A thread for people choosing not to see family at Christmas!

[WensleydalePlease]

Disclaimer: I am not including those who have relatives who are sadly terminally ill, or where people live alone or are vulnerable, or mentally unwell.

I am going to spend Christmas in my home with my DH and DC. My elderly parents and ILs will spend Christmas in their own homes. My siblings will do the same. We will not be seeing each other in person. Because none of us want to spread the virus and we can all wait until the middle of next year to have a big get together.

Is anyone else doing this?

Reading Mumsnet this morning I feel like we are the only ones not willing to risk it! I'm sure the governments advice should be "only meet if you absolutely need to", but this 3 household thing looks like it's turning into a free for all with people doing what the hell they like.

I don't want to be responsible for 3rd wave!

Us too and pretty much everyone I know.

It'll just be the four of us this year. We usually have a big family get-together on Boxing Day - my sister and her family, my mum and step-dad and my other sister. We collectively decided not to do this back in September. I used to see my parents every week, but since March I've seen them half a dozen times or so - the last time was in September. I miss them, but I'd miss them more if they died.

We have been wanting to have an easier Christmas for a few years now, before the DCs get too old for it (DD will be 16 and DS almost 12). This is our opportunity to slob around in pyjamas if we want to.

The only issue there will be is that of my dad and step-mum who currently still want to see us on Christmas Eve. I've been saying to him that we need to wait and see, but with the current government advice he's going to insist that we do something. There's just my dad and his wife...she is 87 and has dementia, he is 74 with advanced kidney disease. Both highly vulnerable, but set in their ways. I'm going to have to put my foot down on this one.

As my step-dad said 'it's only one Christmas out of the many you'll celebrate in your lifetime'.

No we are not seeing ours either. We think there’s no point jeopardising it all now plus I have 2 kids in high school. We will go round and stand in my parents garden and exchange gifts at a distance.

We are going to have a brief gathering with grandparents, outdoors, wearing masks, and staying socially distanced. Just enough to let the GP see gifts opened . I’m kind of aghast at the people pushing against government guidelines because I view them as the absolutely riskiest thing one should consider doing not a goal to be met.

Not seeing ours either, spoke with them this afternoon, and they agreed.

Not worth the risk to them.

Also, my kids are currently on their first self isolation (during which dd tested positive) and their school is shut.

I cannot bear any more lockdown release lockdown release

I never spend Christmas with my family because they live on the other side of the world. But I would normally join together with friends in the UK.

But this Christmas it will just be me and the DC and we are planning a lovely day by ourselves. I am totally fine with this.

I send 💐to all of us we have very good reasons for staying safe, I’m so -leased not be slated as I was the other day for refusing to join in the drunk ness and so called jollity this bring, same at new year. I don’t drink we’re hermits anyway, may we all have a safe and as happy Christmas as we can.

Wow, so pleased and relieved to read these sane plans from so many! I was beginning to think the country was majority lunatics!

We have some older relatives who are set in their ways and grudgingly going along with a virtual Christmas. I was thinking of doing a Zoom quiz- unless anyone has any exciting ideas for a virtual Christmas Day? Unfortunately we live too far away from them to do a drive by or doorstep wave.

Only people I would really want to see are my 80+ year old parents - and as I am a primary school teacher (with the usual lack of PPE or social distancing) until the 18th, there simply isn't time to quarantine effectively before seeing anyone vulnerable.

So 4 of us for Christmas, if DS makes it home from uni (they seem to be very organised wrt testing, and DS has anyway had Covid this term).

'Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you SHOULD' seems to sum it up well.

Same here. We can't do the three households thing without grossly offending an equivalent three or more households so the easiest thing is to see nobody in person and have a mad ol' summer with each of them in turn to make up for it. Will probably do doorstep dropoffs of presents and might go for a walk and social distance picnic if/when rules allow in December/January but we will be keeping to our own household indoors and spend the day on Zoom in shifts with compatible combos of family groups.

If I'm brutally honest it is such hard work trying to please everyone with such a split family anyway I'm relieved the government have (inadvertently) made it easier to just say no to everyone this year.

We're staying in our little unit this year despite having my ds2 first christmas and living in the same village as my parents. It's just not worth the risk. It's caused a massive to-do with one of my sisters who is not so local and seems to have taken it all extremely personally. Its the first time in our lives we haven't been to mums for lunch and she's very upset it wont be happening, but it is what it is. I want my parents to have the next ten christmasses with my boys.

Us too! Just doesn’t seem worth the risk. Think we’re all looking forward to something a bit different this year and all back to normal next year. We’ll meet for a walk with both sets I think but that will be it.

Yes here too. Other family members not being as wise. Hope everyone will be around for the next one.

This will be the second time in 50 years I haven't seen my parents on Xmas Day. They are 75+. I have 2 dc in different schools. It's just not worth the risk.
I'm ECV and my dc have been so good and careful since March. To throw everything away seems madness and I'm seriously considering keeping my two off for the first week back at school to avoid all the people who had a fabulous, germ filled festive time.

I'm hoping for some nice sunny, crisp weather so we can take advantage of the new rules to go for a walk with my parents in the countryside near their house. That will do for me. I feel like come the new year we'll on the home straight for vaccine rollout and warmer weather and great improvements.

It seems exactly the wrong time risk seeing any elderly relatives. It is likely they will get a vaccine in the next few months. Can you imagine how bad you would feel if you infected them just before they got a vaccine?

We are just having my parents stay but we will isolate before and also we will get tests (I get them through work or we will pay ) I am taking my youngest out of nursery too .. my mum was getting depression so I have to weigh it up

Hello All, I have the same concerns as all of you. But has anyone considered isolating for 14 days in order to visit elderly relatives for Christmas? Or do you still think that’s risky?

I was thinking of starting a similar thread OP.

My DF is 87 and DM had a major stroke in January (previously a fit 74 year old) and they're in the Manchester area so we've seen diddly squat of them this year. They've seen their only grandkids once since last Christmas. So it's difficult to be told by BJ that i 'can' finally see them but not be able to do it in case we give them covid, but that's what we're doing. It will have to wait till the spring. I have to work out of the home and use public transport just before Christmas and kids are at pretty big schools, one secondary, so as desperate as I am to see them there's a risk I just can't discount.

It's rubbish, but I just keep thinking how close we are to the vaccine now.

Same. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. Personal responsibility.
I Work in a school & my two teens in school. Between us that’s 2000 potential contacts,even with the Bubble system. Just not worth it.
Glad to have found my people 👍

Nope,staying home with dh and my dc who are at uni. The dc have said they are not prepared to put their grandparents at risk. Plus grandparents live 600 miles apart so restful Christmas for us without the driving will miss seeing them,but not the driving. Have a good Christmas whatever you are doing

Thank you I feel alone too. A friend has just text “ have you chosen your bubble” and I had to say no one.
I cannot understand this at all. The kids break up from two different schools on the 19th it’s not even a week. Why would I take them to my parents. I don’t understand why we are not allowed to isolate from the 19th and go over there?!

I may also keep the kids off school “poorly” the first week back since everyone who has mixed will be spreading it all!

Never felt so out of control 🙁

Oh, a little oasis of sanity in all the madness. Small, quiet, and even solo Christmases can be very nice. Peace on earth, and all that.

I teach, one adult DD is an ICU nurse, one works in retail, and my parents are elderly.
There's no way I would have the usual family Christmas at mine this year. I don't care what Boris "allows" us to do.
I'll use my own judgement (as I have from the start).

I'd never forgive myself if I did the normal Christmas, and then one of them got ill.

@Mamazee3

Hello All, I have the same concerns as all of you. But has anyone considered isolating for 14 days in order to visit elderly relatives for Christmas? Or do you still think that’s risky?

Between us, DD, DH and I cover in-education 'bubbles' of over 2,000 people (I have the smallest number but the closest contact - 6 hours in an enclosed space per day, no PPE, no distancing; DD is next with a year group of a few hundred, masks, no effective SD; DH has thousands but masks and SD except between students in the classroom).

We break up on the 18th.

The Maths is pretty obvious - risk too high, time for isolation too short. it would also obviously mean that whatever tier we are in, all of us, including late teen DD and uni student DS, confining ourselves to house and garden and completely isolating from all other contacts, and I am not sure that is a reasonable thing to ask.