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Original poster

So how the F are we meant to work?

656 replies

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 18:25

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

OP posts:
christinarossetti19 · 31/12/2020 13:22

sherrystrull thanks!

I wish there was a campaign for safer schools, led jointly by school staff and parents, with a similar high profile to U4T.

I have got nowhere with writing to my MP. One standard 'schools are safe' letter and nothing else.

BunsyGirl · 31/12/2020 13:33

@MarshaBradyo I wasn’t having a go at you. I am so exasperated with the whole key worker concept because there are lots of people who have really important roles and can’t access it but who also can’t home school their children at the same time as doing their jobs. The crazy thing is that if I was still working in a supermarket as I did for many years I would have key worker status. However, it is very easy train up a supermarket worker. I undertook years of training for my current role and it’s not easy for my employer to replace me. I admit that I am further exasperated by a family member who invoked their key worker status for their step child despite the fact that the child’s mother was furloughed.

tappitytaptap · 31/12/2020 13:34

Won’t your in-laws/parent help if the kids are not at school, as then how will they pass anything on? Almost everyone I know has grandparent help. However my parents seem to have a different viewpoint to yours. My dad has volunteered to vaccinate!!

ClosedAuraOpenMind · 31/12/2020 13:48

another one dreading. I'm a key worker, but can work from home, so no school for DD. Instead she gets me trying to help her, while doing my job, which can be crazy busy, time pressurised and involves me leading a team. DH can't help as he's also a key worker and can't work from home. no grandparent help either. my DM is disabled and DPILs will happily risk catching the virus by going to DSILs and her three teenage children for christmas but won't help us out with care of our primary school aged child. sigh 😔

Jellycatspyjamas · 31/12/2020 15:35

Won’t your in-laws/parent help if the kids are not at school, as then how will they pass anything on? Almost everyone I know has grandparent help.

One set of grandparents are stuck on and island and have been since October, the other set are 600 miles away. No grandparent help here. Is it so hard to think that folk don’t have help on hand? We had children knowing we’d have little support on hand and have been more than able to cover what we need but 5 months of covering it with no support service that we’d usually use means facing another extended period of work/homeschooling is incredibly challenging.

whatwouldyoudo85 · 31/12/2020 15:43

Won’t your in-laws/parent help if the kids are not at school, as then how will they pass anything on? Almost everyone I know has grandparent help.

Oh god I hate reading comments like this so much. Some people have no grandparent help. Ever.

Plussizejumpsuit · 31/12/2020 15:45

Fathers need to step in.
It's not just a women's problem.

GypsyLee · 31/12/2020 16:11

Yes, just kill the gp's off, they are the ones responsible for others children Shock

UndertheCedartree · 31/12/2020 16:40

@tappitytaptap - I'm not sure that that's normal for people to have local parents/in-laws? I guess it depends where you live. Also not everyone's parents are elderly and don't work. I know a few friends with grandparent help but like me most don't.

Nikhedonia · 31/12/2020 16:48

Yes, my DM and DF still work.

tappitytaptap · 31/12/2020 17:00

[quote UndertheCedartree]@tappitytaptap - I'm not sure that that's normal for people to have local parents/in-laws? I guess it depends where you live. Also not everyone's parents are elderly and don't work. I know a few friends with grandparent help but like me most don't.[/quote]
No not for everyone but we have one local set and most people I know do too. Guess it depends where you live and if you moved away for work? I was merely asking as the OP seemed to suggest they did live fairly close but weren’t comfortable with the risk, which is surely minimised when the kids are not seeing anyone?
@GypsyLee yep all my friends who have some grandparent help with childcare want to kill them off Hmm. We do a combination of paid and GO childcare as do most people. Almost everyone I know has carried on these arrangements. Ours have carried on at the GP’s request, not mine. Perfectly ‘allowed’ childcare bubble. My parents personally wouldn’t entertain not seeing our children. I’m not saying it’s the same for everyone but I do know quite a lot of people with young kids, and in our circle, it is pretty normal even now for GPs to do some childcare. I don’t live in London though, I imagine if you’ve moved there for work you are less likely to have local family.

tappitytaptap · 31/12/2020 17:01

@whatwouldyoudo85

Won’t your in-laws/parent help if the kids are not at school, as then how will they pass anything on? Almost everyone I know has grandparent help.

Oh god I hate reading comments like this so much. Some people have no grandparent help. Ever.

And why do you ‘hate’ them? I was only asking if it was an option. I know some people have no help. But this is by no means everyone!
Friendsoneuptown · 31/12/2020 17:07

@Plussizejumpsuit

Fathers need to step in. It's not just a women's problem.
My husband would however, he is paid more than twice what I am. He would have to take unpaid leave. He would step in, no questions but losing my salary is hard enough. His would make living difficult. His job cannot be done from home.
BunsyGirl · 31/12/2020 17:09

We are my dad’s support bubble (as he lives alone) but he is refusing to help. If only my mum was still alive. She would have been amazing at home schooling. She was a TA back in the days when the mums did it for free.

ineedaholidaynow · 31/12/2020 17:17

If GPs are vulnerable I wouldn’t want to use them as childcare, especially as schools are closed for a very good reason.

tappitytaptap · 31/12/2020 17:30

@ineedaholidaynow

If GPs are vulnerable I wouldn’t want to use them as childcare, especially as schools are closed for a very good reason.
Totally get that. But just a suggestion, if none of you are going anywhere and you isolate for 10 days or whatever before, would they be happy to do it then? Not saying they should, just merely commenting that if no one is going anywhere then it might be a possibility. My own parents are in their 60s with no underlying conditions. I’ve asked them many times if they’d rather not look after the kids. They even got annoyed with me when I wouldn’t let them have the younger one when the older one was isolating. On MN it seems like no GPs look after kids however in my real life, it is very common. Most of my friends do have help from GPs, not full time, but a combination of paid and GP childcare. Most would also move in (this was us first lockdown) use parents for childcare if schools and nurseries were shut at least part of the time. If the children aren’t at a childcare setting they are unlikely to pass it on. I’m not judging at all if GPs decide not to, but to me it logically makes more sense to use them if schools are shut than not as the risk is lower.
CeibaTree · 31/12/2020 19:50

@tappitytaptap

Won’t your in-laws/parent help if the kids are not at school, as then how will they pass anything on? Almost everyone I know has grandparent help. However my parents seem to have a different viewpoint to yours. My dad has volunteered to vaccinate!!
Wow you and everyone you know is super lucky - most people I know don’t have much grandparent support - either dead, clinically vulnerable or don’t live close enough!
DominaShantotto · 31/12/2020 19:55

How are women meant to work? Bloody harder than anyone else doing work and then childcare and then some absolute twat will be on here complaining that Tarquin is being held back because some mothers didn't do sufficient home education while they taught him to conjugate Latin verbs along with ABCs.

This is MN - you'll get told to get a nanny share and pull it out of your arse. If you question that you will be accused of literally wanting teachers dead.

It's appalling and the schools aren't making up the lost learning - they're just sending mountains of homework home to fall, yet again, disproportionately on the mothers.

HancocksSexTears · 31/12/2020 20:02

@DominaShantotto

How are women meant to work? Bloody harder than anyone else doing work and then childcare and then some absolute twat will be on here complaining that Tarquin is being held back because some mothers didn't do sufficient home education while they taught him to conjugate Latin verbs along with ABCs.

This is MN - you'll get told to get a nanny share and pull it out of your arse. If you question that you will be accused of literally wanting teachers dead.

It's appalling and the schools aren't making up the lost learning - they're just sending mountains of homework home to fall, yet again, disproportionately on the mothers.

You'll get flamed for this, but I have to agree!!
TheKeatingFive · 31/12/2020 20:06

Fucking excellent post Domina

I am so sick of the bullshit and gaslighting.

MarshaBradyo · 31/12/2020 20:07

Me too there is so much bullshit and lack of insight.

MessAllOver · 31/12/2020 20:08

A woman's work is never done.

Myothercarisalsoshit · 31/12/2020 20:14

@DominaShantotto

How are women meant to work? Bloody harder than anyone else doing work and then childcare and then some absolute twat will be on here complaining that Tarquin is being held back because some mothers didn't do sufficient home education while they taught him to conjugate Latin verbs along with ABCs.

This is MN - you'll get told to get a nanny share and pull it out of your arse. If you question that you will be accused of literally wanting teachers dead.

It's appalling and the schools aren't making up the lost learning - they're just sending mountains of homework home to fall, yet again, disproportionately on the mothers.

It's a disgrace how the burden of all this falls disproportionally on mothers. This government doesn't care about women and children though and never has. Schools have been chronically underfunded for over ten years now and educational inequality has never been as profound as it is now. The fact is, it's been mostly down to the luck of the draw this year. IF your bubble hasn't burst this term, you've been lucky and your children have had a more settled experience. This magnifies the problem as it now affects those who are in normal times more immune to this inequality. My class have been lucky and our bubble hasn't burst. Schools absolutely ARE making up the lost learning. What would you have them do though, given the circumstances?
Mcmole · 31/12/2020 20:16

@Jellycatspyjamas

Won’t your in-laws/parent help if the kids are not at school, as then how will they pass anything on? Almost everyone I know has grandparent help.

One set of grandparents are stuck on and island and have been since October, the other set are 600 miles away. No grandparent help here. Is it so hard to think that folk don’t have help on hand? We had children knowing we’d have little support on hand and have been more than able to cover what we need but 5 months of covering it with no support service that we’d usually use means facing another extended period of work/homeschooling is incredibly challenging.

Yes, this! I agree with Jelly, we don't all have the luxury of grandparents who can help out and it pisses me off no end when people assume everyone does. We get by ordinarily even though it can be tough at times to have no support on hand but this situation is just extreme.
Itisasecret · 31/12/2020 20:25

@TheKeatingFive

Fucking excellent post Domina

I am so sick of the bullshit and gaslighting.

I know. Imagine saying for months schools were safe and they will never close. Instead of actually making them safe and then closing them.

Unreal isn’t it?