So how the F are we meant to work?

[Littlewhitedove2]

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

Also I should state, that after DH finishes work he does everything possible so I can work. Trouble is he doesn’t finish until 7pm so that really doesn’t give me enough time

Try being a lone parent...

@TragedyHands

Couples and employers need to be more flexible. If you are the sole provider, I think you should be furloughed if you can't wfh. Whilst women give up work for the higher salaried dh we can't moan about women having to do it. Otherwise you don't have an equal partnership.

The partnership isn’t equal?? He earns 80% I earn 20% The reason for this is because I have had to raise 3 kids to school age with no free childcare ie parents, whatsoever. It all worked fine but obviously not in covid times

@newusername2009

Basically it is impossible. Your mental health will suffer which in turn means the kids will suffer too. Woman go back a century in terms of equality because employers can’t afford to keep being flexible and understanding.

I’m really sorry for you and for all the others in this situation, the only way out is to get Covid really bad and have a hospital visit for a break.

This. It’s really starting to annoy me the amount of posters who say ‘just get your partner to do 50%, your boss should be understanding, it’s only two weeks!’

What about single mothers who have the kids full time? Who can’t work from home? Who have already been off multiple times because their kids class was closed down again and again.

There is a recession coming and it will be women who get made redundant first if they have not already been pushed out.

The ‘I’m alright jack’ mentality on here is awful.

Why is someone saying the DH should step up drivel

Because he clearly has had ample opportunity to and hasn’t bothered his arse.

What makes anyone think he’ll do it now?

What mechanism does the OP have to convince him he ‘should’?

If you’re working full time, you’re the main earner, you’ve built up enough respect and credibility with your employers over the years, you should be the one to demand more flexibility when times require it. Not that role always falling on the less secure, female part time workers. If DH’s employers have never seen him mention his children then they will continue to believe that they don’t exist. Things will never change.

I agree. Who are all these incredibly important high earning men who don't appear to have the slightest bit of leverage with their employers? In my experience, the more senior you are, the more valuable you are to your employer and the more flexible your role becomes. I think a lot of men are just quite happy to let their wives suck it up because they can.

I think you should be furloughed if you can’t work from home

Are you going to write to every single employer in the U.K and demand this?

Couples and employers need to be more flexible.

Who is going to make them?

My employer doesn’t give a monkeys about childcare. He wants the job done that he has contracted me for. He can’t be ‘flexible’ and hit our deadlines at the same time.

Can you afford to get a babysitter in for a few hours a day? From somewhere like sitters.co.uk? Might not cover all your hours but might stop you going insane.

I’m getting frustrated by the “just be furloughed” brigade.

No thought at all that many people are in roles that furlough doesn’t apply. H and I don’t fall into that criteria.

You simply do what you can do. My three children (aged 6, 9 and 12) haven't set foot in a school building since last March. DH is a trial lawyer with zero flexibility in his schedule. So it's me. I WFH so I get up extra early and do 2-3 hours before the kids are up. They start distance learning at 9am until 2pm. I "work" as much as I can knowing I may have to take a "break" to help one of my younger kids. When they are done at 2 I can then fully focus on my work. Not ideal but we power through. What other choice do we have?

@Fungster

You simply do what you can do. My three children (aged 6, 9 and 12) haven't set foot in a school building since last March. DH is a trial lawyer with zero flexibility in his schedule. So it's me. I WFH so I get up extra early and do 2-3 hours before the kids are up. They start distance learning at 9am until 2pm. I "work" as much as I can knowing I may have to take a "break" to help one of my younger kids. When they are done at 2 I can then fully focus on my work. Not ideal but we power through. What other choice do we have?

You are amazing. Full respect

When you have a mortgage to pay and other bills to cover, you HAVE to prioritise the higher earner keeping their job.

I'm so pleased that myself, my husband and my colleagues do not feel that way. If they did, the NHS would cease to function.

By the way I’d give fucking anything to be furloughed during this shit show. But we are simply too busy. They were pretty good and understanding the last time round but they still needed me to work.

My youngest has just turned three by the way. She can’t be left to fend for herself. Her behaviour also nosedived the last time round.

I really do appreciate all the comments saying Keyworkers children can still attend school etc.. but that doesn't take into account school buses not running, no wrap around childcare, no neighbours, friends, family that single parents have previously relied on to make working full time on your own work. Unless you have been in this situation, as lots of us now are, you really have no clue just how horrific this is..

My husband is very senior in an industry that offered no flexibility, piss poor family friendly policies etc. At the start of lockdown, he was saying the same- I can’t do it, bosses won’t let me, I’m too busy etc. He had to find a way to make childcare work and if your husband is senior, he should have some autonomy re his diary to support you.

The most practical thing I could suggest if he really can’t be flexible is you work 7-9 and he sorts out the kids and then starts work. You then spend morning with them doing the home school. He does lunch with them while you work and then sticks in a film which would hopefully give you another few hours during the day and then he does bedtime at 7 which would give you another few hours.

Thank you @Littlewhitedove2, that actually made me tear up!

It is shitty, no two ways about it. Biggest (and most difficult) thing for me was really dropping my expectations. Both about my standard of work and about what I can expect my kids to do. I'm doing a decent job at work but my boss knows how difficult it is. One particular rankle - in my state (USA) the Governor allowed individual school districts to decide on reopening, with some COVID parameters of course. The suburban schools have almost all gone back - full time for the primary age kids. We live in the city - schools closed. I'm not even convinced they will re-open this academic year. Which makes me want to weep (as well as move to the suburbs.)

I've also let go of my usual standards for the kids. Extra reading at night, after 5 hours of online school? Not a chance. Five hours a day of Minecraft? Knock yourself out, cherubs.

It's about survival at this point.

The problem is your husband has a shit employer or he’s not asking for flexibility. If he had a good one or asked, then he’d be able to to look after the kids a bit too. But as you’re part time just do what you can around your work. Surely your husband has days days off, he can do some homeschooling then. Primary school learning is very basic and they often go over things many times. I find homeschooling doesn’t take anywhere near as long as the kids spend at school.

Flexibility is what we are doing here too.
Working from home combined with morning shift for one of us and evening shift for the other. And so helping the child with the school work.
It is not easy! But at least we are both working on companies with several shifts and I can have the evening one when my DD is home.

@Tiquismiquis

My husband is very senior in an industry that offered no flexibility, piss poor family friendly policies etc. At the start of lockdown, he was saying the same- I can’t do it, bosses won’t let me, I’m too busy etc. He had to find a way to make childcare work and if your husband is senior, he should have some autonomy re his diary to support you.

The most practical thing I could suggest if he really can’t be flexible is you work 7-9 and he sorts out the kids and then starts work. You then spend morning with them doing the home school. He does lunch with them while you work and then sticks in a film which would hopefully give you another few hours during the day and then he does bedtime at 7 which would give you another few hours.

Yes this is what most likely will happen along side me working again well into the night then getting up early on 5 hours sleep. It nearly broke me last time and I became ill but there isn’t much choice when you have no one else.

Can people form childcare bubbles for this reason?

I’m a primary teacher and had a backup plan in place with a friend. I was going to work from her heated patio during the day and try to multitask helping her 12yo with his home learning while she and her 10yo entertained my toddler. DP would then come and pick DD up after he finished work (starts early, finishes at 4) when I would then do home schooling with her 10yo, who struggles with reading and writing.

Not perfect, possibly not even allowed but I guess needs must.

Doesn’t apply to us though, as we’re in a ‘pocket’ of open schools.

I watched a programme on Sky I think and it said more women are actually out working and it is more likely to be the man working from home and doing childcare. I have no idea if it is true but they said women are more likely to be doing jobs you can't do online e.g. care, shop work, cleaning etc. It rang a bell with me as my DD/DDIL are teacher/doctor and it is their partners working from home.

Not much use if he isn't around or he happens to have a job he can't do online.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze

The problem is your husband has a shit employer or he’s not asking for flexibility. If he had a good one or asked, then he’d be able to to look after the kids a bit too. But as you’re part time just do what you can around your work. Surely your husband has days days off, he can do some homeschooling then. Primary school learning is very basic and they often go over things many times. I find homeschooling doesn’t take anywhere near as long as the kids spend at school.

I know, but it’s not just the home learning aspect. It’s the rest of the day until 7pm keeping them from killing each other or doing something dangerous or them distracting me every 5 mins. DH is on conference calls with partners who still expect him to be doing a top notch job 100% so he needs quiet as he can’t hear otherwise. It a nightmare

@Timeturnerplease

Can people form childcare bubbles for this reason?

I’m a primary teacher and had a backup plan in place with a friend. I was going to work from her heated patio during the day and try to multitask helping her 12yo with his home learning while she and her 10yo entertained my toddler. DP would then come and pick DD up after he finished work (starts early, finishes at 4) when I would then do home schooling with her 10yo, who struggles with reading and writing.

Not perfect, possibly not even allowed but I guess needs must.

Doesn’t apply to us though, as we’re in a ‘pocket’ of open schools.

I don’t have anyone remotely like that to do that with though