So how the F are we meant to work?

[Littlewhitedove2]

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

Both parents have to do their bit! Your DH has to speak to his employer and try and get some sort of flexible qorking agreed, maybe hours morning and then later in the eve if that works with business? It may not.

Main point is he has to ask, not just say oh they won't do it.

When this happened in last lockdown by DP spent ages talking to his employers about where they could be flexible -couple of early finishes etc - so i could then work when he was home.

He works in a male dominated industry and it was tough to get them to understand that in our relationship 'the missus' does actually have a job and doesn't do all childcare...shock to a lot of these blokes!

What did you do in the first lockdown @Littlewhitedove2 ?

Serious question as I guess that is what we have to do again now?

FWIW my borough is returning next week but I have huge concerns about sending mine back (2 primary and one nursery)

If everyone had primary school kids and had to work the vast majority would not be making the ‘just deal with it comments’
Last time I looked after the kids all day and worked all night, having barely any sleep.
Once I got ill from that, I had to leave them to fend for themselves on screens or wandering about whilst I tried to work. No school work was done for weeks and weeks.
The older two really fell behind and were a nightmare to teach when they went back (they were fine previously)
It’s taken this term to catch up

@Littlewhitedove2: if you & kids dad WFH, would your parent/in laws help if the kids have not had outside contact for a week or 2 as now safer... logically there is little risk under that circumstance (not that logic always prevails)

Not much fun for the kids but it should only be for a few weeks

[quote 10kaDay]@Littlewhitedove2: if you & kids dad WFH, would your parent/in laws help if the kids have not had outside contact for a week or 2 as now safer... logically there is little risk under that circumstance (not that logic always prevails)

Not much fun for the kids but it should only be for a few weeks[/quote]
No inlaws as they are poorly. One parent left and they are sitting themselves inside for the foreseeable petrified it seems. Won’t come anywhere near

This was our situation in April - both wfh, DH full-time, me part-time (3days) with DD YR & DS (2) - DH & I had to split our days. He would work 5-6 hours in the morning whilst I had the children, did as much schooling as possible but hard whilst managing a toddler too. At lunchtime, DH & I swapped & I did 5-6 hours work whilst DH looked after the children & did anymore school work he could manage as well as cook dinner. Ate dinner together, put them to bed & then finish any work that needed doing, then collapse. Rinse & repeat.
We were very fortunate that both our employers were understanding & accepted we couldn't work our full hours. But we were basically existing, doing a crap job at work, parenting & home schooling.
Really feel for you! Your DH has to step up though & help.

Shutting not sitting

@Bluebird2021

partners will have to share the load a bit more

have conversations with employers
use AL

i will move the parents shifts round in my team...will make it work for them somehow as have done since march. can be done

Exactly this!

Yes, also a single parent, two DC, one with some additional needs. I am in Scotland so have known since before Christmas. I basically started doing some work today to get ahead, even though I am off until the 6 January. It was stressing me out too much. I am lucky because I can work from home.
Hopefully it will not be too long this time around.

honestly surely its better your dh at least asks his employers?

Sadly DH’s employers are the opposite of understanding. They won’t let him even step away for an hour

I’m meant to work 6 hours a day. Last time I worked 6-9am then took over until lunch time checking my emails for anything urgent. 6am start much easier in the summer than now. Then did a couple of hours of work in the afternoon with DH covering. Both kids at schools that do full remote learning to the timetable but one child SEN so needs support in all lessons. I’m dreading the PE lessons already...Both kids have different lunch hours which killed me off last time. I think employers will be far less flexible.

I had a lovely thought about people bubbling up with another parent in the class and it working one on, one off.

Never fucking work, but its a lovely idea.

I really sympathise with people who now have to wfh with children.

My dc are older, it’s easy for me to do my back to back Teams meetings for 8 hours straight while wfh. But even so, I feel bad they are just in their rooms doing —YouTube— ‘remote learning’

My area has 13 cases per 100,000. Tier 4.

@Friendsoneuptown

Am sure you can be furloughed for childcare. Is it possible to ask your employer?

That's right. I read that somewhere recently

So he has a poor employer rather than this being about women. If roles were reversed he'd be in your situation and you would be stuck with crap employer.

How do women work now?

^

Just this really. Raises a multitude of questions. Why is it the woman's problem to solve? Are men asking the same question? Why are most women part time, not full? If men were part time, would they shut the schools so fast? Because men know they can fall back in women, who will then lose their part time job, because they have to look after the kids? Which makes them then even more dependent on men?!

@stuffedforchristmas We had three lessons per day, two live, one pre recorded but he can’t manage the IT or read the instructions properly so he needs constant support. On top of that there were two extra phonics lessons per week. Again, I had to sit with him and support him or he wouldn’t do any work. Most of the lessons resulted in him screaming and shouting which distressed his older brother and resulted in the most incredibly stressful family life. I ended up having heart palpitations and my employer agree to furlough me. However, they won’t consider furlough this time as the company is performing too well.

@ineedaholidaynow

What do you expect them to do? Because no matter how many times Boris said schools are safe, they really are not.

It really depends on your definition of safe, and the costs you associate with the closure of schools

It really is no mean feat to work a full time job while supervising home schooling. Remember the phrase, you can’t have it all?

That.

Ask to be furloughed:

workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/coronavirus/

Is it true you can be furloughed for childcare? I may need to do this. Anyone have a link?

We were told that the burden mustn't rest solely on women, and husbands were expected to take their share. So if you were a woman trying to work and homeschool DC, they would be flexible, as long as there was some show that you and DH were, if at all possible, splitting it. Fathers were also given flexibility so they could do their share.

DH and I (professional careers) split it, though luckily we are both able to work from home a lot and fairly flexibly even in usual times. DH and I each tried to deliver 2 hours dedicated teaching time, and then the rest of the time DC left to fend for themselves as far as possible. When DH had to go into work (lab work) I had to take on more of the burden, especially of the non-teaching 'supervisory' time, which I had to combine with being on zoom calls etc, with 'mixed' results.

A routine is really important. We found writing the timetable on the wall (in large writing) helped children. A few times events meant we had to ditch the timetable, and DC's behaviour noticeably went to shit. Don't panic about trying to teach if the DC aren't amenable though. Some DC settle well, and others (especially younger ones, but often personality dependent) just won't. In which case, educational TV shows, Horrible Histories, Bitesize, online tools like Sir Linkalot and TTRockstars (my DC, 6 and 11, are addicted), reading once a day, cardboard and sellotape, colouring.

This has been Scotlands parenting dilemma as well since the 19th with some on MN telling parents that they should simply take time off and if they don't that they don't love their children..... 🙄

We have will be re examined with the aim of re-opening on the 18 th of Jan so not much hope!

Parent club online has some helpful tips and activities but also some patronising elements like sit in the corner of the room to work with toddlers...... 🙄

Good luck and remember gin whilst cooking is acceptable!

How do women work now?

The way we have dealt with this is ripping apart decades of progress around inequality

Women bearing the load
The poor getting poorer
The rich getting richer

It’s not pretty

So he has a poor employer rather than this being about women.

Exactly. During the last lockdown, it was really noticeable that the women in my team bore the brunt of childcare responsibilities while the men pretty much carried on as usual. Not one of them approached me to ask for flexible working to cover childcare while their kids were off school, presumably because their wives sucked it up instead. They could have had that flexibility, certainly, but they did not feel the need to ask for it. I'm guessing that they told their wives/partners that their jobs were simply too important for them to be able to take any time off. Meanwhile, the women in comparable roles were all juggling work and kids to try and make everything work.

I just don't understand why so many women are so quick to let their dc's fathers off the hook.