A thread for people choosing not to see family at Christmas!

[WensleydalePlease]

Disclaimer: I am not including those who have relatives who are sadly terminally ill, or where people live alone or are vulnerable, or mentally unwell.

I am going to spend Christmas in my home with my DH and DC. My elderly parents and ILs will spend Christmas in their own homes. My siblings will do the same. We will not be seeing each other in person. Because none of us want to spread the virus and we can all wait until the middle of next year to have a big get together.

Is anyone else doing this?

Reading Mumsnet this morning I feel like we are the only ones not willing to risk it! I'm sure the governments advice should be "only meet if you absolutely need to", but this 3 household thing looks like it's turning into a free for all with people doing what the hell they like.

I don't want to be responsible for 3rd wave!

We're meeting my mum and sister in mum's garden on Christmas Eve and we'll take the dogs out for a walk - no indoor meet ups.

Thank you for starting this thread!

I absolutely love Christmas. We usually spend it at my parents' house along with my sister and her family, and my DH's mum and his brother. Mum and dad go to town on the decorations and put in so much effort to make it special for everyone. They even do stockings for the grown-ups. We play board games as a family and I love it.

I think my mum wanted to meet up again this year and was maybe a bit surprised/disappointed when I listed all the reasons why doing so indoors would be a bad idea. We've given up so much this year that I do not understand the logic in being willing to throw caution to the wind for the sake of a few days at Christmas. I think having school-aged kids presents a risk that none of us can control, however careful we are. They are all in 3 different bubbles and 2 of the kids are at secondary school. My sister wanted to take her kids to a covid test centre before visiting but even that's no guarantee of safety.

I think it's also interesting reading between the lines of what the politicians are saying - as well as various scientists I've heard on the radio today. It's along the lines of "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should".

It's hard for us because if we did meet up with my family, we'd effectively be saying to DH's mum and brother that we're choosing my family over his. I can't do that in good conscience, even without the safety aspect.

So I expect it'll just be the 3 of us this year. My DD is nearly 8 and for months she's been asking if she is allowed to go to Granny's. She will be bitterly disappointed, especially if my sister decides to go. I don't really know how to explain it all to her because we can't wash over it and fob her off - she's aware of what's going on and she will know that some people will be seeing her families. It will be hard for her to understand why we won't be (although we might meet up for a walk outside at some point).

I actually wish that these silly rules had not been introduced in the first place. I'd prefer carrying on with some kind of restrictions because I think January is going to be pretty terrible.

I don't want the deaths in two months to be my relations.

And my fault.

So we won't risk taking Covid to our older family members.

DTs are in a bubble of 30 plus all the mingling they do, DH is a secondary teacher in a bubble of god knows how many.

My dad is ECV due to COPD and brittle asthma.

We're staying at home, and tbh, looking forward to it.

Best wishes to your father @Ginnymweasley.
We aren't alone, apparently. The poll on Good Morning Britain showed 70something% against Christmas mixing.

Yes, it'll just be us. We're not risking killing my parents for one day, and the rest of the family is abroad so definitely not doing that.

I'm quite looking forward to a chilled out Xmas just us with no travelling. We'll zoom instead.

I can understand why single person households would want to bubble up with a few others, but I just don't understand anyone who's planning a larger gathering - the risks seem to massively outweigh the benefits. When there's too many people you don't speak to half of them anyway.

I agree it looks like it is turning in to a free for all.

Were not visiting extended family or having my parents here as we usually would. Although I suspect my parents - in their 70s - would be happy to take the risk.

I think the advice not to mix with older, vulnerable people should be directed at the older, vulnerable people. People are being put in difficult positions if they don't want to put their older parents at risk but the older parents would rather take the risk. They should be addressed by government to protect themselves. People might see their older family members out of a sense of duty or guilt.

Joining in

We’re not mixing.

I’ve not seen my dad and step mum since last Christmas, they live nearly 300m away and numbers have high throughout. We only see them times a year but it’s really starting to hit home now how long it’s been, really keeping my fingers crossed for Easter.

We saw my in laws a few times over the summer including an all family bbq - about 16 of us all together.

Hopefully if the vaccine rollout goes well we’ll get together for Easter but at the moment I’m not prepared to jeopardise anyone’s health or myDC’s education. DS’s school currently closed as numbers are rocketing here. We’ve come so far just a few more months - granted I think this is going to be the toughest bit.

Chatting to a couple of mums at school drop off this morning and they all seem to be planning a quiet Christmas too. (Also noticed on M&S food to order all the smaller turkeys have sold out).

I get why some people don’t give a damn.

I get why some people are still in complete hiding.

What I don’t get is why previously fairly cautious people are planning get togethers and debating the rules of whether they can see different households on different days. Do they think Covid will take a holiday for a few days? Do they think hot stuffy rooms and the sharing of kitchens and bathrooms isn’t risky? Do they honestly think all the effort should be thrown away for one day - one day out of a lifetime?

It puts families like ours in very awkward positions as well. I don't ask my mum to choose between her grandchildren on Christmas Day, nor will dh. I think realistically we will avoid the 5 days of merriment and hope that 'rule of 6' still applies to us once this lockdown ends which means we can see our families independently at some point.

I live alone and will spend Christmas alone. It's not the first time I've done that and it's no big deal. I'm not really in a position to meet anyone anyway as only family I have is in their 70s and 80s and live abroad, so there's no way I'd take the risk to travel anywhere this year.

I can't help feeling annoyed when I read people debating meeting several other households especially when they all consist of 2-6 people anyway. With Zoom, Skype and phones, there's really no justification for needing to see your second cousins and their step family indoors during Christmas week...

@Fortyfifty that's so true about the guilt and the different viewpoints of older people. There's another thread on here with people bashing someone for going against elderly parents wishes to spend the day together. But if elderly people get sick then their adult children will feel terrible. I'm surprised so many people are willing to take such a risk.

We're having Christmas at home just us 4. DCs can't wait to have Christmas Day at home for the first time. No packing up the car, schlepping around, repacking etc. Will pop to DMs and her partners for socially distanced drinks canapés and presents on Boxing Day. But that's it.

Will miss carol singing and the usual Christmas festivities but it's just one day. We will make new traditions.

@IrmaFayLear

I get why some people don’t give a damn.

I get why some people are still in complete hiding.

What I don’t get is why previously fairly cautious people are planning get togethers and debating the rules of whether they can see different households on different days. Do they think Covid will take a holiday for a few days? Do they think hot stuffy rooms and the sharing of kitchens and bathrooms isn’t risky? Do they honestly think all the effort should be thrown away for one day - one day out of a lifetime?

Same here. People who don't care about the rules world do what they want anyway. Its people over thinking how the bubbles work and how they will cost who to see. It's still a risk as much as on the 21st December or 29th December. It's an arbitrary number. Made up to suit politicians, or in a hope they will contain chains of transmission. But the risk of passing on the virus to your dad is still there, so if you wouldn't bring him in to your house crowded with 10 mixed age guests on 5 December, why do it on 25 December?

I’m so pleased to see a thread full of sensible people. I’m so worried about the impact of Christmas socialising. You all seem to be of a similar mindset to me so can I ask would you see just parents (almost 70) and no one else if all members of both families were able to isolate for the two weeks before Christmas? If so would you think it’s ok to still go somewhere quiet for a walk alone during the two weeks of almost isolation? I’m just trying to weigh up the risks as like many people I’d love to see my parents but don’t want to put anyone at risk or push up the numbers. We’ve all sacrificed so much this year that it seems like madness to throw it away just for Christmas but I’m also conscious that my parents are getting older and I don’t know how many more years they’ve got. We’ve not had anyone in the house since March.

Oh thank god a sensible Christmas thread at last....thank you!
I'm sick of the moaning about Christmas and what/who people can and can't see or do...it's one day ffs...in a time none of us could of imagined in our wildest dreams.
My grandparents did 5 years of war...my gran kept a diary, and their attitude was a damn sight better than ours in regards to challenging Christmases.
This year it's just my fam of 5. Third time in my 55 years I'm not seeing my parents Christmas day.
24 year old family friend is flying back to Oz from France on 20th and will spend 14 days self isolating in a hotel room before she can see her family.
We're just getting on with it as best we can and not moaning about it - end of!

Sign me in we usually see in-laws in December but not at Christmas they live 100s of miles away we’re not doing that this year. As I said to them I’d rather have them on the phone than a hospital bed.

🙋‍♀️ DH and I are having family Christmas with our newborn 😊 We have vulnerable family members in one household and other very covid-exposed family members in other family households so don't want to risk it. Plus we'd have to choose our favourite family households do a 3-way bubble with and that would cause ALL the drama 😂

I'll be staying in. Probably a lot of Zoom with the family we normally see on the day.

Hopefully we can have a big Easter Sunday instead and celebrate that.

I'm just feeling guilty and in an awkward position as I will choose to stay away at Christmas as my parents are vulnerable. But my sibling is basically ignoring lockdown and the fact they are vulnerable and even now in proper lockdown is going round I think that's selfish as my mum would never say no so the decision to isolate is taken out of her hands.

So at Christmas I'd feel awkward doing what I would feel is right because I feel like it would be twisted into me being selfish and not visiting, but I feel too scared to expose my parents to any further risk. Sibling also has children who live with their ex so if they come round too that's already 3 households mixing so no room for me anyway.

I'm happy to do a zoom call and to be honest am quite happy doing my Christmas at home but I just wish other members of my family would be more considerate of the rules.

We won't be visiting my parents or inlaws. I'm worried that my brother and his family will make a different decision and that my parents will go along with it. I know it's up to them, just will be so hard not to feel angry if my parents get it, also, if I'm honest, hard not to feel jealous, even though I know it's our own decision to stay away and for the best.
Fingers crossed we'll all be thinking alike and will get together for a walk on one of the other days and have a successful video call x

Just the two of us this Christmas. Haven't seen our families since the last spring and it's a bit sad that we cannot travel and visit them, but hey, safety first

We will be staying at home. I have two school-age children who could be in an isolation bubble at any point (so far, we've managed to dodge them). I have grandparents on both sides who are in their late 80s. Only way to guarantee their safety would be to quarantine for 14 days, but it's just not possible. I work, kids go to school etc. My grandparents haven't left the house since March, it would be madness to put them at risk now. I've never done Christmas at home just us, but I'm actually now looking forward to it.

We're staying in our individual household. The only exception is my mum who lives alone and will be having my cousin, who also lives alone, over for Christmas day.

Both are being very careful and it's very likely that my cousin actually had Covid back in February (almost everyone in his office was unwell with a respiratory virus with the first person who was ill having recently returned from a business trip Whulan).

None of us will be alone but we won't have the risk of a big gathering. In usual times we would have been 5 households mixing.

I get the impression that some people think that staying apart is heartless. It's actually the opposite. I'm keeping my children and key worker DH apart from her because I love her and want to keep her safe.

I'm very much looking forward to a big family get together at Easter or early summer when hopefully we can all be together again without the current level of risk.

I do worry about what will happen in the new year. Some people will catch Covid by mixing at Christmas and for some families the outcome could be heartbreaking.

@Dottyandbet

I’m so pleased to see a thread full of sensible people. I’m so worried about the impact of Christmas socialising. You all seem to be of a similar mindset to me so can I ask would you see just parents (almost 70) and no one else if all members of both families were able to isolate for the two weeks before Christmas? If so would you think it’s ok to still go somewhere quiet for a walk alone during the two weeks of almost isolation? I’m just trying to weigh up the risks as like many people I’d love to see my parents but don’t want to put anyone at risk or push up the numbers. We’ve all sacrificed so much this year that it seems like madness to throw it away just for Christmas but I’m also conscious that my parents are getting older and I don’t know how many more years they’ve got. We’ve not had anyone in the house since March.

I'm not sure if anyone else answered this but yes if you can isolate beforehand then the risk will be negligible even if you go out for walks in that time. Enjoy your Christmas