn’t true) but you can additionally add you moved DF in later due to him becoming lonely in the isolation and as he’s high risk you’d like DD to stay at home if possible and work online

Beebityboo · 03/01/2021 20:55

Is mumsnet usually full of such utter fucking sociopaths? Or is it a full moon?

It's honestly going to be OK OP. I get anxious about school stuff too and even started a similar thread. They honestly won't give it another thought, they have more than enough shit to deal with this week I think Cake.

WaltzingTilda · 03/01/2021 20:55

Sorry haven't read the full thread, but can you not say your father is refusing to take a test and you are all self-isolating instead. No one can force someone to take a test surely?

RandomUser18282 · 03/01/2021 20:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

yankeedoodledandee · 03/01/2021 20:58

@Hexadelica

You have willfully flagged up your child as a Covid risk to an entire school community.

How the fuck? Just how?

Explain, please?

Hexadelica · 03/01/2021 20:58

@saraclara

You have willfully flagged up your child as a Covid risk to an entire school community. What did you expect to happen?

No she hasn't. Her daughter hasn't been in school, and won't be. So how would she have risked the school community if she had been positive?

You've slightly misconstrued what I said. Quite clearly I am talking about the risk of her going in now, not the rather nonsensical possibility of her having posed a risk over the holidays. The child has been flagged (untruthfully) as a risk IF she goes in,and that is why she will not be going in.
Beebityboo · 03/01/2021 20:58

Yes please, I need a distraction Grin

AIMD · 03/01/2021 20:59

@Hexadelica I’d expect the school to respond as they always should when a parent calls in about a child’s absence without proof. If there are no safeguarding issues accept the information from the parent or if they think they do not adequate reason for absence mark as unauthorised.

If they think there’s a safeguarding issue then refer on appropriately.

DoubleTweenQueen · 03/01/2021 20:59

Your father's life was at risk - you took the only decision you could.

Hexadelica · 03/01/2021 20:59

[quote yankeedoodledandee]@Hexadelica

You have willfully flagged up your child as a Covid risk to an entire school community.

How the fuck? Just how?

Explain, please?[/quote]
Again-I am simply describing what the opening poster has decided to do-exploit the fact of a possible Covid risk (untruthfully) in order to not have to send her to school.

RandomUser18282 · 03/01/2021 20:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Porcupineintherough · 03/01/2021 21:01

@Hexadelica the child isnt going to school for 10 days so it really doesnt matter to the school whether someone in her support bubble has symptoms. They would only need to be concerned about that person's actual status if the OP wanted to send her daughter in.

yankeedoodledandee · 03/01/2021 21:01

Again-I am simply describing what the opening poster has decided to do-exploit the fact of a possible Covid risk (untruthfully) in order to not have to send her to school.

Bollocks. That's not what you said at all. You misread the OP. Own it.

mathanxiety · 03/01/2021 21:02

How is the risk not real, @Hexadelica?

There is a new and very contagious variant of Covid running amok.

Hexadelica · 03/01/2021 21:03

[quote AIMD]@Hexadelica I’d expect the school to respond as they always should when a parent calls in about a child’s absence without proof. If there are no safeguarding issues accept the information from the parent or if they think they do not adequate reason for absence mark as unauthorised.

If they think there’s a safeguarding issue then refer on appropriately.[/quote]
I haven't said anything about safeguarding,
Schools are not responding "as they always do" when a parent says their child is isolating.
It is pretty standard for them to request further notification of the Covid status of the child.
I have not said they have Covid.
I have not said they are a risk.
I have said that the parent says they might be a risk if they went in.
This is what they have described themselves at the start of the thread-they lied.
The school don't know they are lying, and have to treat the child as a risk, and therefore are requesting a negative test to prove they are no risk.

planningaheadtoday · 03/01/2021 21:03

I agree with what you have done. I'd probably have told the school the reason why my children were not coming back but I understand why you said what you did.

Give yourself a break, you've taken steps to protect your loved ones and you are being unfairly blasted for it.

Your dad needs you, he's struggling, elderly, frightened and not eating. He's a minimal covid risk, so are you to him so moving him now is good timing.

We are in the middle of a pandemic, the country run by politicians who are not listening to scientific advice.

Nothing will happen with the school apart from emails. School welfare officers are supporting parents for reasonable absence such as having ECV household members which your dad will be.

Nothing happens anyway until 21 days continuous absence. I expect you'll find schools shut within a few weeks so your timing works.

It's not normal times, your children will look back and treasure this time with Grandad. It will be in their memories forever.

Taking a month out, providing you continue learning at home, will not have a huge impact on their futures.

Gogreengoblin · 03/01/2021 21:03

Don't listen to anyone being mean and saying you should have done different.
Most people would have done what you have. Very difficult situation. Be kind to yourself x

Hexadelica · 03/01/2021 21:03

@yankeedoodledandee

Again-I am simply describing what the opening poster has decided to do-exploit the fact of a possible Covid risk (untruthfully) in order to not have to send her to school.

Bollocks. That's not what you said at all. You misread the OP. Own it.

Eh?!
Beautifulbonnie · 03/01/2021 21:05

They aren’t allowed to ask to see a test result

That’s someone medical health records. Which are confidential!!!

mathanxiety · 03/01/2021 21:06

How do you suggest a school respond if a parent tells them their child cannot come in as they are isolating?
"Ah, ok then. Send them in when you fancy."?

I would say exactly that. Why not?

Have you noticed the news lately?

Hexadelica · 03/01/2021 21:06

I have to say, Im left scratching my head at some of the responses on here.
My only point was that the opening poster does not need to feel as if the school are scrutinising them, the school are simply reacting as per procedure to what they have been told.

Rather a lot of unreasonable and almost abusive responses to that thought!

AIMD · 03/01/2021 21:06

@Hexadelica you comments don’t make sense because the op had informed the school the child would be off school anyway. So regardless of if there was a test result to show or not the child wasn’t in anyway so represented no risk to the school anyway.

Hexadelica · 03/01/2021 21:07

@mathanxiety

How is the risk not real, *@Hexadelica*?

There is a new and very contagious variant of Covid running amok.

I give up!