Netflix needs to fuck right off

[Neversleepingever]

With it's judgy 'are you still watching' message that pops up at a climax moment and I can only see my tired, greasy reflection on the screen as I stuff the final mince pie in my mouth in an attempt to eat the last of the Xmas stockpile before I start healthy eating for my New Year's resolution.

What light-hearted, petty things in your life need to fuck right off?

My Samsung TV wants to update EVERY SINGLE DAY. It never actually updates. Takes a minute or two every time I switch it on. Fucker.

@onedayiwillmissthis

Alexa! I find it really annoying that this piece of tech is seen (and bloody heard) as female.

A pp refered to Alexa as a 'bint'.

I want to be able to swap 'Alexa' to an 'Alex', give it a deep masculine voice and then...swear at 'Alex' when 'Alex' is being so feckin irritating.

You need to swap to Google - got my daughter one for Christmas and we deliberately picked the man’s voice to get around this

Pull your fucking trousers up I’m sick of seeing your nasty pants and tramp stamp

About a year ago I was sitting on a bus and there was a guy stood with his arse about 6” from my face. His t shirt was riding up so you could read the writing on his pants band, except the writing was backwards - if you’re going to wear your pants on the B side, don’t buy ones with writing on the band FFS.

Packaging is the one that gets me. No matter how many times “peel open” packaging fails to peel, I still try it. The plastic tab rips off and I swear EVERY SINGLE TIME. When will I learn?

Also toy packaging - I know you don’t want it to move in transit, but do you need to make them more secure than a bicycle locked to a lamppost? Do you need to package them in boxes where you have to cut 11 pieces of tape to work out their box puzzle to get to the back and then find it’s secured with 10 sodding cable ties, and then you get the toy out and there’s no sodding batteries in it and you need a screwdriver, which is always a size you can’t find quickly. And then it needs AAA when you can only find AA?

In fact, why are there so many sizes of battery? We have so many toys which could easily accommodate AAs but have AAAs instead - why?! Why do kitchen scales have those stupid coin batteries which are dangerous and nobody ever has them, when they could easily fit others? Batteries, light bulbs and screws should all be limited to two bloody sizes / fittings each.

Wearing pants on the b side

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@SinkGirl I'm with you on the toy packaging!

@strugglingwithlife

@SinkGirl I'm with you on the toy packaging!

I’ve decided that next Christmas I’m going to unbox all the toys and add batteries before wrapping. Too much sodding hassle otherwise.

My Alexa is programmed to turn the kettle on when asked. Bear in mind it's MY Alexa, programmed and owned by me, app is on my phone.
In the morning when I shout "Alexa put the kettle on " we lie on bed straining to hear if it's turned on. 50/50 when I ask, works every bloody time when dh asks here, and he lies there smirking like a smug twat!
The other day I asked 3 times, eventually yelled "Alexa turn the fucking kettle on". Worked that time. Bitch.

The half arsed snow. Either stick or fuck off 😣

When I add an item to Alexa’s shopping list and she says “you already have on your list, do you want to add it again?

Of course I don’t, little Miss Smug!

@BrightonForWine

My tv threatens to turn itself off because of 'inactivity'.

It really rubs salt in the wound.

Mine calls itself ‘idle mode’ which is painfully accurate

The annoying very long automated message about covid i have no choice but to listen to every time I have rang the doctors since March. I know not to some to the surgery if i have a high temp or a new continuous cough FFS! I also know I can find more info on covid 19 at www.gov.uk/covid just connect me to reception!!

@OllietheOwl

My Garmin, telling me to “MOVE”, when I’ve just cooked everyone dinner, fed DS, Got kids to bed, done the washing up and sat down for 5min. Oh fuck off with your MOVE!!!

Do you wear it on your dominant side? I prefer wearing my watch on the left but swap it to the right if I'm doing a lot of cooking or ironing.

The cat is very floofy and deposits her floof everywhere and I'm the only mug that sweeps it up.

When my oyster card doesn't operate the gates and I end up in a sandwich between the unopened gate and a potential sex offender squashed behind me.

When we've run out of milk because DD has drunk it all and whinges when I tell her to go out and get more.

@Curlygirl06

My Alexa is programmed to turn the kettle on when asked. Bear in mind it's MY Alexa, programmed and owned by me, app is on my phone. In the morning when I shout "Alexa put the kettle on " we lie on bed straining to hear if it's turned on. 50/50 when I ask, works every bloody time when dh asks here, and he lies there smirking like a smug twat! The other day I asked 3 times, eventually yelled "Alexa turn the fucking kettle on". Worked that time. Bitch.

I had a thread last year mentioning similar. Someone posted saying that Alexa programmers were mostly men and as such respond more to deeper or male voices.

I now speak to her as if I'm telling off a naughty dog

My tv used to switch off after a certain amount of time. It was a relief to discover it was an eco setting. Switched that off and no more annoying message or frantic clicker searching!

I really hate the new tamper proof cr2032 battery packaging. Almost need a welder to get into them grr!

Some plastic packaging is so protective that nothing can get broken in transit but you end up wrecking the item while forcibly extracting it.

Obviously the worst thing is safely encapsulated scissors, which can only be got into using scissors, and the new ones are the only ones you've got.

DH has a health monitor watch thingy that beeps at him and flashes MOVE if he’s been stationary for too long
Fair enough when he’s sprawled out on the sofa, but it does it during sex sometimes
😂

There's nothing like hitting my daily stand goal on my Apple Watch by reaching for the packet of crisps beside me
😁 I discovered that my fitbit confuses my teeth brushing for walking and congratulates me for reaching my target 😇🤥

Your weight has changed a lot since your last weigh in. Is this Oysterbabe?
Yeah OK, fuck off
😂 That’s harsh
I used my WiiFit for the first time in years and it was most uncomplimentary about my fit age. Yeah, OK, I’ve let myself go a bit during lockdown but no need to be insulting 😬

@PandemicPalava that absolutely cracked me up about Henry!!!! So true!

My irritation is every fucking website you open demanding that you accept cookies
Oh yes, I forgot about that gem. It really pisses me off for some reason, and I'm then doubly irritated when the invites to subscribe pop up. Just sod off with your messages 😡

Oh, and websites with autoplay videos or music, where I'm frantically trying to work out how to shut it up 🙄

Door handles. Using my cardigan pockets/housecoat belt as a sling shot to forcefully ping me back into whatever room I was attempting to leave.

"I’ve decided that next Christmas I’m going to unbox all the toys and add batteries before wrapping. Too much sodding hassle otherwise."
@"SinkGirl bloody good idea!

Bold fail

@msssm

Door handles. Using my cardigan pockets/housecoat belt as a sling shot to forcefully ping me back into whatever room I was attempting to leave.

My ds is a swimmer. Before Boxing Day he was training (T4 now).

Has a dry robe as it's always been beach ready.

Every.single.time we walk in the house he catches the sleeve on the closet door.

At least he had the good grace to say you'd think he'd have learnt the first time

With the mask, u need to do a ‘new face scan’ with ur mask on

Ofcourse tho, it wont work at home.

Guess it depends if you use the phone more with the mask on or off