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Original poster

So how the F are we meant to work?

656 replies

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 18:25

3 primary age kids. One parent left who won’t leave their house except the shops much less come anywhere near me or the kids. Inlaws in a similar position.
Primary school closed. It won’t be 2 weeks - it will be far longer than that.
Husband full time work.
I work part time as much as I can around school but not critical worker.
How do women work now?

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 21:06

@TheUnwindingCableCar

they are boys and unfortunately can’t really get on on their own.

Seriously? This isn't anything to do with their gender. Probably their age but not because they're boys.

Make their dad step up and stop being a martyr.

Also sorry, not my experience. Girls and boys in GENERAL totally different kettles of fish. I have both genders and I have a long history of working in primary schools. I have closely observed hundreds of kids overt the last 20 years. There is a big difference in genders and anyone who pretends otherwise is either trying to be woke or just fooling themselves. But that’s a discussion for another thread
OP posts:
Original poster
Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 21:07

@5zeds

One works early, one works late, lunch hours staggered, and you make up hours in the evening. Easier if one of you is already part time.
And if one needs to work 8:30-7pm because of overseas conference call times and heaps of extra work during covid?
OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 30/12/2020 21:08

It does concern me how long it will be for

Starlightstarbright1 · 30/12/2020 21:09

Honestly primary an hour if maths or English plus reading time rest lear through play , baking measuring. Jigsaws , games all help.

Loads of online games for maths - fre

Clementine183 · 30/12/2020 21:11

[quote glassbrightly]@Attictroll I completely agree with you. Had a zoom call with my parents and my DB who doesn't have kids a few days ago. They don't get what this means for kids especially the younger ones.

After desperately needing a break over Christmas, which we didn't get because we scrambled around to rearrange all our plans, and having now had nearly two weeks of trying to entertain kids in a small house, with a daily walk to the park which is so rammed it doesn't feel safe, I was at least looking forward to them seeing friends and having some stimulus that wasn't us.

Now I get to do it all over again, plus a 12 hour working day.

[/quote]
This is how I feel too. I've been finding it hard enough over Christmas trying to keep things upbeat and entertain my daughter (who is also an only child so doesn't even have any other kids to play or socialise with) but have been clinging to the thought that there was an end-point and she'd be able to go back on the 5th. Now there is no clear end in sight (as it seems hardly anyone believes this will really only be two weeks) and it all feels pretty dark. It was awful last time - having to juggle work and home-schooling, trying to cope with my daughter losing it at every opportunity and having very little support. I'm trying to find the positives but they feel few and far between right now.

runningpram · 30/12/2020 21:11

Furlough sounds tempting but I don't think I would touch it with a barge pole right now. It seems a one way track to redundancy

Littleguggi · 30/12/2020 21:12

DH and I mostly WFH, I am a key worker, he is not. We share responsibilies, I tend to do the cooking (as I enjoy that), he tends to be the cleaner and organiser. DC aged 1 and 4 don't really get an education when not in school, we read together every night and weekends we do a little numeracy. Sorry but your DH needs to step up!

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2020 21:13

My DH employers are not in this country. They really don’t give a toss about how you manage your childcare. They don’t even know what tiers are or that schools are shut because almost all of them don’t have kids

How many DHs in the company have made a stand about this? I work for a global corp, exactly the type long hours/hard graft reputation but we have made massive changes to support parents juggling the current situation.

Our people are our capital - if we don't look after them we will lose them. Either the company doesn't value its staff or the staff are not demanding flexibility.

Sophie Walker posted a thread on this subject earlier - women have been shafted once again. Covid ops team is all male. Quelle surprise.

twitter.com/SophieRunning/status/1344346669396201477

ballsdeep · 30/12/2020 21:14

@yomommasmomma

I honestly have no idea. What a disgrace. And children and women punished again
Maybe you just need partners who can actually share the load and step up to their responsibilities?? I'm so pissed off with seeing these posts. I get it's hard work with children off school, I really do but FFS school staff really are being thrown under the bus and put in huge amounts of danger.
eyesbiggerthanstomach · 30/12/2020 21:16

For those suggesting furlough etc it's not always the best idea. I was put on furlough (not my choice) as my productivity was down when looking after a toddler as a single parent and working from home full time.

The nurseries reopened but furlough kept being extended and lo and behold eventually they felt they didn't need me and could get in a cheaper junior with no childcare commitments to take my spot!

I really sympathise.

year5teacher · 30/12/2020 21:16

I completely understand that this situation is very hard for working parents but I honestly don't know what the solution is at this point. I've been vocal about the need for schools to stay open but it pains me to say I don't know if it's possible right now. Hopefully we can keep going and those primaries will be able to reopen again soon.
Saying that, we absolutely have got to look beyond our own personal situations unless it's something like you're going to lose all your income or lose your house. In your situation I honestly think it's shit but I wouldn't stress it with the education as long as it's only a few weeks (who knows...) and they might have to be on screens more than you would like. With nearly 1000 deaths a day I don't know what else we can do. It's so, so shit.

Clementine183 · 30/12/2020 21:18

The thing is not everyone does have partners who can/will share the load and step up to responsibilities. It would be nice to wave a magic wand and have them appear but that isn't the reality for everyone.

Original poster
Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 21:18

@ballsdeep
Ok, I’ll just phone DH employer and tell them to let him look after the kids then shall I?
My DH steps up 100% when he finishes work, but almost the sole earnings come from him for the bills and mortgage. It’s a huge responsibility providing 80% or more for a family of 5 and he doesn’t want to rock the boat with his employer.

OP posts:
BunsyGirl · 30/12/2020 21:18

@5zeds I was already working until 10pm every night before Christmas. My DH and I both have calls and video conferencing throughout the day. He is self-employed so there is no company without him.

MessAllOver · 30/12/2020 21:19

If you can afford it, throw money at the problem and get some help in. Still less risky than the children going to school.

Absolutely no point killing yourself unless it's completely financially necessary. My DS is at nursery and, had nurseries shut (which I expected them to), I was trying to decide between hiring a temp babysitter and unpaid leave.

I realise these options will be unavailable to many and I'm sorry Flowers. I have argued elsewhere that the government should be making a cash payment to parents to tide them over while schools are shut.

MarshaBradyo · 30/12/2020 21:20

If your dh’s employer isn’t flexible then they’re just not.

Our industry isn’t really as clients aren’t. If you are on zoom all day there’s not much give at all - you can’t just walk out.

Op you have my sympathy.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2020 21:22

Maybe you just need partners who can actually share the load and step up to their responsibilities?? I'm so pissed off with seeing these posts. I get it's hard work with children off school, I really do but FFS school staff really are being thrown under the bus and put in huge amounts of danger

Don't let the decisions and inaction of men set women against each other either. Teachers (majority female), primary carers (overwhelmingly female) are both victims of incompetence by men supposedly running the country and covid ops, and the men running companies who are not sanctioned for denying any possible flexibility and the senior men who fail to demand it.

MarshaBradyo · 30/12/2020 21:22

Can you get some help? I know it’s daunting and extremely hard to find ad hoc temporary help but might be better

laidbacklife · 30/12/2020 21:22

I would focus on keeping your job. It’s rubbish for your kids right now but you are better off keeping a salary coming in and paying for a private tutor later on, if needed.
What the government is doing to children is borderline criminal and if you care to take a look at the British Medical Journal you’ll see that proper medics who have no financial interest in this whole catastrophe are largely against the government’s actions.

EasterIssland · 30/12/2020 21:22

According to some mners it’s easy just give up your job or look for a nanny or a childminder. This is what I kept being told back in June.

I feel for many of us who will be in this position again. I’m lucky we both wfh and our employers have allowed us to change our working hours. But that means I have no time break between 630am-930pm normally which i end up paying with my mh.

ballsdeep · 30/12/2020 21:25

[quote Littlewhitedove2]@ballsdeep
Ok, I’ll just phone DH employer and tell them to let him look after the kids then shall I?
My DH steps up 100% when he finishes work, but almost the sole earnings come from him for the bills and mortgage. It’s a huge responsibility providing 80% or more for a family of 5 and he doesn’t want to rock the boat with his employer.[/quote]
But you need to phone your employer and do the same??

Genevieva · 30/12/2020 21:25

I think it likely will be only 2 weeks for primary aged children for exactly the reasons you describe. They are prioritising vaccinations in those areas to bring infection rates down. Please keep in mind that, annoying as it is, it is only a short time and the hospitals are full to bursting in the areas where primary schools have a delayed start to term. If I can go in and teach a full set of Y13 kids, leaving my husband at home to manage my own kids while working full-time, then you can manage two weeks of juggling part-time work and childcare. It is an unusual year and people will understand. The light is at the end of the tunnel.

Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 21:26

[quote Littlewhitedove2]@ballsdeep
Ok, I’ll just phone DH employer and tell them to let him look after the kids then shall I?
My DH steps up 100% when he finishes work, but almost the sole earnings come from him for the bills and mortgage. It’s a huge responsibility providing 80% or more for a family of 5 and he doesn’t want to rock the boat with his employer.[/quote]
He’s been building up his reputation with his employer for five years and still has zero right to any flexibility. In fact, it appears that he’s treated like absolute crap. When will that flexibility come? Another 5 years, 10, 15? Never?

Some careers are more family friendly than others. And often, that is absolutely a choice. At some point - yes when we’re not in a recession - he should reconsider whether that status and salary is worth being treated like a machine.

EasterIssland · 30/12/2020 21:26

@Chessandcheese

OP if you work PT can you not do your work when the kids are doing theirs or sleeping? I'm confused as to why a PT worker can't fit in around their children. Unless your children are SEND I don't logistically see why you can't school them until this is over, it will be difficult, but it is manageable. Set them work to do and get them to do it. If they don't, then they don't get any treats etc.
What if op has got meetings all day? Just because you work from home or part time doesn’t mean your job is just doing few things here or there. I wfh ft and many Days I’ve meetings all day with clients. Not sure they’d appreciate a meeting at 10pm so that i can take care of my son
PusheenLove · 30/12/2020 21:27

@AlexaShutUp

It's very difficult, OP, and I sympathise, but I can't help but feel annoyed that this has somehow turned into a women's issue. I do accept that in many cases, that's the reality, but I genuinely don't understand why so many women are still allowing their careers to take a back seat and who all these men are who simply won't share the load?

We are in the midst of a pandemic. It's shit that the kids can't go to school and that their parents are unable to work properly, but why aren't most parents sharing the burden? I get that it's because women are often the lower earners, but that pisses me off too - why do so many women put themselves in that position?

Absolutely this. Why are women happy to put their careers second to their husbands?