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Original poster

Should I just go?

118 replies

BathFullOfEels · 01/01/2021 12:56

I’m in Devon (tier 3 now but my borough had the lowest infection rate in the country last week), sister is in South Wales.

She had a baby early November and also has a 4yo. She’s been ‘odd’ since then - I suspect PND but I’ve only been having phone calls with her as she won’t Zoom call for some reason. Her husband has had to go and look after his terminally ill mother in another country and due to new restrictions it looks like he won’t be back for the next few weeks.

I spoke to Dsis on Christmas Day and she seemed ok - her 4yo was happily chatting away and telling me about her presents. But since then she hasn’t picked up the phone and is only occasionally responding to text messages. The responses are generally short and to the point and nothing like her normal messages.

As far as I know she doesn’t have many close friends in the area. I’m desperately worried about her, as is her husband who she also won’t answer the phone to - she’s just sending him occasional photos of the baby and no text at all.

Can I/ should I go up? If I get stopped would that be an acceptable reason to be travelling. I won’t even go into her house, I just want to talk to her and make sure she’s ok. I’m sort of tempted to ask someone to do a welfare check but she’ll know it was me/ her husband and might cut us off further.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
BettlejuicesMum · 01/01/2021 12:57

I would go.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 01/01/2021 12:58

Of course you should go! I can't believe people are being put in the position of questioning whether to help a clearly struggling loved one, left alone with two extremely vulnerable people. It's madness.

Go, now.

Peridot1 · 01/01/2021 12:58

I would go for sure. You can travel for compassionate reasons and this is surely one.

I hope she is ok.

whataballbag · 01/01/2021 12:58

I'm a stickler for the rules, but I would go in this situation

Whisperinastorm · 01/01/2021 12:58

I would go. You can always turnaround and head straight home if all is well.

Twinpeaksdancingman · 01/01/2021 12:58

She’s you sisters, your worried. I would go

PatchworkElmer · 01/01/2021 12:58

Go!

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/01/2021 12:59

I would also go

Inastatus · 01/01/2021 13:00

Definitely go!

Eskarina1 · 01/01/2021 13:00

I would go regardless but isn't she entitled to a bubble as a parent of a child under 1?

Candleinthewindow · 01/01/2021 13:02

I'd go, and I've followed all the rules since March. She sounds like she needs some support.

Original poster
BathFullOfEels · 01/01/2021 13:02

Thank you for the reassurance. I was planning on going tomorrow but my mum was telling me it was irresponsible. She’s entitled to be in a bubble but she doesn’t have any family/ close friends in Wales.

OP posts:
PinkPlantCase · 01/01/2021 13:04

Go OP Smile

Maybe have a back up plan for if she won’t let you in. Eg, where will you sleep? Check if any hotels are open. Could you spend a few days driving back and forth? Fingers crossed she’d be happy to see you but if you don’t know how she is mentally she may be too anxious to let you in.

covetingthepreciousthings · 01/01/2021 13:04

In what way 'odd'?

This would worry me, I've been following the rules since March but having had a relative who developed post natal psychosis the other year very quickly I would go.

Xerochrysum · 01/01/2021 13:07

Yes, I would go too, to just make sure she is ok. And I am normally the one to stick to the rules, but this situation is very worrying. Having a new born baby and young child, and dh away in another country with no friends and support, it must be very hard.

covetingthepreciousthings · 01/01/2021 13:07

Maybe have a back up plan for if she won’t let you in. Eg, where will you sleep? Check if any hotels are open.

I'd also do this. If she isn't responding very well to messages or phone calls she may not even let you in, so I'd be prepared.

Original poster
BathFullOfEels · 01/01/2021 13:08

If she doesn’t let me in I could drive home again the same day. I wouldn’t expect to stay overnight and it’s only about a 2.5 hour drive.

I don’t really know how to explain the oddness. She’s just gone very quiet, is normally very chatty, constantly sending me memes, jokes etc. I thought at first she was just busy with the baby but even when I speak to her on the phone she barely says a word, doesn’t laugh at anything, doesn’t seem to follow the conversation almost.

OP posts:
ScrumptiousBears · 01/01/2021 13:09

I think this can be classed as exceptional circumstances.

CovidHalloween · 01/01/2021 13:11

Go and see her this is coming from someone who follows the rules religiously. Please go.

Choconuttolata · 01/01/2021 13:12

Please go, you have a valid reason this could be a safeguarding issue for both her and those children if she is really struggling in a black hole of PND.

Rover83 · 01/01/2021 13:13

Definitely go. I would stop on your way at a supermarket and do a little shop for her of easy to cook foods ect. It might give you more of a reason to engage her in conversation for a while. I hope everything is ok

deflatedballooon · 01/01/2021 13:17

Definitely go, can you take her some food shopping?

Stringervest · 01/01/2021 13:19

You are right to be concerned and she is lucky to have you looking out for her. You should definitely go.

Feministicon · 01/01/2021 13:20

Oh bless her, such hard circumstances. You sound like a lovely sister, yes go it’s not irresponsible at all.

Bickertown · 01/01/2021 13:20

Definitely go.
It’s allowed within the rules -support for vulnerable person. But I’d go even if it wasn’t