AIBU to say enough now?

[Enoughnowstop]

I am not sure I can take any more.

I am a single parent. I am over 50. My children depend on me to bring in a wage and keep a roof over our heads. One of my children is a type 1 diabetic and as such, vulnerable to this virus. I am without support as my parents are dead and I am an only child. I am a teacher and a good one. I love my job. I want to be in the classroom and I want to be supportive of the students I work with.

I have read thread after thread on here in the last 24 hours with people looking to find loopholes or claim to just use 'common sense' so that, for the sake of their mental health, they can get through the next 4 weeks. People who have every intention of meeting up with others, even if it is 'just' outside. People who want their children in school because they can't possibly cope with their children at home in lockdown and what about their rights to an education, a future and their mental health.

I have spent an hour this morning quietly sobbing in my room whilst reading this shit. The utter lack of social responsibility and refusal to see a bigger picture. Not one fuck given about either the physical or mental health of every single person now working in key positions knowing that potentially, things are worse than they were 7 months or so ago. When you want to push your child in the pram and don't see why meeting up with someone else pushing their child in a pram, despite the rules being 2 people not 4 people but it's OK because your mental health can't take any more, maybe just give a thought to those of us who are cramming ourselves into small rooms without ventilation with 32 people who refuse to wear masks because they're exempt and who are transmitting the virus with few.....statistics suggest that there will be anywhere between 5 and 50 students in my school tomorrow who will have that virus. A russian roulette of whether or not I will end up in a room with one of them. I mean how could we be anything but mentally unhealthy knowing full well that tomorrow might be the day we contract this virus and our lives change forever? Who is protecting the mental and physical health of keyworkers? Does anyone actually care about the mental and physical health of keyworkers?

Maybe just start thinking about the mental health of every single person and every single person's right to life and our children's right to have a physically and mentally well parent, capable of meeting their needs.

And please, feel free to professionally insult me some more, becuase that's what always happens on these threads, tell me we don't need teachers like you and if you're that bothered, get another job there are thousands of unemployed just waiting in the wings to take over. Well, no, you can't do without me and my colleagues, our experience, our skills, our professionalism. Just as you can't do without the medical professionals who are facing dealing with this shit again because your right to mental health negates our right to both physical and mental health.

Your rights don't usurp mine. I don't have much faith in this government, but they are what they are. They are making the rules. Follow them. Remember you are not the only one struggling. Be grateful that you're not the one doing the keyworking and be supportive of those of us who are by remembering we also have a right to be physically and mentally healthy. There is balance required. For all of us. We all have a right to a future. Let's make sure those who's future is taken from them in this pandemic number as few, not as many, as possible.

As for me, I think my resignation is on the cards. I think anything at all is better than this.

OP .
It’s a shitty situation for almost everyone. Where I teach (FE) we are taking things seriously - class sizes reduced, learners and tutors wear masks etc. DP works in a terrible secondary school. Before half term a student spat in his face because he asked him to sit in his designated seat. The students at his school do not care. We have DS with severe asthma. A bad cold lays him low for 2 weeks. I’m extremely anxious. I don’t think many people have a thorough understanding of what many large, secondaries are like these days, many people forget we are people in our own right with our own children and relatives to protect. People here think we’re lazy, selfish and stupid. Really we’re just a bit scared.

I honestly apologise in advance if I'm asking a stupid question, but why can't 'they' (govt?) do a little more to help make schools safer for both pupils and staff?

I have a 4 year attending school overseas and it seems to be far apart from the experiences I am reading about in the UK.

For example:

• All staff are required to wear a mask at all times
• All parents are required to wear a mask at drop off etc
• All children aged 7 and above are also required to wear masks at all times (I assume excluding PE)
• Drop off/pick up times are staggered to avoid masses descending on the property each day
• Each class has been split into two bubbles. A second classroom/space has been created for each class. Bubble A spends the morning in the original classroom with the teacher, and the afternoon in the new 'classroom' with several TAs. And vice versa
• Lunchtime is in the classroom to avoid classes/bubbles mingling
• Playtimes are staggered to avoid classes/bubbles mingling
• All staff are routinely tested every 14 days
• All children are required to show a negative PCR test after returning from any travel overseas
• There are temperature checks at every entrance of the school (parents and children)

Schools should be closed. And will be eventually but it could be in a shorter managed way not as an emergency. I’m with you, OP.

But with respect, you need to step away from Mumsnet. There’s zero point in upsetting yourself that strangers are going to meet up with prams.

Appreciate some of the things I mention are easier to apply in a primary setting, rather than a secondary setting where there are specialist teachers for each subject...

There was actually a medical article stating that children don’t transmit the virus to adults the same way transmission occurs from adult to adult

From a viewpoint of one of those who is saying enough and I won’t follow all of the rules. We’ve been locked down since March, with some freedom over summer but those of us who have been sensible haven’t been out partying, going on holiday, seeing endless amounts of people, hugging fiends or going for meals and to pubs with people because you can’t social distance round a table inside. I’ve done practically nothing since March. However I had a baby in summer, the last half of my pregnancy was in lockdown, I gave birth in lockdown, I was on my own in the ward afterwards for days with no help whatsoever, I’ve not been able to have any proper help with the baby let alone me getting any help. My DH has been brilliant but he’s at work and we are both feeling it. I have diagnosed mental health issues, not just feeling ‘mentally unhealthy’ because of this. My family now can’t visit, I can’t see my friends I have no support now whatsoever. It would be fine for a month if I hadn’t had since March with very little support but to take away what little I did have now is unimaginable for me. I had just got into a routine of doing what I can, getting out with friends and eating at outdoor cafes with them, meeting in small groups, the odd weekend away visiting family. That’s now all gone and I won’t be able to cope. So I will break the rules yes and I’m not going to feel guilty about it.

I agree wholeheartedly OP, teacher here too. I hope you have someone in RL to talk to about how you feel, do feel free to message me if you need to vent.

Brilliant post op. I’m not a teacher or any other key worker. But I am fed up of people trying to find the loopholes. I feel they are being selfish and not thinking about all key workers who have no choice but to go out and work. All we are being told to do is stay at home and not put ourselfs at risk. As you say, you don’t have that choice. They are selfish. You are not. I am grateful for what you and your profession does for our DC.

I agree with a lot of what you've written but came to the conclusion that you are also an ignorant arsehole when you stated

"When you want to push your child in the pram and don't see why meeting up with someone else pushing their child in a pram, despite the rules being 2 people not 4 people but it's OK because your mental health can't take any more"

I had a baby in the first lockdown and I was in the darkest place - you have no idea what it is to have a baby in a pandemic, it's terrifying.

Your fears and requirements don't negate mine, and so your argument about not being selfish is the most hypocritical thing I've written. Your post is basically "do what I want, so that I get most benefit, because that suits me."

I totally understand OP. I’ve said this all along, teachers have been thrown to the wolves.

It’s disgraceful that you should have no PPE yet work with so many children in usually unventilated or poorly ventilated places. You have every right to feel safe at work.

There are some very selfish people on Mumsnet, usually the ‘fuck’ brigade. Common as muck most of them.

@Bambooble yes! Fuck off to anyone who doesn’t think new mums need some sort outside contact. It’s hard enough without cutting off all support. Even the government has realised it as they have exempted under 5s from the rule. Such cruel and unfeeling people who think it’s ok to leave new mums without support. I’m done with this whole thing now if that’s what people’s attitudes are.

I hear you OP, I’m in healthcare. Keyworkers must protect their mental health (even if that means taking a month off sick with stress like a couple of my colleagues did).

Does your employer know you have a high risk child at home? Can they not get a supply teacher in for a bit?

I think it’s understandable most people want their kids in school though. It’s for the child’s learning and socialisation. And the government is encouraging people to go to work/wfh so without schools open we’d lose a lot of the workforce (and productivity, trying to wfh with small kids is very difficult!)

The lack of mask wearing bothers me though. So does the last minute flood of play date suggestions and meals out that people are trying to cram in before lockdown comes into force!!

The bods at the top will have their kids at private schools who are all testing the kids regularly. They won't be thrown in the virus soup like the rest of us mere mortals.

Schools are scary. I caught it in school and was lucky it was mild. Some of my colleagues aren't so lucky.

@Bambooble

I rest my case. The ‘fuck’ brigade in force once again. I expect to be told to ‘fuck off’. Yes, we know. Little imagination or vocabulary so resorting to swearing. What a delight it must be to live with you.

Hi op I think this is a situation that none of us ever imagined. It's all over the news/ media every day and discussed constantly. I think it can get very overwhelming. None of us know what's going on with other people, the mum meeting another mum with babies in prams could have severe PND, the person visiting a family member could be suicidal , people are loosing jobs, buisness, homes and family members, treatment is being delayed. I work for the nhs just as a receptionist and the amount of people we speak to crying on the phone telling us they are so isolated, depressed, anxious has been awful. I really feel for everyone the key workers, the people loosing jobs, people isolated and depressed it's awful for so many people for a huge variety of reasons, so many people are scared, overwhelmed and struggling. If you are at breaking point have you considered getting signed off by the doctor?

I am sorry you've been having such a hard time . Please try to remember that others have been suffering too.

@NannyMcphee39 yes, it's infuriating when people's struggles are dismissed, having lost a close friend to PND last lockdown because there's zero postnatal in person support, or access to MH support at the moment, I find the OPs comment ironic considering she is asking others to consider her welfare. I think teachers are great, there's a thread yesterday I was fighting for them, but seen as though they are not one entity, OP can foxtrot oscar and take her judgement away. And who cares, you don't have to live with me thankfully so it's no concern of yours.

yes! Fuck off to anyone who doesn’t think new mums need some sort outside contact. It’s hard enough without cutting off all support. Even the government has realised it as they have exempted under 5s from the rule. Such cruel and unfeeling people who think it’s ok to leave new mums without support. I’m done with this whole thing now if that’s what people’s attitudes are

Yep, women are always bottom of the pile though, so not surprising unfortunately, even from other women.

@PrimeraVez

I honestly apologise in advance if I'm asking a stupid question, but why can't 'they' (govt?) do a little more to help make schools safer for both pupils and staff?

I have a 4 year attending school overseas and it seems to be far apart from the experiences I am reading about in the UK.

For example:

• All staff are required to wear a mask at all times
• All parents are required to wear a mask at drop off etc
• All children aged 7 and above are also required to wear masks at all times (I assume excluding PE)
• Drop off/pick up times are staggered to avoid masses descending on the property each day
• Each class has been split into two bubbles. A second classroom/space has been created for each class. Bubble A spends the morning in the original classroom with the teacher, and the afternoon in the new 'classroom' with several TAs. And vice versa
• Lunchtime is in the classroom to avoid classes/bubbles mingling
• Playtimes are staggered to avoid classes/bubbles mingling
• All staff are routinely tested every 14 days
• All children are required to show a negative PCR test after returning from any travel overseas
• There are temperature checks at every entrance of the school (parents and children)

Wow!

A country that was prepared to invest money into education.

I wish our country actually did this, rather than just repeating the party line that education is vital.

@ Bambooble So sorry about your friend

I understand as a teacher you want people to work together to limit this.

But other people feel how they feel. I am usually a happy person. I had a pretty normal life pre covid. I was a busy mum of two young kids. Doing school runs. Housework. Having family time at the weekends. Meeting up with my best friend for walks, park dates and coffee/tea.

Since march I've barely left the house. Only to walk with the kids. I've tried loads of different routes and things to keep us busy. But in all honesty I'm not happy anymore. I'm respectful of the rules. I don't break them. I stay by myself. Because I can't meet anyone without my kids. But it's damaging me. I feel really sad sometimes. I feel lonely. I feel like everyone is forgetting me. My two year old doesn't know his family. He has seen them twice this year. He's never played with another toddler. He's never mixed. I will never get his toddler years back. They have been lost to this shitty virus.

What I will say is I would break the rules for anyone who couldn't cope. I'd rather we went for a walk with our kids. Or I sneaked a miserable friend round. Then they killed themselves or couldn't sleep because they were feeling so miserable.

Humans need eachother. We are social creatures.

Your situation is no more important than anyone elses. Many workers are still carrying on. Shop workers, NHS, public services, forces, factory workers, the food industry, construction workers, public transport, delivery drivers etc etc.

There are 67 million people in the UK. Only 1 million people have had it. Some of the tests are false positives. It's been 8 months. There's still alot of people to catch it and there's no vaccine.

Does Boris actually believe by shutting the small amount of places he's shut will help? How can it? You can still have builders in your home. You can do alot of stuff. But he's taken away the stuff that might make people happy and have fun. That's all. Which is just not going to help people struggling. .

Maybe you should quit your job if it's making you are scared.

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time op. I would feel the same in your shoes.
The guidance has clarified that children under school age don’t ‘count’ towards the 2 people meeting up outdoors. So 2 parents each with a young child can meet up outside for a socially distanced walk.

I hear you, OP. There is a lot of selfishness on these boards. Admittedly, the last thing I want is for schools to close, as the lockdown in the spring was very bad for my (adopted) DDs, as they need routine. It was also extremely hard for my DH and me, as he’s WFH and I’ve had long Covid for the last seven months.

But teachers have been treated very badly; they should absolutely be allowed to wear PPE like other key workers.

Agree OP. I also worry for my son’s teacher who is a bit older and type 1 diabetic
I am tired of people throwing the mental
Health card around at every opportunity too, ie
“I must go to Tenerife because of my mental health”