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So how the F are we meant to work?

656 replies

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 18:25

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

OP posts:
saraclara · 30/12/2020 22:54

What's astonishing about this thread is that SO many people have no clue about what other people's jobs involve. Because THEY can work from home/have flexible employers/don't have rigid timetables or meetings/aren't in high pressure 'everything depends on this contract' jobs/ then it should be just as easy for everyone else.

OP has made it abundantly clear that there is no mileage whatsoever in her DH being able to take time off his work, and that she is self employed. But still people are offering up entirely unrealistic and impossible solutions, that might work for them, but won't for her.

SimonJT · 30/12/2020 22:56

@NYNY211 So if she works nights as a nurse and cares for her children in the day when does she sleep?

NYNY211 · 30/12/2020 22:59

@SimonJT it was just a question and I suggested weekends too. Some people on MN are so quick to score points.

But I will bite. I’ve done it myself! Infact a lot of nurses have had to! So before you jump the gun think on it was just a suggestion I know it’s not ideal.

NHS will accommodate or try to I work for NHS.. maybe weekends?

NYNY211 · 30/12/2020 23:01

[quote SimonJT]@NYNY211 So if she works nights as a nurse and cares for her children in the day when does she sleep?[/quote]
Also twilight shifts is an option too if you must know! So she could perhaps finish at 1am and sleep till perhaps 8/9 depending on her OH schedule.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2020 23:01

@NYNY211 So you worked nightshift and looked after children, one being a 1 year old? Wow, when did you sleep?

Nettleskeins · 30/12/2020 23:01

What Mess said.
DD (18) did painting today with four kids whilst their mother worked from home (open plan room)
any responsible 18 year old..just another person in house fielding makes all the difference.
Childcare is allowed.

MessAllOver · 30/12/2020 23:07

There are no points for being a hero/martyr here. Snabble any vaguely responsible teenager you can get your hands on, throw them to the lions with some lego, play doh and pizza and lock yourself upstairs.

DirtyDancing · 30/12/2020 23:09

  • Neighbour's university student.
  • Neighbour's older teenager (16+).
  • Post an ad on childcare.co.uk.
  • Book a babysitter through an online site.
  • Post on local Facebook page asking for recommendations.
  • Agency.

Wtf?! Confused
Firstly, no I don’t have any student neighbours, they are all elderly or fighting their own childcare battles. The other suggestions cost between £10-14 per hour. Now.. where is my money tree...?

FixItUpChappie · 30/12/2020 23:10

Your husband will have to step up and do his share. Why will your children not get any remote learning?

🤯 is it really so difficult to imagine the many potential issues?

-It's not just up to husbands but their employers
-Not all employers are flexible.
-Not all jobs can be done, even a bit, from home.
-many husband are paid more and are the main income
-When many people wfh they are actually working -they don't have a couple hours of free time to teach
in addition to feeding the kids and occasionally interrupting meetings to parent them

I'm lucky if I get a lunch break let alone an hour or two to help my kids fuck around on zoom. I'm not twirling my thumbs when I work from home - I have a demanding job that necessitates work during business hours.

My kids won't do even 5min of work independently (7yrs and 10yr old with additional needs)

By the time I'm done they are bouncing off the walls bored and need fresh air/exercise, dinner etc. They aren't in a great frame of mind to start all of their learning in the evening.

It's a disaster for their education and so sad for their social interaction.

What a shit show

BiBabbles · 30/12/2020 23:16

It's a terribly difficult situation that so many have been put into. It's showing at a larger scale what has been an issue for parents who've ended up with no suitable school places or having to pull their child out because of issues at the school.

Unless the school is expecting any of them to be available for live lessons, I'd condense down 'learning' to a few hours in the mornings, combine as much as possible, and then whatever you need to get through the day after that. That's how I home educated 4 children, 2 with additional needs, and worked through a crisis time.

Seriously? This isn't anything to do with their gender. Probably their age but not because they're boys.

Age, individual personality, and habits is my thinking, though gender/gendered socialization can play into the latter two. My DD1, even with her years of experience, struggled to get back into home-based learning compared to her older brother who is part-time student and her younger brother who was already full-time home educated when first lockdown hit.

It was no longer her habit so it took a few weeks to get her stop messing around in the morning, to stop finding excuses to put off work, while her then-8 year old brother would come down, have his breakfast, and get started on his maths start without me having to say a word or be around - which is what she did when she was his age, because that's our habit for primary. Part of the issue is that it's back and forth, building a learning habit at home takes time just as children have to get into the habits at school and often have to readjust to them after breaks.

With her, I created a tickbox - each of her subjects in a list, how many times she had to do it a week, and when we divided it all up, it was 4 subjects a day, plus PE & Maths. We added in her Piano and drawing with the Drawing Textbook so she'd have enough non-computer based stuff to do while the others worked. She could pick which subjects as long as she showed me when she finished.

With her older brother's additional needs, he and I create a weekly to-do list with daily tasks and a time block - he has 8:30-12:30 for his learning work block when he's home, he needs to get it all done in that time to get the 'afternoon chill' as he puts it. It's taught him to get things done.

With my KS2 child, and what I did a lot when my children were younger, is when we need to change his routine, I get a whiteboard out and make a list. We talk it through. It's messy for a bit. I don't expect him to work past lunch time unless he's really messed around, like his older brother, he's done by 12:30 - with practice, I've learned not to over do it: four topics plus assigned reading daily and that's it.

I do a chunk of my work before the first maths check (he does maths first, the first part on his own), I work through his 20 minute Pobble writing time, and I work after, and I keep myself to other things through timers. We have so many timers in this house.

I meant a dream from a parent home schooling point of view, not a social point of view

Having gone from four at home to days where I have one & everything inbetween, there are pros and cons to all of them. Obviously when it's just my youngest, I can give him more attention, but when his siblings are home, they can explain things in different ways that can help each other understand, we can do group projects together that are a bit harder if it's just him, we had a lot of fun when they were all primary age doing singing or other activities together or the younger ones who usually finish sooner can go play together while the older ones are still working - the excitement of being done and allowed to escape (because all when younger had a bad habit of finishing one thing and then running off, they're not allowed to leave the room until done except the bathroom. My oldest is the only exception now that he's using a Pomodoro timer). Sadly, the latter won't be a thing in January as my DDs' school is planning live lessons which is going to throw us off (and not sure if we've got the devices for it, they've got a testing session on the Monday and all of us are dreading it).

MessAllOver · 30/12/2020 23:17

@DirtyDancing. Well, it does depend on location... Really not hard to find someone round here. Even in the rural village where my parents live, we've managed to find a babysitter (well, actually three) through word of mouth. My experience is that you just have to ask/message people/persevere.

12 hours childcare per week at 10 per hour is 120. So 240 in total for the two weeks off school. It might be worth that in the long-term to the OP to keep her job ticking over. It depends on her financial circumstances. Personally, we've saved a lot more than that in cancelled holidays/not going out last year, so it would definitely be worth it for us to pay to avoid the stress and hassle of trying simultaneously to work and do childcare.

Lemons1571 · 30/12/2020 23:18

Anyone know if the keyworker kids will be doing the set work in school? Or is it still “only childcare”?

GoldenOmber · 30/12/2020 23:19

You can’t even hire an enterprising teenager or part-time nanny in Scotland. Nannies and babysitters are allowed if it’s ‘essential’ but only if your child goes to their house, they can’t come inside yours. No childcare bubbles, nurseries closed as well as schools. Feels like some hellish riddle that there’s no way to puzzle out.

OppsUpsSide · 30/12/2020 23:22

You probably don’t want to hear this but... if your DC are YR/1 it’s an awful lot of learning through play, if you can give them access to role play items/boxes/pencils/paper/chalks/Lego/books etc and let them crack on, especially with two of them. They will be learning more than you think.
Actual ‘input’ should be about as many minutes as their age (so about 5!)
Let them watch Numberblocks.
Read them a story at bedtime.

KimchiLaLa · 30/12/2020 23:23

@Remmy123

It's only for 2 weeks?!
It won't be though, will it. It's always extended. Anyway, did Boris even say that? Secondary are allowed back Jan 18th but I didn't hear him say it's two weeks for tier 4 badly affected area primaries?
OppsUpsSide · 30/12/2020 23:24

@Lemons1571 we always did the set work in school, I don’t know of any schools that didn’t.

MessAllOver · 30/12/2020 23:24

@GoldenOmber. The Scottish situation is equivalent to promoting child neglect, especially of young children and toddlers. It is impossible to work from home and adequately supervise under 5s.

MarshaBradyo · 30/12/2020 23:25

@GoldenOmber

You can’t even hire an enterprising teenager or part-time nanny in Scotland. Nannies and babysitters are allowed if it’s ‘essential’ but only if your child goes to their house, they can’t come inside yours. No childcare bubbles, nurseries closed as well as schools. Feels like some hellish riddle that there’s no way to puzzle out.
So, so bad.
Tootletum · 30/12/2020 23:25

I can only conclude that no one gives a shit about women or children. Oh yeah, not really news then.

Tootletum · 30/12/2020 23:27

@KimchiLaLa yep exactly, they didn't say two weeks for the naughty T4 primaries, they said "reviewed"...

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 23:31

@OppsUpsSide

You probably don’t want to hear this but... if your DC are YR/1 it’s an awful lot of learning through play, if you can give them access to role play items/boxes/pencils/paper/chalks/Lego/books etc and let them crack on, especially with two of them. They will be learning more than you think. Actual ‘input’ should be about as many minutes as their age (so about 5!) Let them watch Numberblocks. Read them a story at bedtime.
What about if they are in Y4 though and summer born at that so 8.5 years
OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 30/12/2020 23:34

Sorry ai can’t really help with Y4, never taught that year group, for some reason I thought you said they were Y1/R

OppsUpsSide · 30/12/2020 23:35

Buuuut.... if they have access to a screen I would get them a Prodigy account for maths.

BunsyGirl · 30/12/2020 23:35

@OppsUpsSide And what about a summer born year 3 who at 7.5 is expected to log onto online classes and switch from one resource to another when he’s still having extra help for phonics.

OppsUpsSide · 30/12/2020 23:37

Crikey @BunsyGirl I was just trying to be helpful, I’m not Boris.

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