I've played by the rules this whole time, but it hurts me to see my grandparents getting older (they both turned 80 this year and should have had a huge joint party which we had to cancel).
I don't mean to sound morbid, but they both had covid which they were lucky to get over, but even despite that, at 80, you're almost at the point of defying life expectancy, and spending a whole year locked away from your family must feel horrible. I just want to go and hug them, take my gran out for tea, go and sit in the lounge and listen to my grandad yelling at the rugby (and yelling at me for cheering for the wrong team).
I am all too aware that I probably won't be able to spend Christmas with them this year.
My gran is undergoing investigations for memory problems, and there's every chance that if she deteriorates continually, this could be the last Christmas where everything is as it 'should be'. Except it won't be, because we can't have it.
My other grandma is in Wales, we have no hope of going to see her any time soon.
It's just breaking my heart, and while quite obviously I want as few people to die as possible, I am struggling with the fact that I'm missing so much time with the ones I love .. as we won't get it back.