So how the F are we meant to work?

[Littlewhitedove2]

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

I did the last time. The school didn’t provide much so I bought work books and also looked at bbc and oak. I have 1 laptop for all 3 kids. Someone has now lent me another one but it’s incredibly slow. The kids can’t work it independently as they keep pressing stuff and not knowing how to fix it or they argue over what to press and when.
One child would be a dream. 3 kids who all have different needs and work is tricky and it requires me to be around to get them to focus on anything really for more than 5 mins

I think there needs to be much more flexibility from employers to allow both parents to stagger their hours

How does that work though, when the rest of the working works keeps office hours and, surprise, surprise, doesn’t want to do a conference call at 6am to facilitate a working parent?

*Mine was y1 last lockdown. I made sure we covered the basics. And continued to wfh. Meant getting up early. Working weekends to teach new concepts then arranging the day around my work commitments. BBC education programmes were incorporated as were some oak academy. My lo made excellent progress.
With a YR and y1 it should be relatively manageable to tailor activities for both children.

Have you looked at online resources ? Bought any workbooks?*

Really dislike smug, patronising, preachy posts like this.

It's good that your lo made excellent progress.

Can you understand that all dc are different? That not everyone found it easy to get their dc to co-operate with work.

Do you think people haven't thought about workbooks and online resources?

@CKBJ

Feel for anyone who is going to struggle with childcare. I strongly believe shutting primary schools is a last resort. If this happens in my area people on the parents WhatsApp group have already started arranging childcare bubbles amongst themselves to allow for some child free wfh time. Maybe that’s what you could do op?

I wish. Round here there are no what’s app groups. My kids classes pretty much keep themselves to themselves. I am friends with 2 mums. One is extremely anxious about covid and won’t come near anyone and even in normal times doesn’t feel confident having play dates even. The other has an autistic child who is allowed into school during lockdowns and she works at home

One child isn't a dream. It's really lonely for them.

@PufferFishGoneWrong

Why do people assume Paid Leave only runs Jan-Dec. My leave year is completely different than DH. Mine is April to March and DH also different than the assumed Jan-Dec. Most people don't have any left.

Schools and childcare should be open, it's as easy as that!

Same here, I don’t have any leave due to until April. Even if I did any lesve requires a minimum of 28 days notice and only one member of a team at any one time can be on leave.

My employer sent a company wide email reminding people that we must work out set hours (or be disciplined), we must not be providing childcare during work hours (or again, disciplinary), annual leave needs 28 days notice, parental leave (i’ve run out) requires 21 days notice and must be taken in weekly blocks and must not clash with annual leave or parental leave of another team member.

Luckily for me (but not school staff) at the moment my sons school is due to be open.

I have one in year 5 and one in secondary so mine are older, but I have worked from home with little kids. This is what worked for me then:

• Work shifts with other half (if they are around/at home). So you work 8am-3pm, they work 3pm-10pm - which is seven hours each. Other one supervises the kids. Or divide that into smaller chunks and swap more regularly so that you can appear to be more present at work. The one that's not working can get them outside for at least part of the day.

If one of you really can't be flexible on when they work, they can look after the kids at all other times while the other one works (so early mornings and evenings - breakfast and bedtime).

•If there's no-one else at home, find specific points of the day that you can supervise the kids doing some work/reading a story etc - eg they can read to you while you make a meal. Get them outside at lunchtime or equivalent of after school. Have a plan so they know when they'll be getting supervised time and how long they have to entertain themselves for. Kids who would usually be at school may well able to draw a picture on their own/play/read if older for up to an hour at a time - often you find they need attention to get started and then are fine on their own.

• In an emergency, screens are an acceptable babysitter - so an afternoon film gives you time for work.

But keeping your kids safe is more important than any given piece of work, so don't just ignore them...

@Nikhedonia

One child isn't a dream. It's really lonely for them.

True but I didn’t mean that. I meant a dream from a parent home schooling point of view, not a social point of view

those telling stories of how they worked whilst home schooling and that their child progressed are just not relevant for most.

I used to be one of those annoying mothers who thought it was all just a breeze because my little one learnt to read so easily, breezed through the curriculum with an extra hour a week from me. I soon learnt my lesson when the others came along and it became clear it was not my fantastic parenting that had done the trick but that he was just a child who liked learning. I have done exactly the same with all the others and the outcome varies massively! Just because someone on here thinks managing their reception and Year 1 child is no problem it doesnt mean that someone else in the same situation pulling their hair out is just crap! It means all children are different, learning ability is different, emotional needs are different etc etc.

As a single parent, who home schooled a four year old and worked full time during the last wave of school closures, I can assure you that it was far from 'a dream'...

Crikey, people do love a pile on don’t they. The OP isn’t talking about her husband’s job taking precedence because he has a penis, it’s because it pays the mortgage. I know plenty of families where it’s the other way round. You make the decision as to whose career suffers - in an unplanned for sodding pandemic - based on finances, practicalities and prospects.

The fact that it’s mostly men earning more is a historic legacy that the OP can do bugger all about right now.

I know, it's so tough. I have 2 dc, 6 and 8, and they both need close supervision to get through the work. The 8 yo has ASD and poor concentration, so it takes a lot time and encouragement to get her through work, yet she cannot fall behind as she is only just keeping up as it is. When she was had a week's home school in November, it took a good most of the school day to get through the work they sent through. Over the week she did about 2/3 of it, as DH and I both wfh. But this would be much harder if both dc were off at once. We are Tier 3 so OK for now, but the worry is real for parents.

I don't disagree with closing schools if it's advised, but yes, it will be difficult for a lot of families.

I’m a nurse. My husband earns 3 x my salary and is our main source of income and needed to pay mortgage and bills. I can’t claim furlough as I’m a key worker but can’t use the key worker provision at school as my husband isn’t one and can wfh. He can’t do his job as we have a 1.5 year old and 4 year old. So I’m having to quit my job and get another come summer or when things calm down which is ridiculous as the nhs is desperate for nurses but I can’t choose the good of the country over my own family and a roof over our heads. A few colleagues are in similar positions. It’s a nightmare.

The solution if you can afford it is definitely paying someone to supervise the home ed for 3-4 hours a day for your working days. That, combined with getting up early and doing 2-3 hours work plus one in the evening might get you through. You can then schedule any meetings for normal working hours and complete ignore the home-schooling.

The difficulty is finding someone. I'd have no issue with this in London... it really depends where you're located. I'd look in the following places...

• Neighbour's university student.
• Neighbour's older teenager (16+).
• Post an ad on childcare.co.uk.
• Book a babysitter through an online site.
• Post on local Facebook page asking for recommendations.
• Agency.

If they provide regular childcare and aren't a family member, don't they have to be registered with the local council?

@Napqueen1234

I’m a nurse. My husband earns 3 x my salary and is our main source of income and needed to pay mortgage and bills. I can’t claim furlough as I’m a key worker but can’t use the key worker provision at school as my husband isn’t one and can wfh. He can’t do his job as we have a 1.5 year old and 4 year old. So I’m having to quit my job and get another come summer or when things calm down which is ridiculous as the nhs is desperate for nurses but I can’t choose the good of the country over my own family and a roof over our heads. A few colleagues are in similar positions. It’s a nightmare.

Can you work nights? Or weekends?

@NYNY211 I could do nights but how would I sleep in the day with kids at home? I can do the odd weekend but couldn’t do permanent ones unfortunately I tried that before. It’s just making things worse for the service if they’re another nurse down.

@NYNY211 So when would the poster sleep if she is working nights?

Completely agree with @MessAllOver you need external help.

Anyone at all who can help watch the kids for a few hours. My plan was to ask our teenage village babysitter to come in for a few hours. Pay her cash. My expectations would be low: everyone alive and fed at the end of a few hours.

Fuck the curriculum, the competitive home schooling mums, registering with the council (?!?) fuck it all. Just survive in any way you can

@newusername2009

those telling stories of how they worked whilst home schooling and that their child progressed are just not relevant for most.

I used to be one of those annoying mothers who thought it was all just a breeze because my little one learnt to read so easily, breezed through the curriculum with an extra hour a week from me. I soon learnt my lesson when the others came along and it became clear it was not my fantastic parenting that had done the trick but that he was just a child who liked learning. I have done exactly the same with all the others and the outcome varies massively! Just because someone on here thinks managing their reception and Year 1 child is no problem it doesnt mean that someone else in the same situation pulling their hair out is just crap! It means all children are different, learning ability is different, emotional needs are different etc etc.

This is the truest thing I’ve read for a while. Unless you have a few kids of varying abilities it’s really easy to be judgemental of other parents

Op shame there aren’t any opportunities to set up childcare bubbles. There is no easy answer but please remember and I don’t mean to sound patronising, you are only human trying to juggle work, childcare, educating, house etc be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up about what you can’t do be proud of what you are doing.

Very difficult situation and not all kids are the same. My 6 year old hates the online learning (we did a few days when the school shut early before Xmas and it was shite, glitchy and we needed my work laptop to get on Google classroom, the whole thing was so irritating) and is very difficult to engage. I’m sure some kids are a joy to teach/homeschool but mine doesn’t like to play much with toys (and no, it’s not that he has an x box or switch or something because we don’t!) and really needs that routine and buzz of school to remain balanced. He gets a bit flat and mopey just stuck at home with me keeping half an eye on him during the day while trying to work.

@ReesMoggsGlasses

Has key worker status changed at all since last time?

Is it one parent or two as keyworkers?

Professions the same?

Last time my husband was one and had proof from employer but we didn't use it, this time we need to as I'll crack up otherwise ;am also working ft from home)

My friend who was key worker last time thought it had, but I think it looks the same: www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-maintaining-educational-provision/guidance-for-schools-colleges-and-local-authorities-on-maintaining-educational-provision

Based on chats with friends it does seem to vary based on the school. My kids school was pretty clear both parents had to be key workers so though I am civil servant and was working on covid response in March I didn't use the provision has husband not a key worker. I got letter to confirm my key worker status but I never used it and colleagues of mine only took advantage of spot later in summer when school had more space in key worker hub as reception, Y1 & Y6 had returned. However, Friends of mine who are also civil servants & not working on covid response had their kids in key worker hub from near the start, including one whose husband is most def not a key worker (you could argue mine is as he works in food production but it's small scale and can be part shut down which is what he did last time). I think to be honest they got it because they are a bit cheeky and asked. So if you really need it you could just ask the school and see what they say? In the case of my friend with non key worker DH, I think it was because he was being typical him and doing sweet FA with the kids so she was desperate.

During lockdown I taught my foster son myself because even though he is classed as a vulnerable child his school had virtually no staff in and they asked if I could keep him at home as they know I am home all day. I tried to do my bit to help out others. His secondary school sent hardly any work home so several of DC's friends got bored and he was chatting to them on Teams and said I had set him work as I am a retired teacher and I bought text books for the specifications he was studying. I ended up emailing some work to his friends so they could keep up too. I would happily look after his friends who used to come to our house often before Covid. Two of whom had to stay home alone in first lockdown but I won't be allowed in Tier 4. I will make sure I check in on them both like last time through Teams. I will check with their parents if they want that support. Last time they were so glad for help. Have you got anyone like grandparents who can check they are up and working using a Teams call?

It’s bollocks. DH starts a new client project on Monday, I start a brand new job and we’re supposed to home school 2 DC at the same time, one with SEN. Hands up anyone who has any idea how we’re meant to work that out as I certainly have no idea 🤷‍♀️