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Original poster

To feel really shit about how people judged me for no mask.

333 replies

DidSheReallySayThat20 · 04/09/2020 21:31

For the record. I've previously tried wearing a mask until today. I have ptsd relating to being suffocated in a DV relationship. I spent years in therapy and on meds to cope daily.
The last few times I've come over funny and feeling like I'm goi g to have a panic attack which I haven't had one in 4 years.
I also suffer with anxiety shopping in a store where I don't normally shop.

The gp said I do not need to wear a mask and I have valid reason for exemption

Today shopping two different sets of people were vocal about it.. One was a mutter I could barely catch but I heard.. that's 4 no masks today and continued out of ear shot

I kept my head down I felt awful. Then a couple said excuse me, you are aware of the rules or Are you another young one who thinks they're above the law.. I ignored them. I wish I'd come back with a reply now.
Only ' good' thing was being called young at nr 40.

Its been on my mind since and I honestly have tried but the anxiety and stress they caused and thinking about it days up to shopping day and after wearing one I woild of ended up back on anti depressants because it affected me so badly.

OP posts:
Wherehavetheteletubbiesgone · 05/09/2020 09:35

First of all I have anxiety and I get quite stressed and start to panic in a mask. It affects my breathing and then I have panic because of the breathing. However I always wear a mask out now often a n95 one that deliberately restricts my breathing for reasons of exposure therapy (an idea the NHS gave me). It genuinely worked for me. I think we have to be very careful here because this is a zero sum game me not wearing a mask makes it more likely for another person to catch covid. I am therefore taking rights from them to me. I am therefore uncomfortable with that. We as a country seem to give exceptions for everything consequently more people here don't wear a mask compared to China where it is enforced absolutely and Europe there seems to be far less of a percentage of people who don't wear masks out. A woman was saying she felt safer in Crete than in the UK because mask wearing was so well enforced by the police (so non mask wearers are taking away her right to go out and feel safe).

itsgettingweird · 05/09/2020 09:37

@DidSheReallySayThat20

And I'm aware it's not near my throat.. He used to cover my nose and mouth often until I passed out.. That's the issue. Having my mouth and nose covered. As well as strangled at times. I also can't wear roll neck tops for that reason or high cut neck tops. But thankfully there's no law regarding that
You have survived some of the most horrific abuse and you should be proud of that.

Now channel that energy into the best death stare you can towards anyone who comments or questions and a good internal monologue reminder for yourself that they are judgemental and probably haven't had to survive what you did - and probably couldn't.

Use the opportunity to remind yourself you are a strong and independent woman who is making decisions for herself Thanks

Oh and the toddler - Wine?

A friend and I were having lunch outside local sandwich shop the other day and a heavily pregnant lady had her 3? Yo staging a sit in. Right in front of us. Couple of older ladies became a dialogue between he selves which was judgemental. Mum gave us an apologetic smile and we both laughed and said that's why we are now grateful ours are teens and can be left at home. Kid gave me and friend death stare, got up, stomped about 10m away and resumed his sit in 🤣

Most members of society are decent human beings who can empathise with people. You do have to learn to rise above the rest.

PurpleDaisies · 05/09/2020 09:38

A woman was saying she felt safer in Crete than in the UK because mask wearing was so well enforced by the police (so non mask wearers are taking away her right to go out and feel safe).

That’s her issue to deal with, not the people who have genuine exemptions from wearing masks.

tornadoalley · 05/09/2020 09:43

Wear a lanyard. People are understanding when it comes to exemptions, but they are also frightened living in a pandemic, and that fuels aggressive behaviour when they see people apparently flouting the laws designed to keep people safe.

tornadoalley · 05/09/2020 09:48

Or shop online or get a home delivery now they are freeing up? Non mask wearers do put others at risk and I think this is where the animosity comes from. If you are feeling anxiety about masks maybe have a little more understanding of other people's anxiety about Covid? You are expecting the understanding to be all on their side, but are making no effort to allay their fears or at least wear a lanyard or sunflower badge, that give them the opportunity to be understanding

Society is a two way street.

PurpleDaisies · 05/09/2020 09:55

Non mask wearers do put others at risk and I think this is where the animosity comes from.

Come on. Non mask wearers not observing social distancing possibly. But people like the op are likely to be bring super careful to maintain their distance.

The number of people with Covid in the community is around 1 in 1900. The danger from one person not wearing a mask (because they can’t) is tiny. The impact on their lives from the fear of being abused by mask warriors every time they’re out is massive. It’s not proportionate.

The evidence doesn’t even show that people are catching Covid from going shopping and passing someone not wearing a mask.

NailsNeedDoing · 05/09/2020 09:57

You shouldn’t have to wear a lanyard or anything else, you do not have any obligation to explain yourself to paranoid people who should be minding their own business.

If they aren’t police, they are ignoring the exact same rule that they want enforced, because part of the rule is that it’s not up to fandoms to challenge non mask wearers.

If people are that scared that they feel the need to make stupid judgements on others, then they shouldn’t be out shopping. Internet shopping exists for them.

MadameBlobby · 05/09/2020 09:57

But yes need to practice a phrase

“Fuck off” should do it. Fucking dickheads.

DarkMintChocolate · 05/09/2020 09:58

We all have to do our bit be it mask or lanyard. Having a disability shouldn't make you exempt from common courtesy.

Wearing a lanyard is as good as wearing a big sign, saying this person has hidden disabilities and is particularly vulnerable to exploitation, theft, abduction and murder, or whatever!

DD looks like a “normal” attractive young woman, but if anybody said to her:

“I have some sweets in my car”

She’d go off with them like a shot, because she takes what people say literally and cannot say that they may have a hidden agenda. She has had stranger danger education, but it would all go out of her head in a real life situation like that.

It’s not a common courtesy; you are putting your wants above vulnerable people’s safety.

Burpeesshmurpees · 05/09/2020 09:58

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MadameBlobby · 05/09/2020 09:59

@minnieok

Around a third of the people in Lidl today weren't wearing masks, I did in the queue remark to another customer that young people in our area have a lot of ptsd ... because it was obvious they didn't have lung issues.

The reality is there's a lot of mask refuses, wear a lanyard otherwise comments will happen

What a vile person you are.
MadameBlobby · 05/09/2020 10:02

@Redburnett

If people do not know you are exempt then they will assume you should be using a face covering. Remember 'your mask protects me, my mask protects you'. So from the others point of view they are wearing masks to protect you, but you are not reciprocating. You need to let them know why.
No you don’t.
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 05/09/2020 10:03

@tornadoalley

Or shop online or get a home delivery now they are freeing up? Non mask wearers do put others at risk and I think this is where the animosity comes from. If you are feeling anxiety about masks maybe have a little more understanding of other people's anxiety about Covid? You are expecting the understanding to be all on their side, but are making no effort to allay their fears or at least wear a lanyard or sunflower badge, that give them the opportunity to be understanding

Society is a two way street.

I think it's more likely that a lot of people are moaning, interfering busybodies who fancy themselves as part of the stasi.

Why should the OP be the one to stay home? Surely if these people have such bad anxiety that they believe everyone has Covid they'd feel safer indoors.

MadameBlobby · 05/09/2020 10:04

Our local shops have a billboard outside telling people that some people have genuine reasons why they may not be able to wear a mask or socially distance and to be respectful of this and not challenge them. How depressing that this is needed because people can’t be trusted not to act like cunts.

PhilCornwall1 · 05/09/2020 10:04

Wearing a lanyard is as good as wearing a big sign, saying this person has hidden disabilities and is particularly vulnerable to exploitation, theft, abduction and murder, or whatever!

I could have some real fun if someone decided to try that when I'm wearing mine. My disability doesn't restrict my movement in any way, so they could possibly end up with a well deserved surprise.

Saying that, I completely understand and agree with what you are saying.

Looneytune253 · 05/09/2020 10:08

I know you say you don't feel comfortable wearing a lanyard but defo consider it. I'm asthmatic but I still wear the mask as I know I couldn't cope with the judgement (NOT saying you need to do this) but the lanyard might stop you from getting some comments.

KayakingOnDown · 05/09/2020 10:09

because it was obvious they didn't have lung issues.

How on earth would you know??!

NailsNeedDoing · 05/09/2020 10:10

You also don't have to wear a lanyard but if you do go out and about without a lanyard on, chances are people will be moaning. Some of them are just dicks but some of them might also have anxiety. Some might have been shielding and have extra worries for good reason about catching Covid. They also shouldn't have to stay at home.
It's true they're not allowed to challenge you -but I accept some people will do so anyway - but there's no rule that says people aren't allowed to moan to each other within your earshot.

Having anxiety isn’t a valid excuse to be rude to other people.

No, there isn’t a rule that says people shouldn’t moan within earshot, but it’s pretty fucking rude to do it. I find it weird that you think that kind of rudeness is acceptable, it isn’t.

Why do you accept that some people will challenge when they shouldn’t because it’s against the rule but not accept that some people don’t have to wear masks or explain themselves to strangers when that is within the rule? It makes no sense.

Soozikinzii · 05/09/2020 10:12

This might be unhelpful but would one of the clear visits that stand away from your face be ok ? I saw loads of people with those on yesterday and I felt a bit foolish in my mask because they looked so much better ? Just an idea if not I'd wear the lanyard .

Burpeesshmurpees · 05/09/2020 10:19

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DragonLegs · 05/09/2020 10:20

What about wearing a face shield? I’ve tried one and you can breathe normally and might make others button it!

Madhairday · 05/09/2020 10:21

I did in the queue remark to another customer that young people in our area have a lot of ptsd ... because it was obvious they didn't have lung issues.

And you'd know that how? I have severe lung disease. You wouldn't know that by seeing me in a shop because I'd only be in a shop on a good day.

Again, I'm appalled by the casual ableism on this thread and across MN as a whole at the moment. Sad

MadameBlobby · 05/09/2020 10:28

Maybe if people are so “anxious” that they feel they are able to break the rules by questioning people who are out and about perfectly legitimately without a mask then THEY should be the ones that stay home and get their shopping delivered.

Burpeesshmurpees · 05/09/2020 10:47

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PerveenMistry · 05/09/2020 10:54

@NailsNeedDoing

*You also don't have to wear a lanyard but if you do go out and about without a lanyard on, chances are people will be moaning. Some of them are just dicks but some of them might also have anxiety. Some might have been shielding and have extra worries for good reason about catching Covid. They also shouldn't have to stay at home. It's true they're not allowed to challenge you -but I accept some people will do so anyway - but there's no rule that says people aren't allowed to moan to each other within your earshot.*

Having anxiety isn’t a valid excuse to be rude to other people.

No, there isn’t a rule that says people shouldn’t moan within earshot, but it’s pretty fucking rude to do it. I find it weird that you think that kind of rudeness is acceptable, it isn’t.

Why do you accept that some people will challenge when they shouldn’t because it’s against the rule but not accept that some people don’t have to wear masks or explain themselves to strangers when that is within the rule? It makes no sense.

It's even more rude to infect others with a deadly disease. Have you not heard of asymptomatic transmission?