I have a terrible pandemic secret. Maybe you do, too?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Have seen many threads about lockdowns and pandemic fear, plus being cooped up together, creating challenges for marriages and romantic partnerships.

Is anyone else having the opposite thing happen? I'm probably much less in favor of lockdowns and covid measures than the average person, but in the home, things couldn't be much better. Probably the strangest thing is that DH and I have been having sex like horny teenagers...at least once a day, sometimes even staying up all night. This state of affairs has gone on for weeks now, with no end in sight.

On paper, circumstances sound absolutely dire for a sex life: nearly 10 years together, 3 children under 5 including a 10 week old baby, "rule of six" social limits in a household where there are already 5 people, drama with in-laws, work from home + home schooling stress. But spending so much time practically on top of one another has somehow led to us wanting to spend more time, well, literally on top of one another. We talk more, bring up issues sooner, and by evening we're both feeling the spark every night.

For the sake of so many people I know, in so many situations, including my own children, I want this lockdown to end. But I have a guilty, secret wish that it continues a while longer because of this second honeymoon period I seem to be in with DH, which I know can't last forever and I worry will dissolve when pandemic measures end. I also feel like even bringing up this nice bit will make people angry, since there's a certain bizarre feeling of "if you're not miserable all the time, you're not sacrificing enough" in the air.

Does anyone else have guilty secrets over their pandemic feelings? A friend of mine feels awful for not being able to see her mother in a care home, but also a guilty relief over being able to work from home (she's in a high pressure, high stakes job where her hours and commute are long normally).

Yes, yes, we all want this awful year to end, of course we do...but I can't be the only one who's got a touch of mixed feelings. Tell me yours, and maybe I can stop feeling so ridiculous!

[NeonIcedcoffee]

@Fuckitsstillraining haha! It took me a moment to click what you meant!

[BrowncoatWaffles]

We're another one having more sex than for ages. Basically both kids are at school and we're working from home. In lieu of lunch we have a regular middle of the day 'coffee break' where we literally go back to bed with coffee for an hour.

It's put a real spring in both of our steps. We're also talking more about other stuff, both feel more chilled out and I am enjoying sex much more because I'm not fighting end of day exhaustion when we do it.

[Purplecatshopaholic]

The Covid experience isn’t great for me generally - a huggy extrovert who doesn’t particularly like working from home - but there are definitely compensations. DP and I both being in the house together all day has definitely brought us closer; we have also been at it like bunnies!

[IdblowJonSnow]

I'm enjoying the enforced, slower pace of life. Not dashing around with kids activities and parties.
And I'm normally skint because I'm retraining so have no income at the moment so it's great that there is nothing to spend money on at right now!

[IdblowJonSnow]

This is a great thread amongst all the doom and gloom.

[Everythingmagnolia]

We have also had a lot more sex, I think this year has been great for our relationship, my DH spends a lot of time working away and we have loved spending more time together.

We have also managed to save quite a bit of money too!

[MynephewR]

DH and I both work in a restaurant (large chain). Currently I'm on furlough and DH is working because the restaurant is still open for takeaways. If we are put in tier 3 then the restaurant will probably stop doing takeaways because its not really making enough money to be worth it so DH will be off work as well and on furlough. Obviously all of this is not great for us financially and we are worried about our jobs but, looking for silver linings, it would mean that we would both be off work around Christmas.

Christmas time is always pretty hectic at work, the restaurant is always closed Christmas day but other than that one of us is at work all day. DH has never been home to put the kids to bed on Christmas eve, we rarely get boxing day to chill out as a family, and we usually work more hours than usual throughout December. So it would be lovely to have a nice, relaxing family Christmas with the 4 of us together for the whole period, no rushing to fit all of the festive fun in to one day. It doesn't outweigh the money worries but it definitely softens the blow iyswim.

I think my ideal scenario would be for my area to be in tier 1 on the 3rd for 3 weeks and it be very busy at work but then we get put into tier 3 on or around the 23rd 😂 incredibly selfish and highly unlikely but I can day dream.

[Megan2018]

I bloody love lockdown.
I know I’m not meant to but tbh I’d happily live like it all the time, if I could just see my family now and again.
I know I’m lucky to not be negatively affected yet, but actually most of my acquaintance love it too!

[Mishmased]

@Friendsoftheearth

I would be very worried if dh suddenly developed a massive sex drive out of nowhere during the pandemic, I would wonder where that sex drive had been going pre covid, and what would happen to it post covid.

It would make me very suspicious indeed.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[bobby81]

I’ve saved quite a bit of money and am now almost debt free.
This time of year is usually really busy with school events (which I find overwhelming) so I’m secretly pleased that parents can’t attend. Parents evening was much better over the phone too.
I’ve managed to do lots of work to my house which I would never have found the time for usually.
Hated working from home initially but starting to enjoy it now.
I loved spending extra time with my kids during lockdown & we managed to have a great holiday this year.
I feel very guilty because I’m aware how difficult this year has been for some people (my work involves helping those who have been negatively effected). But I can’t deny that I’ve had a pretty good year.

[oneglassandpuzzled]

I don't have to go to any Christmas or other parties. I won't have to buy party clothes. I can save money quietly without it being obvious that I need to.

[Seriouslymole]

I haven't loved any of this year and have found lockdown unremittingly shite so I am grateful for this thread which has made me look at the positives.

So - my "take aways" from this is that there will never be a return the the hideous "business kiss" that always went on - I hate it!

I am SO grateful that we can't do any of the usual hideous Christmas crap at school - they are recording the carol service which we can watch in the comfort of our own home which we won't.

That said I will miss actually singing carols at church.

[GeidiPrimes]

I was able to detox from opiates. I'd been clean from heroin for 10 years, but couldn't kick the methadone. When the first lockdown happened, I decided now was the time to kick that too (Mainly fuelled by fear, I wasn't sure whether society's infrastructure was going to break down) Had to work through a LOT of stuff on my own (no physical NA/AA meetings but am lucky enough to have found a great therapist with whom I talk weekly.

2020 has been a difficult year, but I'm grateful for the lessons it taught me, if that makes sense.

[User258544]

I'm really happy for you Op. I have paid off nearly all my credit cards with money saved. I also totally changed my relationship with DM and we get on really well.

[User258544]

@GeidiPrimes that's incredible, well done.

[LaLaLandIsNoFun]

Good for you OP (genuine, not sarcastic)

I have a guilty secret - I small part of me feel hopeful that the rest of society experiencing a bit what life is like for those who’s life is isolated on a regular basis due to poverty/family toxicity/disability/MH/ stat services being shite/lack of community support and that things will improve for those who find it far more difficult to access ‘life’ or at least more compassion and less smug judgment - which I see an awful lot of sbd have been in the receiving end of.

[Mcmole]

I LOVE working from home. I am naturally a total introvert, and now I feel that my anxiety levels have plummeted and I feel so much healthier. I have lost weight as I was stress eating at work and I am also more motivated to exercise now. With inside places shut, I also learnt how much I actually like just getting outside and doing things.

I also only work part-time and have another activity which brings in income. Because I no longer have to waste time going to work/staying there for a pointless lunch hour I have more time to invest in my other activity which is bringing in more money. I also had a sizeable inheritance at the start of the pandemic so am now in the position where I can pay off my mortgage - which had 22 years to run!

[winterinmadeira]

I don’t have to travel for work as much as I did. Home working has different challenges but the joy of not getting up at 5am many mornings to catch a train has been great for my sleep and diet.

[BuntysTwinkle]

I like mask-wearing and I'm going to be sorry when it stops. I always thought it would be a good idea to wear masks during winter/flu-season like some Asian countries to lessen the chances of getting sick, so I was a bit excited when I got to order my first mask.

[Aneley]

Our silver lining in all of this is that we're together all the time, too. We both got to spend almost an entire first year of our baby's life with her which is truly a gift not many parents (and certainly not us if there wasn't for covid) get to have.

[oneglassandpuzzled]

@GeidiPrimes

I was able to detox from opiates. I'd been clean from heroin for 10 years, but couldn't kick the methadone. When the first lockdown happened, I decided now was the time to kick that too (Mainly fuelled by fear, I wasn't sure whether society's infrastructure was going to break down) Had to work through a LOT of stuff on my own (no physical NA/AA meetings but am lucky enough to have found a great therapist with whom I talk weekly.

2020 has been a difficult year, but I'm grateful for the lessons it taught me, if that makes sense.

That's an amazing achievement! I'm very impressed.

[Bells3032]

I love working from home. i had an hour and a half long commute each way. I never liked working in a squished office and sharing a toilet! And I love being able to sleep in til 9 rather than get up at 7 to go to work.

Also love all the money we are saving too and not being forced to go to parties and engage in inane chatter with people i don't care that much about.

Saying that I miss hanging out with my friends and i hate being stuck in a flat 24/7 (we are moving to a house in the new year so looking forward to that).

And our sex life has dwindled from every other day to once or twice a week although when we do it is HOT. Think this is partially due to be stuck with each other all time time in a very small flat and anxiety about vulnerable family members, house buying and selling and just general stress.

I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying some aspects of lock down as they say there's a silver lining to every cloud.

[MeadowHay]

I'm about as anti-lockdown as you can get without being a covid denier, and the pandemic has had a load of negative implications for me but definitely a few positives as well.

The biggest thing for me is home working. Pre-covid my employer would not let me work more than 1 of my 4 working days at home, although my manager would make exceptions if there was a good reason like illness/appointments etc. Now I work all 4 days from home and go into the office only once every few weeks. This means I 'gain' 3hrs a day - my hour travel to work, my lunch time hr and my hour travel home. I'm much more on top of laundry and housework as a result and I can do less housework on the weekend with DD around now and spend more time doing fun things and relaxing instead. Im also much less tired without the commuting. I also have GAD and I used to have very high levels of anxiety every morning from waking until I was in the office at work with all the rushing about in the mornings, dropping DD at nursery and worrying I'd miss the bus and be late etc. I don't have any anxiety most mornings now as I drop DD at nursery by about 8.15 and I'm back home about 10 mins later and I don't start work til 9. DH and I are also just starting to TTC and I think the home working means I have more energy for the more regular sex that this entails!

We are also saving a lot of money on the lack of leisure things like taking DD to stuff, meals out, and not to mention my work travel etc. We are saving for a deposit for a house so we are pleased to find we have saved a lot more this year than projected. It's also good to get my WFH tax relief thing (although realistically my increased bills probably cost more than that.)

Oh and DH got a job that wouldn't have been available if it wasn't for covid-19. The hospital rushed to recruit him in the spring when they originally weren't planning to recruit until the autumn. This job is a big saving on time and travel compared to the other offer he originally accepted as it's a far closer hospital. So we saved a lot of time and money from that too and it also put him in a department with a much lower risk of covid and which was a lot less busy which selfishly has obviously been a benefit to him and us.

[Invisimamma]

We've saved a fortune on not commuting, not paying childcare or, kids clubs for 6 months, using less petrol, not going out as much...food bill has increased a lot though. We've been able to do some long awaited home improvements.

It feels wrong when so many people are losing jobs or worried about job security that financially we've done really well out of this.

[Talith]

I am happy that kissing on both cheeks in my industry (media) is now definitely a thing of the past. I'm not that sad to see handshakes going either.

I've actually found the prospect of Christmas less depressing than usual as it means I can swerve a lot of trotting around the country doing visits, and everyone's tightening their purse strings in my family we have actually agreed for once to stick to no presents except for kids which is going to save me hundreds of pounds.

And yes to saving on childcare, afterschool clubs etc... and school dinners etc, fuel in the car, sandwiches from coffee shops at work etc.

Shame I've put on a stone though!