Netflix needs to fuck right off

[Neversleepingever]

With it's judgy 'are you still watching' message that pops up at a climax moment and I can only see my tired, greasy reflection on the screen as I stuff the final mince pie in my mouth in an attempt to eat the last of the Xmas stockpile before I start healthy eating for my New Year's resolution.

What light-hearted, petty things in your life need to fuck right off?

Deleted Facebook icon on iPhone but new one keeps cropping up with random name attached. How do I delete entire FB account fed up with it now?!

My fucking car key - this is going to sound such a small issue BUT the unlock is the top button and lock second button below each other, I need it to be the other way round this way round does my head in.

My twins watch a lot of Hey Duggee on Netflix.

YES WE ARE STILL FUCKING WATCHING. IT HAS BEEN 14 MINUTES.

It’s only thing asking after two 60 min episodes of something, but after two 7 minute episodes?

Cock off, Netflix.

My phone telling me my weekly screen time. Yes I know I'm on my phone to much, stop being so judgy when you tell me it's increased.

@BrightonForWine

My tv threatens to turn itself off because of 'inactivity'.

It really rubs salt in the wound.

My TV is doing my head in with this (I really should get round to turning the function off) - no, I haven't pressed any remote buttons in 2 hours because I don't have you hooked up to an aerial so it's either on Apple TV or the Sky box!

@SinkGirl

My twins watch a lot of Hey Duggee on Netflix.

YES WE ARE STILL FUCKING WATCHING. IT HAS BEEN 14 MINUTES.

It’s only thing asking after two 60 min episodes of something, but after two 7 minute episodes?

Cock off, Netflix.

14 minutes of Duggee will never be enough.

@SOCKS I've had my car over 6 years and I still can't remember which way round the buttons are on the key. In fact I am sure they keep swapping round just to confuse me

Random beeps in my car. Every single time I pull on the drive it beeps to tell me I'm to close to the fence NO IM NOT you could fit a tank in their it's just the angle which my drive is on. Beeping to tell me the car behind is too close. Great but I'm sat in a queue where the fuck do you expect me to move forward too? Because if I drive into the back of the car in front i expect theyll be thousands more beeps then arse

My FitBit needs to fuck off reminding me to move about every hour. Twat.

Not me, but DH has a health monitor watch thingy that beeps at him and flashes MOVE if he’s been stationary for too long.

Fair enough when he’s sprawled out on the sofa, but it does it during sex sometimes

In first lockdown I downloaded Duolingo, figured i’d become fluent in something.

After a few days of daily reminders in which I didn’t open the app I had a notification saying “we can see these notifications aren’t working, we’ll turn them off for now”.

Aye okay, smarmy git.

Fair enough when he’s sprawled out on the sofa, but it does it during sex sometimes

I used to hate my glasses fogging up when I put a mask on. I’ve found that pulling the mask right up to my eyes stops the fogging. So I now I go around looking like a Ninja turtle, and control the urge to break into the theme song.

Automated telephone systems that tell me "Your call is very important to us" or "We are currently receiving an unexpected volume of calls" or "go to wubbyu wubbyu wubbyu..." can fuck right off.

@NeverDropYourMoonCup, worry not, the cat bed will be ignored forever more in a few days' time.

@MellowBird85

My FitBit needs to fuck off reminding me to move about every hour. Twat.

There's nothing like hitting my daily stand goal on my Apple Watch by reaching for the packet of crisps beside me.

Yes @CaptainCarp Also TV does the turning off in 1 minute due to inactivity and then we have to scramble to find the remote as we use the sky one to turn off/on. - we do this too! I feel
Virtuous after the 1min scramble/exercise to find the remote though!

On Prime after so many episodes it's stops auto playing the next and the little 'next episode' box just sits in the corner. I say to DH, "It's judging us again!"

My scales , was on a diet and stepped on one morning and they said Lo. I thought it meant I'd lost a fair bit of weight but no, needed new batteries .

My washing machine lies, it says it has 1 minute left so I stay there waiting, because a minute is nothing, 4 minutes later the bastard thing is still working out if there is any water left to pump out. Yes I can hear you pumping. It is still saying 1 minute the whole time.

Having been caught out like this a million times, I now look at the machine see the 1 minute and think you liar, walk off and as soon as I am in the hall I hear the bastard door lock unlock. It is like a toddler. Sometimes I think well now you can wait for a change and walk away.

@Seeline @socks, had my car a few years and I still switch on the wipers when I want to indicate, and get the buttons on the key mixed up.

@BrightonForWine

My tv threatens to turn itself off because of 'inactivity'.

It really rubs salt in the wound.

This drives me insane Brighton especially when I will have JUST THAT MINUTE changed channels or opened a recording!! I haven’t been inactive, I’ve been engaging, you stupid semi sentient machine! 😡😡😡

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

Small things that piss me off? This morning, it was the bloody cat.

We both woke up at 5am to something that sounded like a burglar knocking a tin over. I didn't go back to sleep because after DP investigated, both cats (who were apparently completely unmoving when he went downstairs) came up for purrs and cuddles.

After DP left for work, I came down and discovered the source of the noise - the little fluffy ratbag had pulled my Spider Plant over in the course of trying to eat it again and knocked the Aloe Vera plant over - it was the sound of the metal pot hitting the floor that had woken us up. And now half the leaves are snapped off.

She is now, naturally, snoring her head off in the fancy cat bed she got for Christmas and I've had to clean up Aloe Vera gloop and compost off the floor, shelf and table. On five hours' sleep.

Spider Plants are hallucinogenic to cats, so she's having a come down sleep

'Your weight has changed a lot since your last weigh in. Is this Oysterbabe?'
Yeah OK, fuck off.

PMSL

My irritation is every fucking website you open demanding that you accept cookies. Yes, I know at this stage that you're all using cookies. Telling me that you care about my privacy is pure bullshit and a big fat annoying lie.

@Oysterbabe

My scales piss me off too. I have fancy ones that immediately Bluetooth to your phone 10 different ways in which you are a fat bastard. I don't really know what metabolic age is but I know mine is higher than my actual age, which can't be good. Also last year I got on them after Christmas and they said 'Your weight has changed a lot since your last weigh in. Is this Oysterbabe?' Yeah OK, fuck off.

Brilliant.

This reminds me, does anyone remember doing those workouts on the Nintendo Wii (about a hundred years ago!) and the passive aggressive messages if it had been a while since you last logged in.... Rude!

@ThatWindowNeedsAClean

My washing machine lies, it says it has 1 minute left so I stay there waiting, because a minute is nothing, 4 minutes later the bastard thing is still working out if there is any water left to pump out. Yes I can hear you pumping. It is still saying 1 minute the whole time.

Having been caught out like this a million times, I now look at the machine see the 1 minute and think you liar, walk off and as soon as I am in the hall I hear the bastard door lock unlock. It is like a toddler. Sometimes I think well now you can wait for a change and walk away.

Mine totally lies too. Also the drier on it, which I never use any more, tells you it will round for two hours and then just stops after 30 mins, every single time.

@PandemicPalava

Henry Hoover smirking at me when he is stuck round the door frame the little knob

Self service checkout rushing me at the co op

So true about the Henry! 😂😂😂