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Original poster

Tier 4 - can I form a support bubble and go stay with my parents?

425 replies

yellowtail1 · 19/12/2020 16:49

I live in London with my DH and our 10 week old baby. Can we go and stay with my parents (who live in a tier 2 area) over Christmas by forming a support bubble and if so, how long could we stay with them for? Sorry if this is a stupid question - my head is all over the place and I’m just so confused. Can anyone help?

OP posts:
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8
Kissthepastrychef · 19/12/2020 21:07

We will be going to my parents. My mother was severely disabled in august after a huge stroke and comes home on Monday. Dad will struggle to cope without me being there and is terrified about the first few nights of her being home. There is also the question of overnight childcare for DD as DH and I are both essential emergency services workers and will be working over Xmas. So we are combining support and childcare bubbles. I work in a t2 area and it is impossible to do either of our jobs from home. Once we are there we will be battening down the hatches until Dad has got to grips with the new regime.
I am t4, they are t2 despite only being a 25 minute journey.

If this makes me selfish and irresponsible in some peoples' eyes so be it. I can't leave my dad on his own to cope because he won't.

SufferingFromLongLockdown · 19/12/2020 21:08

Because it's fucking idiocy to risk taking the new Covid strain to areas that don't yet have it. It has a 70% higher transmission rate than earlier strains. It's going to spread like wildfire

I've just seen a post from someone who travelled today from London to 3 Northern cities for work. It's very unlikely it hasn't already reached all parts of the country.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 19/12/2020 21:09

This reply has been deleted

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MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 19/12/2020 21:11

@SufferingFromLongLockdown

Because it's fucking idiocy to risk taking the new Covid strain to areas that don't yet have it. It has a 70% higher transmission rate than earlier strains. It's going to spread like wildfire

I've just seen a post from someone who travelled today from London to 3 Northern cities for work. It's very unlikely it hasn't already reached all parts of the country.

Each individual who takes it out of Tier 4 makes the spread faster.
Grenlei · 19/12/2020 21:14

Even if you stopped support bubbles, people still have to travel outside tier 4 to work in essential roles - NHS, road maintenance, food production, lorry drivers are just some essential roles. You can't stop that too

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 19/12/2020 21:17

@Grenlei

Even if you stopped support bubbles, people still have to travel outside tier 4 to work in essential roles - NHS, road maintenance, food production, lorry drivers are just some essential roles. You can't stop that too
They are not going in to the homes of vulnerable older adults, though.

I don't know how people can be so blasé about giving their parents a potentially fatal infection. How would you live with yourself?

Grenlei · 19/12/2020 21:22

That's a moot question for me as my parents died many years ago.

But thinking of the OP and others in that position with young babies, firstly the grandparents may not be old - I know at least 4 women my age (late 40s) who have become grandmothers this year. And also even if the parents are elderly, they may be happy to take the risk. I know my dad when he was alive was the live for today type. He would rather have taken the chance and seen his family than gamble on being here next Christmas to have a better time then. And if the parents are happy to take the risk, what's the issue?

mamaoffourdc · 19/12/2020 21:22

It's not a support bubble if it just visiting for Xmas day!

SufferingFromLongLockdown · 19/12/2020 21:24

@mamaoffourdc

It's not a support bubble if it just visiting for Xmas day!
There are no rules about how a support bubble has to be used, only about who can form one. The op is allowed to form one.
QueenoftheAir · 19/12/2020 21:25

If you have a support bubble (under 1 year old) you can travel outside tier 4 to visit your support bubble.

But if the OP needed support and/or childcare, and that has been allowed since 2December (I stand corrected about that) then why hasn’t she done it since 2December or thereabouts? If support was needed so desperately generally ? Surely that would have been the thing to do, because otherwise it looks like simply getting together for Christmas. And doing that involves travel from a Tier 4 area.

Gosh if this useless government had managed a proper testing regime then the OP might be safer in travelling.

C8H10N4O2 · 19/12/2020 21:31

They are not going in to the homes of vulnerable older adults, though

What on earth do you think carers, medics and delivery people do?

Support bubbles include a great many family carers, people who share the shielding rules as far as they are able. Who is going to look after those people if their family carers don't?

chantico · 19/12/2020 21:33

even if you stopped support bubbles, people still have to travel outside tier 4 to work in essential roles - NHS, road maintenance, food production, lorry drivers are just some essential roles. You can't stop that too

No, you can't - but that's no reason to add non essential contacts as well. Indeed it's a reason to clamp down hard everything else. Only run the risks when there is something truly essential or exceptional.

windturbines · 19/12/2020 21:34

@NelliePig

There are some seriously salty people on here tonight OP upset that their Christmas is ruined and obviously jealous ours arent. I'd take yourself off here now and have a nice evening with your little one. You absolutely 100% can go, you can stay as long as you like. Have a lovely christmas x
I agree. I'm not sure on what the exact rules are (I don't live in England so have no need to be super up-to-date on your system), but far too many people seem overly joyful to come on the thread and shit all over OP's question. There's definitely a way to say 'my interpretation of the rules says no you can't because x' that doesn't come across as gleefully sticking the knife in.

Also, for those giving off about why there's a support bubble for under ones and not under 3s/whatever age- it's hardly OP's fault she has a young baby and not a toddler. She didn't make the rules, did she? I'd imagine the rationale behind it is that young babies tend to not sleep well and need a lot of 1 on 1 care which can be exhausting and draining for someone, whereas toddlers are (in my experience anyway, I have a 6 month old and a 1 year old) easier to handle on the daily. Also, most people with PND tend to have it in the first year of having their baby. Not true for all children/PND situations, I'm aware, but it is what it is.

Plus, honestly, anyone who had to give birth this year and deal with the shitty hospital care, the lack of Health Visitors and in-person appointments, etc, deserve all the help they can get. It has been a fucking terrible year to have a baby. I'm just utterly thankful I'm not a FTM this time round.

I hope OP is okay and hasn't took the shitty comments to heart.

ineedaholidaynow · 19/12/2020 21:35

It's not just the parents taking the risk though is it. Someone is travelling from tier 4 so potentially taking this new variant virus with them to an area that possibly doesn't have it at the moment

RisingSunn · 19/12/2020 21:40

@Hotpinkangel19

I hope you aren't coming into my area, just spread it around because you can? How selfish.
Really?!

OP has clearly stated she has a newborn and needs support.

ineedaholidaynow · 19/12/2020 21:43

If it wasn't Christmas next week would you have been asking on here would you be able to see your parents @yellowtail1

lissie123 · 19/12/2020 21:44

Just go. Mental health and therefore your babies health are paramount. You are totally within the rules to do this.

mumsyandtiredzz · 19/12/2020 21:50

Many people have been selfish and ignored rules and I also feel the anger and frustration towards them.

However I feel shaming new mums with pnd and birth trauma (plus an exhausting newborn to care for) for acting within the rules will do more harm than good overall.

Chessie678 · 19/12/2020 21:52

OP - this is absolutely allowed regardless of whether you need childcare / whether it's just for Christmas etc. You can go and see your parents as often as you like.

Please go and enjoy Christmas together and ignore the people on this thread trying to guilt trip you. I had a baby in March and it's been tough at times - I would be in a really bad state now if I hadn't seen my parents. There is no way they would have wanted not to see us in order to avoid the tiny risk of them getting covid and being seriously affected.

TheMadHouse8630 · 19/12/2020 21:55

I really hope you enjoy your Christmas with your "bubble". GO go go. Even if it is for Xmas and not for support. I trust you are making an educated decision and your parents get to squeeze their new baby grandchild, hold your baby whilst your OH and you eat warm turkey. You FckNG deserve it. Go Mama.

DoThePropeller · 19/12/2020 21:56

It’s clearly permitted, and you can see them whenever you like for as long as you like. That is the entire purpose of a support bubble. Have a lovely Christmas, the first 10 weeks of your first baby are tough in a normal year - let alone this one. It does get easier and hopefully the world will too.

missblondie · 19/12/2020 22:19

OP as others have clearly said you are acting within the guidelines to form a support bubble with your parents.
I'm disgusted at the attitude of some posters towards you and the misinformation from people who haven't taken the time to read the guidelines but prefer to attack you. I thought this was supposed to be a place new mums could get support.
I hope you feel better soon.

beavisandbutthead · 19/12/2020 22:27

Sorry but I am going to be harsh as someone who has had 4 babies. The OP isn’t looking for support she wants to go to her parents for Xmas day. Given she is likely to have many more and I am sat here with a 50yr old man who hadn’t seen his parents or brother for months. It is absolutely reasonable for folks to be sensible in the midst of a pandemic and a mutated virus that any travel has to be absolutely essential

RavingAnnie · 19/12/2020 22:34

@yellowtail1

This. This isn't a support bubble. This is you travelling to spend Christmas with family. They're not your support bubble as they're too far away.

They’re an hour’s drive away, so not too far. I didn’t realise support bubbles had to be in your immediate area?

They don't. You qualify. Please ignore the naysayers.

And although you don't have to need support to qualify for a support bubble it sounds like you do need the support so please go.

TicTacTwo · 19/12/2020 23:41

@beavisandbutthead

Sorry but I am going to be harsh as someone who has had 4 babies. The OP isn’t looking for support she wants to go to her parents for Xmas day. Given she is likely to have many more and I am sat here with a 50yr old man who hadn’t seen his parents or brother for months. It is absolutely reasonable for folks to be sensible in the midst of a pandemic and a mutated virus that any travel has to be absolutely essential
OP said "I’m not at risk of loneliness but my mental health is rock bottom. I had a terrible time with the birth of our baby, DH and I are facing massive financial struggles due to COVID. I feel so hopeless." Sounds like somebody who needs support. Whether she uses the bubble for these few days and never uses it again or visits her parents regularly from now on, OP is acting within the rules. The support bubbles for parents with babies under 1 was introduced for a reason and if she needs it she should use it.