So I've had to lie to the school

[WankPuffins]

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

Can not believe some of these responses.

OP ring the school say you got it wrong,

Say you needed to make an intervention with your 86 year old.

Due to this crisis and concern over your child's and family safety at school you need your child to undertake remote learning.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Call the school and tell them to fuck off. They can only request results of a test if DD has taken one herself, not a relative's medical info.

It's simply ridiculous that a school in Tier 4 is insisting on attendance. My guess is there will be either an announcement this week of a national lockdown or all schools will be shut, or both.

You have done the right thing. Please reply to the school and remind them that your relative is legally entitled to medical confidentiality and therefore will not be sharing any private medical results.

I hope your Dad is ok.

You are kidding, right, @LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus?

@Handsoffstrikesagain

OP apologies if I’ve missed this but has there been any discussion in the past about your dad moving closer to you?

No. We did live 2 miles away until last jan but were forced out due to a redundancy. We couldn't afford to rent there any more so had to move to a cheaper area further north where Dh family is.

My dad can't afford to move again at his age to come here.

You have misread the situation.
You are not under scrutiny at all. You are simply subject to the normal school protocol for children who are isolating.
I wish people would stop thinking of themselves and see the bigger picture-it's not about scrutinising you, asking for a negative test.
It is about making sure the whole school community is safe.
You now have three choices-
tell the school you were lying and send your kid in
get your kid tested and send in the result as requested
keep your kid off school for ten days with no symptoms and away from your dad, which is the required isolation period.

I wont castigate you for lying, more for not thinking of the bigger picture. You have willfully flagged up your child as a Covid risk to an entire school community. What did you expect to happen?
Deal with it.

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus

I am sorry I don't understand why you would do this. Your dad is 86, has had cancer, I mean in all honesty how long has he got left? It angers me that so many are prepared to disrupt youngsters lives and education for people who are going to die soon anyway. It's as though no one I meet wants to admit that people do get old and die! So an energetic six year old has to stay cooped up for this. It is so wrong.

Oh please. That's actually quite upsetting. This is the man who brought me up, mainly as a single parent since I was a young child and my mum died. I can't abandon him.

Mathanxiety it was such a horrible post thanks for pointing it out.

OP my friend is shielding and their child has been off school since March - he was meant to return in Jan but obviously can't. The school was fine with it.

Please do what you need to do.

I would be honest with school but don't share medical records obviously.

You have done the morally right thing, you must look out for your Dad, if people can break the rules and have parties and travel to second holiday homes etc. Then you can go and help your Dad!!!

Just call the school tomorrow, say you were in a right panic about your Dad's mental health, couldn't contact anyone at school and you weren't sure if you'd be able to call before school returned, so you sent the email just to cover the basis of letting them know your child wouldn't be in. They would be heartless to not understand (and if they don't understand then they need a kick up the arse). Offer to call the local education welfare officer to explain the situation to get the absence authorised until your eldest goes back to college on the 18th and your Dad has the jab/moves into the other house or ask if you can extend the home schooling till Feb half term.
This pandemic must not rob us of looking out for people who are living right on the edge, I hope your Dad gets his vaccination soon and he regains some happiness, so sad!

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I really hope he starts to feel better now he is with you

Your dad is 86, has had cancer, I mean in all honesty how long has he got left?

Fuck me, how cold would you like to be.

OP is remove my child in a heartbeat and tell the school to stop overreaching - they’ve no right to someone’s else’s medical records.

Your daughter is 6 years old. In some countries she wouldn’t even be attending school. Stop fretting and just keep her at home.

I’m planning to keep my DS (11) off for a couple of weeks at least because DH is vulnerable and the numbers need to drop a fair bit before I’ll consider sending him back to school.

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus

I am sorry I don't understand why you would do this. Your dad is 86, has had cancer, I mean in all honesty how long has he got left? It angers me that so many are prepared to disrupt youngsters lives and education for people who are going to die soon anyway. It's as though no one I meet wants to admit that people do get old and die! So an energetic six year old has to stay cooped up for this. It is so wrong.

You'd leave your parent to starve to death (or overdose) for the sake of less than ten days of your six year old's schooling?

@Hexadelica what nonsense are you talking? The child hasn't been in school for weeks, the OP has not said she has COVID. There is no implication for the school or other pupils at all.

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus

I am sorry I don't understand why you would do this. Your dad is 86, has had cancer, I mean in all honesty how long has he got left? It angers me that so many are prepared to disrupt youngsters lives and education for people who are going to die soon anyway. It's as though no one I meet wants to admit that people do get old and die! So an energetic six year old has to stay cooped up for this. It is so wrong.

Fucking hell. Her Dad is suicidal and depressed. You can get back 2 weeks of education with a 6yo.

You should be ashamed of yourself for that comment.

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus

I am sorry I don't understand why you would do this. Your dad is 86, has had cancer, I mean in all honesty how long has he got left? It angers me that so many are prepared to disrupt youngsters lives and education for people who are going to die soon anyway. It's as though no one I meet wants to admit that people do get old and die! So an energetic six year old has to stay cooped up for this. It is so wrong.

If you don’t understand why someone would allow their 6 year old to spend a few weeks playing at home instead of going to school in order to safeguard their elderly loved one....then you really have issue.

It’s a 6 year old being off a hill for a few weeks.

You have willfully flagged up your child as a Covid risk to an entire school community. What did you expect to happen?

No she hasn't. Her daughter hasn't been in school, and won't be. So how would she have risked the school community if she had been positive?

I've not read the full thread op but i was in a very similar situation with both my dm and my dfil in the first lockdown and did the same thing (and would do again)

School not hill

You are doing exactly the right thing for you. Your dc hasn't been at school so it affects no-one else but if I had a good relationship with the school I'd tell them. I'd certainly want any of the parents in my class to tell me just so I could offer any support.

Some people on here have no clue and are so rude.

Do what you need to do for your dad - it's the right thing.

OP just tell the school she'll be in on the 12th and forget about it. The test results are for if you want to send her earlier. If things are not resolved by the 12th, say she has symptoms and buy another 10 days.