So how the F are we meant to work?

[Littlewhitedove2]

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

I feel furious with my employer for not furloughing me to be honest.

MamaTookMyEyebrows

Do they have work for you to do?

Yes there is work to do. But I have a just-turned three year old a six year old to contend with. The last time round it nearly killed me. It’s benign child neglect.

@MamaTookMyEyebrows. There is no way you can work with two small children at home. It is ridiculous .

I totally agree with you all even though I do have grandparent help. It is like child neglect. My employer is busier than ever and has said they won’t furlough anyone and haven’t (instead they have moved people around the business from quieter to busier areas). Furlough is not a magical solution. Nor is expecting parents to fit it in around work. Those who are annoyed with my grandparent suggestion (not trying to be annoying at all, just wondering if it would work for the OP’s specific situation), I feel sort of the same about ‘oh do your work when the kids are asleep’. My 2 year old is a terrible sleeper, I need all the sleep I can get around him, and I have clients that are available 9-6. I can move some work but I do have to take calls during the day, there is no way around this. Also (and I’ll probably get flamed for this, but oh well...) I have a pretty high pressure job. There is definitely an undercurrent on some threads here that women in this position should just suck it up and it’s their ‘fault’ for not having an ‘easier’ job to ‘fit around the children’. I’m not sure why it’s ok to chastise women for having career ambitions but I feel very uncomfortable with it. We already know this pandemic is going to set women back without other women on a parenting site making people feel guiltier than they already do.

We have one set of grandparents locally but they work full time. So not much help there.

There is definitely an undercurrent on some threads here that women in this position should just suck it up and it’s their ‘fault’ for not having an ‘easier’ job to ‘fit around the children’. I’m not sure why it’s ok to chastise women for having career ambitions but I feel very uncomfortable with it.

Yes, and furlough isn't a viable option for all women. Financially, I would be worse off by over £2500 every month if I was furloughed.

It’s totally rubbish @MamaTookMyEyebrows. People arranged their childcare for normal times, and are being sneered at on some threads for not having back up plans when all paid childcare could be closed and mixing isn’t allowed!

@Nikhedonia

There is definitely an undercurrent on some threads here that women in this position should just suck it up and it’s their ‘fault’ for not having an ‘easier’ job to ‘fit around the children’. I’m not sure why it’s ok to chastise women for having career ambitions but I feel very uncomfortable with it.

Yes, and furlough isn't a viable option for all women. Financially, I would be worse off by over £2500 every month if I was furloughed.

@Nikhedonia I wouldn’t be as affected as you but yes my salary would be dramatically reduced even if we could be furloughed and I can’t afford to take that cut. I suppose there will be someone along to tell us shortly that it is our fault and we should have lived drastically below our means ‘just in case’.....

I was chatting to someone last week in the street ( SD of course) and she has had to give up her job as she has two small children and her husband works very long days ( self employed ) so he can't have time off.
Her employer was good at first, but as time has moved on she can no longer work and hasn't anyone to have the children and she can't wfh. She had to leave.
A situation that will happen to many people I'm sure and some employers are not sympathetic. It'll be the women that will lose out mostly.
I know why schools have to close and people do manage to work around the school holidays , but for many not working will be the norm , as it will be impossible to do until things are back to 'normal ', which will be a long while yet.
It is grim and woman will be the losers if they wish to work outside the home and have children.

@MamaTookMyEyebrows

I feel furious with my employer for not furloughing me to be honest.

Do you have a union?

No. No union.

I know why schools have to close and people do manage to work around the school holidays

But school holidays are very different. They are known in advance, fairly fixed, can be planned for and, most importantly, specific services exist to meet the childcare need during them. Services which are precluded from operating during a lockdown.

I completely disagree with the usual Mumsnet line of "school isn't child care", times like this show it most certainly is for the majority.

Most firms still Operating will not furlough their staff as is busy and they need their staff working!!

Asking for furlough is like asking for leave, someone else has to step in and do the work, no business is going to say yes and keep two people on the payroll for one lot of work done!!

I want to cry sex tears as the stupidity of some suggestions

I'm with you Hancock - so many obtuse suggestions....

As usual a tiny part of my thread has been taken and ridiculed.
I was just making the point that working parents do work around the school holidays and how hard these closures are that are not part of the normal term dates.
I do understand how hard it is for people not having them open and I feel for people having to lose their incomes and jobs because of this virus.
None of this is easy at all.

I'm just wondering how those complaining about the school closures would prefer the government to behave?

Obviously it's shit and impossible to look after kids and manage to somehow work. But we are in the middle of a pandemic. If the government told you to keep sending your kids in and huge numbers of kids got sick and people died etc, everyone would also be angry at that.

I just don't think there's a perfect solution to a pandemic.

People say the schools should be made covid secure. The whole covid secure thing seems a bit questionable to me... But regardless, how do you do that with 5 year olds? I would never get my younger kids to keep apart. In my school the teachers wear masks but still it is travelling around the school and we've had bubble closures (we are in a particularly bad area).

I'm saying that yes it's shit but what are the alternatives ? And are they really any better?

The problem of it being a "women's" problem is something we shouldn't be standing for though. Partners need to step up and employers need to be told.

I agree with what some others have said, that I'm not 100% convinced it's the male's employer that won't be flexible, rather than the man refusing to ask for flexibility as he just assumes the woman will pick up the childcare. I appreciate this won't be possible for everyone or when people are not able to work from home, but If our own husbands don't see us as equal to them in childcare responsibility then what how do we have with the rest of the world?

Rather depends what your husband does for a living. Mine’s an ITU consultant so good luck with that.

Partners need to step up and employers need to be told.

Whose going to be doing that telling, out of interest. My DH works in the private sector, they need their staff in to run the business and, you know, pay the wages. His employer has been a nightmare but we’ve managed to agree a small amount of flexibility so I can do the minimum amount of work. He had to really fight for that and suspects his card is marked for future redundancy. If my husband loses his job how will that help our household?

My work will have to suffer. Work for government so no furlough. Dh is a doctor. 2 in primary. One is only reception so no chance of much schooling and distracts her sister.

@Jellycatspyjamas

Partners need to step up and employers need to be told.

Whose going to be doing that telling, out of interest. My DH works in the private sector, they need their staff in to run the business and, you know, pay the wages. His employer has been a nightmare but we’ve managed to agree a small amount of flexibility so I can do the minimum amount of work. He had to really fight for that and suspects his card is marked for future redundancy. If my husband loses his job how will that help our household?

Especially with current and future unemployment levels, we are on the toad to bloody ruin and people are raving towards it with glee

I'm just wondering how those complaining about the school closures would prefer the government to behave?

By providing actual support, in terms of finances and legal employment protections, for parents put in this position? Where I am, nurseries are closed as well as schools, we can’t have childcare bubbles and we can’t have babysitters and nannies in our houses, so genuinely we are stuffed.

I in ow the hospitality sector has been hit hard, but when my local pub was forced to close by government restrictions, there were several types of business support available to the owners and there was a furlough scheme in place for staff, within weeks. They didn’t get told ‘just do your best and muddle through’, there was a recognition that if you can’t work, you can’t earn, and the consequences of that need to be addressed. Nine months down the line and the best working parents get when put in this situation is “🤷‍♀️“.

@CountessFrog I believe school is still open for ITU consultants no?

@Jellycatspyjamas well employers need to be told by men, in the same way that women are having conversations with their employers.

The benefit of "all" schools being closed rather than just individuals saying that they don't want their kids to attend is that "everyone" has the same problem, so no one person should stand out as being awkward or open to redundancy if everyone says they have the same problems with childcare. A large number of people have kids.

Why is it only the employers of women that seem to be able to be flexible ?