Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

So how the F are we meant to work?

656 replies

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 18:25

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

OP posts:
Almostslimjim · 30/12/2020 19:29

How do women work now?

Well as the key worker in our home, my husband is doing the child care! He's the higher earner but I'm a hospital doctor. We're grateful that DHs work are reasonably understanding and allow him to work around my shifts or after bedtime.

Last lockdown DH was exhausted though from doing almost full child care and his full time job, especially as I wasn't at home at all for a few weeks. Thankfully I'll at least be home when not on shift this time.

newusername2009 · 30/12/2020 19:30

Basically it is impossible. Your mental health will suffer which in turn means the kids will suffer too. Woman go back a century in terms of equality because employers can’t afford to keep being flexible and understanding.

I’m really sorry for you and for all the others in this situation, the only way out is to get Covid really bad and have a hospital visit for a break.

MillieEpple · 30/12/2020 19:30

This is a very tough situation. I really feel for all the people struggling. My family have been in this situation a little longer than most as my child has SEN so for over a year had no school place at all and then for the last 2 years only does 8 hours a week.
So heres how we've been managing. I work part time now. We use annual leave wisely, using unpaid parental leave, condensing hours, working after bedtime. Sadly he has to watch more tv in his bedroom than we want so we can work. My husband had to change how he worked and was scared but people have got used to it now (eg he takes an actual lunch break and does an activity). He also does stuff like takes work calls at the park whilst the children play. He sets up on a bench with his laptop and phone.
Dont forget the weekends are a good time to do learning and you learn quicker 1:1
Good luck to those struggling

RaspberryCoulis · 30/12/2020 19:32

@RuleWithAWoodenFoot

Get your husband to do his share. Seriously.
This is so simplistic.

10 years ago I would have been in the OP's position. DH working full time, from home, earning 10 times what I did working part time. When you have a mortgage to pay and other bills to cover, you HAVE to prioritise the higher earner keeping their job. Yes it's shit for the lower earner but it's practical and has to be done.

newusername2009 · 30/12/2020 19:32

I forgot about working till 1am every day in an attempt to keep up after trying to manage home schooling all day. Basically work yourself into the ground and hope that when this is over you are able to recover

IfNotNow12 · 30/12/2020 19:32

Let us not forget that the vast majority of lone parents are women, and that the entire burden of home schooling and working falls on them. At the same time, a large number of these women get no child support whatsoever, due to a totally toothless child support agency, so yes, women are very much the losers ink this scenario. Not everyone has a "DH" to even attempt to share the load.

MUMMYDUMMY223 · 30/12/2020 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

farfallarocks · 30/12/2020 19:33

It’s a nightmare for working parents. I just can’t homeschool and work! I would prefer they just extended the holiday rather than pretend I can teach 2 kids and work.

Abraxan · 30/12/2020 19:34

Don't worry about the education side right now that can be caught up after.

For primary schools I would go with this, especially for the younger ones., if you are unable to supervise remote learning.

Focus on the core skills:

  • Regular reading, a bit of phonics practise and find an online maths game or two. Do these daily. With reception and year 1 watch daily Numberblocks (highlighted by many education experts for being particularly good) or similar. Short blocks of learning time mixed with play - lots of toys and games have educational benefits, this being even more the case the younger they are. Much of reception is play based after all.

For the children who are 'just mucking about' then some form of reward system perhaps.

This isn't really about women being messed about - it sounds more like an issue of your dh having a poor employer in pandemic times.

Sadly, no matter what Gavin and Boris want us to believe, schools really are not covid secure and this has to happen to help reduce the spread of covid to vulnerable people. I'm 12 weeks on from catching covid and I am still struggling daily with it. Whilst clinically vulnerable my condition wouldn't have normally had me becoming so ill from other viruses. I tried my best in school to avoid catching it and followed all the guidelines. Whilst it felt inevitable I would likely catch Covid at some point, I certainly didn't expect to be hospitalised with Covid. And this was a moderate case of covid.

milkysmum · 30/12/2020 19:36

I'm a single parent, DC are year 4 and year 7. I manage a care home full time, cannot work from home. If I don't work we lose everything. H has not been in touch in months, no contact at all. Someone tell me how on earth I manage if this continues..

glassbrightly · 30/12/2020 19:37

Agree with all the posters, it broke us last time. DH and I both work (at the moment from home) solid 12 hour days. To just keep going, it's a 5 am start and midnight finish, with two hours work, two hours kids. Ideally kids don't wake before 6:30 and are asleep by 8:30, so we can both work. Then we both work a morning/ batch cook at the weekends, to make it through the next week. I didn't watch TV or sit down other than to get into bed for the entirety of the first lockdown.

I have found the last four months harder on the kids as the weather, darker days etc has meant they are in the house all the time, so I can't even begin to get my head around doing this for the next three months - which is what's really going to happen.

Annie1919 · 30/12/2020 19:37

My class bounced back really well after last lock down, so don't stress about their learning.Young children learn through play and talking. Just set up opportunities for them to play and chat. Listen to then read for 5 minutes a day, talk to them and they'll be fine.

angstridden2 · 30/12/2020 19:38

newusername2009
That’s really helpful.

farfallarocks · 30/12/2020 19:39

My dd is still struggling and behind after the last lot of homeschool. She’s only 7 and really needs peer
Pressure to work. I’m just not ok with sacrificing kids education

Ori2021 · 30/12/2020 19:41

@Abraxan

this isn’t really about women being mucked about.

But it’s primarily women who will be.

MillieEpple · 30/12/2020 19:41

milkysmum - i really hope that role is a critical worker and your children can go to school as its impossible otherwise.

iftherewereahorseyinthehouse · 30/12/2020 19:42

@Littlewhitedove2 I know it's hard. Last time we were both juggling work with five year old homeschooling plus a one year old that couldn't go to nursery. I got up at 3am and worked til 10, then DP worked 10-6. It was awful. It's worse to handle a baby/toddler than a primary aged child by the way, at least they can sit in front of screens. But I can see that this has to be done to save lives. It's a no brainer for me, we had two cases in my daughter's school on the last day of term. I don't want to get it and I don't want my Kids to get it, this close to a vaccine.

Wearywithteens · 30/12/2020 19:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

makingitupaswegoon · 30/12/2020 19:42

Fed up with parents, especially those with primary school age kids, carrying the burden of this tbh. So our choices seem to be: Annual leave - what happens later in the year if we take it all now - have to pay for childcare or unpaid leave (if allowed). Unpaid leave - financial impact. Try to home school and work - absolutely horrific stress wise. Not everyone can be furloughed y'know.

Abraxan · 30/12/2020 19:44

[quote Ori2021]@Abraxan

this isn’t really about women being mucked about.

But it’s primarily women who will be.[/quote]
But for the OP it does seem like her DH's employers are the main issue as they are refusing to compromise and be flexible.

Useruseruserusee · 30/12/2020 19:45

@milkysmum

I'm a single parent, DC are year 4 and year 7. I manage a care home full time, cannot work from home. If I don't work we lose everything. H has not been in touch in months, no contact at all. Someone tell me how on earth I manage if this continues..
I’m sure you will be classed as a key worker and your children will be able to go to school.
ChloeDecker · 30/12/2020 19:45

It’s taken this term to catch up

You are lucky that you had all of last Term for your children to catch up. This means they will be ahead of the thousands of children who had to self isolate last term, many multiple times.
It’s very difficult and my own 5 year old had to do this for over a month last half term alone. You just do the best you can and catch up in the evenings and weekends on as much school work as you can when you can supervise. The Oak National Academy was really helpful for me to do some weekend work with my child. Keeping up with reading at bedtime will be most beneficial for primary children during the two weeks. And at least your children can leave the home for fresh air and exercise. They wouldn’t be able to if they were self isolating.

vickibee · 30/12/2020 19:46

My son is y9 and has high functioning asd, he has a school box and a home box and never the Twain shall meet. Last school closure he did nothing and it was a constant battle. He got very depressed. Sine returning he has thrived and made great progress. It will be a disaster for him. He is 13 but cannot be left to his own devices so not sure what we are going to do either. Get teachers vaccinated ASAP

DianaOfTheLakes · 30/12/2020 19:47

My BIL is a primary teacher. He said if you can get them learning for 20 minutes of every school hour, you are doing well. Learning includes films, books, audio books, games. He was more concerned about the lack of play for only children or those with big age gaps (mine). I felt a lot less stressed when he told me this.

audweb · 30/12/2020 19:48

Single parent work from home no shared custody. Keyworker but as I work from home, no space at the hubs. So erm, i prioritise keeping a roof over our heads so her education suffers but I want a job at the end of this and I want to keep our home and feed her. It’s not easy, this 24/7 in a small flat with no garden, almost broke me the last time and I think in Scotland it will be at least feb till they are back so just getting myself emotionally prepared for the hard slog ahead. Standards lowered everywhere.