A thread for people choosing not to see family at Christmas!

[WensleydalePlease]

Disclaimer: I am not including those who have relatives who are sadly terminally ill, or where people live alone or are vulnerable, or mentally unwell.

I am going to spend Christmas in my home with my DH and DC. My elderly parents and ILs will spend Christmas in their own homes. My siblings will do the same. We will not be seeing each other in person. Because none of us want to spread the virus and we can all wait until the middle of next year to have a big get together.

Is anyone else doing this?

Reading Mumsnet this morning I feel like we are the only ones not willing to risk it! I'm sure the governments advice should be "only meet if you absolutely need to", but this 3 household thing looks like it's turning into a free for all with people doing what the hell they like.

I don't want to be responsible for 3rd wave!

@Mamazee3

Hello All, I have the same concerns as all of you. But has anyone considered isolating for 14 days in order to visit elderly relatives for Christmas? Or do you still think that’s risky?

I just don’t think it’s worth it and keeping my kids home and off school for the sake of one day.

Just me, DP, and the cat here. I feel like the whole Christmas truce is bonkers. We are going to have a lovely dinner, and ALL THE CHEESE.

Joining. We are doing this. My parents seem to get ill if my kids have so much as a sniffle, just can't risk it.

I too was beginning to think that I was alone in thinking this. We intend to have a small family Christmas with just the 5 of us. As I work in a preschool, have a son in High School & two at uni, it is far too risky to see my dad at Christmas as we don’t break up until the 18th. I am wondering about meeting for a walk 1/2 way between our houses around New Year when we will have been been able to isolate. Having lost my mum this year we knew Christmas would be very difficult, & I am very worried about my dad as he is struggling, but we need to keep my dad healthy.

I’m so sorry you’re having to wrangle with this, @StillDumDeDumming. I recognise you from another thread - jesus, you’re a resilient woman! Try to drop the urge to please people. Limit your efforts to doing what you can to keep things as safe and peaceful as possible for you and your immediate family.

Us too, we are a house of 4, we will be staying at home, then I will be going out to work in the eavning. We have a big family, elderly parents and siblings ect, we will all be having separate Christmas this year, it is very refreshing to hear so many of you doing the same

I wish others could see the good sense of this. I live with my dh, 2 adult sons and foster son and this year we will not invite guests or go to relations. I have a dd, Sil and 2 dgc 110 miles away sand they normally either come Boxing day and sleep over or the 27th. This year we have agreed to do a Teams present opening call on Xmas morning. I have parent in laws and Bil who we usually visit for New Year and stay 3 days. This year we won't be going. Every year since my Mum died 7 years ago I meet up with 3 sisters and we hand make Holly wreathes for Mum and Aunties graves. We always do it the first Thursday of December. It makes me really sad but I don't think I should go. I'm not even sure if I am moved up into Tier 3 if I could go even though they will be in Tier 1. I have a French house with 7 bedrooms and have promised once we have had vaccines next summer I will be there for a month and any of them can come and visit for s week or 2. I want to have the house full and party s lot then. People will break the rules and the end of Jan and Feb will be hell.

Count me in.
Ever since our two secondary school children returned, we haven't seen anyone.

Cases are rife here in West Mids schools, four periods of self isolation for one. Now he and 2 form mates have Covid, caught at school. I'm so relieved we didn't see our parents in their 70s and 80s.

I see many threads where posters point out that the older relatives are able to make their own choices. I point out that it's not responsible for the rest of us to agree - to place guilt on us or our children should we infect the grandparents. I've seen how easily this transmits and had we seen my parents just before my son caught Covid, then how would we all be feeling right now if they'd caught it?

@middleager

Count me in. Ever since our two secondary school children returned, we haven't seen anyone.

Cases are rife here in West Mids schools, four periods of self isolation for one. Now he and 2 form mates have Covid, caught at school. I'm so relieved we didn't see our parents in their 70s and 80s.

I see many threads where posters point out that the older relatives are able to make their own choices. I point out that it's not responsible for the rest of us to agree - to place guilt on us or our children should we infect the grandparents. I've seen how easily this transmits and had we seen my parents just before my son caught Covid, then how would we all be feeling right now if they'd caught it?

This is the thing my parents may say they are fed up and not bothered if they get it but it’s us who would have to live with the guilt if they did. My eldest son in particular would never ever get over it.

And if large numbers of elderly fall very ill the hospitals will be overwhelmed.

I also do not like the idea of all those who have mixed being out and about afterwards, and especially back at school.

This whole thing is really rubbish.

Staying home. Will only meet friends outdoors if its a possibility. Not worth the risk of going indoors.

We will also not be meeting anyone inside. We may meet people outside for a walk but depends on the situation.

Anyone else getting peer pressure from family? Also anyone else sick of being told "but it's allowed!" I'm vulnerable (I'm asthmatic) but my parents seem to forget that and tell me that there's no risk to them!

Us too. I have friends who seem to be seeing me as a bit of a drama queen/martyr for doing this, but we are genuinely happy to stick with our own household and avoid any risk of passing the virus on, and so are both sets of parents (one set older and frailer than the other). Both sets of parents are some distance away, so we'd have to stay overnight, which I don't want to do. Plan is to organise an enormous family get-together later in the year once we're all vaccinated. I've been so cautious so far, don't want to risk it all just for Christmas.

We will isolate from the 18th (when DC break up for school) then we will see parents and in-laws from 3pm on the 1st to 4th Jan
I totally agree with other posters who’ve said things like I’ve never felt so out of control...in my social network they are all meeting indoors for afternoon tea as soon as restrictions are lifted next week. I haven’t been indoors anywhere accept clinics and hospitals (essential appointments) since March...I feel so depressed, that afternoon tea is such a priority when my desperation to keep loved ones safe is my priority. I feel like covid has really put oceans in between me and my friends when I see what they value and I can’t get my head around how selfish it seems...I’m really not jealous. I could go as they invited me but it seems such a dickish thing to do. They never socially distance and take lots of photos cheek to cheek. Anyway sorry for derailing, feeling very isolated right now

Thank you @SparklingLime I don’t see myself that way! Just getting on I suppose. I’ve just cleared the garden and will now brave a tip run! Going to see if I can interest dp’s adult dcs in a Boxing Day boozy coffee and sausage bap round a fire in the garden. Apparently it’s unlikely- as they enjoy a settee! Might work though. They need to see their dad after this year if they can.

We are a family of 3, who live 2.5 hours away from our parents (only 20 minutes from DPs to DMIL). Some DSiblings (and families) live near DPs on both sides, and some DSibs are like us - live away (all in different directions tho).

We are definitely having Christmas here in our house this year. We had intended (last Christmas- before the virus was a “thing”) to travel down this year having stayed up the past 2. But we knew in June that wouldn’t happen.

We might go down for a visit over the holidays - but we will not stay overnight. We’ll have a short visit to each side (hopefully outdoors but DM has a huge table she’s getting out for the season to allow distancing, and DBIL has a large open plan room next door to DMIL so we can spread out there too if weather means indoor only ).

I don’t think we will be travelling to see other DSibs as well - but IF we do, it will also be down and back in the day and not overnight as we usually would. (1 set of DSibs have been very isolated - WFH etc, and the other have been pretty isolated but 1 has had to go out to work but relatively low mixing with public in that - and both have otherwise stick to the rules on socialising/gatherings etc - it is those around DPs/DMIL who are more of a worry for having ignored rules or stretches them to the max, and who are going out to work mixing with lots of people).

DH and I have been WFH throughout and other than dd having school and sports training, DH being Covid officer for 1 sports group and me being a Cub leader (we’re operating in 2 small groups in line with rules - not as a whole pack), we are not going out. We haven’t socialised in months (well, the ladies sailing group had cocktails over zoom a couple of weeks ago), we have already decided not to go to restaurants or pubs even if they reopen before Christmas (we have been getting a weekly takeaway to support lots of local takeaways and restaurants without going in).

We will make a decision based on numbers at the time, and on how the others have been behaving as lockdown eases. If we think there’s too much risk, we will wait until later.

@Thingybob thank you, I hope you have a lovely Christmas too.

@Mamazee3 yes, that’s my plan we’ve agreed to meet with my Mum and Dad so we’ll be a bubble of two households but on the condition that we all isolate for 14 days beforehand. We are really lucky that we are all in a position to do this. It’s so good to see a thread full of sensible people. As others have said just because we can doesn’t mean we should. My feeling was that the only way I could justify it being ok to meet over Christmas when it clearly isn’t safe at any other point before hand would be for us all to isolate first. My mum was initially reluctant about not going to the shops or for socially distanced walks with friends but came round when I explained that as much as we’d love to see them isolating beforehand is a non negotiable condition of the invitation. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

@FieldsAndSun I feel like covid has really put oceans in between me and my friends when I see what they value and I can’t get my head around how selfish it seems...I’m really not jealous. I could go as they invited me but it seems such a dickish thing to do. They never socially distance and take lots of photos cheek to cheek. Anyway sorry for derailing, feeling very isolated right now

I really feel for you. You are doing the right thing, even though it is hard. I have lost count of the number of school mums I've seen on social media posting pics of themselves hugging each other with a drink in hand...they never invite me to their gatherings, probably because I'm vaguely anti-social. I don't care but I really do feel for you.

@Dottyandbet I completely agree with you about isolating beforehand for 14 days - it is the only safe way to do it unless the test fairy suddenly appears to distribute free, accurate rapid result tests for everyone. We're not able to isolate because we have a child at school, but I hope you enjoy Christmas with your folks if you decide to do it.

I'd love to hear people's ideas on how to get together with family in a creative way over Christmas. All I can think of so far is present opening over Zoom!

We may meet up with my parents/sister for a socially distanced walk outside but I definitely do not want to do anything indoors. It is just not worth the risk.

I won't be mixing.
I can bubble with my exH if needed (yuk, but kids will want to visit over Xmas) He lives alone as do I.
My mother is 80 and lives in Kent (still shielding with out medical need I should add and quarantining all shopping not leaving house etc) and my closest friend is 70 and in London (wont wear a mask, zooms around UK, totally irresponsible imo, so a real contrast).
Both are in good health atm and I don't want to risk that so I won't travel (I'm in Scotland). Plus I am a single parent to two ASD kids so I really can't afford to get ill if I can possibly avoid it.

I also agree with what @IrmaFayLear says above.
It's the middle ground folk who might throw caution to the wind that worry me. I think 5 whole days of 'carefree mixing' is very foolish and we will all pay for it by longer deeper restrictions and therefore more damage to economy even if the death rates don't shoot up.

Just shared this on the other, new thread:

My older relative called today to say she wants me DH and the kids over to hers.

I explained DS has Covid, it knocked him for six, and that there is absolutely no way we are taking the risk while my other son also remains at secondary rife with cases.

She seemed surprised as her friend popped over today with her little girl who is self isolating! Two weeks ago this mother and her 11 year old also had my relative over to theirs to bake cakes - even though the child was on a previous self isolation.

Just because you can...

And just because an older relative is OK with this, I'm not. It's also not fair on grandchildren to live with the burden if they infect somebody.

I've seen what it does to a fit teen, how easily it moves and if others did too then maybe they would think twice.

Yes - simply not worth the risk, especially as travelling would be involved. It'll just be DH and me.

Looks like it’ll just be me and DH for Christmas as we are in a tier 3 area. My parents are in their 70’s and them my sister and BIL are both in tier 2 areas. They are probably going to bubble up and include BIL’s mum who would be on her own otherwise. I just don’t want to risk being around them as rubbish as it is. Fortunately my family are totally not worried about not having our usual family Christmas and we’ve agreed to do a zoom quiz on the day and then celebrate Christmas in the summer together!

Yes, us too in terms of the 'oldies' who will stay at home. Usually we have three or four generation and about 15 people staying.
DH is prepared to do a round trip of 5 hours on Christmas Day so that his DM isn't alone. Hopefully with warm clothes he can sit in the garden. My DP's will be fine together, we'll do a garden visit at a point over the 5 days.

DC's will be home though and we are just going to have to be very clean, use separate bathrooms and ventilate well. Each of them live alone, they've done well in their late teens/easily twenties to own their houses, but hardly luxury and so not able to provide their own Christmas' (cook, decorate the house..etc.) I would be so upset at them home alone that, with some quarantine time prior, we are prepared to take a risk.

It might also be worth mentioning that the traffic people are expecting bad road conditions, especially since much of public transport will have restrictions. Not that this stops people in a normal year, but breaking down/having RTA in a pandemic with gridlocked roads sounds even worse.

We usually have my parents here for Christmas dinner but they’re 87 and 85 and it’s really not worth the risk, especially as our one son is a secondary school teacher so will be working in a cramped classroom with no PPE until the 18th and the other attends college on day release from his apprenticeship. Isolating for 14 days beforehand simply isn’t possible.

We will have Christmas, just the four of us, and hopefully have a delayed Christmas dinner with my family later in the year. My in laws live 3 hours away and we usually see them before Christmas and again that’s not going to happen, especially as they’ve not been following the rules despite being in a local lockdown location so Christmas there will be a massive free for all and definitely best avoided.