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Should I just go?

118 replies

BathFullOfEels · 01/01/2021 12:56

I’m in Devon (tier 3 now but my borough had the lowest infection rate in the country last week), sister is in South Wales.

She had a baby early November and also has a 4yo. She’s been ‘odd’ since then - I suspect PND but I’ve only been having phone calls with her as she won’t Zoom call for some reason. Her husband has had to go and look after his terminally ill mother in another country and due to new restrictions it looks like he won’t be back for the next few weeks.

I spoke to Dsis on Christmas Day and she seemed ok - her 4yo was happily chatting away and telling me about her presents. But since then she hasn’t picked up the phone and is only occasionally responding to text messages. The responses are generally short and to the point and nothing like her normal messages.

As far as I know she doesn’t have many close friends in the area. I’m desperately worried about her, as is her husband who she also won’t answer the phone to - she’s just sending him occasional photos of the baby and no text at all.

Can I/ should I go up? If I get stopped would that be an acceptable reason to be travelling. I won’t even go into her house, I just want to talk to her and make sure she’s ok. I’m sort of tempted to ask someone to do a welfare check but she’ll know it was me/ her husband and might cut us off further.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
baileysisforme · 01/01/2021 13:21

I would def go as well. And yes to maybe taking some supplies or even some pre prepared meals for her

81Byerley · 01/01/2021 13:22

Do you know who her GP is? She needs to be seen by her health visitor. If you can speak to the HV they could visit without mentioning you. And I agree, in your position I would go and see her.

RainMoon · 01/01/2021 13:22

Of course you go, it is allowed, she is a single parent and struggling and needs help. Sorry your mum isn’t supportive but it’s lovely that you are reacting to your sisters distress.
If you are going tomorrow maybe today get a load of easy to make meals in, nice ready meals from the supermarket so if she doesn’t want you to stay you can leave her food, and you’re not wasting your time with her tomorrow shopping.

TeaAndHobnob · 01/01/2021 13:23

You sound like a good sister OP. It wouldn't be wrong to go and check on her. Pp idea of taking her some food or nice treats is a great idea. I hope when you get there she is just busy with the baby and not struggling. Best of luck.

tappitytaptap · 01/01/2021 13:25

Is your mum not concerned about her own child?!

JustLikeStitch · 01/01/2021 13:27

Agreed, you should go. It counts towards providing care and support, and families being unable to do that for each other is awful. I hope she’s ok Flowers

DaphneBridgerton · 01/01/2021 13:28

Go go go

WankPuffins · 01/01/2021 13:28

Christ yes.

I doubt anyone would tell you not to.

Feministicon · 01/01/2021 13:32

@tappitytaptap

Is your mum not concerned about her own child?!
That’s what I was wondering too
DayBath · 01/01/2021 13:34

Don't turn up unannounced, she may want to tidy up and have a shower before seeing you. If she's avoiding zoom calls then she may be self conscious. Even in good mental health i would hate a relative to just turn up like that.

DayBath · 01/01/2021 13:35

To clarify my previous post i think it's fine to go, just let her know first I mean.

Wannabangbang · 01/01/2021 13:35

In this circumstance yes i would

MagicMatilda · 01/01/2021 13:42

Go!!! It’s the right thing to do. How lucky of her to have a wonderful sister like you!

onanotherday · 01/01/2021 13:42

Yes go. Hope all is well soonFlowers

augustusglupe · 01/01/2021 13:45

Definitely go, I would.
Although, yes I agree with DayBath something to think about. Would she be ok with you just turning up!?
You sound like a great sister OP I do hope everything works out ok.

BlairCorneliaWaldorf · 01/01/2021 13:48

Please tell me you’ve already set off?!

Go!

partyatthepalace · 01/01/2021 13:50

Absolutely go.

It’s covered under caring for vulnerable, childcare bubbles, and support bubbles.

But regardless, I’d go

Bunnybigears · 01/01/2021 13:51

I would go, if she won't let you in maybe you could offer to take the kids on a walk so she has some time for herself to shower etc

Covidcabana · 01/01/2021 13:54

This sounds so difficult. Absolutely go to her as soon as you can. It's within the rules (even if it wasn't, under these circumstances I'd go) and your gut is telling you something is off.

I hope everything is ok.

LST · 01/01/2021 13:54

I would go without doubt. I hope she is ok

Piccalino3 · 01/01/2021 13:55

Please go OP. I had a friend who developed postnatal psychosis and it happened quite quickly. It may not be that at all but if it were I would worry for all their safety. Hopefully it's nothing like that and by going you'll show your sister that she's loved and has some help. I can't imagine having a newborn and a small child all on my own in these times.

Useruseruserusee · 01/01/2021 13:58

I’m glad you are going OP and I really hope your sister is OK.

Barmyfarmy · 01/01/2021 14:08

OP go. Don't stop at services or anything unless really necessary, but go.
Maybe bring her some milk, bread, teabags etc if you can? Or just some flowers and choc. It sounds like she needs help- she may just be overwhelmed looking after 2 children or it could be something more severed like PND or PN Psychosis. She's lucky to have you.

Cornettoninja · 01/01/2021 14:12

Definitely go.

Is there anyway you could stay with her or bring her and the dc to stay with you or your mum? It’s worth trying to put in place a back up plan if you get there and find that she really can’t be left alone.

inappropriateraspberry · 01/01/2021 14:12

I think this is an exceptional circumstance. If there is no one closer who can check, you need to go.
I hope she is ok.