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Original poster

Should I just go?

118 replies

BathFullOfEels · 01/01/2021 12:56

I’m in Devon (tier 3 now but my borough had the lowest infection rate in the country last week), sister is in South Wales.

She had a baby early November and also has a 4yo. She’s been ‘odd’ since then - I suspect PND but I’ve only been having phone calls with her as she won’t Zoom call for some reason. Her husband has had to go and look after his terminally ill mother in another country and due to new restrictions it looks like he won’t be back for the next few weeks.

I spoke to Dsis on Christmas Day and she seemed ok - her 4yo was happily chatting away and telling me about her presents. But since then she hasn’t picked up the phone and is only occasionally responding to text messages. The responses are generally short and to the point and nothing like her normal messages.

As far as I know she doesn’t have many close friends in the area. I’m desperately worried about her, as is her husband who she also won’t answer the phone to - she’s just sending him occasional photos of the baby and no text at all.

Can I/ should I go up? If I get stopped would that be an acceptable reason to be travelling. I won’t even go into her house, I just want to talk to her and make sure she’s ok. I’m sort of tempted to ask someone to do a welfare check but she’ll know it was me/ her husband and might cut us off further.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/01/2021 16:16

You sound like an ace sister Flowers

Dancingalong · 01/01/2021 16:17

Please go, and if she needs help please stay. We witnessed a poor lady suffering terribly in the first lockdown.

DarkDarkNight · 01/01/2021 16:22

I would go in this situation. It sounds like PND and she isn’t coping.

Can her husband not contact the health visitors and let them know if you going isn’t possible.

SatishTheCat · 01/01/2021 16:44

I would plan to go. In the meantime, could you contact the health visiting service? They may well be able to call her and perhaps send a health visitor around if she doesn’t pick up. If she is really unwell then time is of the essence. I don’t imagine the health visitor coming would be particularly alarming for her. If you are stopped on your way to visit her, having a record of contact with the service also shows that you have tried to get help for her.

WhoLettheCatOut · 02/01/2021 11:47

Hope you made it there ok OP.

covetingthepreciousthings · 02/01/2021 12:16

Hope everything's ok OP

Chapellass · 02/01/2021 15:13

Hope your sister is ok OP

ChablisandCrisps · 02/01/2021 15:24

How worrying! I really hope you got to see her today and that she and the children are doing ok Daffodil

Toocold · 02/01/2021 15:27

Please go. I can’t believe your mum thinks it’s irresponsible, your sister needs all the support she can get.

Hilly17 · 02/01/2021 15:36

Can you stay with her for a while to help her, or her come to you?
It would be perfectly reasonable to do this if she is struggling.

Waves12345 · 02/01/2021 15:39

I can understand you are worried, I’d go-definitely and like others I’ve followed all rules!

spicyspringroll · 02/01/2021 15:59

OP I hope your sister is OK and you got there to be with her, sounds like she really needs some support now and it can't be easy for her. She's lucky she's got you looking out for her

Caaarrrl · 02/01/2021 16:22

Did you go? How is she?

Lifeispassingby · 02/01/2021 16:43

Hoping you got there safely OP XX

cryinglightning · 02/01/2021 16:44

Absolutely go. And don't feel bad about it - she clearly needs you/support and even if she doesn't it's better to be safe than sorry.

Original poster
BathFullOfEels · 02/01/2021 23:10

I made it, currently staying in my friends holiday home not too far from my sister.

I dont really know what to think/ do. I turned up on her doorstep and she started sobbing when she saw me and seemed really happy to see me. Her house is clean, dc’s were fine, she was dressed and looked ok. But she didn’t seem herself at all - she couldn’t seem to keep track of our conversation, she seemed really spacey. If I didn’t know her I’d think she was on some kind of drugs but she definitely wouldn’t be doing that.

We ordered some food and watched a film as she didn’t want to go out as it’s so cold. She definitely has been going out though as her 3yo had been telling me all the things they’d been doing.

I’m going to pop round again tomorrow morning and then head home. I asked her loads of times if she was ok, if she was coping and she insisted that she was. She said that I really didn’t need to have come up as she’s fine but did seem happy that I was there and want rushing to get me to leave. She didn’t want me staying the night though just because they have a small house and she thought baby would keep me awake.

I asked her about her health visitor and she said she wasn’t having any visits/ phone calls from them anymore. She said she didn’t want to get in touch with her as she’s fine and she thought the advice the HV had given her was rubbish (it did sound pretty crap from what she’d told me).

What should I do? Should I get anyone else involved? She said she’s fine, I’m sure to most people she would appear to be fine but she’s very definitely not.

OP posts:
Alternista · 02/01/2021 23:17

Could she be on antidepressants? They can space people out...

What a lovely sister you are. Have you spoken to her husband tonight, does he have any ideas?

madroid · 02/01/2021 23:30

I think you ring her GP and explain. She should have mental health assessment.

Either that, or could you stay for a few days and then decide?

Gettinggrumpier · 02/01/2021 23:35

So pleased you saw your sister OP.

I would focus on the fact that she cried when she saw you, rather than accept her saying she is fine.

Just because she was dressed and the house was a tip, doesn't mean that she is coping. It seems that she is putting a lot of energy in putting on a show of coping, when her actions by barely communicating with you and her husband shows she is very distressed

You may need to be more insistent with her. She needs someone, you, to insist she has a break and rests and sleep while you take care of the children. Maybe then she will open up to you.

Gettinggrumpier · 02/01/2021 23:37

Meant to say just because the house 'wasn't' a tip.

Lupinhere37 · 02/01/2021 23:41

Hi op. So pleased you went to her.
I’m no expert in this field at all but just took a look at NHS Wales advice re possible post natal depression. Not very helpful about what to do if you wish to help someone; the advice is geared towards the person helping themselves. However, it does suggest the NCT helpline, 8am til midnight daily, as a source of advice.
Given there will be no GPs tomorrow, why don’t you call NCT and ask them for some guidance?
Alternatively, could you stay until Monday and coax her to call her GP? There are some lovely GP practices in Barry (well certainly used to be when I worked there a few years ago!), so maybe she’d be able to get some help from her GP, if she could admit that something isn’t right.
Is there any way you can bring her back to Devon with you, to keep an eye and offer support? That’s quite some distance if you need to keep driving over.

covetingthepreciousthings · 02/01/2021 23:41

But she didn’t seem herself at all - she couldn’t seem to keep track of our conversation, she seemed really spacey. If I didn’t know her I’d think she was on some kind of drugs but she definitely wouldn’t be doing that.

This is how my family member seemed when her post natal psychosis started, obviously it might not be that, but it is worth being aware of. I think I would try get in touch with someone to seek help. Have you spoken to her DH again?

PersonaNonGarter · 02/01/2021 23:46

Stay for a bit. When is her DH back?

And can your mum go and help?

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 02/01/2021 23:50

Well that's a relief, of sorts.

Maybe just see what happens tomorrow. If you don't press to much, she might open up a bit.

If it was my best friend (no sister) I'd stay longer if ExDH could keep DS longer. If not I might go home, get DS & go back.

You know your sister, if she doesn't seem right to you I'd put money on her not being right, but she might not realise it herself. It could be PND, or any number if things, but I wouldn't leave her alone.

I'd also stay, brush off the baby keeping you awake. Sleep
In a room on your own (or with DS if you need to take him) and keep a window open. It'll be no more risky than watching a film & getting a takeaway together!

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