So how the F are we meant to work?

[Littlewhitedove2]

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

OP I really feel for you, I'm dreading us going into tier 4 and primaries closing again here too. To those who say both partners need to do their bit, I agree but employers often don't give a shit - in the first lockdown DP's work generously allowed him (after much pushing) to take a long lunch of 2 hours 3 days a week to "help me" with the DC. DP works FT, I work 30 hours (across 2 PT jobs), so the other 24 hours of my work time were done between 5 and 8am, after 7pm, Sat and Sun or with the kids in the room. It was shit. Our DC are junior age so can be left more than littler ones but we still couldn't just ignore them most of Mon- Fri while we both worked. Home schooling was minimal tbh.

Making it work in this situation falls most on women because generally our jobs tend to be (yes am generalising and not always the case of course) shorter hours and more flexible. I know several women who gave up their jobs in the first lockdown because of this. It's completely crap.

For key workers you only get the school hours, no wraparound care so for someone working a full time job and kids get a place at school they are still screwed.

Milkymum - really feel for you. Wish I could offer something useful but the reality is this will prob break a hell of a lot of people!

It's to keep your children safe. And some fortunate staff too.

Also your kids should be meeting you halfway and not ‘mucking about’ as soon as you leave the room. Both parents should be stressing to them how important it is that they do their best and try and be better behaved to help mummy and daddy. It’s a hard time and they must understand how they can play their part in this. Have small manageable things for them to do and praise them a lot when they are being compliant or even trying.

Are you currently in this situation? Have you parented young children through lockdowns and worked at the same time?

If you’re working full time, you’re the main earner, you’ve built up enough respect and credibility with your employers over the years, you should be the one to demand more flexibility when times require it. Not that role always falling on the less secure, female part time workers. If DH’s employers have never seen him mention his children then they will continue to believe that they don’t exist. Things will never change.

@yomommasmomma children and women punished again oh get a grip! The women are children who are suffering are those who have lost love ones or gave barely left their homes since a March or been severely ill!

I know you said grandparents won't come near, but are they willing to help? My mum did a couple of hours a day video call with our Y1 (we emailed her the worksheets on a night and they did the next day). It wasn't the ideal solution but it meant I could have some time uninterrupted to work, DS got some attention and mum felt like she was helping

I’m supposed to be going in to work from Monday. Now my kids will be off until the 18th. Given that both times my DD had to isolate due to covid at school last term, my boss asked me if I could ‘arrange childcare’ I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell her on Monday. Do I leave my kids at home alone or take time off work? No fucking clue.

How the F are they meant to learn anything?

They aren’t. It’s early primary, a few weeks off isn’t going to do much damage and all their classmates will be in the same boat.

Nobody is expecting you to deliver a full curriculum, just find stuff to keep them entertained.

Re annual leave - neither of us could take much annual leave last time, DP's work is very fixed when leave is allowed, and I had extra work to do to replan everything in light of shutdown, plus - oh joy - so many colleagues were furloughed so no one to cover me if I was on leave.

My DH's employers (100% male workforce) are stuck in the dark ages, believing, as @LazyPuppy said above, that somewhere there's a wife dealing with the children and so working around family life isn't their problem. All they care about is that the blokes turn up for work and do what they're paid to do without a fuss. They just don't accept that fathers might want or need flexibility. It's utterly shit, but I'm forced to tolerate it because we need DH's income and any whiff of 'rebellion' they'd have him booted out in a flash on some trumped up reason. It's absolutely Victorian, but very common in many blue collar industries.

We're the same here but we've known longer (Scotland), officially they will go back on the 18th but I'm not hopeful.

We have three DC aged 1, 3 and 5 and both WFH. I have no idea when we are going to work now, other than having to try doing it in shifts and sack off trying to home school the 5 year old. It's disastrous.

I'm a single parent, DC are year 4 and year 7. I manage a care home full time, cannot work from home. If I don't work we lose everything. H has not been in touch in months, no contact at all. Someone tell me how on earth I manage if this continues..

Your job sounds like it is essential health and social care, I think most of your staff will come under the same category. Can you give head iffice a ring? Your children will get a place in A school, might not be their own school (if we have hubs like last time) but they will be allowed to attend school.

2 full time working parents
2 primary school
4 losers from closure
A lot of TV, tears and passive aggressive depression

I work nights and sleep on the lounge while children do school work at the table. I work half the hours I used to.

To be fair my husband and I both work from home. We work in similar roles. We split the working days 50/50 - one on children duty, the other working. It was still an absolute fucking nightmare.

Some of the suggestions on this thread are such unhelpful drivel.

Demand flexibility from her employers. Insist the children’s father does his share. These people don’t give a flying fuck about the OPs children and there are no mechanisms out there to force them to step up or make allowances.

It’s all hot air.

It will all fall to the OP as school closures have already hugely impacted women’s careers and well being. No one gives a shiny shit though.

OP

Both our employers will have to suck it up.

I'd advise a more conciliatory attitude tbh, you can still be performance managed.

We aren't. I'm in tier 4 with no schools open. I do not know how I supposed to do both

They aren’t. It’s early primary, a few weeks off isn’t going to do much damage

Let’s count how much they’ve missed already, shall we?

And quit with the disingenuous ‘few weeks’ nonsense, thanks.

@ArtemisBean

My DH's employers (100% male workforce) are stuck in the dark ages, believing, as *@LazyPuppy* said above, that somewhere there's a wife dealing with the children and so working around family life isn't their problem. All they care about is that the blokes turn up for work and do what they're paid to do without a fuss. They just don't accept that fathers might want or need flexibility. It's utterly shit, but I'm forced to tolerate it because we need DH's income and any whiff of 'rebellion' they'd have him booted out in a flash on some trumped up reason. It's absolutely Victorian, but very common in many blue collar industries.

This is exactly it. My DH employers are not in this country. They really don’t give a toss about how you manage your childcare. They don’t even know what tiers are or that schools are shut because almost all of them don’t have kids. Yes DH could demand parental leave, but he has spent 5 years building his reputation and salary. His salary is 80% and mine is 20% so if we didn’t have his, we would really be in trouble and loose the house etc. His job is high powered / pressured job and in the city pre covid. The partners at the very top honestly don’t care about your personal circumstances. They just want the job done. Now.

Also for those who were commenting about being furloughed etc I am self employed. I don’t work, I don’t earn and the business I have spent 3 years slogging on goes down the pan.

Also I have one in lower years but 2 in upper KS2 so it’s more important for them work wise.
I have tried the whole talk of be good, mum and dad need you. Tried every trick in the book last time. That works for all of 5 mins if you are lucky. Unless you have 2 bored boys the same age at home with no friends to see and nowhere to go out except the same boring walk then it’s hard to understand

@audweb I’m in Scotland too and I now fear it will be feb before they are back. God knows what I will do. I could possibly get a keyworker place but that doesn’t help out with the before and after school side of it.

And we are lucky that I work shifts and H has some degree of flexibility but when push comes to shove, we have jobs to do.

My dad is furloughed till the 18th and I hope he will be off longer in the event of the schools being off longer than stated at the moment.

I feel your pain.

Why is someone saying the DH should step up drivel @TheKeatingFive?

Couples and employers need to be more flexible.
If you are the sole provider, I think you should be furloughed if you can't wfh.
Whilst women give up work for the higher salaried dh we can't moan about women having to do it.
Otherwise you don't have an equal partnership.