Greetings fellow flounderers - 
and 
to all (decontaminated of course.....lol)
I've checked in because I think I've finally hit the wall with it all today.
We're in Tier 2 and of course vI'm massively grateful that compared to many our plans don't have to change that much, but we have a spanner potentially in the works.
My son and DIL live with us - she is a manager in a large chain pub. One of her managers and his wife live on site. the wife has thankully been treated for and gone into remission from cancer during all this palaver. Despite shielding and being ultra cautious she has tested positive.Her husband is showing symptoms and is getting a test today. DILis working today and obviously will have no close contact,previous contact has been minimal and within all rules. If manager tests positive DIL will have to get a test and we will all have to isolate.
Have made tentative plans to see my DF and SM on Wednesday. which will be cancelled if things go the wrong way as they are very elderly and extremely high risk. (DF has splenic lymphoma amongst other things).
DP has gone to work as planned and I am supposed to be going out for a bit of shopping and then start cleaning the house tomake it Chrsitmassy.
I am not usually an anxious person but I just can't face going out. It's not so much the virus,it's the atmosphere.I feel as Christmassy as a turkey with a bolt gun at its head.
My DP is slightlyin the denial camp and has referred to my worries as paranoia- he is very conscious of cross contamination due to the nature of his job, but also resents the constant dickering about with rules etc and is confident we'll be fine and it can't be policed so why worry? he has apologised for less kind remarks but I'm stuck between such a rock and a hard place trying not to be a total fun sponge and correctly assessing risk etc.
There's a "fuck it" voice in my head and another which catastrophises what will happen if we inadvertently spread the virus- the new strain thing is just another layer of shit in the biggest shit sandwich in the world.
I stress I know we are better off than most but by heavens the temptation to open a bottle of vodka and climb inside it is huge but I'm probably the only person who can pull Christmas out of my arse ......but if DIL tests positive everything goes fuck up anyway.....I just want to scream.
I don't know where to direct my rage and sorrow and I have to get out of this fug. Rage hoovering seems likely.
Anyway,thanks for the breathing space and unMumsnetty hugs to all.......