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Original poster

To feel really shit about how people judged me for no mask.

333 replies

DidSheReallySayThat20 · 04/09/2020 21:31

For the record. I've previously tried wearing a mask until today. I have ptsd relating to being suffocated in a DV relationship. I spent years in therapy and on meds to cope daily.
The last few times I've come over funny and feeling like I'm goi g to have a panic attack which I haven't had one in 4 years.
I also suffer with anxiety shopping in a store where I don't normally shop.

The gp said I do not need to wear a mask and I have valid reason for exemption

Today shopping two different sets of people were vocal about it.. One was a mutter I could barely catch but I heard.. that's 4 no masks today and continued out of ear shot

I kept my head down I felt awful. Then a couple said excuse me, you are aware of the rules or Are you another young one who thinks they're above the law.. I ignored them. I wish I'd come back with a reply now.
Only ' good' thing was being called young at nr 40.

Its been on my mind since and I honestly have tried but the anxiety and stress they caused and thinking about it days up to shopping day and after wearing one I woild of ended up back on anti depressants because it affected me so badly.

OP posts:
gluteustothemaximus · 04/09/2020 22:06

I'm so sorry. I don't get this at all.

Most people are wearing masks in shops around here. When someone doesn't, I think 'oh no, they must have a medical issue or an anxiety issue, poor them'.

Agree with the lanyard/badge thing, and have a stock answer if anyone confronts you. I do get anxiety from time to time and I have to practice situations and phrases over and over until they are easy to say because I've practiced.

Flowers
reader12 · 04/09/2020 22:06

@Violetparis

Would one of those clear plastic face shields perhaps be easier for you to wear ?
Good idea. You can breathe properly and face isn’t being squashed. I’m sorry you went through this and are still suffering.
AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 04/09/2020 22:06

If you can't wear a mask because of ptsd, which is a very valid reason and I have no object to those where is causes real distress to wear one, then wear a lanyard. Surely that doesn't set off your ptsd and cause panic attacks? Yes you will feel anxious and paranoid and very uncomfortable when you first wear one, just like everyone does in a mask tbh. But we suck it up and I think its only fair you do your bit too. After all, the mask is to protect others and like pp said, people might think you are putting them at risk when they are protecting you. At least with the lanyard they will just understand and not be so judgey.

DressingGownofDoom · 04/09/2020 22:07

@minnieok

Around a third of the people in Lidl today weren't wearing masks, I did in the queue remark to another customer that young people in our area have a lot of ptsd ... because it was obvious they didn't have lung issues.

The reality is there's a lot of mask refuses, wear a lanyard otherwise comments will happen

Or you could just keep quiet and stop being a wanker to people you don't know. Those with disabilities don't have to wear a lanyard just to please you. This is not Nazi Germany and you are not the gestapo. No one has to wear a yellow star, pink triangle or sunflower bloody lanyard in 2020.
WrongKindOfFace · 04/09/2020 22:08

I’ve seen someone wearing a lanyard which said something like ‘mask exempt’ on the lanyard strap which probably means more than a sunflower lanyard to most people. I don’t know how you’d feel about something like that?

Pity the covid deniers can’t be forced to wear a lanyard identifying them as such so we know who to avoid.

doriscartwheel · 04/09/2020 22:11

@minnieok

Around a third of the people in Lidl today weren't wearing masks, I did in the queue remark to another customer that young people in our area have a lot of ptsd ... because it was obvious they didn't have lung issues.

The reality is there's a lot of mask refuses, wear a lanyard otherwise comments will happen

Dfod Biscuit
Redburnett · 04/09/2020 22:15

If people do not know you are exempt then they will assume you should be using a face covering. Remember 'your mask protects me, my mask protects you'. So from the others point of view they are wearing masks to protect you, but you are not reciprocating. You need to let them know why.

Todaywewilldobetter · 04/09/2020 22:15

@minnieok

Around a third of the people in Lidl today weren't wearing masks, I did in the queue remark to another customer that young people in our area have a lot of ptsd ... because it was obvious they didn't have lung issues.

The reality is there's a lot of mask refuses, wear a lanyard otherwise comments will happen

Or people like you could just stop commenting. Commenting isn't inevitable- you had a choice not to be catty and mean and chose to be so anyway.
SummerHouse · 04/09/2020 22:15

"I am not wearing a mask because I am exempt. What's your excuse for being an arsehole?"

Sarahlou63 · 04/09/2020 22:16

I don't mean to be unkind but why does wearing a thin, loose mask bother you? They don't restrict breathing, they aren't anywhere near your throat and they can be flicked off one ear in a moment.

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2020 22:18

@Sarahlou63

I don't mean to be unkind but why does wearing a thin, loose mask bother you? They don't restrict breathing, they aren't anywhere near your throat and they can be flicked off one ear in a moment.
You are seriously lacking in imagination if you can’t understand why someone could struggle with a mask in the circumstances the op has described.
SummerHouse · 04/09/2020 22:18

It's nice that you haven't suffered anxiety or panic Sarah but if you had you probably wouldn't ask that question. It's not necessarily rational.

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2020 22:22

I don't mean to be unkind...

Why couldn’t this have ended “I don't mean to be unkind so I won’t bother asking a really insensitive and ill informed question that has already been addressed in the ok?

flossletsfloss · 04/09/2020 22:25

The fact is though that by not wearing a mask you are putting others at risk. I can understand why people feel a bit miffed. Maybe a lanyard would explain it. I appreciate it's not anyone's business but we are all only human and trying to protect ourselves. Your experiences in the past sound really awful and I'm so sorry for you. However, I think going into the winter season it is unreasonable not to wear a mask if you can truly help it. Perhaps there are some types of masks you could try using for short periods of time to build up.

user12642379742146 · 04/09/2020 22:25

I don't mean to be unkind but

Yeh. Right. Fuck off.

Nacreous · 04/09/2020 22:25

I have asthma but normally manage to wear a mask. Today, for no reason I could see, wearing one set my asthma off to the point where I had to just pay for what I had and leave so I could take it off and use my inhaler.

I too am normally a totally "this is just the way it is" person but I struggle with this especially because you are wearing a mask to protect others so I feel very obliged to wear it. Retrospectively I can see I should have just taken it off in the shop and I probably would have been less ill and not needed my inhaler because I would have stopped wearing it when my breathing started going.

It's easy to be hard on yourself in retrospect Op, I definitely think having a plan is essential. I hadn't had this issue before today so didn't have one. I will do next time.

user12642379742146 · 04/09/2020 22:26

@flossletsfloss

She can't wear one. She is exempt.

So either you struggle with reading comprehension or you're deliberately being a dickhead.

Original poster
DidSheReallySayThat20 · 04/09/2020 22:27

Thank you. Didn't expect so many replies.
I've just ordered a shield going to try that.

To the poster who said about lung issues. My MIL has copd and you'd never know.
As does a friend who has asthma and gets a lot of attacks and often hospitalised. But you'd never know on a 'good day'

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2020 22:27

The fact is though that by not wearing a mask you are putting others at risk.

If the op was social distancing, she wasn’t putting anyone at greater risk. Some people aren’t able to wear masks. That’s not their fault.

Sarahlou63 · 04/09/2020 22:28

But not wearing a mask seems to be causing the OP at least as much anxiety as not wearing one - that's my point (badly made, I accept) - so which is the more problematic?

MrBucket · 04/09/2020 22:28

“ So from the others point of view they are wearing masks to protect you, but you are not reciprocating. You need to let them know why.”

No you don’t

“ I don't mean to be unkind but why does wearing a thin, loose mask bother you? They don't restrict breathing, they aren't anywhere near your throat and they can be flicked off one ear in a moment.”

Fucking hell OP I’m so sorry you have to deal with this shit

It’s clear from these kinds of threads that it isn’t the “mask refusers” who are causing suffering but those who can’t deal with others not being able to wear masks. Why can’t those who can’t handle people not being able to wear masks take responsibility for their own behaviour? Stop blaming “mask refusers” for your shittiness and behave like the decent members of society you claim to be.

Sarahlou63 · 04/09/2020 22:28

wearing one

Original poster
DidSheReallySayThat20 · 04/09/2020 22:28

Also I have tried various masks. Disposable. Homemade. Scarfs, shop brought. Different materials.
With no luck.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2020 22:29

But not wearing a mask seems to be causing the OP at least as much anxiety as not wearing one.

She says she is unable to wear a mask and her to says she is exempt. Why isn’t that good enough for you?

Nacreous · 04/09/2020 22:30

Yes, re lung issues - I look like (and mainly an) a healthy twenty-something. I can swim 3 kilometres, do multi hour walks and cycle rides. I also have asthma that sometimes means I can't breathe properly. There are no outward signs of this.