So I've had to lie to the school

[WankPuffins]

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan Can I just say thank you. You've made me proper laugh today

I'd do the same thing OP, he's your Dad. You're caught between a rock and a hard placeI, but I think I'd do the same, be honest to school tho. Sending love

It is impossible to lower the risk of catching the virus to 0% no matter what precautions you put in place. I really recommend that you make sure your DF switches of the news, that you all take a good walk in nature somewhere have a meal, try and have a little fun, and help him to get some perspective. It seems he’s more worried about his family members catching it? Our best line of defence is to make sure we stay healthy, which includes our mental health. He’s getting so worked up thinking about what could happen, it’s effecting his health. He needs to switch off and focus on something else and not just what’s going on with the virus.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

What a mess OP. Your Dad is being incredibly selfish tbh affecting your children’s education in this way. Yes I know he’s 86 but let’s be honest, it’s unfair of him to threaten to take all of his sleeping pills as a way to get you to do what he wants. Has he always been emotionally manipulative? I apologise in advance if I’m barking up the wrong tree and this is a new thing for him, either way what a stressful situation for you and your family. If he really cannot cope alone (or claims he can’t), how long is he going to end up staying at yours and thus preventing you all from living a normal life?

Are you f**king serious??

I could write more but I’d probably be banned !

Ok, so am I the only one reading from the messages that the School wanted the result to ensure your DD doesn't return before she should? As in we will need a neg result if she is to return before 12th? If you don't send one it would be fine as you want her home anyway . Don't worry about it imo

Just to add, the best way to overcome anxiety about the virus to go out each day like a walk in the park. He needs to start looking after himself, so short trip to the shop during non peak times, this will start to ease his fear and anxiety and hopefully he can eventually return to his house healthier.

Poor you OP - most of us would have done what you have done. I hope you're now ignoring all the alarmist posts - most people are completely sympathetic to your plight.
Hopefully you can all relax a bit - make sure dad brings his mobile so that he gets his text about the vaccine and you can make arrangements. And strategically ignore any harassing texts from the school attendance person about evidence etc . Just confirm your child is safe and at home and then ignore. As others have said - we'll have countless u turns and press conferences in the next week or so. Stay at home as the government keep telling us and build up your father's mental and physical health.

Your Dad is being incredibly selfish tbh affecting your children’s education in this way. Yes I know he’s 86 but let’s be honest, it’s unfair of him to threaten to take all of his sleeping pills as a way to get you to do what he wants. Has he always been emotionally manipulative?

Wow.

I have absolutely no words for this. None.

I would just reply to the school that you had serious concerns over your elderly fathers mental health in the last few days and it was confirmed when you saw him on FaceTime. Your husband went to collect him and it transpires that he has not had a covid test as he has not left his house. However due to his health and advanced age you are keeping your daughter off school in the short term so she doesn't bring back covid to the family. Job done and as a retired teacher don't sweat it, the whole country is in a mess atm and schools will be shutting soon anyway

OP you've done nothing wrong. Keep your dd home for the next 10 days and I hope your Dad will be ok
You've had a few batshit replies. Please try and ignore them and focus on your Dad

I have pointed out that @Handsoffstrikesagain did have a point. My dad can be very difficult. I've not had the easiest time as the only child of an elderly parent. My mum died when I was very young and we have no other family. He's been incredibly difficult and sometimes manipulative over the years - that poster wasn't far off the mark.

But like I said, I have years of experience and o
Know the difference. Which is why Dh grabbed the car keys and went to get him.

But she did have a for point.

I think you are absolutely doing the right getting your Dad. Trust your instincts. The schools may well close soon anyway. Dont worry, you are doing what is best for you and your family xxx

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

They absolutely cannot insist on this as it's a relative.

@WankPuffins there's no point in pondering why you lied, you were no doubt in a state about your dad and not thinking straight.

In all honesty, when it comes to your dad I would have done exactly the same as you and gone to get him. He needs you right now and that, and the rest of your family's safety is the most important thing. Sod everything else.

@Handsoffstrikesagain none taken - I think we crossed posts just then. It's bloody difficult. Which is why I FaceTimed after the call.
I had to see him. For a man who was in the forces abs who's always had impeccable personal care abs who has take care to eat properly - the decline was alarming.

OP I apologise if you explained this and I missed it

Your DF doesn't want your DD in school, is that correct?

Your Dad is being incredibly selfish tbh affecting your children’s education in this way. Yes I know he’s 86 but let’s be honest, it’s unfair of him to threaten to take all of his sleeping pills as a way to get you to do what he wants. Has he always been emotionally manipulative?

Christ. Sometimes I wonder what goes through some peoples heads.

@Sorehandsandfeet

Ok, so am I the only one reading from the messages that the School wanted the result to ensure your DD doesn't return before she should? As in we will need a neg result if she is to return before 12th? If you don't send one it would be fine as you want her home anyway . Don't worry about it imo

This.

Keep her off.

@Handsoffstrikesagain Sorry, I can see you have apologised to the OP.

We can't assume our own experiences are the same as other peoples.

@AcornAutumn

OP I apologise if you explained this and I missed it

Your DF doesn't want your DD in school, is that correct?

No. He was just worried about them all in general.

@HmmSureJan

Give yourself some breathing space by saying you all need to isolate for 14 days. I think schools will shut in a week anyway.

Exactly this. I’m just going to call in when our schools open and be honest that my kids are anxious and sending them in right now will make them ill. I’m pretty sure schools will shift to online teaching in a week or 2.