Page 10 | So how the F are we meant to work?

Littlewhitedove2 · 2020-12-30T18:25:30+00:00

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position. Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that. Husband full time work. I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker. How do women work now?

TheLevyEyebrowsFancIub · 30/12/2020 21:27

Single parent here with zero support - when bubble burst, I took a week's unpaid leave and then a week's paid leave but made up the hours over the following fortnight (am part-time).
Only regret was not putting in a UC claim sooner as nobody would cover the loss of income due to no childcare.
So sadly the answer is, take parental leave/annual holiday/time off for dependants - if employer will not pay or compromise start a UC claim asap, if threatened with dismissal contact your union.

MillieEpple · 30/12/2020 21:27

Are any of the 3 children more self sufficient/quiet? Could that one be in the room with DH but watching a dvd with headphones on and a snack box. Then he can just for a few mins between calls. Then its just the other 2 for you to field - might change the dynamic?

MessAllOver · 30/12/2020 21:27

It isn't easy to find a nanny or childminder but there are plenty of online sites offering ad hoc babysitting. This may be fine for older children where there is a parent physically present in the house. I've used them before and the sitters normally have nursery or other childcare experience, so might be able to have a stab at doing some educational activities with primary kids if given clear instructions.

PAtothelotofthem · 30/12/2020 21:30

Did you not think of what to do before op? Shifts from 7.30 to 8.00 no break and yet you're still not the one with the important job. You must have seen the writing on the wall about this, did you not for one minute think you might have to change something? What if you had a couple of back to back isolations or one of you was too sick to work? This kind of poor me just gets in the way of doing what we all know needs to be done.

ProfessorPootle · 30/12/2020 21:34

I have a company to run, can work from home but it’s full on. Dh also runs a company but will be out of the house on site. He’s already working longer hours, I’m already working longer hours, just to stay afloat financially. As directors of ltd companies we get no help from government, if we don’t work we can’t eat, pay bills and will lose our house as well as businesses which provide our entire household income.

Kids will just have to muddle through on their own, if they can’t they then they’ll read/draw/play games, I can’t help this time. I can’t run a business and a school again like earlier in the year, was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Our priority is earning enough for food/bills/mortgage.

GoldenOmber · 30/12/2020 21:36

@PAtothelotofthem

Did you not think of what to do before op? Shifts from 7.30 to 8.00 no break and yet you're still not the one with the important job. You must have seen the writing on the wall about this, did you not for one minute think you might have to change something? What if you had a couple of back to back isolations or one of you was too sick to work? This kind of poor me just gets in the way of doing what we all know needs to be done.

Because if you just think hard enough about it, a magical solution will waft from the sky into your lap?

ilovesushi · 30/12/2020 21:37

Nightmare. I work full time and I've just accepted a promotion. Was already dreading new role particularly running a team remotely that I've never met in person. Am starting to hate teams/ zoom etc. Now I have to factor in organising DCs too. It will be worse than last time because the schools are now going to follow the timetable rather than let them work at their own pace. I am going to crack making sure everyone is on teams etc at the right time. I'm exhausted already just thinking about it.

wanderings · 30/12/2020 21:37

We now have an endpoint: April latest.
That comes from the mouth of Satan, though. The same mouth that told us:
"It's just three weeks to flatten the curve."
"We can turn this virus around in twelve weeks."
"Normal by September."
"Normalish by Christmas."
"It would be inhumane to cancel Christmas."
"Christmas is cancelled."

Whataloadofshit · 30/12/2020 21:38

Really do sympathise op. Thankfully my youngest will be in school, by the skin of our teeth.

It's a fucking impossible situation.

Very easy for people to say that husbands should step up. My dh has to work away a lot of the time or is travelling up and down the country. He has to go where the work is. He cannot just wfh or ask to finish at 3 or nip home.

He already used his pittance of a holiday entitlement stepping up during the last closure, then when one dc had to isolate, then took an unpaid period when one of us caught Covid.

His is the main income, my salary doesn't even cover the mortgage.

I'm not classed as a key worker, but I'm still expected to go into the office, can't be furloughed (public sector). No flexibility in working hours, expected to be available during office hours.

First lockdown I did wfh, while my poor reception age dc was left to watch tv and 'play' alone for hours on end.

Choice is work or neglect your child.

Original poster

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 21:40

@PAtothelotofthem

Did you not think of what to do before op? Shifts from 7.30 to 8.00 no break and yet you're still not the one with the important job. You must have seen the writing on the wall about this, did you not for one minute think you might have to change something? What if you had a couple of back to back isolations or one of you was too sick to work? This kind of poor me just gets in the way of doing what we all know needs to be done.

No, I think you have got the wrong end of the stick. DH works 8:30-7pm with an hour lunch (which he takes over and I work) I am self employed so no, I can’t ask my employer for flexibility or furlough. What ends up happening is I try to home school as much as I can. (Often not much) I try to work in between looking after the children - home schooling and trying to give them some fresh air / excercise (yes, two 8 year old boys in particular need to run around outside) Then I work in the evenings whilst DH cooks, tidies and puts them all to bed. I am still working until 1am many nights and my body and mind just cannot cope with that longer term. It’s ok for a week or so but I think most of us know this won’t be a week or two. DH is on video conference calls all day to America and all over the world to partners who 95% don’t have kids. If he isn’t on the calls he would loose his job simple as that

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TheKeatingFive · 30/12/2020 21:40

Choice is work or neglect your child.

Exactly. It’s a fucking travesty.

WhoLettheCatOut · 30/12/2020 21:40

I'm sorry OP, I've escaped it but I suspect we'll have another bubble closed soon. The uncertainty of not knowing when it's over I think is the worst, I'm genuinely still traumatised by the first closure. I have no advice just sympathy.

BackwardsGoing · 30/12/2020 21:41

Your husband has to exert some of his legal right to leave. Emergency or dependent or parental.

This. I get it's a shit situation but you can't just accept that your H is 100% beholden to his employers.

JS87 · 30/12/2020 21:41

Maybe this has already been said (ten pages to look through) but the schools are closed till the 18th. I don’t think it’s online learning but an extended school holiday.

Original poster

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 21:42

@Whataloadofshit

Really do sympathise op. Thankfully my youngest will be in school, by the skin of our teeth.

It's a fucking impossible situation.

Very easy for people to say that husbands should step up. My dh has to work away a lot of the time or is travelling up and down the country. He has to go where the work is. He cannot just wfh or ask to finish at 3 or nip home.

He already used his pittance of a holiday entitlement stepping up during the last closure, then when one dc had to isolate, then took an unpaid period when one of us caught Covid.

His is the main income, my salary doesn't even cover the mortgage.

I'm not classed as a key worker, but I'm still expected to go into the office, can't be furloughed (public sector). No flexibility in working hours, expected to be available during office hours.

First lockdown I did wfh, while my poor reception age dc was left to watch tv and 'play' alone for hours on end.

Choice is work or neglect your child.

Exactly and I felt I badly neglected all 3 of my kids last time. Broke my heart

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ReesMoggsGlasses · 30/12/2020 21:43

@wanderings

We now have an endpoint: April latest. That comes from the mouth of Satan, though. The same mouth that told us: "It's just three weeks to flatten the curve." "We can turn this virus around in twelve weeks." "Normal by September." "Normalish by Christmas." "It would be inhumane to cancel Christmas." "Christmas is cancelled."

Oh how funny this would be, were it not true!

Nikhedonia · 30/12/2020 21:43

@TheKeatingFive

Choice is work or neglect your child.

Exactly. It’s a fucking travesty.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Original poster

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 21:44

@WhoLettheCatOut

I'm sorry OP, I've escaped it but I suspect we'll have another bubble closed soon. The uncertainty of not knowing when it's over I think is the worst, I'm genuinely still traumatised by the first closure. I have no advice just sympathy.

Me to. I actually feel like it was traumatic. Literally got a feeling of dread that it’s happening again.

Also I don’t think it will be 2 weeks. Would be really happy if it was, but I just don’t think so

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Alternista · 30/12/2020 21:45

Some ideas we or others I know used last time (both work full time, one from home, one key worker):

Use up annual or parental leave

Work from home early in the morning or late in the evening, then give kids 2/3 hours of intensive learning and input in the middle of the day- they can play or watch tv etc the other times,

Do school stuff on Saturdays and sundays and let weekdays be fun days.

You work weekends and your partner works the weeks

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s all shit. But those are some options for you.

BackwardsGoing · 30/12/2020 21:45

OP what would happen if you were hit by a bus tomorrow? Your husband would take the day off. It's possible. You are just prioritising his job over everything else.

Nikhedonia · 30/12/2020 21:46

We were told that schools closing wasn't an option. They were open again (for all) for 4 months. It's pathetic. Schools should be an essential service and closing shouldn't be an option.

Hophop26 · 30/12/2020 21:47

I’m not sure of the point of this thread now, if your dh is not willing to even raise the subject with his employer (where there is a huge range of ways the subject can be raised and different solutions) for fear of rocking the boat then you already know your options - you work around his hours and cover the weekday childcare. I’m not saying that’s a good result and is absolutely rubbish for you but what else are you expecting? It’s harsh but you knew the answer before you posted.

From personal experience (“main earner profession don’t give a crap about childcare concerns employers and with very demanding clients” and a DH in a business that is very much still wives stay at home with the babies) I still wouldn’t be convinced that he could get something agreed to reduce the load on you, there are so many options that would make naff all difference to his productivity but make a difference to your set up at home, the hurdle is him asking in the first place. It doesn’t have to be framed as a request, surely if his job is of the nature that you are suggesting then he is capable of putting it as a convincing proposal and something for their benefit too. No less hours or commitment from him but playing around with the structure of his day here and there, can be on a pattern so not same everyday, diary management rather than childcare

GoldenOmber · 30/12/2020 21:47

I really don’t think the government really knows what it is asking people to do.

Absolutely agree with this Attictroll. I remember seeing a government Twitter ad in the spring lockdown that said “while you’re safe to stay at home, why not try baking something new with the kids?” and I am still filled with rage about the utter callous cluelessness of it.

chopc · 30/12/2020 21:48

Thing is when schools were closed the first time and people were caught unprepared, I would have thought everyone would have come up with a plan for if they were in this scenario again.

If you truly have no one OP why didn't you reach out for other parents at school to see if you can form a childcare bubble? You can perhaps do it now?

Original poster

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 21:49

@BackwardsGoing

OP what would happen if you were hit by a bus tomorrow? Your husband would take the day off. It's possible. You are just prioritising his job over everything else.

In that case my DH would get bereavement leave and after that my family and friends would pitch in. However, that is not the case so no bereavement leave and my family and friends are in a similar boat to me and struggling with their own work and children situation so it’s not really comparable

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