Should I just go?

[BathFullOfEels]

I’m in Devon (tier 3 now but my borough had the lowest infection rate in the country last week), sister is in South Wales.

She had a baby early November and also has a 4yo. She’s been ‘odd’ since then - I suspect PND but I’ve only been having phone calls with her as she won’t Zoom call for some reason. Her husband has had to go and look after his terminally ill mother in another country and due to new restrictions it looks like he won’t be back for the next few weeks.

I spoke to Dsis on Christmas Day and she seemed ok - her 4yo was happily chatting away and telling me about her presents. But since then she hasn’t picked up the phone and is only occasionally responding to text messages. The responses are generally short and to the point and nothing like her normal messages.

As far as I know she doesn’t have many close friends in the area. I’m desperately worried about her, as is her husband who she also won’t answer the phone to - she’s just sending him occasional photos of the baby and no text at all.

Can I/ should I go up? If I get stopped would that be an acceptable reason to be travelling. I won’t even go into her house, I just want to talk to her and make sure she’s ok. I’m sort of tempted to ask someone to do a welfare check but she’ll know it was me/ her husband and might cut us off further.

Wwyd?

Please go. I hope she's ok. I'm Caerphilly area if I can help?

I can’t go until tomorrow unfortunately as I need exdh to look after my boys. I’ll head up first thing though, thanks for the reassurance.

I think my mum is a bit worried. She’s one of those people who just doesn’t ‘believe’ in depression though and is convinced that because she can cheer herself up by being active, everyone else should do the same. She’s also appointed herself Lockdown Chief and is absolutely loving having a reason to be angry at everyone she deems to be breaking the rules.

Thanks so much DeeDimer. She’s in Barry but I do t know if she’ll even open the door to me. I’m hopeful she will though. I’ve been in touch with my friend who has a holiday home near there and he said I could stay the night there if need be (it’s empty atm).

You must go and be prepared to stay a few nights. She needs help, even if all is “fine”. Let her lie in, cook for her, put the children to bed. Look after her for a few days.

OP please go

She's not entitled to a bubble because she has a child under 1, that's not a thing in wales. Travel for compassionate reasons is allowed though so you're absolutely fine to visit her OP.

We are being extremely careful but even I would go, without a doubt. Your fears sound grounded and genuine.

You can go and are within the rules to do so and support a vulnerable person. Hope all works out ok.

It is perfectly acceptable to travel for caring duties which is what you are doing.

If you feel she might need help today, please contact the police on 101, who can put you through to her local force, and they can arrange a welfare check. If they are concerned they can get her support through mental health services as an emergency.

I agree to go, but also you won't be breaking the rules. People with a child under 1, can form a bubble with another household regardless of members so you'd be safe based on rules.

Just read that someone said the rules are different in Wales. I didn't realise, sorry 😊
Either way she in vulnerable

Please go. It's an emergency. I remember PND (turned into puerpel mania in my case, and my sis wouldn't come, although I rang her from the hospital. It would have meant so much to me. Please do what you think is right, I think your DM is underestimating the possible PND.

If she really is ill, the police might frighten her( as per previous suggestion). How soon could you get there?

Has her DH been able to speak to her?

Could you also have an off the record chat with her GP, midwife or Health Visitor - someone who will be on hand for her locally and has a legitimate reason to be regularly involved?

I would definitely go. I had horrendous antenatal depression, and this is how I presented. Wouldn't talk to anyone, particularly didn't speak to my mum properly and occasionally sent short texts. I was very ill. I hope she's ok.

She won’t answer phone to her Dh, just lets it ring out and then sends him a photo of one of the dc. She’s not answering or replying to my messages at the moment. I don’t really want to get police/SS involved unless I can’t contact her tomorrow, I don’t want to further upset her.

I would go OP without hesitation

Please, please go. My mum had severe post natal depression, so bad that they wanted to admit her to a psychiatric hospital. A very kind neighbour stepped in to look after me as her MIL didn’t want to know and her own mum had died.

Let’s face it if you get stopped and you explain the situation I think they would just let you go on your way because it sounds like a horrible situation and I really feel for you

Yes - definitely. I wouldn't hesitate.

Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll head up first thing tomorrow morning and hopefully she’ll let me help her out a bit.

I've been thinking of you and your sister all afternoon. OP, your update is really concerning. I really would make an effort to try to contact her this afternoon/evening and keep ringing, leave a message to say to contact you and that you are concerned and if not see if you can get a welfare check by the police. She and your niece plus the baby may really need help, if not you'll just be a paranoid and well meaning sister/aunt.

Absolutely go and I really hope she’s okay.